They never needed to talk about it
They just never had to
One day Mabel just started wearing skirts and sweaters and she started calling herself lady Mabelton and …well…She’d chosen Mabel, which is a great name, Dipper always thought. It’s classy and very much her.
Their faces were the same once, but he’d learned makeup to help her out. He was always saving pictures of hair styles he thought she might like on his phone for her.
Dipper was the best friend a girl could ever have. They never once had to talk about what she was going through. They didn’t have to, but they did. She could always open up to him.
Sometimes Mabel would cry for no seemingly no reason though. Sometimes the reason was all too clear.
The teachers at school had been told to call her by Mabel, but every now and then there was that one that seemed to feel like it was somehow empowering for them to use the other name, and the other kids that didn’t like or understand her used it like a curse.
Their parents had been good about it though. In high school it was perfectly clear this is who she is. After she’d come back from Gravity falls for the first time as a thirteen-year-old she found a legal name change form waiting, taped to the door to her room.
But she still had trouble feeling like she could be herself sometimes.
She’d always been boy crazy from a young age. In a way that helped when she decided to change. It could have easily been girls or nobody at all and Dipper would have still known she was Mabel, but it did help her parents accept it.
Though, it didn’t always help the boys accept it…
She at least had to thank her brother for having such a cute face. One that was easy for her to feel good wearing until they started to change
The fact that she started her injections early really helped too. Her voice never dropped like Dipper’s did, and her features softened very well. All around she reflected that most other girls like her probably had it way tougher.
She was pretty and she knew it. That was a great feeling, knowing that she liked who she was.
It was great until the boys started expecting more from her that is.
In middle school boys can get pretty handsy but they didn’t know what they were doing so distracting them wasn’t hard. She didn’t know how they’d react to what they found anyway. Relationships never lasted long back then, but they weren’t supposed to.
Senior year changed everything. The rumors started again. They lived in California though, they’re supposed to be above all that! But people still talked. Jake Saunders had never expressed interest before, no matter how hard she tried, but then the rumors must have got around to him.
It was weird when he actually asked her out. It was like zero to sexy in half a second. There were flowers and chocolates. He paid for the movie tickets and he even paid for dinner at a great Italian place afterwards. This is the kind of stuff girls dream about! But then he takes her to the school parking lot after the date. She’s so excited. He wants to kiss her and he tells her all sorts of nice things. This is definitely what girls dream about.
“Hey, Mabel? Can I tell you something?”
“Bluh. You only just had your tongue down my throat. You couldn’t say anything while you were down there?”
“Ha. Nah, it was kinda occupied at the time.” Jake swept his fingers through his perfect hair to push a stray blonde lock back behind his ear.
“Hee, that makes sense. Well, lay it on me then, Jakeroonie.”
“I am just so happy. I’m so happy that we can look like a normal couple when we’re out.”
“Ha. Yeah. …What? We are a normal couple, Jake.”
“Well, like, if the other guys knew I was gay they’d never let me hear the end of it, but with you I can actually feel natural about the whole thing.”
“Jake. I’m a girl. If you’re coming out to me that’s fine but-”
“It’s okay! I know! You don’t have to worry about that around me. I can keep a secret.”
“I don’t have any secrets, Jake. I’m a girl and we’re on a boy girl date right now.” She said his name like a curse.
“Well, yeah, I mean up here.” His hand hovered between breast level and her face. “But, I think we both know-”
His other hand snakes down faster than she can think about it. It had been on her knee and she was excited by it, allowing her legs to come apart a bit. Apparently he could tell, because there his hand was, gripping her. A minute ago it would have been the best feeling in the world, but not anymore.
“No! God dammit, Jake!” She pulls his hand out from under her skirt.
“You don’t get to use me to feel ‘normal’!”
His confused look somehow hurts more than if he had been angry.
“If you have your own issues to work out that’s fine, but I’m not some cheat around the system! And I’m not some fetish, if that’s what this was to you!”
It feels good for her to get it all out. He’s honestly probably not a bad guy. Just a stupid one, she thinks. His embarrassment around “the guys” and inability to confront that was something that he had to work out on his own. He tries apologizing and asking if he can fix things out with her but the damage is done. She doesn’t even remember the conversation as it happens. She’s a million miles away. Part of her that stays behind asks him to just go home. She steps out of his truck and sits on the curb.
“I should at least drive you home.”
“No, Jake. You shouldn’t. I think we both need some distance from this right now. I want to like you, and maybe I’ll have to wait forever to find the guy that will like me for who and what I am, but I don’t think that I’m right for you. Go home. I’ll be fine.”
“Please go. I need to cry it out for a while and I’m sorry but you don’t get to be here for that.”
He understands that. He honestly doesn’t understand where he screwed up, but he had screwed up, so she deserved that space.
“Hey, I’m really sorry, Mabel. I hope when you stop being mad we can still be friends?”
She turns her head away from him because the tears are already coming and she wraps her own arms around her herself.
When he leaves it doesn’t take long before Dipper pull his car up.
She’d gotten a text off to him just a little while ago and he’d dropped everything to come pick her up. And although he asks once, when she doesn’t answer he knows she just needs to be held. She sobs into his arms for an eternity before she’s finally able to breath again.
They don’t go straight home. Instead they stop by Burger Panda and he orders her a Teriyaki BBQ Lo Mein burger and sets the bag in her lap for the drive home. She’d eaten hours ago. She’d told him that she wasn’t hungry, but he insisted, and honestly she knows he’s right. Midnight junkfood runs did always help bring her back to the present.
They sit in the driveway for a while and talk about nothing. They talk about graduation and what it’ll be like to cross the stage and what they’ll do after they get out. They talk about spending the summer in Gravity Falls again for their break. She’d always loved it there. It was better than home. No one had ever even heard her other name there. Candy and Grenda knew by now and they didn’t act any differently. Pacifica had eventually found out after hiring a private investigator, but Paz had surprised her.
Her friendship was one of the rocks in Mabel’s life. The perfect rich girl had always seen Mabel as her rival. Something to struggle to become like or overcome. When she told Mabel that she knew, it wasn’t an accusation. It was an apology for pushing her way into Mabel’s life like that. She burns the papers the P.I. had given her. All of the records and pictures go into a bonfire. She begged Mabel for her forgiveness and gave a tear filled confession of her admiration for the brunette. Their friendship had actually strengthened into an unbreakable bond that day and for Pacifica’s part, she’d earned her first and truest friend. For such a small town, it really had a big heart.
“I don’t want to get the bottom surgery, Dip…”
The statement had come out of no where as far as he could tell. They’d been reminiscing about good times with the strange folk in the out-of-the-ordinary Oregon town when it came out.
“No…I…when mom and dad got my…” She clutches her arms around her chest as though it might fly away if she dared to let it go. “When they got me these for our birthday two years ago it was …it was the happiest I’d ever felt in my body, Dip. They’ve been great, Mom and Dad, but every time they talk about the other surgery my heart just sinks a little. Like if I don’t get it done I’m not really a girl? You know?”
She knew he couldn’t really, but he nodded along, listening well. “I like me. I really do. I know that’s more than I’m supposed to have. It’s more than most girls like me seem to get, but I really like who I am. I …I don’t -I want to stay how I am. But I feel like I’ll always be someone’s fetish or their life hack to keep looking “normal”. Don’t I get to like me how I am?“
She’d never said it out loud before, and probably wouldn’t have been able to if it were any one else hearing it. He doesn’t hug her immediately though. He normally would because he knew it comforted her. His hands are on her shoulders and she knows he’s saying her name but it’s too scary for her to look up. Then lips press against her forehead, and she can’t help but look up. her eyes are misty, though she’d run out of tears earlier. “Dip?”
“You’re Mabel. That’s way better and more amazing than anyone normally gets. You’re the most beautiful girl in the world and I’m always going to be here for you. You don’t ever have to explain who you are to me. Okay? You do what makes you feel like you. What feels right. And I’ll support you.”
Her eyes must not have been dry after all. Her hands clutch the material of his shirt and she pulls herself in close. Then there are arms around her and she feels safe again.
“You promise you won’t leave me behind?”
“Hey, I’ll promise if you do. You’re going to be rich one day thanks to that art of yours and you know I’m not just saying that, cuz I don’t understand the first thing about art.”
“That’s reassuring, you dork.” She can’t help but smile and she wipes away her tears. “But promise anyway.”
“What do you promise?”
He kisses her forehead again.
“I, Dipper Pines, promise and solemnly swear that I will never leave your side. I will always be with you and that we’re partners forever. Now it’s your turn.”
She can’t stop smiling.
“I promise too.”
“Hey. you promise what?”
“That you’re a dork.”
“Granted, but I’m pouring my heart out over here.”
“And you’re doing such a great job at it too.”
“Mabes” He stretches out the word in a false whine.
“I, Mabel Pines, promise, and swear, and pledge-”
“Do I have to pledge too?”
“Shhh! I pledge, that for the rest of my life, I’ll be by your side. I love you, Dipper.” It comes out like a confession. They’d said those words before, but never like that. She feels exposed in that moment, like it hadn’t meant to sound as though it did, but once it was out she knew she meant it.
“I love you too Mabes.” It wasn’t just a formality either. His eyes sparkled with the same light that hers did and he didn’t take his away, even when she felt like she’d burn up from the intensity of it.
“Can…can I sleep in your room tonight? I don’t want to be alone tonight.” She knows nothing will ever come of it, but she needs that closeness. Dipper was so straight he made arrows feel guilty. More than that they’re twins. Some taboos can be bridged, but so many at once was hard to accept.
“Just like old times?” He smiled. She hadn’t had to ask in years. Whenever she felt like she needed him she’d just slip into his room and into his arms where she felt safe. It’s not as though they didn’t still do it, but it had become a rare occasion. She nods, afraid to speak.
The bags are crumpled up and tossed into the back seat. He’d probably clean them up tomorrow or the next day.
They’re quiet when they enter the house and she slips into her room while he goes to his. Her clothes come off and are replaced by a nightgown with a kitten face embroidered on it. despite the sleeves coming down past her wrists It feels all too short tonight though. The hem only comes down to mid thigh and although she’d cuddled with him tons of times with that or less, she can’t help but still feel exposed, like she was doing something wrong. There’s definitely feelings there, Could he tell? Would he hate her for it? She used to have a face just like his, a body just like his and now she was coming back to him feeling the way she does. If he never finds out maybe it could be okay. She could love him without him returning it as long as she could be close.
She creeps slowly from her room, shutting the door behind her with the knob turned so it wouldn’t make a clicking sound. Her heartbeat fills her ears, her breath is so heavy. She’s paused outside of his door with her hand hovering just above the faux brass of his door knob. Before she can bring herself to open it, it turns on its own accord and glides quietly in.
“Oh, hey, there you are.” He whispers. “Come on.” Dipper steps aside to let her in and he shuts the door behind her just as she’d done with her own door. They’d learned how to keep their sleepovers quiet years ago. Their parents silently disapproved of their closeness, perhaps because of the differences between them now. When he turns he’s surprised not to see her in bed, though the blankets are pulled aside for her.
“No, I was just waiting for you.” she lied, all too aware of his eyes on her. With some trepidation at first she sinks her legs beneath the sheets, facing in towards his room. He clicks off the light and joins her, pulling his blankets up to neck level. “Did you want to be the little spoon?”
She did, so much. But more than once she’d been woken up by him pressing into her backside, grinding a bit in his sleep and she wanted so bad to push back into him. To spread her legs, slip off her panties and let him take her. But his reactions were strictly biological. Unconscious. If it happened again in the middle of the night tonight she didn’t think she’d be able to stand it. She wouldn’t be able to resist and she didn’t want him to hate her. So she shakes her head slightly. He shrugs, pecks her on the forehead again like he always did and turned his back to her, snuggling in for warmth. She has to keep her hips parted from his for so long. The excitement in those thoughts is too much at first. But then sleep takes her and she’s able to drape her arm over him and relax.
Drifting between wakefulness and sleep she becomes all too aware that she was rubbing herself against him. she’d popped out of the top of her panties. Realistically they were too small for her but they felt good on her skin. As soon as she realized what she was doing she froze. His breathing was so much different from what she’d expected. She just lay there, paralyzed by inaction, waiting for some snore to escape him. A snore that never came.
Dipper rolled over in place so he could see her face. He’d expected the same sweet, happy Mabel that he’d always known when they napped together. The defeated, terrified stare that met him back made his heart sink. What is she scared of? The silence lingers. She’s unable to still the tension in her loins and he finally understands.
The covers are pulled away, revealing her shame. She presses her thighs together and tries to pull her shirt down over it, her other hand covering her eyes. What must he think of her? He wasn’t supposed to wake up. She wasn’t supposed to have these feelings. The weight on the bed shifts and the mattress sinks in slightly on either side of her legs.
There are hands on her knees suddenly and she jumps at the sensation, gasping as her legs are gently pushed apart. Her eyes clench shut, this can’t be real.
Fingers hook into her lace underthings and they slide town past her thighs. she lifts her knees and feet up so that they can come all the way off. A hand glides over her shin, to her knee, up her thigh and to her hip where it pauses for a brief moment. The new warmth crawls up to her belly and her shirt rides up with it. The weight on the bed shifts again, she can feel his presence over her. Her hand that’d been gripping her shirt for dear life relaxes when a larger, strong hand touches it gently and she helps him pull it up. She’s scared but she would give him anything.
The soft tickling of his fingertips travels down as they snake to her hip again, giving her a reassuring squeeze momentarily until he’s taken her in his hand and pulled her down to meet the caress of a caring set of lips. Her eyes open as her heart flutters and she looks down at him kneeling over her.
“Is this …okay?” His eyes search for approval. She’s only able to nod, afraid that if she speaks, the world will somehow change its mind.
There’s a bead of moisture at her tip, and her consent having been granted, his tongue glides over the surface, lapping it up, sending shivers through her body. He explores her entire length, his tongue pressing up against the underside and circling around the base of the head. She gasps at the newness of the sensations, the shocking pleasure with each caress.
His lips are pressing against her now, parting to give way as the warmth of his mouth envelops her. He sinks down around her, sucking down with a gentle pressure, pulling her into his mouth and his tongue presses against the underside of her member. Her knees melt and she struggles to find a place to put her legs, the ecstasy of these feelings shooting through her like lightning. He’s amazing. The slick sensation travels up and down her length and her hips rise to meet it. He’s going faster and faster, one hand finds hers and their fingers lock, the other finds its way from her hips to her shapely rear and he digs his nails in ever so slightly.
“Oh, god, Dipper. Oh god. I …I love you so much.” She gasps each word and she doesn’t care how she sounds. She holds onto his hand and never wants to let go, the other snakes through his hair, tangling into his curls. “I -I’m about to..” He seems to nod at her and his lips find the head of her shaft and rapidly work their way over its rim. She tenses up in his mouth, holding back to stay in that moment forever, but forever ends too quickly. Her back arches into the air and her butt tightens, his grasp on it becomes just slightly firmer. Her fingers grip his and wave after wave of pleasure shoots through her and she seems to fill him up, though he takes every drop of it, even lapping up the last few drops that squeeze out before he crawls back up to face her.
“Was….was that okay?”
“Oh God, Dipper.”
“Is that good?”
“Have you ever done that before?”
“No! Oh my god, do NOT apologize for that. That…that was, Oh god.”
“So that’s a good ‘oh go-?” her hands bring his cheeks in and her lips crash into his own, her tongue immediately diving in to meet his. Her taste lingers on him and a moan escapes her lips into his. She sinks ever ounce of love and adoration she has for him into that kiss and they only finally release when they finally need air.
“Good ‘Oh God’ Dip. A very good ‘Oh God’.” It’s just then that she realizes that his heart was racing as fast as her own, his breathing every bit as labored as hers had been.
“But…I thought you…”
“What, Mabes? I said I love you.”
“No, but I thought….I thought you were straight?” Her cheeks redden at the question, even after what they’d just done.
“Mabes. I am. I’m totally straight for you.” His sincere chuckle and the smile that follows fills the world for her right then and she hopes never to come out of that moment for the rest of her life.