Lauren Cooper at McKinley High
Disclaimer: Catherine Tate owns Lauren Cooper, and I don't own anything from Glee.
ChapterOne: ¿Estoy Bovvered?
In Mr. Will Schuester's Spanish class, they were having an oral test.
"Hola, Lauren. ¿Cuántos años tienes?"
The redhead stared blankly at him.
"I don't know. Arsk me in English,"she stated.
Will sighed. Lauren Cooper had been giving the entire school a headache since she had transferred from a comprehensive school in the UK a few months earlier.
"Lauren, it's a Spanish oral test,"he said.
"But I ain't a Spanish oral. I'm an English oral."
"I'm an English oral," repeated Lauren, " so if you want to arsk me a question; arsk me in English."
This was not going well at all. Will tried the reasonable approach.
"Lauren, you have to try to make an effort."
But the girl was stubborn.
"No I don't."
"I'm sorry, Lauren, but if you don't attempt to speak in Spanish, I'm going to have to fail you for the test today and it will affect your overall grade," replied Will.
"Were you in Growin' Pains, Sir?" asked Lauren.
"Are you Kirk Cameron?"
"No, of course I'm not," answered Will.
"I think you look like Kirk Cameron, tho."
"I'm not Kirk Cameron."
"But you look like 'im, tho."
"I am not Kirk Cameron!"
"You know the Rapture, right?"
"You know the Rapture, right? You know the Rapture?"
"Were you Left Be'ind, Sir? Do you pretend to be Kirk Cameron when you're at 'ome?"
"Does your wife call you Mike Seaver?"
"Well, stop doin' it, then."
Will had had enough.
"Lauren, this is your last chance. Say something in Spanish, or take a zero," he said.
Lauren made a 'tsk' sound.
"¿Estoy bovvered?" she asked.
"¿Estoy bovvered? Mira mi cara! Mira mi cara! No estoy bovvered!" said Lauren.
"Alright, Lauren, that's enough," said Will.
But Lauren was not finished.
"Face, bovvered, Spanish, face, Kirk Cameron, Growin' Pains, Rapture, I ain't bovvered!"
Lauren gave her teacher a 'so there' face.
"Lauren, please go to the office now," Will calmly replied.
Lauren made another 'tsk' noise, gathered up her things, got out of her seat and headed towards the front of the room. When she was to Will, her cellphone rang. She answered it and then held it out towards her teacher.
"It's Kirk Cameron," she said, quietly, "'e wants 'is 'air back."