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Heels Aren't Practical

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"Heels aren't practical," Parker said as she watched her friend Fiona strap on her sandals.

Fiona looked at her. "How are they not practical?"

"You can hardly do anything in them. I can't bear to walk around in Sophie's shoes. Did you know she calls her heels 'Jimmy Choo?'"

"No, Parker, Jimmy Choo is the name of the brand of the shoe."

"So the shoe designs itself?"

Fiona sighed. "Heels can be practical. You have to find the right heels. I like to wear high-heeled sandals. I strap the leather onto my skin and it feels like the sandals were already on my feet to begin with."

"But didn't you say you can't really feel anything in your little toes anymore?"

"Yeah. It's true. I've lost feeling in my little toes because of running around in my sandals. But it's worth it. I can run, jump and do most everything in my heels. And I can show off my nails and my tattoo."

"Can I look at it again?"

"The tattoo? Sure. Just don't"—

Parker kneeled to look at Fiona's tattoo.

"Just don't look at it intensely like you can't convince your team to let you get one."


While on a job in a hotel in South Beach, both Fiona and Parker had to escape said nightclub through an air duct.

"I told you not to wear sandals," Parker said. "You're going to bang up the air duct and break your ankles."

Fiona raised an eyebrow. "You really think that?"

Parker nodded. "Let's go."

The two crawled out of the air duct and out into an alleyway. Both women landed on their feet without injury. In addition, there were no dents in the air duct.

As Fiona drove away from the scene, heels still intact and ankles working, she said "Now tell me how I can't drive in heels."


Another job found the two needing to rappel off a building in Miami's Brickell neighborhood. Fiona was wearing her sandals again.

"There's no way you can get off this building without breaking those shoes, Glennane."

"Fi--no, never mind. There's no way in hell I'm going to wear Chuck Taylors for a job. That is, unless I'm pretending to be you."

The two jumped off the building, falling all the way down without a scratch.

"Please tell me what I can't do with my heels, Parker."

"Well, can you run in them?"

"Can I run in them? What kind of a question is that?"


While shopping at Cocowalk in Coconut Grove, a thief ran out of a store with stolen goods in a bag.

Fiona sighed. "I wish we had someone we could trust to hold my bags. That someone would be Sam, but apparently he's spending time with a special lady he always is."

"I can catch the thief."

"Oh, that gives me a great idea."

Fiona handed Parker all her bags and ran after the thief. Seconds later, Fiona tackled the thief and sat on him, twisting his ankle until security came to arrest the thief.

When the chaos surround the thief died down, Fiona walked back to Parker. Parker handed Fiona her bags.

"Well, what can't I do in my heels?"

"You can't have them surgically attached to your feet."

Fiona frowned.

Parker laughed. "I win."