Derek wasn't completely sure how this shit always happened to him, only that it does. Growing up, he was the one cursed by faeries even though it was Laura who had done something to piss them off. There were countless pictures in the Hale house of Derek covered in boils, or turned purple, or covered in mud, or being sat on by trolls with Laura laughing in the background. The pictures track the twins through their toddler years, up through elementary school, pubescence, high school, and even through college. And after the two broke off the main Hale Pack to form their own with Laura as Alpha and Derek as her Second, it still happened. They had recently acquired three Betas: Erica, Boyd, and Isaac. Neither their ads for an Enforcer nor an Emissary had been answered satisfactorily. As per Laura’s instructions, Derek had gone out to meet with a witch who could potentially be their Emissary.
Except she was not exactly magnanimous when Derek had turned down her advances. Which Derek still blamed on Laura. So now, he was four inches tall. And separated from his Pack. And stuck in an apartment that smelled of overly horny young adult, and curly fries, and fox, and werewolf, and the overpowering smell of cinnamon/lightning/rain/pine/apple. And he's naked because apparently, clothes don’t shrink with you when you’re hit with a shrinking spell. Who fucking knew? Not Derek.
And he will admit, it would not be so bad if it was for a couple of hours or a couple of days, but no. No. Derek has been four inches tall and living in someone’s kitchen for three weeks. So, his question is, where the fuck is his pack? How have they not found him yet? Are they just twiddling their fucking thumbs or is there a fucking camera set up and they’re just watching him? No. Derek is pretty sure they’re just morons.
But the real problem is that the full moon is soon and Derek is not excited about spending a full moon running around as a four inch tall black wolf. No fucking way.
There is a slamming of the front door and a voice that Derek has gotten familiar with echoes through the apartment, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Scotty. I’ve fucked no werewolves recently.” Derek sighs and ducks behind the barely used toaster.
There is a deep inhale, and the werewolf that Derek can smell all over this apartment says, “It smells like there was a werewolf here recently. But like only in our kitchen.” The voices get closer, “Did you fuck a werewolf on our counter? You know you can tell me. I won’t get that mad.”
There is a sigh and the opening and closing of a cupboard, “I promise you, buddy. I would tell you if I fucked a werewolf.” There‘s a long lustful sigh, “I haven’t fucked anyone is like, forever. I would kill to have a hot werewolf naked in my kitchen.”
The smell of lightning and rain began to overpower the other smells of the man and Derek began to feel a tingling first in his feet then the top of his head.
And one moment, Derek was tiny crouched behind a toaster and the next he is normal sized, sitting on the counter, and still completely 100% naked.
His first thought is, Great. Now Laura is going to laugh even harder when she comes to get me. His second is, I’ve been hiding in the kitchen of the hottest man. Ever.
The werewolf roommate stares, open-mouthed at the Hot Man who still had not noticed the full-sized werewolf sitting naked on his counter.
“Um, Stiles. I think your magic did something again.”
“Scott,” the Hot Man, Stiles, says, “what do you mean?”
The werewolf gestures to Derek, “Um, the naked werewolf on your counter, dude.”
Stiles whirls around and sees Derek sitting on the counter, “Um what.”
Derek, completely unsure of what to do, waves at the two, “Hi? I’m Derek Hale.”
There is a squeak from Stiles, “HALE?!?” Then he promptly pales and collapses to the floor. There isn’t a thud of Stiles hitting the floor, just a small cloud of purple shot through with silver bolts of lightning that catches Stiles.
Scott is completely unconcerned by Stiles and moves over to Derek, “Derek, yeah?” Derek nods. “Good. Let’s get you some sweatpants and a phone so you can call your Alpha.” Derek nods again.
As they leave the kitchen, Derek gestures to the kitchen, “Is he going to be okay?”
Scott waves it off, “Oh yeah, he’ll be fine. He was thinking about applying for your Emissary position. When he wakes up he’ll probably be freaking out about the horrible first impression he’s leaving on your pack.”
Just then the door crashes open and Stiles flails his way inside, “When you call your Alpha can you please be sure to tell her that I didn’t mean to wolfnap you so you could be my sex slave? I really am too young to die.”
Derek blushes, “You didn’t wolfnap me. A witch got pissed at me and uh, shrank me and teleported me to your kitchen.”
“Oh. That makes a little more sense.” Stiles stops and thinks, “What’d she look like? Because it might have been Linda in 6F who hates me and would probably like if I got my throat ripped out by an angry werewolf.”
“Um, she was nice?” At Stiles’ snort, Derek huffs, “Or she was until she shrank me and stuff.”
Stiles throws his hands up in the air, “You’re useless.”
Scott hands Derek some sweatpants and it is then that Derek realizes that he has been having this ridiculous conversation with Stiles while completely naked. Derek takes the sweatpants with a thankful nod. Scott gives him a cell phone next, “Here. Call your sister.”
Derek punches the number he has memorized into Scott’s phone. It barely even rings before it’s picked up with harsh growl, “Where the fuck is my brother and what have you done with him, you bitch.”
“Um, hey Laur.”
There is a gush of exhaled air, “Derek?” Her voice cracks. “Oh my god. We looked for you everywhere but there was no scent trail and no one could smell you. We found your clothes and your phone and we could smell the magic and the witch but we couldn’t find you anywhere.”
“It’s okay, Laura. I’m fine. I don’t know where she sent me, but I don’t think it was very far.”
Stiles snaps at him, “Gimme the phone.”
“Gimme the phone. You’re obviously horrible at this whole thing.”
“Give me a moment,” Derek says to Stiles with his hand over the microphone of the phone. Turning his attention back to his sister, Derek says, “Hey Laur, Stiles wants to talk to you.”
He hears a faint, “What the fuck is a Stiles?” as the phone is being ripped from his hand.
“Hey there Alpha Hale, Stiles Stilinski fully trained Spark and Emissary at your service. Your brother appeared in my kitchen earlier today. Apparently the witch shrank and teleported him.”
When Laura responds, it’s formal, “Thank you Spark Stilinski. Thank you for locating him. He has been missing for about three weeks."
Stiles looks at Derek, horrified, “You’ve been living in my kitchen for three weeks?”
Derek shrugs, “You and Scott leave a lot of food out."
Scott gasps, “That’s where my last Poptart went!”
There is a growl and a yell from the phone, “Would you all please focus!” Their attention all snaps to the irritated Alpha on Scott’s phone. “Now, would you tell me where I can come and get my brother?”
“Oh, no worries. I got that all sorted.” He turns to Derek, “Focus on your sister and your pack. Think of where you want to be right now.”
Derek nods and Stiles steps forward into his space, “Okay,” Stiles says, staring at Derek with amber brown eyes that are making Derek think of early mornings wrapped in blankets, and cups of coffee and waffles. When Derek’s eyes shutter closed and Stiles tells him to focus again, it isn’t Laura and his Pack behind his eyelids but amber brown eyes staring at him sleepily from Derek’s comforter.
Stiles isn’t confused when he feels his Spark tug and pull toward Derek. He is, however, confused when instead of facing down a Hale Alpha, he’s wrapped up in an admittedly comfortable comforter and he is wearing a pair of boxers he has never seen before in his life. And next to him is a very attractive werewolf that he only met this morning.
“Um, Derek?” Stiles says, looking around, “Where are we?”
Derek’s voice is muffled from where his face is pressed into his own pillow, “My bed.”
“Why are we in your bed?”
The tips of Derek’s flush pink and he makes a sound into the pillow as if to suggest ‘I have no fucking clue. Why would you ask me. It’s not like I know everything.’
Stiles curls against Derek’s side, “Is this your way of asking if I’d like to go on a date with you? Because if it is, I’d be happy to accept.”
Derek looks up, “Really?”
Stiles nods and presses his forehead against Derek’s forehead.
Derek’s smile is brilliant and he leans forward to press a kiss to Stiles’ lips.
The kiss turns hotter and soon Derek is propped up on his forearms, hovering above Stiles with Stiles’ hands in his hair. Stiles’ hands are starting to migrate downward when the door to Derek’s room flies open and there is an entire pack of werewolves standing in his doorway.
Derek’s immediate reaction is to freeze, pull back from Stiles’ lips, and bury his face against Stiles’ neck in an attempt to get away from the inevitable teasing.
Stiles’ immediate reaction is to look at the wolf with the red eyes and Derek’s hair and say with a hand stretched out, “Hi! I’m Stiles Stilinski and I’m super interested in both your brother and being your Emissary/Enforcer.”
Laura’s reaction is to cackle, walk up to the men, wrapped up in the comforter, and say, “It’s a pleasure to meet you Stiles. I look forward to working with you.” With that, Laura pulls the rest of the wolves out of the entrance to Derek’s room and downstairs.
Stiles sighs and looks at the back of Derek’s head, “I like her.”
A week later Talia Hale receives a picture of Derek blushing furiously with a handsome young Spark kissing him on the cheek, with a note on the back saying, “Derek’s most recent run in with a hostile supernatural ended with a new beau for him and an Emissary/Enforcer for me.
Luckily for Derek, hostile supernatural creatures stop cursing him because his boyfriend is a badass who threatened an entire faerie clan with complete and total annihilation if they did anything to Derek’s beard—or any part of him, really. Talia is envious that her daughter has such a magical badass in her Pack. She sends Stiles gifts and fruit baskets to convince Stiles to join her Pack instead. (It doesn’t work).
Luckily for Stiles, he has a hot naked werewolf in his kitchen whenever he wants. Plus he gets a reputation as the most fearsome Spark in world. It’s all very “challenge him at your own risk,” so that’s fun. It’s a win-win-win for all involved really. (Except the witch, who tries to raise an army of undead against New York but gets her magic sucked away Stiles. Who, quite frankly, is surprised that he can even do something like that. For weeks afterward, he runs around saying that he is the “Avatar: Master of all Four Elements” shooting water at everyone who dares question his right to rule.)