Namjoon blinks and looks back over his shoulder when he feels a slight tug on the back of his shirt. It’s Yoongi, who steps even closer to Namjoon when people shove by, face slightly flushed from the heat of the packed basement.
“Can we go now?”
“Go?” Namjoon repeats. “We’ve only been here for an hour.”
“I know,” Yoongi says uncertainly. “It’s just – It’s really crowded in here.”
“…Do you want to go outside?” Namjoon asks, because he doesn’t really want to leave the party. Not yet, anyway. It would be too lame, and besides, he hasn’t beaten Hoseok at beer pong yet. He’s hardly even tipsy!
“Uh, yeah, could we?” Yoongi nods his head, still glancing around uncomfortably, as if is he feels like he doesn’t belong, which is dumb because Namjoon actually knows the guy hosting the party, so Yoongi belongs here more than anyone else.
Namjoon sighs, not really wanting to leave, but turns to the stairs anyway. “Sure, let’s go.”
It’s just as crowded on the main floor, and Namjoon leads Yoongi down the hall, amused when Yoongi averts his eyes from a couple making out in the corner. Yoongi’s fingers as still clutching the back of Namjoon’s shirt, and Namjoon knows it’s because Yoongi won’t hold his hand.
They pass two girls taking shots in the kitchen, and Namjoon slides the glass door shut behind them once they make it out onto the porch. There isn’t anyone outside, mostly because it’s too cold to actually be enjoyable for longer than ten minutes, but Yoongi lets out a deep breath and his shoulders relax.
“I don’t know why you insist on coming to all these parties,” Yoongi complains. “Every weekend!”
“It’s fun,” Namjoon shrugs and sprawls out on the padded porch swing. Yoongi stands by the door for a few seconds, watching Namjoon, until the taller reaches his hand out in askance, and Yoongi moves, settles down next to him, leaving a couple of inches between them. Namjoon rolls his eyes and yanks Yoongi to his side with an arm around his waist. He doesn’t know why Yoongi’s still like this, after three months of dating, but he always acts like there’s an invisible wall between them, like he’s waiting for Namjoon to reach for him first.
It’s a little unsettling, for Namjoon, because what if one day he stops reaching out? Would Yoongi just leave?
“You don’t have to come,” Namjoon tells him. “You always want to leave anyway, why do you bother coming?”
“You want to go,” Yoongi says, like it explains everything.
“Well, yeah,” Namjoon says, not understanding. “But I actually like going to parties. If you don’t wanna be here, then what’s the point of coming with me in the first place?”
Yoongi doesn’t answer, instead stares up at Namjoon with his eyebrows furrowed, like Namjoon’s confusing him. Before Namjoon can continue, someone’s sticking their head out the door.
“Namjoon! Hoseok’s downstairs saying you left because you’re too chicken to play him in beer pong!”
“He’s gonna be sorry he ever said that,” Namjoon promises, and he’s up in seconds, striding to the door, leaving Yoongi to scramble to his feet and follow quickly behind him. “I’m gonna kick his ass.”
“That’s what you said last time,” Hyosang greets them at the top of the stairs. “And then you were his servant for a week.” He spots Yoongi’s smaller form behind Namjoon. “Hey Yoongi!”
“Hi hyung,” Yoongi waves, eyes crinkling as he smiles at Hyosang. “I didn’t know you were here.”
“Yeah, I only just got here, I had to go pick up Donghyuk.”
Namjoon perks up at that. “Donghyuk’s back?”
“Yeah,” Hyosang’s lips quirk upwards. “You can finally introduce him to Yoongi.”
Yoongi shifts a little nervously, because in the three months of dating, he hasn’t once met Namjoon’s best friend, who was studying overseas.
“Where is he?” Namjoon asks.
“Downstairs,” Hyosang tilts his head to the basement, and Namjoon takes off.
“Is – Is Seokjin-hyung here?” Yoongi asks Hyosang as he passes to follow his boyfriend.
Hyosang gives him a sympathetic look. “Sorry, no, he stayed in tonight.”
“It’s okay,” Yoongi reassures him.
Hyosang’s eyes flick between the basement and Yoongi. “Namjoon’s always taking off like that, isn’t he?”
“It’s okay,” Yoongi says again, for lack of anything else to say. He leaves Hyosang behind to climb down the stairs. The basement’s even more crowded than when they left it, dim and a little smoky, and he can spot Namjoon’s platinum hair in the middle, next to the table littered with red cups and ping pong balls.
Yoongi tries his best to work his way through the crowd, but he’s eventually shoved into a corner of the room, and he gives up, prefers it actually, to be away from all the bodies melded together. He can’t see Namjoon from here, but it’s fine, this has happened before.
It’s not actually fine in the grand scheme of things, probably, how Yoongi is left in the corner while Namjoon’s right in the middle of things, but it’s where the two prefer to be.
The game of beer pong must start, because Yoongi can hear the crowd cheering every so often, and he tightens his fingers around the water bottle in his hand – the one he brought from home.
“You must be Yoongi!”
The voice comes from his left, and he whips around, steps back when he sees how close the guy is. “…Yes?”
“Ah, I’m Donghyuk,” the guy says, smile wide and friendly. “Namjoon’s friend.”
“Oh,” Yoongi fumbles with his water bottle. “I’m Yoongi, his – his boyfriend.”
“I know,” Donghyuk laughs. “He mentioned you.”
“Ah,” Yoongi nods.
“So what are you doing all the way over here?” Donghyuk asks, dropping and arm around Yoongi’s shoulders. It makes Yoongi uncomfortable, to be touched so familiarly by someone he doesn’t know, but he tries to relax because this is Namjoon’s best friend. His fingers are still white around his water bottle, though.
“It’s really crowded,” Yoongi explains.
“Yeah, right?” Donghyuk agrees, and Yoongi thinks they’re definitely on two different pages. “Come on, let’s go cheer Namjoon on!”
He tries to steer Yoongi into the crowd, but in his slight panic, Yoongi ducks out from under his arm. Donghyuk looks a little shocked. “Sorry,” Yoongi says hastily. “Sorry, I just – I’d prefer to stay here.”
“…Okay,” Donghyuk says slowly. “If that’s what you want.”
And he’s definitely making the worst impression on Namjoon’s best friend, but all Yoongi can do is give a tight smile and nod.
“You’re boyfriend’s a little…shy,” Donghyuk says when Namjoon’s trying to focus on making a trick shot.
“Yeah, he is,” Namjoon says distractedly.
“He’s standing in the corner. He can’t even see you from there,” Donghyuk presses.
Namjoon shrugs, squinting his eyes as he takes aim. “He prefers it. He doesn’t really like parties.”
“And he’s dating you?” Donghyuk asks in disbelief.
“Hey.” Namjoon says in annoyance, eyes flitting to Donghyuk and then back to Hoseok’s cup across the table.
“Hey man, I’m sorry,” Donghyuk holds his hands up in innocence. “It’s just to me – and probably to a lot of other people – it doesn’t really look normal. Like, it doesn’t seem like you guys are dating. At all.”
Namjoon completely misses Hoseok’s cup, but he’s turning to Donghyuk instead. “What?! What do you mean?”
“Just – you don’t seem like you fit,” Donghyuk shrugs. “Why is he standing in the corner? Shouldn’t he be here? Standing with you? He didn’t even want to come when I asked him.”
“Seriously?” Namjoon asks. It’s unsettling because Donghyuk is voicing worries Namjoon’s had before, about how Yoongi doesn’t stand near him, how Yoongi waits for Namjoon to initiate things. The thought of how Namjoon doesn’t go to stand with Yoongi in the corner either never crosses the younger’s mind.
“Yeah…” Donghyuk nods. “I’m sure it’s no big deal, though. You guys have been dating for like three months, right?”
“Well, yeah,” Namjoon bites his lip, not even paying attention when Hoseok makes his shot. Namjoon downs the cup of beer like water, still fixated on the idea of Yoongi, the person he’d been hardcore crushing on since they first met, probably not liking Namjoon as much as Namjoon likes him. They don’t even look like they’re dating!
“What…what should I do?” Namjoon asks, suddenly getting very personal with Donghyuk, because he hasn’t seen Donghyuk in four months and all his worries start spilling out. “We are dating. And he – you know, he never tries to hold my hand or kiss me in public? And when he invites me over to study we actually sit and study. He never initiates anything, like – like he doesn’t care about dating me in the first place.”
“Wow,” Donghyuk says sympathetically. “I don’t know man, that’s rough.”
Hoseok’s yelling something about the game, but Namjoon just throws the ping pong ball at him. “I’m having a crisis here, Hobi!”
Donghyuk steers him away from the table. “Look, the only thing I can say is maybe you can try to make Yoongi jealous. If that doesn’t work…look, I’m sorry, but if he doesn’t get jealous, then it’s not really worth being in a relationship with him. At least then you’d really know how he feels.”
Make him jealous? Namjoon thinks.
When he makes his way over to Yoongi, he’s stopped by two girls praising him for his game against Hoseok. Normally, he’d pass right by and head to Yoongi, but this time he stops, all warm smiles and flirtatious jokes and leaning closer to hear properly. He knows Yoongi can see, and when he finally pulls away and makes his way to Yoongi’s side, the shorter’s eyes linger on the two girls.
“How’d you do?” Yoongi asks when Namjoon sidles up to him. He slides his hand into Namjoon’s and grips it tight, and Namjoon has to hide his pleased smile. It’s working.
“Ah, I left the game to talk to Donghyuk,” he admits, enjoying how close Yoongi is. He’s a little drunk and the warmth of Yoongi’s smaller body makes him a little dizzy. “Ready to go?”
Yoongi smiles, finally. “Yeah,” he says, relieved. “Let’s go.”
Donghyuk’s right, Namjoon comes to realize, because the more he tries to make Yoongi jealous, the clingier Yoongi gets.
Namjoon flirts with the waitress at a restaurant and Yoongi demands that they share a meal.
Namjoon eats chocolate some girls got for him and Yoongi throws them out when he thinks Namjoon isn’t looking and then sits in Namjoon’s lap and kisses him until both their lips are red and the sun is low in the sky.
Namjoon agrees to tutor a first-year in his music class, even though he knows what the stars in the kid’s eyes mean when he looks up at Namjoon. Yoongi stares at him when Namjoon tells him, and Namjoon pretends to be clueless.
“But…couldn’t someone else tutor him?” Yoongi asks when Namjoon gets ready to leave his place, only an hour after coming over.
Namjoon shrugs. “He asked me. I don’t want to be rude. Besides, he’s a cute kid.”
“Cute…?” Yoongi’s voice is soft, like he doesn’t realize he spoke out loud. Namjoon waits to see what Yoongi will do, and he’s rewarded by Yoongi snaking his skinny arms around the taller’s neck to pull him down into a kiss. Namjoon immediately tugs him closer with large hands on Yoongi’s hips. Yoongi’s a little desperate in his kissing, almost aggressive, and Namjoon pulls away first to catch his breath. Yoongi whines, tugging at the back of Namjoon’s neck, but Namjoon doesn’t give.
“I have to go,” he says apologetically, hopes he’ll be rewarded when he comes back by more kissing.
When he gets back to Yoongi’s place later that night, Yoongi’s already in bed even though it’s only nine-thirty. He’s wrapped in a cocoon of blankets and he’s gripping his cell phone in one hand. It’s confusing for Namjoon, who hadn’t received a single text from Yoongi in the three hours he was gone.
Namjoon doesn’t know if it was a mistake to tutor that kid or not, because he keeps showing up at random times with a bright “Hi Namjoon-hyung!!”
It’s annoying, but it also makes Yoongi grip his hand tighter and press his lips together until they’re white. He’s definitely jealous, Namjoon thinks, so he doesn’t stop it.
But it’s annoying, because the kid praises Namjoon’s compositions for music class like Namjoon is god or something, and it makes him uncomfortable. It’s one of the reasons why he doesn’t let anyone listen to his unreleased music.
Well, no one except Yoongi. Because Yoongi actually knows what he’s talking about, so when he says it’s good, Namjoon knows it’s good. And Yoongi’s honest and tells him when it’s awful too.
The kid – Namjoon doesn’t bother remembering his name because he doesn’t like to waste time on unimportant things – shows up at the Namjoon’s recording time too, at the school, and how did he even figure it out, because Namjoon uses the room on Wednesday nights, when no one’s on campus, especially not little freshman.
He brings food though, and Namjoon doesn’t feel guilty eating it, doesn’t feel much at all, really, just continues to run through rhythms and beats and ignores the kid making gooey eyes at him.
He doesn’t think much of it, until Yoongi drops by one Wednesday on his way back from the library and stops short. “Oh…I didn’t know you let other people in when you worked.”
“Huh?” Namjoon glances around, and sure enough, it’s the kid, blushing and excited when he meets Namjoon’s gaze.
“He lets me!” The kid exclaims. “Hyung is so nice!”
And honestly, Namjoon doesn’t care as long as he keeps getting food and the kid is quiet, but Yoongi purses his lips and narrows his eyes. “I don’t think you should be disrupting him when he’s trying to work.”
Never has Yoongi’s jealousy been so obvious and never has Namjoon been more turned on.
“Hyung never told me not to,” the kid says defiantly, and Namjoon’s got to give him props. Yoongi looks up at Namjoon uncertainly, as if waiting for Namjoon to say something, to either agree with this kid or with Yoongi.
“Don’t disrupt me while I work,” Namjoon says, and the kid’s face drops, but Namjoon doesn’t have time to feel bad about it when Yoongi looks relieved and presses his lips to Namjoon’s when the kid leaves.
“I’m sorry,” Yoongi says. “I just – you always said you work better when you’re alone.”
And technically, it’s mostly true, because Namjoon can work with other people, but that group is very limited. He just never really cared about the kid being there because he was so quiet and he brought food.
“Let’s go back to your place,” Namjoon says huskily, kissing along Yoongi’s neck. Yoongi’s trembling in his arms, and Namjoon’s grins into his flushed skin. Just a bit more, Namjoon thinks. Just one more push and Yoongi might finally be there.
The kid comes back the next Wednesday, and Namjoon lets him in because he brings food.
“You told me not to disrupt you,” the kid’s blushing when Namjoon raises an eyebrow. “I won’t disrupt you. Besides, I bring you food and he doesn’t.”
Namjoon mostly ignores him, because he has his headphones in.
Seokjin comes by a few Wednesdays later to record vocals for one of Namjoon’s tracks, and he blinks when he sees the kid. “Who’s this?”
“Hi hyung! I’m Jaesun!” The boy bows excitedly. “Namjoon hyung lets me stay while he works.”
“…Okay,” Seokjin says slowly. He turns to Namjoon. “Does Yoongi know about this?”
“Yeah,” Namjoon says distractedly as he tries to find the file for Seokjin’s vocals.
“It’s just-” Seokjin moves closer and lowers his voice. “You know that Yoongi doesn’t come because way back before you started dating, you told Yoongi how you don’t like to be disturbed when you work. If he knew…he’d come to stay with you.”
If it’s supposed to mean something significant, it flies by Namjoon, who straightens up and says, “Yeah.”
“So…this kid?” Seokjin asks.
Namjoon shrugs. “He brings me food.”
Seokjin looks uneasy, but he lets it drop and steps into the recording booth.
They’re at another party, this one a little better for Yoongi who’s laughing with Seokjin and Hoseok, the two people who introduced Namjoon and Yoongi in the first place. Yoongi’s dressed in one of Namjoon’s shirts, a bit too big around the neck and a little too long at the sleeves. Yoongi’s rolled them back, but there’s nothing he can really do about the neckline, and Namjoon’s distracted by Yoongi’s milky collar bones for most of the night.
Donghyuk’s here again too, drunk as hell, and Hyosang’s disappeared to go find some chips.
“So, how’s the making-Yoongi-jealous thing going?” Donghyuk slumps into the seat next to Namjoon. They’re not at risk of being overheard because Yoongi’s sitting across the room, but brighter than anything else with his pink hair and blinding smile.
“Good,” Namjoon ignores the fact that Donghyuk’s practically in his lap, just shoves his face to one side. “Your breath is gross.”
“Good?” Donghyuk asks, making a face at Namjoon but shifting away. “Good how? Good like you guys are going at it like rabbits good?”
“Donghyuk what the hell,” Namjoon yelps. “No, we’re not there yet.”
“You’re not…” Donghyuk fixes him with a serious gaze, which is a little comical by his glazed eyes and alcohol-flushed cheeks. “Holy crap, dude, four months and you haven’t boned him?”
“He’s not ready,” Namjoon defends himself and their relationship.
“After four months?” Donghyuk says in disbelief.
“Well, he’s – he’s different,” Namjoon says. “He’s not like us.”
“Dude, he doesn’t have to be like us for me to know that’s a long time,” Donghyuk shakes Namjoon’s shoulders. If he was more sober, Namjoon might have realized that Donghyuk knew even less than Namjoon about what it meant to be ‘not like us’, and that four months is no big deal, not with everything else they’ve been doing, not with how trusting Yoongi is already, not with knowing that this is Yoongi first relationship ever. But Namjoon isn’t sober, and Donghyuk sounds like he knows what he’s talking about.
“If he doesn’t want to bang you,” Donghyuk tips his beer towards Namjoon, as if Namjoon doesn’t know who Donghyuk’s talking about. “He’s either straight or banging someone else.”
“He’s definitely very gay,” Namjoon assures his best friend. “And he’s definitely not banging someone else. I’d kill the guy if he was.”
“Oh, possessive! Very kinky,” Donghyuk pats Namjoon’s cheek. “But dude, you need to get on that…like why is he waiting so long? What is he waiting for? Maybe he just doesn’t want to do you.” Donghyuk starts sounding sad, making frowny faces at his beer bottle. “Maybe it’s the whole reason he wouldn’t touch you in public, remember? Maybe he needs to be reminded of what he has to lose!”
To Namjoon’s drunk brain, this sounds really really intelligent.
“What, make him jealous enough that he’ll sleep with me?” Namjoon summarizes.
“Yeah,” Donghyuk nods. “I’ve done it before. Works like a charm.”
And that’s good enough for Namjoon’s drunk brain, and he stands to go to Yoongi, who has his water bottle from home clutched in his hands again. It’s cute, Namjoon belatedly thinks, how Yoongi is the only person he knows who actually brings water to a party in a water bottle.
He’s stopped by a girl on his way to Yoongi, asking for a dance, pressing right up against him and running her hands across his shoulders, and Namjoon glances at Yoongi who still hasn’t looked his way and then at Donghyuk who’s pestering Hyosang, and then he smiles and nods, slips his hands around the girl’s waist.
He loses track of everything after that, grinding with some girl in the middle of the room, pressed up against other couples and breathing the same oxygen as the girl. Yoongi never wants to dance at parties, and Namjoon misses it.
Suddenly there’s a bit of yelling and Namjoon’s sees a part in the crowd, like someone’s shoving their way through. The person disappears up the stairs, and Namjoon glances back at the couch. Yoongi’s gone.
A feeling of dread starts to form in the pit of his stomach, and he abruptly drops his hands from the girl’s waist. She complains for a second, but then Seokjin’s storming through the crowd and punches Namjoon. It shocks him, because Seokjin’s one of the least violent people he knows, and Namjoon turns slowly to face him again, mouth open in shock.
“Fuck you, Namjoon,” Seokjin’s eyes are blazing. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“What-” Namjoon starts.
“Do you even think?” Soekjin yells, and people are moving away from them, whispering. “Do you even consider Yoongi when you do the shit you do?”
“Soekjin…” Hyosang says nervously, eyeing the crowd.
“Stay out of this,” Seokjin rounds on him, and Hyosang drops it. “Fuck you, Namjoon.”
Seokjin’s stomping up the stairs before Namjoon’s brain can catch up with the words, and then Namjoon takes off after him, bounding up the stairs two at a time. He catches up with Seokjin outside, and Yoongi’s long gone.
“Hyung-” Namjoon starts, but Seokjin shakes off the hand on his shoulder.
“I don’t know what you were thinking,” Seokjin says.
“I wanted to make him jealous!” Namjoon defends himself. “And it worked.”
“It worked?” Seokjin repeats. “What worked? Why did you need to make him jealous? To prove what exactly? Is this why you didn’t tell him about Jaesun? Yoongi thought you got rid of that kid, do you know how upset he was when I told him?”
“I just – it felt like Yoongi didn’t want…what I wanted,” Namjoon mumbles, feeling a little cowed. “He never wanted to hold my hand or dance at parties or-”
“Are you stupid.” Seokjin scowls. “Like, you do realize you’re Yoongi’s first boyfriend, right? I know you know because I was the one who told you. I was also there when Yoongi admitted it to you. I was also the one who told you, four months ago, that Yoongi wasn’t the partying type and I asked you – I asked you – to make time for him so he wouldn’t have to go to parties all the time, when he clearly felt uncomfortable.”
Namjoon, feeling more and more sober and more and more like he’s been very very wrong about everything, remembers that conversation, remembers Seokjin’s fond eyes when he talked about Yoongi.
He also remembers that it’s the exact reason he fell for Yoongi in the first place, how different Yoongi was from Namjoon’s bleak lifestyle, how refreshing Yoongi was, like a splash of colour in Namjoon’s greyish life, how calm Namjoon felt when they were together, like he was coming home.
How could he forget, that all the things he thought he wasn’t getting with Yoongi in public, he was getting tenfold in private, because Yoongi, in his first relationship ever, was so nervous and self-conscious about how to act to public, about whether t was okay or not to hold Namjoon’s hand because “what if you need your hand, Namjoon?”
Yoongi was cute, and so precious, and it’s why Namjoon fell for him in the first place. Yoongi would cuddle up to him on the couch or hold his hand and play with his fingers or stick his cold hands under Namjoon’s shirt. And there was the time Yoongi refused to dance because he was embarrassed at how bad he was, so Namjoon started dancing in the middle of Yoongi’s living room, and Yoongi had tried not to laugh because Namjoon was so uncoordinated, but finally he couldn’t stop the giggles from spilling over his lips. And he let Namjoon pull him into his arms and twirl him around and dip him to Namjoon’s heart’s content, and when the song was done, a breathless Yoongi pulled him into a kiss, still giggling.
Namjoon groans. “I fucked up. Shit, I really fucked up.”
“Yeah,” Seokjin says, voice unforgiving. “You really did.”
It takes three days for Seokjin to come around and for Namjoon to convince him that he wants Yoongi to forgive him, that he doesn’t want to break up.
“Yoongi’s really, really upset,” Seokjin tells him. “Like, he cried. A lot.”
Namjoon’s stomach rolls and he swallows hard.
“I can’t believe you were taking advice from Donghyuk,” Seokjin says. “How stupid are you.”
“Really stupid,” Namjoon agrees.
“Well, anyway,” Seokjin continues. “You have a lot of grovelling to do.”
“I’ll grovel,” Namjoon says.
“Honestly, Namjoon,” Seokjin rolls his eyes in exasperation. “What if it was Yoongi doing those things to you? Meeting up with another guy? Accepting chocolates from someone else? Grinding with someone who wasn’t you??”
Namjoon sees red, doesn’t even want to imagine Yoongi with someone other than him. “I’d kill them.”
“Wow, you finally get it,” Seokjin pokes his forehead.
Namjoon rubs it, and feels even worse.
“And,” Seokjin hesitates here. “Look, Namjoon, I don’t want you guys to break up either, but you have to realize…Yoongi really liked you. He still really likes you. But, you really messed him up. I don’t think – he doesn’t trust you like he did before.”
This is what really breaks Namjoon’s heart. “I know.” He says, turns away when his vision of Seokjin gets blurry.
“I went to go see Yoongi,” Donghyuk tells him. Namjoon’s tried being mad at him, but he can’t, because ultimately, Namjoon was the one who decided to listen. Donghyuk never gives good advice, and Namjoon shouldn’t have followed it in the first place.
“What?” Namjoon whirls around in his chair.
“I went to apologize to him,” Donghyuk scratches the back of his neck. “I’m really sorry, Namjoon. Like, I didn’t mean for things to get so bad between you. I never meant for them to get bad in the first place. I thought I was looking out for you. I wanted to be sure he liked you as much as you liked him. You were always gushing about him, about how much you liked him, and then when I finally met him it was like you guys weren’t even dating, the way he acted. But like, I only talked to him for two minutes. It wasn't right of me.”
“He’s shy,” Namjoon says.
“I know that now,” Donghyuk says apologetically. "I really like him."
Namjoon smiles ruefully. "So do I."
“I’m really sorry, Namjoon.”
“It’s not your fault,” Namjoon says. “It’s no one’s fault but mine.”
“Hey.” Namjoon says when Yoongi opens the door to his apartment.
Yoongi looks shocked for a moment. It’s taken Namjoon a week to work up the courage to come to Yoongi’s apartment, and it hurts Namjoon to think that maybe Yoongi thought Namjoon wouldn’t show up at all.
“Can I come in?”
Yoongi’s eyes shutter, and he moves to close the door. “Go away Namjoon.”
“Wait-” Namjoon sticks his foot in the door to stop it from closing. Yoongi looks annoyed, but also a little nervous.
“Wait, just,” Namjoon hesitates. “Let me say something. Please.”
Yoongi’s quiet for a moment. “What?”
“I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry,” Namjoon says. “I don’t know what I was thinking. Or, I do know. I was stupid. So stupid to forget that everything I love about you, the reason I want to spend all my time with you, is because you’re so different from them. From all of that. I’m sorry I made you feel like you had to be different, like you weren’t good enough.”
Yoongi’s eyes are covered by his fringe. “Donghyuk said that you wanted to make me jealous.”
“Yeah,” Namjoon’s voice gets stuck in his throat. “It was dumb. I forgot – you were so clear that this was all new to you, and then I started treating you like anyone else, like I expected you to know what to do, and…I’m so sorry. If you don’t want to hold my hand or kiss me or anything like that, I won’t make you. I’m happy just being with you.”
“No, I…” Yoongi finally looks back up, and he’s biting his lip. “Donghyuk was right, in that case. It made sense, I should’ve thought of you too. I – I really wanted to hold your hand, it’s just – I was waiting for you to do it.”
They’re quiet for a moment, and then Yoongi, hesitantly, says, “…Namjoon?”
“He’s nothing,” Namjoon says quickly. “The first tutoring thing was to make you jealous, and then after that, I didn’t think about it. I didn’t think about how you’d feel. I’m sorry.”
“So,” Yoongi says slowly. “If I wanted to come, while you were working-”
“You can come,”Namjoon cuts him off in his haste. “Please come, I want you to be there. With me. While I work. Just you.”
Yoongi’s quiet again, and then, softly, “Namjoon, I don’t want to break up.”
“I don’t either,” Namjoon finally takes a step closer, feels like he can.
“I really like you,” Yoongi’s hands are shaking, and so is his voice. “I just don’t know if I can trust you like before.”
“That’s okay,” Namjoon takes another step closer, pushes the door shut behind him. “It’s okay because I’ll work to get your trust back. I’ll work so hard. Because I – I love you. And I don’t want to let you go.”
Yoongi goes as pink as his hair, hands moving to shove Namjoon in embarrassment, but Namjoon holds them to his chest. “Can I kiss you?”
Yoongi thinks about it, and Namjoon holds his breath. “Yeah, okay.” Yoongi says a little cheekily.
And how could Namjoon ever stray from this, ever think Yoongi wasn’t enough?
“Oh, and,” Yoongi adds, when Namjoon reaches for a stronger grip on Yoongi’s hips. “I love you too.” He whispers against Namjoon’s lips, just as shy as ever, and Namjoon falls in love all over again.
“Are you bailing on me?” Donghyuk’s voice sounds demanding through the cell phone speaker.
“Yeah, I am,” Namjoon says mildly, reaches up with the hand not holding his phone to fix his beanie.
“You know these parties aren’t the same without you,” Donghyuk complains.
“You’re gonna have to deal,” Namjoon says. “I’m cutting down on my partying, you know that. I’m spending time with Yoongi.”
“I know,” Donghyuk’s voice quiets as he gets more serious. “I’m not actually mad, go spend time with him. God knows why he actually likes you.”
“You’re not really a catch,” Donghyuk continues. “I feel bad for Yoongi, stuck with your lazy ass.”
“I’m gonna hang up,” Namjoon threatens.
“Fine, fine,” Donghyuk relents. “Have fun on your date. And – I’m happy for you, Namjoon. I’m glad things worked out for you. Yoongi – he’s really good for you.”
“I know,” Namjoon says.
Yoongi finally joins him in the entrance of his apartment when Namjoon finishes his call, struggling with the arms of his jacket. Namjoon strides forward to help him, zipping the coat up and then wrapping a scarf around Yoongi’s neck. He finishes with a white beanie, one that Namjoon got for him and matches his scarf.
“Thanks,” Yoongi says, cheeks flushes in slight embarrassment, but mostly in pleasure, and Namjoon leans down to kiss him because he can’t really resist Yoongi when he’s soft like this.
“Ready?” Namjoon asks before he reaches for the door.
“You’re sure you don’t mind?” Yoongi bites his lip. “Not going to the party and staying with me instead?”
“I told you I don’t,” Namjoon reminds him. “I want to be here, with you. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be – there’s no one else I’d rather be with.”
“Okay,” Yoongi whispers, ducking his head as he passes Namjoon for the door, but then he takes two steps back and reaches up to plant a soft kiss on Namjoon’s lips.
“I love you.”
Yoongi still blushes every time, but Namjoon knows he probably looks even dumber, can feel his wide grin splitting his face.
“I love you too.”