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dear -diary- journal

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My son Stiles hasn't been himself lately and the doctor that I sent him to said that we both need to work through our grief and anger alone and together. (no shit) One of the ways to do it is supposedly to write in a diary journal. I think it's a bunch of crap, but we'll see.


I said before that my son hasn't been himself lately but the truth is that sometimes when I look in the mirror, I don't recognize the person looking back at me. So far in my life I've been a son, a husband, a father, a friend, a deputy and a Sheriff...lately it's just father and Sheriff. I don’t' know what to do with myself since she died. Hell I don't know anything since she died.

July (still)

Stiles has been quiet, too quiet since the morning we lost her. He barely speaks at all, I can't remember the last time our house was ever this quiet...maybe it was before we moved in and her laughter blanketed every room in here. He's so much like his mother that it scares me, it's like I've lost them both and I just don't know what to do. I tried taking him out to ice cream today (hey your favorite person in the entire world is dead let's eat ice cream!) and all he did was fidget and bounce his legs and tap his fingers on the table top (thought all that was over with since he started on his meds but I guess not), he never once even touched his ice cream. It wasn't until we were leaving that I realized that chocolate chip mint was his Mom's favorite and not his, no wonder he just sat there and stared at it.


Stiles is a bit more himself lately, not all the way yet but I think he's getting there. At least the house isn't as quiet as it had been these last few months. I don’t' know whether that's because Scott is back from his grandparents and he's over here every single day or if it's because Stiles is working through his grief without me. I say without me because she's still the one thing that I can't bring myself to talk to him about.

Lately I've been working way too much, and I know I am but work is the one place that I know what to do and what to say. Then again it's not that difficult, we live in Beacon Hills for Christ’s sake, not like there's a crime spree going on or anything.


Stiles started high school today. His mom should have been here to make him blueberry pancakes and tease him about that little blonde girl that has a crush on him (pretty sure he likes the Martin girl we saw this morning and not the Reyes girl though...). But she wasn't. Stiles had Apple Jacks for breakfast instead and we talked about the investigation into the graffiti at Beacon Hills Elementary.

September (still)

I caught Stiles looking at her old jeep this morning before school. I think I'm going to start rebuilding her for him. Maybe I can get him to help me out on the weekends. Tell him if he helps me fix her up that he can have her, he'll be getting his license next year and I'm sure driving the jeep will be cooler than getting a ride to school in a patrol car every day.


I miss my wife...but I have my son back finally.