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Find you in hell (or here)

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"Oh," said Kyuhyun, still holding onto his oar. Staring down at the water.

There was blood.

"What," he said, and then a hand appeared on his boat.

Kyuhyun screamed.

"Holy shit!" he said, and threw himself backwards as another hand appeared. "Holy shit holy shit holy shit - " He tried to prod at the hand, pry it off with the oar, but he was too shaken to even try properly.

A head appeared and Kyuhyun nearly shrieked his head off.

"Where am I?" said the head in a raspy voice. The head had messy dark hair and there was blood stained on his face.

Kyuhyun was trying his best not to whimper.

"You're on my fucking boat!" he said, and was embarrassed that his voice was so high. Then again, there were more important things right now - like his  life  - than how fucking high his voice could go.

"Oh, sorry about this." The head - man? - pushed himself up and climbed onto Kyuhyun's boat. He was wearing an open blazer and dark pants. There was blood all over his body.

Kyuhyun whimpered, "Who the hell are you?"

"Kim Jongwoon. I--" Kim Jongwoon started, holding out his hand. Then he seemed to notice that his hand was covered with blood. "Never mind," he said. "I died about a month ago. Was thrown off a yacht."

"You - You're  dead ?" said Kyuhyun.

"Yeah. S'pose I'm a zombie now." Jongwoon looked around thoughtfully.

Even though he wasn't sure that he wanted to know, Kyuhyun couldn't help it. "How'd you die? Why?"

Jongwoon sighed. "I was caught... well, a government official's wife was having an affair with me. He found out, bashed my head on the side of the boat during some fancy party, and then threw me into the river. I died." He shrugged.

That explained the blood.

"Oh," said Kyuhyun. "There was - I didn't hear anything on the news about that - "

"'Cause no one knew who I was, of course," said Jongwoon, and then sighed. "I guess I can't go back to her now. Or to anyone, really." He looked down at himself. "I  am  dead."

"You sure don't look it," said Kyuhyun, and then a bit louder, "Considering you're talking to me and looking mighty alive, in  my boat , fucking covered with blood and everything - "

"I told you before, I'm probably a zombie," said Jongwoon. "Can I sleep in your house?"


Kyuhyun said yes, but only because he was too afraid to say no.

"Thanks for this," said Jongwoon, sitting on the couch and pulling a blanket over his body.

He was getting blood on the couch. And the blanket. Kyuhyun just shivered and looked away.

"Don't really want to get any sleep now, considering I've been practically asleep at the bottom of a river for the past month," said Jongwoon. He reached for Kyuhyun's television remote, getting some blood on the glass coffee table. "Know if anything's good on right now?"

"No," said Kyuhyun, retreating into the kitchen. Then, feeling like he should be a good host, he asked, "Do you want anything to eat?"

"Nah, dead people don't need food. Unless you're willing to get me some human flesh," came Jongwoon's voice.

Kyuhyun peeked into the living room to see if Jongwoon was joking but he wasn't even smiling.

"Uh," said Kyuhyun. "I'd. Um. Offer you mine. Except. I. Kind of need to. Live." And that was a lie, but it was a courteous lie.

Jongwoon smiled at him. "Thanks. I appreciate the thought."


"So, Kyuhyun."

Jongwoon was looking at his photos and certificates from university. He was getting blood everywhere he walked.

Kyuhyun figured that maybe taking Jongwoon in wasn't such a good idea.

Then again, if he'd said no, Jongwoon might've eaten him then.

"Yeah?" he said, from making breakfast.

"You have a good life." Jongwoon was bending down to look at a photo frame. "A sister and successful parents. No wife or kids, though."

"No," said Kyuhyun, coming out of the kitchen with a bowl of soup in his hands. "Don't have the time to invest in things like that."

Jongwoon sighed. "I know what you mean. I was basically in that position before I died." He eyed Kyuhyun's soup. "Are you sure you don't have any human flesh around, like a spare dead body or anything for me to eat - I mean, I know it's a strange request, but I've got to eat sometime."

"Do you really," said Kyuhyun warily.

Jongwoon shrugged. "In the next century or two. I'll be dead forever, you know."

"Oh," said Kyuhyun. "Okay."


But Jongwoon wouldn't stop whining about wanting food, after a week.

"Just sometime this century, you know? This  century ," he said.

"A year--a month hasn't even passed yet!" spluttered Kyuhyun. Their relationship had reached a point where Kyuhyun wasn't afraid to splutter at him. He was still afraid to directly say no to him, though.

"I  know ," Jongwoon whined. "I'm just--hungry. C'mon. Not even humans. I'll settle for that. Anything."

"You," said Kyuhyun, and then stopped. This was a fucking  zombie . There was no way he could win against him.

"Are you going to offer your brain?" Jongwoon asked hopefully.

Kyuhyun snorted. Their relationship had reached that point, too. "No. My brain's too precious to me," he said. Then, "Give me a few days, and I'll find something... fleshy for you to eat."

Jongwoon brightened up. "Great! Make sure it has plenty of meat on its bones. Not like some, bony animal or something. Somebody with substance."

"Right," said Kyuhyun through gritted teeth.


There was a neighbor, a floor above him. Kyuhyun didn't like stealing, but what had to be done had to be done. Especially if it was in the favor of the zombie.

"Hi," he said after knocking on the door. "Heechul, right?"

"Yeah?" The neighbor, Heechul, looked at him suspiciously. They didn't usually talk unless they were like, trapped in the elevator together or something.

Heechul was stroking his cat. Well. A cat.

"Aw, what's his name?" Kyuhyun cooed, bending down to pet the cat. The cat preened.

Heechul beamed. "Heebum. Do you want to come in?"

Kyuhyun walked in, staring at all the cats lazing around the house. In total he didn't know how many there were, although there had to be at least fifteen.

"Do you want to see all my cats?" said Heechul. "This one here's Baengshin--and that one over there is Hyaku--and I don't know where Kimdae went. Kimdae, where are you?" he called around the apartment.

"D'you want me to help look? I can help look," said Kyuhyun.

They wandered around the apartment. When Heechul had disappeared into one of the rooms, Kyuhyun ran to the window and grabbed the nearest and fattest-looking cat. And threw it to the fire escape below.

He heard the cat screech and then an immediate silence. Maybe the sound of bones crunching and someone chewing.

Heechul came back into the living room.

"I found Kimd--where's Baengshin?" he asked, looking around.

"I, uh," said Kyuhyun. "Must've disappeared too. I saw one escape the room."

"These damn cats," said Heechul, placing Kimdae onto his shoulder and still holding Heebum. "I'll go look for him."


"I was going to offer to cook him for you, you know," said Kyuhyun.

"That's fine. I prefer my meat fresh and raw," said Jongwoon, grinning. There were bloodstains on his teeth.

You know, after living with him for a while, Kyuhyun thought that he might be getting used to this.

"And your neighbor probably knows about cats enough to recognize the scent of cooked cat," said Jongwoon, and they both laughed.


One time, Kyuhyun brought a girl over.

She was a pretty girl, from his workplace, and he'd noticed that she had been looking at him for some time now. Today she had finally asked him out and Kyuhyun said yes. Because she was pretty and, well, why not?

He wasn't thinking when he walked into his apartment. And then he saw Jongwoon on the bloodstained couch. And suddenly he  was  thinking.

"I, uh," he said to her as they walked into the apartment. "I forgot to tell you, but I live with--I have a roommate."

"You have a roommate?" The girl giggled.

"He," said Kyuhyun. "It's nothing to worry about, really. He's just - yeah, I do have a roommate."

"Kyuhyun?" he heard Jongwoon's voice call. "You're back?"

"I'm back," said Kyuhyun, shielding the girl's view from him so she wouldn't have to see the ugly and rotting bruise on Jongwoon's forehead. Well, most of everything of Jongwoon's body was rotting.

"Ew." She crinkled her nose. "Why does it smell like raw meat?"

"Don't worry about it," said Kyuhyun hastily; and then to Jongwoon, "I - I have someone over, we'll be in my bedroom!"


Kyuhyun thought he heard a smirk in Jongwoon's voice.


She was on top of him and his dick was getting hard when she pulled away and said,

"I can't do this."

"What? Why not?" said Kyuhyun.

Her nose was crinkled again. "It smells like blood and - ugh, something gross! You never noticed it before? How do you even live with this smell?"

"I - " said Kyuhyun. "I got used to it, I guess."

"How can you get used to it, it's - " She gagged a little.

Kyuhyun wondered if his kissing hadn't been good enough to distract her from it.

"Kyuhyun," said Jongwoon, appearing in the doorway suddenly. "Do you have any extra - "

He stopped when he saw the girl sitting on top of Kyuhyun. The girl looked at him.

She screamed.


"We'll tell her that she fell asleep and dreamed it," said Jongwoon as the two of them laid her in Kyuhyun's bed.

"You mean,  I'll  tell her," said Kyuhyun.

"Right," said Jongwoon.


Kyuhyun didn't get a second date with her.


A month passed and somehow Kyuhyun managed it. Jongwoon slept on the sofa and didn't need much to eat, so Kyuhyun hardly spent any money on him. He did frequent Kyuhyun's laptop enough that Kyuhyun just ended up buying himself a new one. But that was pretty much it.

Also, Kyuhyun didn't know what Jongwoon did during the day while he was out at work. He doubted Jongwoon kept himself cooped up inside, though. But he decided that right now, he didn't really want to know.

Somehow, Jongwoon had also something--some one--some  place , to eat.

"You know what I want right now?" he said during a Saturday afternoon. "I really want brains. Nice, fresh, juicy brain."

Kyuhyun ignored him and continued typing on his laptop.

"Hey Kyuhyun," said Jongwoon. "D'you think I could have a tas--"


"Please?" said Jongwoon.

"I need my brain," said Kyuhyun.

"Oh, c'mon." Jongwoon scoffed. And then whined, " Pleeease  I really want brain and what do you need your brain for? Why do any of us need brains?"

"Then why don't you eat your own brain?" Kyuhyun continued typing.

"Because it's small and dry and flies are all over it," said Jongwoon. He slipped a finger in his ear and pulled it out. "See?"

"Oh, god." Kyuhyun turned away. He really didn't need to see that.

"I want a braaaaaain," said Jongwoon. "I want a brain to eat. Do you know anyone with a nice brain? Do you think we could get one?"

"Jongwoon," said Kyuhyun, looking at him and doing his best to ignore the fly that had just flown out of Jongwoon's ear. "We are not. getting. any brains. For you to eat."

"You're mean," said Jongwoon.

"I provide you with  shelter !"


"I'm leaving," said Jongwoon the next day.

Kyuhyun was already dressed for work, and was putting his shoes on. "What," he said.

"I'm leaving," said Jongwoon. "I need to find a place with - brains, that cat was hardly filling."

"Don't you need to eat sometime this century?" said Kyuhyun.

"Yeah, but - " said Jongwoon. "I want brains  now ."

"You're being irrational," said Kyuhyun. "Stay inside my house."

"No," said Jongwoon.

Kyuhyun put his hands up. "Okay, fine, don't. Go about Seoul and wreak havoc on the city. I don't care."

"You're bluffing," said Jongwoon.

"Yeah, and you're being stupid. Not having any brains isn't any reason to leave me," said Kyuhyun, and started pushing Jongwoon back toward the couch.

Jongwoon pouted. "Why am I listening to you," Kyuhyun heard him grumble.

"I don't know, but - " It suddenly occurred that Kyuhyun was directly defying one of Jongwoon's requests right now, and it was for Jongwoon's (well, and the city's) wellbeing. That was definitely a first.

"Just," said Kyuhyun. "I don't want you to hurt yourself or anyone else, okay? You're probably safest if you have a place to come back."

"I never said I wouldn't come back if I left," mumbled Jongwoon, folding his arms and slouching down on the couch.

Kyuhyun smiled. "Does that mean you were bluffing, too?"


A few mornings later, Kyuhyun yawned and woke up and wandered into the living room.

Jongwoon's head was on the floor.

"Oh my god," said Kyuhyun. "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god - " He couldn't even properly scream, he was hyperventilating so much.

The head's eyes opened and looked up at him.

"Oh, good morning Kyuhyun."

"OH MY GOD," Kyuhyun shrieked.

"What," said the head, and then rolled onto the side. "Oh. I guess my head fell off while I was sleeping, huh?"

"Yeah, no kidding." Kyuhyun was clutching his chest. He didn't know if he was more scared that the head was on the floor, or that the head was speaking to him.

The head sighed. "Pains of being a zombie," he said. And then the headless body, which was still reclining on the couch as if it were asleep, got up and picked the head up. And put Jongwoon's head back on.

"There, that's better," said Jongwoon, cracking his neck. Even though Kyuhyun didn't hear any actual cracks. "I guess sleeping on the couch is still bad for your neck even if you're dead already."

"I... yeah," said Kyuhyun. He was staring at the slit on Jongwoon's neck where body and head met.

Then he looked back up at him. "I, uh," he said. "Then. You could sleep in my bed, if you want?" And then, hurriedly, "I mean, not with me, just - y'know, I'll sleep on the couch, and - "

"It'll be worse for your neck, since you're still alive." Jongwoon smiled. "It's okay, we can share a bed."

"I'll just," said Kyuhyun, but couldn't think of a proper argument to this. Or a proper response, really.

"Okay," was what he settled for.


Kyuhyun thought that having Jongwoon in his apartment would make the smell - now that the girl from before had pointed it out, he couldn't help noticing it every once in a while - make the smell get even worse. Like, rotting flesh or something. But it just kept smelling like raw meat.

And he also thought corpses degenerated or something and would become dry and gross and darker, but Jongwoon's skin, while kind of pale and pallid and inhuman, remained pale and pallid. And, well, inhuman.

"It's the magical properties, I guess," said Jongwoon when Kyuhyun brought it up to him.

"What magical properties?"

"Well, y'know." Jongwoon shrugged. "Being a zombie and all."

"Zombies aren't magical," said Kyuhyun.

"Is it normal to come back from the dead?" said Jongwoon.

Kyuhyun didn't know how to answer that.


The other thing was, Jongwoon wouldn't stop leaking blood everywhere. Every day, on his wooden floor and his carpets. Kyuhyun had basically given up on "Jongwoon's couch" since day one and it was dark red from all the times Jongwoon had sat and slept upon it.

"You think you could stop that?" Kyuhyun asked him when blood inexplicably spewed from his feet as Jongwoon walked into the kitchen.

When Jongwoon shook his head, Kyuhyun asked, "Will you ever run out of blood then?"

"I don't know. I don't think so," said Jongwoon. "I guess a never-ending supply of blood is another property of zombies."

"Yeah, a supply of useless blood," said Kyuhyun. "What blood type were you when you were alive? A? O?"

"AB," said Jongwoon.

Kyuhyun looked at him funnily. "Really? I thought you'd be B type*."

"Excuse me," said Jongwoon, "but just because I had  one  affair doesn't mean I'm like, a slut or something - "

"You are," said Kyuhyun, and laughed when Jongwoon looked even more offended. "You're a man slut."

Jongwoon didn't say anything to this, but Kyuhyun continued, "Anyways, that's not what I meant. I didn't even think of that, actually," he said. "You just seem really lively a lot. Well, as lively as a dead person can be," he added thoughtfully.

"I'm not type B*," Jongwoon mumbled.

"Yeah, yeah, we got that." Kyuhyun finished doing the dishes and put the dishrag away. "And you're getting blood all over my floor. C'mon, let's see if we can wash your blood off."


They went into the bathroom together but Kyuhyun turned away when Jongwoon undressed. Obviously he didn't want to see a dead man naked. Or. Any man naked, really.

"It's not coming off!" said Jongwoon from behind the shower curtain.

"Are you sure?" called Kyuhyun.

"Yeah, I'm sure!" said Jongwoon. "The bloodstains on my head - they're just staying there, the water's not even turning red! And my other body parts, too!" He poked his head out and looked at Kyuhyun. "Do you want to see?"

"Nooooo - no," said Kyuhyun, unfolding his arms and stepping away. "No, I'm good, I'm fine. Just - nothing? You're gonna stay bloody forever?"

Jongwoon sighed. "Well, my body  is  dead," he said. "I guess it has to stay the way it is forever."

"That sucks," said Kyuhyun, and then out of curiosity, "Do you ever get any sexual urges? I mean, like - do you ever need to jerk off, or - ?"

"Nah," said Jongwoon, stepping out of the shower. As he bent over and turned off the water, Kyuhyun carefully averted his eyes. 

"Well, I guess that's that then," said Jongwoon cheerfully, turning back to him.

"Put some clothes on, please," said Kyuhyun, still not looking at him.

"What - Oh right, I forgot." Jongwoon chuckled and picked up his clothes from the ground. "It's just weird being dead, you know? You don't care about all the stuff you cared about when you were alive, like wearing clothes and sleeping."

"You sleep," said Kyuhyun.

"Yeah, but it's more like I just close my eyes and forget that I exist for a little," said Jongwoon, buttoning up his pants.

Kyuhyun could look at him now. Though white and cadaverous, Jongwoon was well-built.

"You eat, too," said Kyuhyun.

"Well, you know, zombie urges." Jongwoon shrugged and put on his shirt. "Brains."

"I hope I don't become a zombie," said Kyuhyun.

"Why not?" said Jongwoon, smiling up at him. "We could have a lot of undead fun together."


Because Kyuhyun wasn't gay.

But that was a tangent all in itself.

He told himself he was gay mostly because he  wasn't , and sometimes he'd think randomly to himself,  oh, I'm living with this man, Jongwoon , but then,  well not really  living  with him, he just has residency in my house and I take care of him . Somehow this led to thoughts like,  well, it kind of sounds like I'm gay  and then he'd say to himself,  I'm not, I'm not!

"Jongwoon," he asked, one day, senselessly. "When you were alive, were you gay?"

Jongwoon glanced at him from his drama. In the drama, the emperor had been killed in war earlier and had just come back to life.

"Didn't I tell you before that I had an affair?" he said. "With a  woman ?"

"Yeah, well," said Kyuhyun defensively. "You could be gay and have sex with a woman!"

"It was willing," said Jongwoon. "I wanted to do it. I liked her."

"Oh," said Kyuhyun. "Do you - I mean, we could go see her now, if you'd like."

Jongwoon laughed. "Are you kidding? I'd scare the shit out of her." He looked thoughtful. "And then her husband would try to kill me again. I could eat his brain, probably."

"No, no," said Kyuhyun quickly. "No, you're not killing anyone. You're not eating anyone's brain." 

"Yeah, okay," said Jongwoon, laughing. "It would probably be a small brain, anyways. Wouldn't satisfy me much."

It was a bit disturbing how Kyuhyun was getting used to this brain-eating talk.


Spending so much time with Jongwoon made Kyuhyun crave meat. Not human flesh or brains, like Jongwoon. But Jongwoon was always talking about it and sort of smelling like it that Kyuhyun was eating more than the average man ate meat every day.

"Does it bother you that I'm here?" Jongwoon asked, once.

"You've been living with me for so long, I don't think that matters," said Kyuhyun.

Sleeping next to Jongwoon (and not  with  him, Kyuhyun would tell himself in his head) was also more normal than one imagined. Jongwoon had his own blanket - the bloody one he'd been using before, on the couch - and Kyuhyun had his own. The only fairly uncomfortable thing about it was that they shared space, and Jongwoon felt so light that sometimes Kyuhyun forgot that he was there. It didn't feel gay (because it  wasn't  gay). It was like they were sleeping in the same room. Though they were sleeping in the same bed, too.

Kyuhyun decided that, if he ever were to tell anyone of this later, he'd conveniently leave that detail out.

"Ugh, your breath stinks," said Kyuhyun, rolling over and facing Jongwoon.

"Wish I could say the same for yours, but I've lost all sense of smelling." Jongwoon grinned. "Want me to make a facial expression so you'll feel like you're not the only one who's suffering?"

"You're dead," Kyuhyun mumbled, getting out of bed. He stretched and yawned, his shirt lifting up a little.

When he turned back around, he said, "I think your clothes are as dead as you are."

"Oh, yeah. Probably." Jongwoon lifted his shirt up and sniffed it. Then stopped and said, "Oh, right."

"I'm going to go take a shower," said Kyuhyun. "So I won't smell like human flesh when I go to work."

"I'm sure your coworkers will appreciate the scent," said Jongwoon cheerfully, picking himself up from the bloody side of the bed.

Kyuhyun showered, then changed into his cubicle work clothes. As he made breakfast, he said, "Why don't you try cooked food today? Just once."

Jongwoon looked at the porridge Kyuhyun was cooking warily. "But food is degenerated from its original fresh state and might make my body decompose even more," he said.

"I don't even know how that makes sense." Kyuhyun shook his head and started pouring some porridge into a bowl. "C'mon, at least try it. It can't hurt you." You can't hurt zombies.

"True," Jongwoon admitted. "Fine. But if this has some sort of horrible effect, it's your fault."

Kyuhyun shrugged. He didn't think he'd mind taking the blame for harming someone that was already dead.

He handed Jongwoon the porridge bowl, and Jongwoon hesitantly lifted the spoon and started eating it. "It's okay," he said. "It doesn't have any taste. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, I just don't find it particularly - "

Then porridge started foaming at his mouth and he dropped the bowl, porridge pouring out of his skin. It popped out from behind his eye sockets and his eye fell out.

Kyuhyun screamed and jumped, trying not to get any porridge (or blood) on his suit.

"Holy shit," he gasped, "holy shit, Jongwoon - Jongwoon, are you okay, can you hear me - "

The mouth stopped foaming then and laughed.

It  laughed .

"Oh god, the look on your face," said the mouth. "Dear lord, that was the most hilarious thing I've ever seen. If I had tear ducts, I'd be crying of laughter right now." A hand, which had fallen off, hopped over to the head and wiped at invisible spot below the eye socket.

"What the fuck," said Kyuhyun.

"That was probably the best prank I've ever pulled." The body's parts started coming back together - seamlessly, eyes started going back into eye sockets and limbs reattached themselves to the torso. Then Jongwoon was standing in front of him, looking way too pleased with himself and wiping his eyes.

Kyuhyun glared.

"You," he said, pointing at the ground, "are cleaning all of this up."


He was already thirty minutes late to work when Jongwoon finished cleaning the porridge from the ground.

"I'm done!" he said cheerfully.

There were bloodstains where he'd been kneeling on the ground.

Kyuhyun sighed.


He ended up being two hours late to work.


Kyuhyun came home at noon one day and Jongwoon wasn't home.

When Jongwoon came back, Kyuhyun asked, "So what have you been doing all day, anyways?"

"Oh," said Jongwoon, surprised. "I thought you'd come back later." He put his jacket down on the couch.

Since when did he have a jacket?

"Where were you?" Kyuhyun asked, narrowing his eyes.

"I was," said Jongwoon, and then averted his eyes purposefully. "I was home," Kyuhyun heard him mumble under his breath.

Kyuhyun furrowed his eyebrows. "Home?" he said. "You mean your house when you were alive? Why the hell were you there?"

"I wanted to." Jongwoon bit his lip. "Well, at first I wanted to tell my family that I was alive, but then realized that that would be - well, a bad idea - "

"No shit," said Kyuhyun.

"I don't know," said Jongwoon. "I just feel the - inclination to go there, you know?"

"Is that what you've been doing, then?" said Kyuhyun. "Wandering back to your house and doing nothing?"

"I - yeah, I guess." Jongwoon shuffled his feet and looked down at the ground. He was dripping blood from his wrists and didn't seem to notice. He was also dripping from his ears. Probably in embarrassment.

Kyuhyun felt tempted to yell at him for being so  stupid , but just asked, as calmly as he could, "Did anyone see you?"

"No - well, my brother came close, once," said Jongwoon. "And, before you ask, I cleaned up after myself every time I left. I only stay for like, five minutes anyways."

"Where's your house?" asked Kyuhyun.

"On the other side of the city," said Jongwoon. "I walk in the subway tunnels to get there."

"What? But don't the trains - " Kyuhyun stopped himself. Right. Zombie.

"I put myself back together," said Jongwoon, shrugging. "You know."

Kyuhyun knew all right. "So," he said. "Every day."

"Yeah. It looks like they haven't taken my stuff out yet," said Jongwoon. "Like they want to pretend it didn't happen, or something. Even though it happened a few months ago. I took my jacket today, though." He indicated it on the couch.

"Do you," said Kyuhyun, and then bit his lip. "Do you like. Want to write a letter to your family or something? And I can give it to them?"

"What, like a suicide note?" Jongwoon laughed (and he sounded genuinely amused, and Kyuhyun was disturbed that he wasn't disturbed.) "I didn't commit suicide, remember?"

"I know - maybe like an 'I know I'm going to die soon' note?" said Kyuhyun. "People do that, you know?"

"I knew someone was going to kill me at a sophisticated government party?" said Jongwoon.

Kyuhyun shrugged. "It happens."


"Hi," said Kyuhyun, waving his hand holding the envelope. "Uh. I'm Cho Kyuhyun."

"Hi," said Jongwoon's mom, staring at him. "What are you - "

"Here." Kyuhyun thrust the envelope at her. "I, uh. Found your son's body - Jongwoon's body - I found this letter on his - body."

Jongwoon's mother stared at the envelope. "My son died while he was on a yacht."

Kyuhyun kept the envelope pointed toward her. "Yeah. Here."

"In a river."

"Yeah," said Kyuhyun.

Jongwoon's mother took the letter. "This envelope is dry."

"I - Okay, he came to me as a zombie and lived in my house and dripped blood all over my apartment and slept with me and is the biggest cockblock ever and then he wrote this letter and told me to give it to you so just take it, okay?"

"What," said Jongwoon's mother.

Kyuhyun stepped back. "Just - take the letter." He left.


"She'll know it was you, it's in your handwriting," said Kyuhyun when he was back.

"Yeah," said Jongwoon, "but - "

"Don't worry, I'm sure everything'll be all right," Kyuhyun assured him, putting his umbrella away and taking his jacket off. He stood and looked at Jongwoon, who was tapping his fingers and looking contemplative. His calf bone was poking out.

"You're," said Kyuhyun, and pointed to it.

Jongwoon sighed and clicked it back into place.

"You'll be fine," said Kyuhyun, and sat himself on Jongwoon's bloody armrest. He patted him on the arm, and Jongwoon gave him a smile.


"I wasn't gay before," said Jongwoon. "When I was alive, I mean. Actually, I don't think zombies are supposed to have any sort of attraction at all."

"Eh," said Kyuhyun. "Rules and all." He and Jongwoon were lying on Kyuhyun's bed. They had just woken up.

"So," said Kyuhyun. "What about you not being gay before?"

"Well," said Jongwoon. "I think it's just an attachment thing, but - I think I'm attracted to you, maybe. I think."

"Oh," said Kyuhyun.

"Maybe," said Jongwoon. "I mean, I  am  a zombie and all. It's highly unlikely."

"Maybe you just want to eat my brain," said Kyuhyun.

Jongwoon chuckled. "You have no idea how much I want to eat your brain," he said. "I want to eat everyone's brain."

"The pains of being a zombie," said Kyuhyun.

"So," said Jongwoon. "Yeah. I don't want to suck everyone's dick though."


("Actually," said Kyuhyun. "I think I - well, I don't know really, but I don't. I mean. I think I like you too? Maybe?"

"Okay," said Jongwoon. "That's good."

"Can I kiss you?" said Kyuhyun.

"Sure," said Jongwoon.

Kyuhyun did. Jongwoon's lips were stiff and unfeeling. It was like kissing a wall.

A rather pleasant wall, though, that reacted and pressed back and also had teeth and tongue.

"This is," said Kyuhyun, chuckling a bit when they pulled back. "This is weird."

"Kinda nice, though," said Jongwoon, looking at Kyuhyun appreciatively.

"I don't think you should suck my dick, though," said Kyuhyun. "Or that I should suck yours. Or that we should do anything sexual, really. It's bordering on necrophilia, isn't it?"

"Well, technically I  am  a corpse, so yes." Jongwoon looked amused. "Holding you's like holding a tree."

"I was about to say the same thing!" said Kyuhyun.

They looked at Jongwoon's hands then, and Kyuhyun's shoulders, which Jongwoon's hands were currently on. Both were covered with blood.

"This could get complicated," stated Kyuhyun.

"Yeah," said Jongwoon. "Especially since I should be careful not to bite you.")


"Rowing is your hobby?" said Jongwoon, glancing over the boat. "And you come here to row?"

"It's fun," said Kyuhyun. "Calm, peaceful. Helps me think."

"I don't understand you," said Jongwoon, looking over the boat again.

"Maybe if you stopped talking, you would," said Kyuhyun.

Jongwoon looked at him. "You're a music professor who rows when you're not music professor-ing."

"Or dealing with my live-in zombie," added Kyuhyun. "That sounds less boring, doesn't it?"

"Sounds less pussyish, really," muttered Jongwoon. "And I'm more than your live-in zombie, okay? I'm your, you know. Gay zombie lover."

"I'm not sure if I like the sound of that. The sound of  any  of that."

"Can't deny the truth though," said Jongwoon, drinking from his pint of flesh and blood. They'd recently rowed under the bridge where people often committed suicide. A lot of recently dead bodies lay around there.

"You know," said Kyuhyun. "When we're kissing, I think you  should  bite me sometime. Then I'll just turn into a zombie. Won't even have to die. And we won't have anything to worry about anymore."

"We could have hot zombie sex," said Jongwoon thoughtfully.

Kyuhyun giggled. "We could wreak havoc around the city and turn everyone else into zombies," he said. "We could start the zombie apocalypse."

Jongwoon hit him then and laughed. "Kyuhyun, there's something wrong with you."

"It's because I've hung around you so much," said Kyuhyun.

"Maybe I  will  turn you into a zombie someday," said Jongwoon.

"And not eat my brain?"

"Well," said Jongwoon, "I'd rather you be a zombie with me than eat your brain. And then after that, we can eat a lot of brains together."

"That's the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me," said Kyuhyun.

Jongwoon grinned and pecked Kyuhyun on the mouth. "I try."