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spread your wings my little butterfly

Chapter 49: Holding Out

Summary:

I'm an invisible disaster
I keep trying to walk but my feet don't find the solid ground
It's like living in a bad dream
I keep trying to scream but my tongue has finally lost its sound
I've got to say goodbye
To the pieces of me that have already died
-Ghost, Ingrid Michaelson

Notes:

Karofsky's suicide does not happen in this 'verse. Reasoning will be given later, but for now enjoy this chapter that multiple of you have requested.

Also, warning for possibly slightly OOC Sebastian. I'm not sure, so I thought I'd say it.

"Heroes" was updated.

Chapter Text

When the trophy goes missing and Dalton ends up being the culprit, 'Tana's livid.

"You'd think Señor Meerkatface would have learned his lesson by now," she spits after he tells her after school that day.

"I don't actually think it's him this time," Blaine interjects, but not without reluctance, "I'm actually going there tomorrow to deal with the problem."

"You want me to come?" 'Tana asks.

Blaine shakes his head. "I want to try handling it on my own."

"Alright," She says, calming down a little, "Just call me if you need me."

He grins and gives her a mock-salute. "Yes ma'am."

*

Blaine comes down the staircase and spots Sebastian walking towards him. He immediately braces himself for Sebastian to make some kind of innuendo-laced remark, maybe even some lewd comment about what happened the night Blaine doesn't want to think about, but when Sebastian stops next to him he doesn't do anything Blaine might have predicted.

Instead he merely says, "The Captain wants to see you in his office."

Blaine's brow scrunches in confusion. "I thought you were the Warblers' Captain." Sure, it had been something that has always confused him as the Warblers were run by a Council rather than a Captain, but the Warblers have changed since he'd been a student at Dalton.

"After getting arrested last year, even if I wasn't sent to jail, stripped me of the ability to have a leadership position in any club or team," Sebastian explains, "I got to stay on the Warblers after I got back, just in time for Regionals."

Blaine vaguely remembers last year's Regionals. He'd mostly been preoccupied with his role in Fly/I Believe I Can Fly, singing alongside 'Tana, and then on 'Tana's solo in Stronger. He remembers the Warblers performing and Sebastian only having a solo in one of their songs, Glad You Came. He remembers Nick, Thad, and Jeff soloing on Uptown Girl. He hadn't wondered at the time why Sebastian hadn't had both solos, not really paying much attention to the issue, but now it's all making sense.

After a few moments of awkward silence Blaine nods, not exactly sure how to respond. "Well," he says, "I'm here to talk to your Captain about the stolen trophy."

Sebastian's familiar smirk appears on his face. "Right this way," he says, gesturing like an old-timey butler.

Blaine rolls his eyes. "I know where the Warblers practice room is. I was on the team for two years, remember?"

Sebastian’s smirk sharpens. "I know that. The esteemed Captain just wants me to escort you so you can't spy for the New Directions."

"Fine."

*

"And I'm sure New Directions want you, especially after you cheated on one of their favorite members," Hunter says casually, and Blaine flinches.

"I didn't cheat on Kurt," he says quietly.

"No need to deny it here," Hunter says, "It doesn't matter to Sebastian or me. If you cheat on your boyfriend it doesn't change the worth your talent has for the team."

"I didn't cheat," He repeats louder, trying to sound confident, but the fact that he's started trembling, shaking from the words, isn't helping. He didn't cheat, he was innocent, he was the victim. He was violated. Hunter doesn't know a damn thing, but...

Sebastian's eyes go wide as Hunter scoffs. Blaine thinks that Sebastian looks like he's realized something, and he swallows. "You know what? I'm leaving. Good luck getting people to join you. I'm staying at McKinley. Like I told you last year, Sebastian, McKinley is where my heart is, and we're going to get back that trophy fair and square. We earned it. We won Nationals. It's rightfully ours. I'll be back for it later. I just...can't handle talking to you right now."

Then he exits the room, trembling arms wrapped around his own arms, but he only manages to make it a few steps before Sebastian says, "I'm sorry."

Blaine turns around, arms still clutched in front of him protectively. When he speaks he surprises himself with the venom in his tone. "Then why didn't you say anything when we in there?" He snaps, and he knows that he shouldn't be mad at Sebastian for apologizing- it's just that after everything he's gone through over the past few weeks it's hard to stay calm over anything. All he wants is to curl up in his bed and cuddle with Kurt or 'Tana and forget about the world, not have Hunter fling false accusations at him about an event in which he was the victim.

"Hunter's our captain. If he doesn't like me he could have me kicked off the team."

"So?" Blaine asks, turning around. "Honor, remember? A Warbler wouldn't care. You know, two years ago I went back to a public school and faced down a bully who had hurt a boy I barely knew. I confronted him, not thinking about the consequences, just trying to help." Blaine pauses and his gaze flicks away from Sebastian for a moment. "You realized the truth, didn't you?"

Sebastian nods, and his expression is miserable. "It happened to a friend of mine, too. You were under the influence of alcohol, weren't you?"

Blaine nods. "I was out cold when it happened."

"God, that's even worse," Sebastian says, sounding sickened, and there's an awkward pause. Then Sebastian speaks up, the sentiment strong in his tone. "Listen, Blaine, this is not what I wanted to happen. I'm sorry, Blaine, for assaulting you with that slushie and insulting Kurt. And I'm sorry for invading you and your sister's personal space during I Want You Back. Blaine, I've been a complete ass, to you and to everyone. I'm sorry about everything that's happened between us. Getting arrested last year really showed me that petty feuds aren't worth jail. I could have blinded you, and I'm just really sorry."

Blaine smiles, but it's weak. "I accept your apology, Sebastian, and I forgive you, but it doesn't make up for everything. I can't just forget you nearly assaulting Kurt and shoving 'Tana."

"I know," Sebastian says, "Just...I'm sorry, okay?"

Blaine gives Sebastian a weak smile. "I know. Just give me a day or two, okay? I can't handle Hunter."

Sebastian nods. "I understand. You know your way to the exit, right?"

Blaine raises an eyebrow, mouth twisting into a wry smile. "Of course, Sebastian. I was a student here, remember?"

"Oh, yeah. Well, have a good day."

"You too."

 

*

Santana's at the Lima Bean the next day reading her magazine and waiting for Blaine to show up when the smarmy chipmunk shows up and sits down. Before she can make a scathing insult about him and start berating him about stealing the trophy he holds up his hand to stop her.

"Listen, Blaine's sister, before you say anything I want to apologize. I'm sorry about everything that happened last year and I already apologized to Blaine yesterday. Now that that's over I wanted to talk to you about something. Has Blaine told you what happened at Dalton yesterday?"

Santana frowns and bites back an insult, instead taking a sip of her coffee. "No, he hasn't."

"When Blaine got to Dalton yesterday he confronted Hunter about stealing the trophy. In return, Hunter told Blaine that none of his friends at McKinley cared about him because he cheated on Kurt."

"That douchebag," Santana growls, "Blaine didn't cheat on anyone!"

"I know," Sebastian says, "I figured out what happened. A friend of mine went through something similar last year that helped me realize what an ass I've been. What happened to Blaine was just horrible and he did not deserve to have Hunter talking to him like that. Listen, Miss...?" Sebastian pauses as he realizes he doesn't know the name of the girl in front of him.

"Lopez. Santana Lopez."

Sebastian doesn't ask how Blaine's sister has a different last name than him, though he clearly is wondering about it from the way he raises an eyebrow at her name. "Miss Lopez, I'm sorry for being such a bastard. I know I used to act as carelessly and with as much tact as Hunter did yesterday, but I want to make it up to Blaine and the Warblers as much as I can. Now, I know how intimidating you were last year when you came and dueled with me. You think you can pull that off again?"

Santana smirks. "Easily."

"Good. Now, here's what I think we should do..."

*

"Okay, Kentucky Fried Doughboy," Santana shouts, barging right into the Warbler room on the middle of practice. Everyone turns to look at her as practice screeches to a halt, most of the boys eyes wide at the appearance of an unknown female. Last year's Warblers eye her with slight apprehension, and Sebastian actually smirks slightly from his spot in the back of the room, delighted to see some action. "Here's the deal- you take back every stupid, asshole comment you made about Blaine, you reinstate the council, and you get the fuck out of Dalton and Ohio because no one, and I repeat no one, gets to mess with my little brother. ¿Que pasa, little cabrona?"

Hunter just gives Santana a confused look. "Who's your little brother?" He asks, a bit bewildered, "And how the hell did you get onto campus?"

"Santana Diabla Lopez has her ways when there's an obstacle in her way," Santana snaps, "And right now you are the fucking Grand Canyon. Tell me, Child Stalin, what the hell you were thinking when you told a kid who's still recovering from being thrust into hell that his friends don't want him?"

"He had it coming. I mean, no one at that school does care about him, now that he's cheated-"

"Mierda," Santana snarls. "You are the greatest maldito bastard I've ever the displeasure of meeting. You are scum, you know that? Blaine would never cheat on anyone, and if you go around spreading that rumor then I'm going to goes all Lima Heights on your sorry little ass. Military training has nothing on growing up with you and your brothers learning to box from a gangster cousin and a great uncle in the mafia, bud."

Hunter looks significantly shaken by now, and Sebastian’s grin has grown sharp. The other Warblers are starting to smile too, now, despite not being exactly sure about what is happening. None of them really like Hunter, and right now they're watching him being belittled and intimidated by a girl who is apparently the sister of the legendary Blaine Anderson.

"Well, Ms. Lopez," Hunter says, recovering a little, "Show choir rules prevent you from spying on the opponents, so because you weren't invited-"

"But I was," Santana says, smirking. "I'm not just the only one who thinks you don't deserve to be leader of the Warblers. Speaking of which," she says, turning around to face the rest of the boys on the team, "Don't you guys have a Council? I know Blaine talked about it all his sophomore year."

"We used to," Trent pipes up, "But then last year Sebastian kind of took over. Then he got arrested and the Council was reinstated. Dalton brought Hunter in this year and he took over. He stole the trophy, and, well, you apparently know the rest."

"Well, you need to reinstate the Council so this kind of issue doesn't happen," Santana says, "But that's only one thing that you need to do. You also need to apologize to Blaine for your douchebaggery and give back the trophy you stole."

"Have it," Nick says, getting up and walking over to the trophy case, "It's not ours anyway." He opens it up, looks inside for a moment, and then pulls out the shiniest and newest looking trophy there. "Here," he says, thrusting it at Santana, "This belongs to your school. Tell Blaine that we're sorry that Hunter stole the trophy and we're sorry for whatever he said. Blaine's a great guy and if he's happy where he is then we're happy for him."

Santana takes the trophy and nods sharply.

*

Santana arrives home to the sound of Blaine singing. At first she can't make out the words, but as she sheds her jacket, drops off the trophy on the kitchen table, and walks down the hallway towards Blaine's room her heart starts to fall as she recognizes the lyrics.

Do you remember when the walls fell?
Do you remember the sound that the door made when you closed it on me?
Do you know that I went down
To the ground, landed on both my broken-hearted knees?
I didn't even cry
Because pieces of me had already died

I'm a ghost haunting these halls
Climbing up walls that I, I never knew were there
And I'm lost, broken down the middle of my heart, heart
I'm broken down the middle of my heart, heart, heart
You know you make me a ghost
You make me a ghost

She stands in the doorway, leaning against the door in silence as her hermanito plays his piano, voice full of sorrow and emotion. She can hear in his voice just how shaken he is over what happened at OSU, his voice occasionally breaking over the notes. It's as jarring as when she first saw him bruised and rumpled outside of the frat house, just in a different way.

I'm an invisible disaster
I keep trying to walk but my feet don't find the solid ground
It's like living in a bad dream
I keep trying to scream but my tongue has finally lost its sound
I've got to say goodbye
To the pieces of me that have already died...

As Blaine continues Santana finds herself with tears gathering in her eyes, a hand held over her mouth so she doesn't sob. Pieces of me that have already died? She was supposed to protect Blaine, make sure that nothing happens to him, and she'd failed yet again.

He's not crying, but the emotion in his voice is palpable. And oh, how she wishes that she could erase the event that sparked this, that made him sob and tremble and doubt himself. Blaine's always been steady- not necessarily confident, but always dependable and moral. Whenever Santana acted outside of what was right she could always count on Blaine to reassure her that she was a good person. Blaine's belief in her- in both of them- was what kept her going through sophomore and junior year, and until she was accepted by the glee club in senior year he was the only one who trusted her and who she trusted unconditionally. To hear him doubting himself, believing that he had done wrong- that had been one of the worse moments of her life.

Oh, you make me a ghost (You take me, you make me)
You make me a ghost (You take me, you make me)
You make me a ghost

I don't cry
I don't try anymore
I'm a ghost
I'm a ghost
And I'm lost
Broken down the middle of my heart, heart
I'm broken down the middle-

Suddenly he stops before the song ends, freezing, and turns around. He swallows, looking as if he's shocked to see her there. "You weren't supposed to see that," he says quietly.

"It was certainly...enlightening, though," she replies. "Hermanito- Blaine- you're really-"

Blaine cuts her off, the tears starting to gather in his eyes. "'Tana," he chokes out, on the verge of sobbing, "Can you please give me a hug?"

She rushes over and envelops Blaine in an embrace. He hugs her back and rests his head on her shoulder and she doesn't protest as he begins to cry, tears soaking the leather of her jacket. She doesn't say "It's alright." She doesn't say "Everything will be okay."

Instead she keeps whispering "I love you" over and over, and she'll do it forever and a day if it means her hermanito will stop crying.