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Dirty Deeds (Done Dirt Cheap)

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"So, I've got a new bed," Clark told Lex conversationally at the Talon, Saturday morning over Lana's mediocre lattes , and his mother's delicious Maple Apple Pie. Lex had brought his briefcase and laptop, but so far hadn't buckled down to work. "Well, newish. I had to repurpose some wood to fix it up."

"Oh? Repurposing your wood could prove very -- interesting." The eyebrow lift and hint of an evil grin warmed Clark. As did Lex's "Are you hard? On your bed. I mean, of course." OK, now Lex was buckling down, or maybe it was Clark, whose legs were beginning to buckle at the feel of Lex's long leg, and agile, argyle-socked foot insinuating itself between Clark's thighs, and up against his denim-covered erection.

Clark thanked God for intimate corner booths, in mostly empty coffee shops. Two could play that game. "Hard? You know, I can be. I tend to play pretty rough. Sometimes the wood can give."

"I'd imagine you to be very giving with your wood. Why, with your skills and strength you could probably pound it as deep as it would need to go." Lex sipped delicately at his latte, eyeing the door at the same time.

Clark didn't know how he could seem so calm, so put together, when Clark himself was about to lose it. He downed his own steaming mug in one long swallow, heedless of the impropriety. "My folks are in Grandville till late tonight."

"They're leaving you all alone? Why, that's terrible. I don't suppose you'd want some company?"

"I could clear a little time in my schedule for you. yes." Lex dropped some bills on the table, and followed Clark out to his car. He handed over the keys, anticipating being much too occupied with Clark's newly revealed carpentry skills to concentrate on the road.

Clark got them home quickly, it was almost like Lex was driving, or even like Clark was using his full personal speed. The pile of exquisite, expensive debris grew as Clark pulled Lex's clothes off, tearing when necessary to quickly access all that pale, perfect skin.

"God, Lex. You're amazing. I want...I don't know what I want, I want everything. Anything."

"You can have anything. Anything you want to do. Anything you want me to do."

Jesus. That gave them both a lot of options, "OK, since it's my sort of semi-virginal bed, I'd really like to fuck you in it." Clark blushed, of course. But Lex just rose up to kiss him, clearly on board with the plan.

They didn't do this a lot. Yeah, they fucked, made love, did it. Whatever. But mostly it was Lex who topped. Clark had no complaints about this, but an occasional change could be good. This definitely was good. Amazing, even. The way it felt to slowly inch his way in, until he was fully sheathed and Lex urged him to "Move, damn you! This was your idea." And how incredibly hot Lex was, in the literal sense, not just metaphorically. Lex's legs wrapped around Clark's hips as he pulled Clark in deeper. A short while of this and they were both coming hard enough to push them into sleep.

So intent on each other, it didn't dawn on them to set an alarm, or even to rescue Lex's tattered clothes making a path to Clark's double occupied bed, that any parent could follow. They didn't even notice the front door opening a full three hours before Jonathan and Martha were due back.

And then Clark's bedroom door opened and two shocked gasps rang out to wake them out of a very happy slumber.

"You know, it's not what it looks like, don't you?" Clark said, with as much conviction as he could fake. "I mean, it is, you saw us, you're obviously not blind..."

"Or stupid. Don't forget stupid." his mother gave no quarter. Clark had to respect her for that, really.

"You aren't stupid, either." Clark was the idiot, so caught up in what he and Lex were doing in his room, while his folks were supposed to be in Grandville for the day, that it didn't even dawn on him to keep an ear out in case they came home early unexpectedly, and caught them. Which, Clark's luck being the flaming cow patty that it so obviously was, happened exactly like that.

"Now, son, you know we have rules in this household. Things that are proper, and things that aren't. That, was definitely not proper." His dad sounded pissed. Clark wondered if he would be as angry if it had been Lana, or Chloe they'd caught in bed with him. He was pretty sure he knew the answer, by the way his father wouldn't even really look at him, and forget Lex? Lex might as well have been on another planet.

He and Lex weren't even doing anything. They were just curled up together, comfortable and sleepy. They had, of course, and Clark had the incredible memory cemented in his mind, but by the time his parents actually opened his door and woke them, there was nothing to see.

"Get the hell out of my son's bed," Clark's father grit out. He yanked Lex by one bare arm, but when it became abundantly obvious that the rest of Lex was equally unclad, he jumped back like he'd touched something nasty. There went any minuscule chance for plausible deniability.

Clark clutched Lex's other hand under the covers, and said "No. He didn't do anything wrong!"

"Clark, you don't have to..." Lex started. "Mr and Mrs Kent? I'm sorry. This isn't how I anticipated this moment." Clark couldn't tell if he was pissed or terrified. Probably both.

"You're trying to tell me you anticipated Clark's parents finding you molesting their son, and your supposed 'good friend.'?"

Lex looked up, horrified. " Is that what you think?" He blanched, visibly. "I would never hurt Clark. He means everything to me."

Clark couldn't help but beam at that admission. God, he loved Lex. He didn't give a rat's ass who knew it. "Dad, listen. Lex didn't do anything wrong. He didn't molest me, he'd never do that, even if he could!"

Clark's mother stepped in, trying to placate her men. She liked Lex, and always had, but didn't think he was a safe influence for her young son. "All right, Lex. I believe you. You don't mean any harm towards our family." She gave Jonathan a quelling look, and he subsided.

At least, he did for a moment. His next words, said sotto voce, "but you'll bring it anyway" made Clark flinch like he'd been stricken. Or rather, what he imagined that would feel like to somebody normal.

"Dad! This wasn't Lex's idea. It was mine. I wanted him here. I invited him. Begged him, really. He was the one who tried to tell me it was a bad idea."

"Clark, come on. If that's even true, Lex is an adult. He should have acted like it and put his foot down."

"Your father's right, Clark. I was completely irresponsible." Lex looked Jonathan in the eye. "I'm sorry that I held Clark's desires at a higher priority than his welfare and youth."

"Put some clothes on, if you can find some, Lex. Clark, give him something to wear, and both of you meet us in the kitchen. Now." Martha gave them both her patented death stare. This time, they both flinched.

Clark wondered if it was possible to die of embarrassment. He imagined that even his blush was blushing.

Lex checked to be sure Clark's parents were out of sight, then leaned in to give Clark a quick kiss. A moment later he rapidly pulled his navy sweater over his head, and fastened his pants. Clark had the inane thought that Lex was lucky never to have flyaway hair from pulling over a sweater, like Clark did. Sometimes he thought he had SuperStatic. So not relevant to their situation.

"Just what are you saying you're sorry for, Lex? About us? This?" Clark gestured to the bed, now in a state of disarray from their hurried attempt to cover up from his parents' view. "Because I'm not." Clark could kick himself for how desperate he sounded.

"Not about you, no. You know how I feel about you. What I'm sorry about is that yet again, I've lived down to your family's expectations. I'd hoped we were past that."

"We are past that. This was my decision to make. My..."


"No, Lex. My choice. Because the only thing I regret about tonight is the really sucky timing my parents had coming home." Clark thought about it a minute, then added, "and disappointing them. I hate that."

"I don't like that either. You know I value their opinion of me far more than I do my own father's." Lex shrugged, but Clark could tell he wasn't feeling at all blasé.

"I guess we should go down and face the firing squad," Clark said, rolling his eyes at Lex when it almost looked like Lex believed him. "Jesus, Lex. I'm kidding. My dad's not going to shoot you. Certainly not without some meteor rock involvement, and a mutant whack-job or two urging him on."

"There is that," Lex concurred, remembering. Jonathan might have threatened him, but he'd never shown the kind of violent tendencies Lex's own father displayed at any random occasion.

He had to bite his tongue to stop himself from correcting Clark's "meteor rock". He knew Clark knew better, but if saying meteor rock instead of meteorite, or the more accurate Kryptonite, made it easier to wrap his head around it, who was Lex to dissuade him?

"Clark Jerome Kent! Get your ass down here right this instant." God, his father sounded pissed. Rightfully so, Clark had to admit. It wasn't like he hadn't known the rules. "Lex, that means you, too."

Still, he had to keep up the appearance of normalcy, and made his way downstairs at human speed. Elderly human speed, if truth be told.

Lex tried to slip past him, well, as much as was possible, given their differences in strength and body type. "It's not going yo get any easier the longer we wait, right, Clark?"

Clark sighed. "I guess not. I just... I just don't want to lose you. Lose us." He gripped Lex's hand more tightly than was probably comfortable, but Lex squeezed back. He didn't even flinch. Sometimes Clark wondered who was the strong one between them.

"I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me to go. I won't go against your parents rules in their home again, but it's you and your wishes that matter to me. It's you I love."

Clark beamed at that. "Me too, you."


"So what exactly did you think you were doing?" Martha asked them.

"Martha, we know what they were doing. That Luthor boy was promising the world to get our innocent boy to commit unspeakable acts with him."

"Dad! That's ridiculous. You're acting like Lex was getting intimate with the cows, or something."

"Then why don't you clue us in?" Clark's mom pressed.

Clark took Lex's hand. In full view of his parents."I was sleeping with my boyfriend, in my own room, in my own bed. And I'm not going to say I regret it."

"Be honest, Clark. You do regret going against your parents' rules. I do too. We both knew better, and let our feelings get away from us. But beyond that, I don't think either of us have any damn reason to apologize."

"He's right. We didn't do it to upset you. I'm happy with Lex. I trust him." Jonathan shuddered at this. "I love him. I love you all so much, I couldn't bear to lose you", but if his parents forbid him to see Lex, Clark would find a way to, no matter what.

"Obviously it's too late to put the eggs back in the shell, so no, your father and I are not going to make you break up."

"Thank God" he and Lex both said.

"That doesn't mean there won't be consequences, for both of you."

"Like what?" Clark asked, warily.

"Whatever it is, we're going to do it." Lex promised.

"Good, then. OK, Lex, since you seem to want to be part of the family, you'll have to contribute to the family business. And I don't mean financially. I mean effort. Actual physical effort. We know you're capable."

"Dad! Lex has a real job."

"No, Clark, that's more than fair." Lex reached out a hand and Jonathan shook it, grudgingly.

"What about me? What am I going to have to do?"

"Well, first we're going to have some serious discussions about meeting one's expectations." Clark's dad said.

"And then we'll find some household tasks and errands you can do." His mom put in. OK, Clark could get through this. "We expect you to take your time. " Clark sighed. He knew what that meant. It meant taking human time. He hoped he'd have Lex around to keep him from the doldrums. The memory of the day, and the anticipation of seeing Lex, once again sweaty and shoveling, sexy and scorching hot, made Clark blush anew.