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To Have And Hold

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 To Have And Hold


It's fairly unusual for him to be in bed before her, but it's given her a plan and so she's not complaining. She takes a little longer in the bathroom than usual, inspects herself in the mirror and, satisfied with what she sees, pads back into the bedroom and slips into bed behind him, kissing the nape of his neck and snuggling into his back.

She feels his slightly sleepy laugh, and isn't surprised after a few minutes when he turns over. Gibbs doesn't object to being held, but what he likes best is to hold, as if he's worried that otherwise she might disappear in the night. They've been sharing this bed for many weeks now, and she's grown rather fond of his sleepy possessiveness. There's something warm and incredibly comforting about it, and she knows enough about his past these days to understand why he finds it so reassuring to cling on tight. She wishes she could heal the pain he still struggles with, but she can be here for him and comfort him and at least he knows he's not alone.

He wraps his arms around her and pulls her close without opening his eyes. It takes a surprisingly long moment, but then the penny drops something's different and she smiles at his sharp gasp.



"You're naked."

She stifles the urge to laugh. "Oh, yes. So I am. Very astute observation, Gibbs. I can see why you do this for a living."

He makes a noise in the back of his throat that's almost too rough and needy to be called a groan. He opens his eyes and peers down at her, then makes another noise. "Are ya tryin' to kill me?"


"You sure?"

She gives in to temptation this time and laughs aloud. "I'm sure."

"What are you tryna do then?"


He frowns. It's probably slightly cruel to make him think when he's so completely distracted by her body, but it's also exceedingly funny, so she can't bring herself to regret it. "Collect what?"

"Collect on a promise you made."

This time he doesn't even manage to ask, just screws up his face in confusion and glares at her.

"You said when I was ready, when I wanted to..."

For a few moments more he's still confused, but then she slips a hand underneath the back of the t-shirt he wore to bed and traces it shiveringly light up his spine. "Ohhhh..." His expression turns into one of near bliss.

She chuckles. "Mmhm."

"Oh God, Katie." He lets his own hand make lazy circles down her spine and then squeeze her butt and pull her against him, and it's obvious his body has definitely caught up with events even if his mind was a little slower on the uptake. "Oh, good God."

His eyes slip closed again as he runs his hands all over her, and he's letting out little sighs and moans of appreciation as he does so, and it makes her feel absolutely magnificent.

Since that first shower, when she was too distraught to even think about the fact she was naked, it's always seemed a little silly to be too shy around him. She tends toward modesty anyway, and she hasn't paraded around his house in the nude because she's not that cruel, but they share a bathroom and a bed and he's gotten an eyeful a few times.

In a way, he's known what he was getting for a while now, but it isn't stopping him from reacting like he's just been given the keys to heaven. If she was excited and turned on before, she's now in danger of turning into a blob of goo on his bedsheets, and it's... really delightful.

Eventually his hands return to cup her face, and he kisses her deeply and lovingly, then draws back an inch to study her face.

"You sure? Really sure? I don't - you don't have to, Kate, I can wait."

She grins. "Oh, believe me, I'm sure."

He grins back, relieved, and also clearly amused by her tone. Then he's leaning into her, his mouth on hers, his fingers thoroughly mapping out her skin as he explores her mouth.

She hooks her leg over his thigh, rocks against him, and even through the fabric of his boxers the feel of him is exactly what she wants, and if she had any doubt she was ready, it's all gone now.

God, he's so big and solid all over, and there's something so reassuring about the size of him. She runs her hand up his back again, this time taking the shirt with it, and he laughs as he lets her pull it off over his head. His chest is rough and firm against her skin, and he's altogether delicious.

He tangles a hand in the back of her hair and tilts her head so he can kiss her more thoroughly, and she's vaguely aware she's letting out quiet mewling noises into his mouth. His other hand is slowly and methodically cataloguing every inch of her, as if he's learning her by heart, and it's both tender and sensual. She tightens her leg around him, pushes in harder, and slips a hand down his stomach to palm him through his underwear...

It's completely unexpected when he closes his own hand over hers to still her movements, and she pulls her mouth away from his and scowls. Her next move was going to be to get rid of his boxers. Judging by what's under her hand right now, his body would be wholeheartedly in favour.


He chuckles and nips affectionately at her earlobe. "Shhh. We'll get there, Katie." He moves her hand to his butt, and it is, no doubt, a very nice butt indeed, but she was really enjoying his erection for a moment there. "Slow and sure's what you need," he says, in a quiet, reasonable, and incredibly annoying tone of voice.

He's touching her again and it does nothing at all for her vocabulary. "I... want..." It probably makes sense not to take things too fast, but common sense has very little to do with how she's feeling right now. Fuck 'sensible'.

She pouts. She kind of imagined he'd be getting down to this a little more quickly, given how long they've waited, and though she's more into being teased than she'll willingly let on, at this precise moment she just wants him to be naked and, frankly, inside her. "Giiiibbs..."

"Yeah?" He's giving her the cheeky, shit-eating grin that takes a couple of decades off his face and is way too adorable for her to deal. She's tempted to punch him in the mouth just so he can't use it for a while.

"I want... I want..." Words. She really needs to find some.

"Good things come to those who wait."

He's lucky his hands are apparently actually fucking magical, judging by how they're making her feel, because otherwise she would probably shoot him for this, the bastard.

"You are... ugh... God, you're a pain."

"What's the rush?"

Is there a delicate way to point out she's hot and wet and seriously in need of something big and hard to fill her up right now? She sighs. Probably not. She never has been good at dirty talk. If she even says the word 'pussy', she'll burst into flames out of sheer embarrassment, which isn't going to help this along.

"I want... oh God, how are you such a grumpy asshole if you have to wait an extra thirty seconds for coffee, and then you get all patient on me now I'm naked?" Great. She's whining now. She'd be royally pissed if she wasn't so turned on. "This is so unfair."

"I will make it worth your while." His voice is a low, rumbly growl and it makes her knees dissolve. "Gonna make you see stars an' forget your own name. By the time I'm done with you, you won't know which way's up, promise. But right now I wanna..." He nuzzles into her skin. "I want... just wanna enjoy you, Kate."

Problem is, when he says stuff like this, his hands skimming over her skin and his breath on her neck, bathing her in adoration, it's really hard to refuse him whatever he wants.

"Sometimes I really hate you," she complains with a sigh.

He chuckles. "As long as it doesn't mean you're gonna make me stop, Katie, I can live with that."

Like there's any way she's going to let him stop right now, as he well knows. "If you stop, I will murder you with my bare hands. They'll never even find the body."

His eyebrows shoot up, amusement with a trace of alarm. "Guess it's just as well I don't plan to."

"I might kill you anyway if you keep moving at this speed."

"Anticipation's fun."

She glares.

"Trust me, Kate. I got ya. 'S bin a while. Just relax."

"But I want... Gibbs, you do remember how long I've waited for this, right?" Even to herself, she sounds desperate.

The small, traitorous part of her brain that isn't consumed with the need to have everything, right now, agrees with him; it has been a while, and he doesn't want to hurt her, is trying to make this as good as possible for her, and those are both really good things.

The rest of her mind and body has no interest whatsoever in anything as boring and irrelevant as logic.

"Do you realise how long I've waited for this?" His expression is full of mischief. "Wanted to do this since Air Force One. Lot to catch up on."

She blinks. "A lot to - what?" She's stunned to realise he's wanted her for quite such a long time. He's kept that quiet. She'll have to interrogate him about it. Later.

A shrug. "Lotta looking, for starters. God, you're gorgeous, Kate. Hell, you're gorgeous in evidence garage coveralls. Like this, you are..." He shakes his head as he takes her in. "I wanna just..." He traces a slow line down the centre of her body with the back of his hand, and she shudders and lets out a moan.

There's something about the way he's looking at her, like he wants to touch her everywhere and barely knows where to start, and it has her dissolving into a puddle and he's not even naked yet. The hand slips between her legs, and his grin widens as he realises how wet she is already, widens more at her reaction to his fingers inside her.

"Oh, my Katie. Gorgeous, and all mine. You're stunning, you know that?"

She whimpers and her throat suddenly isn't working so well, because his expression and his gravelly voice are turning her brain into mush. Well, that and the way he's stroking and gently fucking her with his fingers, his thumb circling tantalisingly close to her clit but never quite touching it.

It's been a while since anyone touched her this way - the last few months she hasn't even touched herself - and she hadn't realised till this exact moment just how much she's missed it and how much she needs it. Needs to feel pleasure and affection and love, needs to be reminded how good sex can be.

He chuckles. "Okay with you if I watch you come, Katie?"

She nods jerkily, not really following but knowing she can't refuse him anything when he's looking at her like she's made of stars and fairy dust, when he has her melting all over his hand.

"Wish I could show you how incredible you are right now, Kate." His thumb skims over her clit and she gasps, her body arching up into his touch, already out of control. "Wanted to touch you like this for such a long time. Never thought I'd get the chance."

She hopes like hell he's not expecting her to meaningfully contribute to this conversation. She's panting all of a sudden, and neither her lungs nor her brain are in a fit state to let her talk.

He chuckles, and if she had the breath to spare she'd tell him off for being a smug bastard, but she honestly doesn't care too much about him being smug as long as he keeps touching her. He nips at her ear again, laughs when she totally fails to keep quiet or still. She is really okay with being laughed at in this scenario.

He sucks lightly at the top of her shoulder and she digs her fingernails into his scalp.

"Oh guh-God..." He's an evil, teasing asshole, and she both kind of hates him and kind of adores him for being able to do this to her.

He nibbles her neck, skates down her collarbone, lets his lips and tongue do a little celebratory dance in the hollow at the base of her throat, all with the confidence of a man who knows exactly how to love a woman and who has said woman rapidly disintegrating all over his sheets. She's never been bothered by the age difference between them, but she hadn't really thought about the advantages of maturity, either. His hands and mouth are skilful and well-practised, and apparently his famous gut instincts serve him well in bed, too, not just at work.

He laughs again, works his way back up and along her jaw. "Still can't believe this is real, Katie. Got my fingers inside you and still havin' trouble believin' it. 'S amazin'." He starts to circle closer to her clit. "Watchin' you comin' apart, knowin' I did it. Wanted you for so long, Kate. So long."

His murmurs continue, not all of them in English or even in languages she can identify, but all of them overflowing with love and desire and his own enjoyment in touching her, and it's a heady sensation. Then he nuzzles into her shoulder and makes a decidedly happy noise even her lust-addled brain recognises as something not characteristically Gibbsian. Apparently she can make him happy just by being naked and letting him touch her. As win-win situations go, this one seems nigh on perfect.

Her first orgasm creeps up on her unexpectedly, taking her by surprise. So busy caught up in what he's whispering in her ear, she's moving against his hand on pure instinct, and the surge of heat and pleasure exploding from between her legs to encompass her whole body comes out of the blue, knocking her sideways.

As advertised, she does indeed see stars, and cries out. When she is more or less rational again, the only coherent thought she has is 'I never knew it could be like that.' Everything else is a blur, and she'd swear it's taking all her remaining brain power to just keep breathing.

Gibbs laughs in her ear, and he doesn't sound smug, more disbelieving and full of wonder. "God, Katie." His voice is rough, as if it was him who just came. "Wanted to see that for so long. Better'n I ever imagined." He drops a kiss on her cheekbone. "And it was just the start. Gonna make you fall apart, Kate. Gonna enjoy it, too."

He's still circling lightly, and she lets out a sigh of pleasure. She's one hundred percent okay with him taking her apart, if this was a sampling. Her muscles are jelly, and even if she wanted to move, she's not certain she could. She's pretty sure she's going to end up an incoherent mess of nerve endings here, but hey, who needs the ability to think, anyway?

"Gimme your best shot, Gunny," she manages to say, breathless and wanting, eager for everything he's got to give.

"Aye, Cap'n."

He kisses her, lingering and tender, like he's trying to memorise how she feels and tastes, and before he's done she's moaning into his mouth and shamelessly bucking against the hand still between her legs. "Fuck, Gibbs," she manages when they surface, and he chuckles again.

"Plan to, Katie. Got some other stuff to do first, though."

Oh, dear Lord. She is in big trouble, completely out of her depth and loving it to distraction. It's just as well she's happy to lie back and enjoy the way he's touching and kissing and watching her, because she's probably not capable of doing anything else.

He sets about getting intimately acquainted with the rest of her, his hand trailing after his lips, words of appreciation spilling out over her skin, his hungry eyes taking her in like he's never seen anything quite so incredible in all his life, and all the while his fingers are inside her and he's stroking circles just teasing enough to make her think she's going to lose her mind. Eventually she can't keep her eyes open any more.

"Amazin'," he says again.

She could totally get used to the note of disbelief in his voice. Whatever his faults - and she's been living with him long enough by now to have a well-indexed catalogue - when she's the focus of all his attention, she can't think of anywhere else in the world she'd rather be. That's true when it just means the way he grins at her over the dining table, or strokes her hair as she curls up with her head in his lap, or explains some obscure aspect of woodworking to her. When it means her body as his playground, well...

His thumb moves away from her clit and she whines her disapproval, and then moments later she's yelling obscenities to the ceiling because without warning his mouth has landed there instead, and his tongue is stroking and loving her and she clamps her hand around the back of his head, pushing herself into his face, unable to think about anything besides the delicious tension he's rapidly building up in her.

His tongue and his lips are everywhere, exploring her, licking, teasing, finding every most sensitive spot, sucking at her wet folds like she's the most delicious thing he's ever had in his mouth, and her whole body is melting and pulsing and needy.

She was already getting close again when it was just his fingers stroking her. Now, she's teetering on the edge of insanity, and she both needs to come really badly and doesn't want this to be over. He's moaning, making the kinds of sounds she usually associates with five star restaurants, and every noise he makes vibrates along her nerve endings and sends shivering heat spiralling through her.

Finally, just when she's not sure if she can take any more, he sucks hard and doesn't stop and she actually wails at the top of her voice as her climax hits. When she can think somewhat straight again, she's panting like she just got in from her daily run, and her skin is tingling all over. She isn't sure, but she thinks she might have blacked out for a moment there.

"Oh, God." It's been a while since she's gotten head. It's been a really long time since she's gotten it from someone who actually enjoys giving it and does it well. Either her memory is playing tricks or Gibbs scores higher on both those criteria than anyone who's ever gone down on her. He's still flicking lightly at her, and it's making her over-sensitised body jump and shudder, but she can't quite bring herself to make him stop. "Oh God, Gibbs." She can't even summon up much embarrassment about her tone of voice and the way it's making him laugh against her skin.

He slides his tongue down over her, inside her, taking a long, deep taste, and then finally he's letting her relax as he nibbles her thigh, kisses her stomach, before looking up at her with a terribly satisfied expression on his face. "That was fun," he tells her as he wipes his mouth on his hand. "And wow, Katie, you're loud."

She can feel herself turning pink. It's absurd when he just had his face buried about as intimately in her as it's possible to get, but nevertheless, she's blushing.

Gibbs grins as he kisses his way back up her body. "You don't need to be embarrassed, Kate. You're allowed to enjoy sex, y'know. Plus-" he winks, his expression mischievous "-it was really hot."

She laughs, can't help it. "Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"Sure did." He strokes his hand between her legs, and she shivers deliciously. "Think you enjoyed it too, Kate."

"I'm not-" her voice is shaky and low "-not denying that," she says. "I- God. I don't remember the last time I came that hard."

He chuckles. "Anytime you want it."


She's quite proud of herself for managing to find a snarky note and cock her eyebrow teasingly, but he shrugs a shoulder and smirks.

"Well, I gotta admit, Katie," he says, his voice a low rumble she feels as much as hears, "I always kinda wanted to take you in the elevator and eat you out till you screamed."

Her mouth drops open and an inarticulate, needy sound pops out without her conscious consent.

He grins, his expression wickedly self-satisfied. "Just somethin' to think about, Katie-girl."

She swallows hard. She hasn't a clue if she's ever going to be up for that in reality, but there's no denying the idea makes her melt some more. Considering how much he's melted her already, she wouldn't have thought it was even possible.

Shaking her head, and unable to form a sentence, she instead pulls his face down to kiss him hard, surprised to find the taste of herself in his mouth a huge turn on.

Suddenly she is painfully eager to feel him inside her, and she's no longer willing to passively lie back and let him work her body - no matter how good he is at doing it.

She expertly flips them so she's straddling him, then runs her hand down his naked chest, just slow enough to be a tease, tweaking a nipple as she nips the corner of his jaw with her teeth, laughing when he groans.

When she reaches his stomach she starts to really take her time, and by the time she reaches the waistband on his boxers, he's whimpering, and it's ridiculously hot.

She slides her hand down to touch him, watching his face, and he thrusts against her through the thin material with a grunt of need. Then both her hands are tugging, pulling at the fabric, and he's pushing them down and kicking them off, and Kate grins as she admires the erection she's felt pressing into her ass many a morning but has, till now, never seen nor deliberately touched.

She glances up at Gibbs, whose eyes are wide and pleading, and it's just way too easy to lean down and take him into her mouth, let her tongue swirl around him, close her lips and suck and hum. His head falls back, and he lets out a high-pitched squawk that makes her laugh. Her body wants - needs - to have him inside her tonight, but another time, she promises herself, she's going to go down on him till he's crying out to God.

One last farewell lick and she's crawling up his body. She's so far beyond ready to have him, her arousal is now leaking out down her thighs, and when she presses herself against his skin, his breath stutters and he grinds out some indecipherable words of wonder at how wet she is.

By his expression when she looks down into his face, hovering her body over him, mere inches between them, he's just as eager for this as she is.

"Kate... please..."

She grins, wraps her hand firm around him, rubs her clit against him for a moment (he whimpers again), and then she's shifting and finding the right angle and sliding down, slow and careful, and now they're moaning in harmony and her head drops to his chest while she catches her breath. She thought she was prepared for this, but the reality of finally having him inside her is blowing her mind as well as her body.

Gibbs makes a noise a hell of a lot like relief as she relaxes down onto him, taking him deep, till he's all the way in. Spending so much time loving and teasing her has left him somewhat desperate, and she wonders at the control it has required to take this so slow for her sake, even when she was ready to jump him hard and fast. My God, he really cares, she thinks, which should be the least surprising thing in the world by this point, but which leaves her full of wonder and oddly humbled.

For a few long moments she just stays there, letting herself adjust, and she grins wider when he whispers curses and promises and declarations of devotion in her ear. It's really hot and just downright fun to find out she can have this effect on him.

He's been known to declare his love for her when they were fully dressed. But this, this is really fun, to hear him rambling, losing control, unable to stop the multilingual flow of words, and to know it's her doing. Very few things render him talkative. It's kind of amusing and endearing to discover sex makes the list.

She's going to start actually fucking him any second, really she is, but she's more than a little overwhelmed and it's hard to think. It's like she's forgotten how to do this - not just because it's been a while but because her brain got sucked into his mouth sometime during her last orgasm and she still hasn't really recovered. She's so grateful he's willing to wait, though she wishes she had the words to reassure him she's not actively trying to torture him here.

She briefly considers rolling them again, wanting him on as well as in her. Part of her, the needy, not at all PC part of her (which loves his possessive streak a little too much, which probably has what a shrink would call 'issues' with control and authority, and which her various bosses would simply call a tendency to be cussed and insubordinate even when she is following orders), has long had a dirty little fantasy about being under him, trapped under the bulk of his body with her legs spread wide, open and helpless as he thrusts into her... but a voice in the back of her mind warns her that, at least this first time, she needs to know she's totally in control. He feels good, so good, and she trusts him completely - which is a big part of why this particular fantasy actually appeals to her when it comes to Gibbs - but she doesn't want any reminders why it's taken so long for them to get to this point.

And hey, having him between her thighs is pretty amazing. She finally sits up and languidly starts to move (she thinks what just came out of his mouth was supposed to be 'oh, thank God', though she wouldn't want to bet on it), savouring the feel of him inside her.

He reaches up to touch her skin, caress her breasts, brush her hair back from her face, and the whole time his eyes are locked on hers and his expression is one of absolute wonder. She finds herself grinning down at him, her face aching from it; she just still can't quite believe this and it's making her so ridiculously happy to be here.

She takes it slow and easy, for her own comfort and also because the look on his face is one she wants to keep a hold on for as long as possible. He lets her set the pace, lets her take him with her, meeting her rhythm with his hips, a grin spreading over his face to match hers.


There's no need for more words, just the breathless, sweaty dance of sex, of love in its most visceral form, of wanting to give him back the pleasure he's given her so generously tonight, using her body the best way she knows how. She grins wider when she sees him losing focus, caught up in need, needing this, needing her. He's vulnerable to her now in a way that's sexy and beautiful and oddly moving, and she swallows against the sudden lump in her throat.

It doesn't take long to wear down the tight hold he's had over himself all evening. He gasps, and finally breaks eye contact but only because his head is rolling backward and his body is tensing and releasing and breaking under her. She can feel and see him losing control, and watching pleasure wash over him is almost - almost - as good as coming herself.

She flops down on top of him, exhausted, but smiling against his chest, and then laughs a little wildly as his hand creeps between them to find her clit again.

"You don't need - oh fuck - I mean, I'm fine, I already - oh, God."

He chuckles. "Last one, promise." He sounds breathy and needy, and exactly like he's just come his brains out. She's going to really enjoy making him sound like this over and over and over again. "Wanna feel you... Kate. God, I wanna... please, Katie. Wanna feel you come."

She can't deny him, laughs at his eagerness and relaxes into his touch. It doesn't take much, with him still inside her and whispering sweet words into her hair, and then she truly does collapse. Three times is twice more than she usually expects and once more than she's ever actually gotten, and even though it's been a while and God knows she needed it, she feels pleasantly but utterly wrung out. He eases out of her as he softens, and they lie for a few minutes just breathing in each other's air.

"I love you," she says, surprising herself a little. Something she's known for a while, but she's never put the words around it before. Gibbs told her before he even kissed her the first time, but it's taken them making love to finally shake the words loose in her chest.

He laughs softly. "Glad to hear it." He brushes a few strands of hair back from her sticky forehead and drops a kiss on her temple. "Love you, too."

She smiles into his neck. They'll have to move in a minute (she's kind of thinking they have the perfect excuse to share a shower), but in this moment, everything she wants and needs is right here in her arms.



She wants to say something profound, or at least vaguely witty, but that'll have to wait till she's retrieved her brain. In the meantime, she settles for the simple truth. "This was most definitely worth the wait."

~ fin ~