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Qualifications for Office

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Loki has been Vice President of the United States of America fifteen – no - sixteen times. (There was that time when the Skrull sent decoys into the White House, and SHIELD sent Loki as a decoy of their decoy … but that was an op, and he was only legally VP for three hours, so he mostly doesn’t count it)

This is not to say he ignores the other nations of Midgard. He’s been here more than three centuries now. He’s made time for everybody. He’s held office in Italy, France, Argentina, even Latveria. It’s just that most nations don’t have such vapidly decorative offices for him to occupy. Last time he was Prime Minister of Great Britain he spent three months outmaneuvering a stream of no-confidence votes and a monarch who kept ‘oversleeping’ breakfast meeting at the last minute– and if he’d wanted to deal with that crap he could have stayed in Asgard.

So. Vice-President.

Seven times as a Democrat, seven times as a Republican, and one time on the Loki-Does-What-He-Wants ticket. (That was directly after the Skrull invasion. Things were a bit… unsteady… and the populace wasn’t in the mood for paperwork squabbles.)

He’s not technically eligible for the top spot. He doesn’t think. (There is the faint possibility that he was actually born on Midgard, given that Laufey was invading at the time. If so, there is a part of the invaded area that is – perhaps – within the territorial waters of the United States. He was born prior to 1776. It is just possible that the Supreme Court might rule him eligible under the ‘present before this resolution’ clause. All things considered? He does not choose to risk it.

He might not be technically eligible for the second seat either – in that the Vice President must be able to assume office upon the death or disability of the President. Loki has dealt with this by assuring all concerned that those factors will not be a problem.

Basically, having Loki on your ticket is the best life insurance a politician can get.

It’s also the best election assurance.

Loki tends to run with the sort of policy wonks who make good executives but who wouldn’t win votes for dogcatcher on their own. Last time up his candidate – Billy-Jo Pruforce Whittlecock (and wasn’t that name a disqualifier on it’s own) spent seven kill-me-now minutes of the presidential debate figuring out the fourth decimal of a tax equation. Moderators were throwing fits. Audience members were throwing popcorn. Didn’t matter. He was running with Loki. That was enough for most voters.

(Dumb voters like to see Loki party when he wins. Smart voters just don’t want to see what Loki would be like if he ever lost. Plus he has Stark to bankroll his campaign so…? Vegas bookies have given up giving odds.)

Loki makes a great Vice President.

No. He totally does.

He may be the first candidate in American history who is happy, content, and well suited for the job. He looks great in parades. (Loki doesn’t need to hide inside an armored car. Loki rides in a convertible. Loki likes to hear the cheers.) He makes brilliant speeches – without a translator. He loves attending weddings. He loves attending funerals. (Occasionally there is that extra thrill of being responsible for the guest of honor’s presence. Loki has never ended his contractual connection with SHIELD. This might be against the rules of conflict of interest but… as said contract is classified need-to-know? And no one except Loki and Director Xavier have any need to know? Well, the situation has yet to be litigated. Or, you know, mentioned.) Plus the man has the best record ever for finding and giving really really fabulous, OMG, headline grabbing and popularity-inducing diplomatic gifts.

No. Really. The Norwegians are still writing songs about that last time he visited. Who knew that an old boat could be such a big-ticket item? Even if it did prove they’d made it to North America first.

All things considered?

Luke Lafey is the best Vice-President ever.


Let’s just hope he never wants to move up.






©KKR 2012