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Medal Envy

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“Holy,“ Wally said, stretching the word out in awe. He shoveled several handfulls of popcorn into his mouth at super speed while he watched the replay, before turning to Dick. “How do they even do something like that?”

Dick shrugged. “I can do that…probably.”

“Okay, so how do you even do something like that?” Wally asked. He pointed to the screen where they were showing another replay of the gymnast from the Netherlands flying on the high bar. “I mean I can run really fast, but that’s a superpower and pretty a pretty straightforward one at that. How can a normal human move their body like that?”

“Lots and lots of practice,” Dick replied. “And not having the good sense to be afraid.”

“Too bad you’re too busy saving the world to compete,” Wally said, his voice wistful. “I wish I could. Do you have any idea how much faster I am than Usain Bolt? But even if I ran slowly it wouldn’t be fair.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re already in the record books, even without an Olympic medal,” Dick said with a laugh.

“Yeah, but I really want one,” Wally said with a pout. “Chicks would dig it.”

“So take up dressage,” Dick suggested. “I don’t think your speed gives you an unfair advantage there.”

“That’s the thing with the horses right?” Wally asked.

Dick nodded.

“There’s no way I can afford a horse…unless…” Wally looked at Dick, his eyes sparkling. “Do you think Bruce would get me a horse?”

Dick stared at Wally in disbelief for a moment before bursting into laughter.


“I wouldn’t hold your breath,” Dick choked out as he tried to get his laughing under control.

“Fine,” Wally said. He picked up a second bowl of popcorn and turned back toward the TV. “Maybe I’ll take up curling instead.”

“That’s definitely the way to pick up women,” Dick deadpanned. “You’ll be beating them off with the broom you use to sweep the ice.”

Wally tossed a handful of popcorn at Dick. “Jerk.”

Dick grinned cheekily and picked one of the kernels off of his shirt, popping it into his mouth. “Thanks for the snack.”

Wally rolled his eyes and settled back into the couch to watch the next gymnast go, glad that for once they didn’t have any villains interrupting their night off. They were probably too busy watching the Olympics in their evil lairs.