Humanities and Sciences
1: Genetics 101 — How to Make a Cat-girl
Dementor frowned as he studied his notes for at least the millionth time. Nothing added up the way he wanted them to — and he meant way beyond the impossible mathematical formulas that littered his paper. The concept he wanted to create was just beyond him. He began to realize there was no way he could start from scratch. He had no idea what “scratch” was in this case. He was out of his element.
“I need that damned cat back,” he grumbled to himself, pushing away from his desk in deep disgust with himself.
A frown set into his face that was so deep, it looked like it went all the way through his skull. He glared at his notes, like he wanted to make them burst into flames. He was close to shoving them off of the table, but he had done that before and was in no mood to have to put them back in order.
“I should be able to do this on my own! Stealing another’s work makes me no better than that fool Drakken! Worse yet, stealing another’s work and needing it to complete my own work puts me on the exact same level as Drakken!” he hollered louder than usual, wanting to vent some of his frustration. He had been doing that a lot lately. Shouting had not helped, though.
The thought of being like Drakken turned his stomach — literally. After a trip to the bathroom, he returned to his desk and looked over his notes more vigorously than before, hoping to find some clue for what he desired to do. There was no way he was going to end up like Drakken! He would never turn into a hack that had to steal more stuff than he could ever create only to finally snap and betray the one person in his life that could do something properly and then end up in jail over it with no way out. Yes, most of the criminal underworld knew of what Drakken did to Shego. It was old news by now, but still quite telling of a man no one really respected in the first place and now was really at the bottom of everyone’s decent villain list. Hell, for some, he was at the bottom of their “decent human being” list.
Dementor silently admitted to himself Drakken sort of inspired him when it came to his current problem. The reason he had taken that “damned cat” in was because he noticed the one good thing Drakken had going for him — Shego. Odd that the beady-eyed idiot would try to kill the one good thing in his life, Dementor thought. But, then again, he had also tossed away one of the better things in his life, so he could not really judge Drakken in that regard. Although at least that damned cat had really tried to hurt him. Word around the villain scene about Drakken was that he had gone after Shego just because he thought she was leaving and the blue numbskull did not even have proof of that.
He wondered what in the hell made Drakken think of himself as genius considering some of the things that he had done. Yes, it was a good move for the moron to hire Shego since she could do all of his heavy work and also get him goods he could not seem to invent himself, even though Drakken swore he was a genius. It was a brilliant move, but of course, it had drawbacks.
Dementor, always the keen observer and researcher, had noticed how critical Shego was to Drakken’s overall existence, and thought he could use a helper similar to her. Someone whom stealth came to as naturally as breathing, someone he could send into highly secure areas and trust she would never be detected. Someone loyal to a fault and would attack relentlessly upon order. And yet, someone without Shego’s smart-ass personality because he was not looking to put up with constant berating or sass, which Drakken seemed to accept for some reason. That damned cat had been perfect for the job because she was more than just a damned cat, he recalled.
He knew from the moment he saw her in the mountains about a year ago that something was different with that damned cat. First off, she had always been too big for a cat. And then he found out who was in the area and he was able to figure out she was more than a cat. Extensive testing later proved his theory. She was a creature that instinctively held the traits he sought in a sidekick because she was half-cat and half-dog. Unfortunately, she was all beast, and not quite able to comprehend some of his more complex commands; she had fetch down, though! He had assumed that was where his great genius was going to come in.
Looking over his notes again, he thought about how he swore he was going to make scientific history by basically one-upping DNAmy. Instead of combining the genetics of two animals, he was going to take it a step further and combine the DNA of a third — a human. His plan was for the new creature to have the comprehension skills of a human, so that his sidekick could understand him and also give some basic responses. He needed a sidekick who could somewhat think on her own if she was out alone on a mission and something happened. He also did not want to have to deal with having a wild beast on his hands.
Good idea, poor execution.
His notes reminded him just how lucky he got in his execution. Sure, she had come out as he expected, but there were plenty of side effects he had not calculated in and he had not even gotten his expectations on purpose. During one of the experiments that damned cat decided she would rather chase a mouse than sit, as he had commanded several times. While chasing the filthy rodent, she had knocked over a few chemicals he planned to use that day and then she trampled a very delicate piece of machinery, disrupting its circuits and causing sparks to fly, which, of course, hit the chemicals she had just knocked over. The explosion she caused was immense. Thankfully, he had been wearing his helmet or all kinds of debris would have torn his face off. He had been wounded that day, but he turned out to be rather fortunate in only receiving minor injuries.
“Stupid beast,” he hissed in anger as he recalled that all of the screaming in the world had not stopped her in her pursuit of a simple mouse.
Of course, he had been more than surprised when the smoke cleared that the damned cat was lying in the middle of the rubble in human form. She had the shape he wanted and she was capable of some learning, enough for him to send her on missions and she would come back with what he wanted most of the time.
But, thanks to her idiocy and beast mentality, she had ruined the chance for him to learn how he had managed to turn her into a human. He was not sure if it was the chemicals that she trampled or the experiments that he had done her earlier that or a combination of both that turned her human. She also ruined the chance for him to understand what had gone wrong since she was not perfect, as she should have been.
The damned cat had mutated into a human, but somehow was able to transform back into a feline form, too. Her physical canine traits had almost completely vanished. She retained most of her canine instincts, though. Not that that did him any good.
They found out about that after the damned thing panicked when it woke up in its human form. He recalled that was the first time the damned cat had ever attacked him. He had been able to put her in her place that time and he had assumed there would be no more of that. Boy, was he ever wrong about that!
“I should have taken a blood sample before I threw the stupid wretch out,” he sighed, shaking his head at his own hasty behavior. Of course, he had plenty of her blood before she blew up the lab. He had not gotten back to experimenting on her, so he forgot to replace the blood supply. So, he seriously had nothing to research on. She had not even left behind a hairball.
It was settled. He was going to have to find that worthless flea-magnet. It would not be too hard. He had put a tracking device in her, just in case she got lost one day… or just in case she wandered off, following some disgusting rodent. So, now all he had to do was get the device’s location, grab the annoying little monster, and chop her up in the name of science. And maybe a little revenge.
“I’ll get this out of the way and then perfect this gene splicing and mutation!” he declared with his typical confidence, throwing his hand up. He soon found it was not so simple.
“Cali, get your fat ass off the counter! You know you’re not supposed to be up there!” Shego ordered the feline, who pawed at the kitchen cabinets.
Cali turned and got the look in her wide eyes that screamed “who me?” as she saw she was way busted. Seeing emerald green eyes glaring at her, she shrank back and tried to look as sorry as possible. Shego rolled her eyes and stormed over to the cat.
“Look, if you want something, either ask for it or at the least put yourself in your other form. You might need the opposable thumbs for something, after all,” Shego remarked with a snort. “Now, what do you want? More tuna?” she asked, glancing over at the empty food dish.
Cali’s eyes lit up and she nodded enthusiastically in response, as if saying more tuna would be great! Shego rolled her eyes again, grabbed a can, and filled the food bowl. Cali quickly attacked the meal while Shego went back to the living room, reclining on the couch.
“I’m so bored,” Shego groaned, flopping down all the way on the sofa. She considered she might just go to sleep. It would take up time before Kim or Bonnie finally came in. “Who the hell goes to work on a Saturday?” she grumbled with a pout.
Bonnie went to work on Saturday, that was who. The scrappy brunette had gone to work earlier after getting an emergency call about one of the cases she was handling. She had raced out of the door like Kim did when she was called away for a mission. Of course, Kim at least remembered to give her girlfriends goodbye kisses. Bonnie had forgotten that bit for a couple of minutes, but had run back into their apartment to kiss them farewell.
Not too long after Bonnie ran out of the house, Kim got called away on a mission. Kim had requested Shego tag along with her, but Shego just was not interested. So, Shego was on her own with the cat. She sulked in the living room, her expression making her feelings clear about being left alone. Cali seemed to resent she was not considered good enough company because she suddenly demanded attention. She leaped on the couch and landed right on Shego’s chest. Shego coughed and her body bent under the sudden weight and surprise attack. She groaned as the calico feline purred contently and settled on her.
“Damn it, Cali! You probably cracked my ribs with your big ass!” Shego complained with a grimace etched on her face as she eased back into her resting position. It was unlikely, but it felt like Cali could break some bones jumping on people like that.
Cali blinked, having the nerve to look skeptical. Shego sighed and brought a hand up to pet the cat. Cali purred again and laid down on her master’s chest, making sure to cuddle in as deeply as possible.
“You’re lucky I’m so bored. That’s the only reason I’m petting you, you got it?” Shego stated, trying her best to sound upset. Cali merely closed her eyes, not even acknowledging that she heard the woman.
Before long, the cat was asleep and Shego was on her way to taking a nap, too, but a flashing light caught her eye. The alarm was going off, alerting her that an intruder was lurking around the building. She smiled. There was something to do! She could kick someone’s butt.
Reaching for the remote, she turned on the television and turned to the channel that held the security images around the building. She scanned several of the pictures on screen before she found the one that showed her that someone was trying to get in. She selected that picture for a closer look and it took over the whole television screen. A hovercraft was taking up air space in the alley alongside the building’s roof. Using the remote, she was able to zoom in to see who was piloting the craft.
“Wade thinks of everything… and thank God he likes to do everything from a seat,” Shego commented. It had been Wade who made the security cameras remote control. “Now, what idiot is actually trying to break into the building?” she said, seeing several bulky men in uniforms flooding into the alley as the hovercraft set down on the ground. Moving the camera some, she got a good look at who was calling the shots. “What the hell is Dementor doing here?” she wondered aloud, her face scrunching up a bit in confusion.
Well, it was pretty clear what he was doing there — trying to get in. Why the hell is he trying to get in, though? Dementor was not usually a villain who would hunt Kim down to get to her.
Shego absently petted Cali while pondering just what she should do about Dementor. She could always just press a button and about a million lasers would fire. Well, it was not really that many, but Shego thought the Possible twins and Wade had gone very overboard when it came to lasers. In fact, she recalled one of the tweebs declared, “You can never have too many lasers!” She had yet to figure out the logic in that statement.
It then dawned on her that she was stroking a cat while contemplating firing lasers. A laugh had to escape her throat. She let that thought go as she had realized something else.
“Why fire lasers? That wouldn’t be any fun,” she said to the air. It was true. Her boredom would not vanish with the push of a button. No, her attention span demanded action and that was what it would get.
Shego put Cali down — rather gently in spite of her earlier complaining — before exiting the apartment. Instead of taking the elevator down, she leaped out of the window in the hallway, smiling all the way down. She landed safely — on top of a henchman. He grunted on impact while she grinned. She ended up on her own two feet while the henchman was laid out on the ground, unconscious.
“Good afternoon, gents. Is there anything I can help you with?” Shego inquired, looking like a very happy shark. The henchmen and Professor Dementor all turned their attention to her.
“Shego? What are you doing here?” Dementor demanded, yelling as always. He even looked outraged, before she had done anything, she noted.
For a moment, Shego regard him as if he were a moron. It was far from a secret what she was doing there. “I live here. I’m guessing your excuse has to do with the fact that you’re garbage and that’s why you’re hanging out by the dumpster,” she remarked with her trademark smirk.
“You live here?” Dementor echoed before his mouth practically hit the floor of his hovercraft. And then he screamed. “That stupid cat! Of course it would end up somewhere like here!” If he were not wearing the helmet, he would have been tearing out his hair.
Shego was confused by the outburst, but figured since Dementor was half-insane anyway, most things that came out of his mouth probably were mysteries that she would never get. Not to mention, thanks to his ridiculous accent, she barely understood him anyway. She crouched down into a defensive stance, in case his henchmen wanted to dance. They wisely did not move.
“So, again I ask, what’re you doing here, Dementor?” Shego inquired. Her tone was still a little playful, but she was clearly not messing around.
“Just give me the cat and I’ll be out of your hair,” he informed her. It seemed like a reasonable request to him. The cat was worthless to him, so she was even lower than that to anyone else — in his opinion anyway.
Shego’s face twisted a little, bewildered once again. “The cat? What the hell cat are you talking about?” He isn’t here for Kimmie? Now this visit was just plain weird.
“You know what cat I’m talking about! Now hand her over!” Dementor ordered, putting his hand out as if she would just drop the cat in his palm.
“No, I don’t know what you’re talking about, but even if I did, I wouldn’t do what you said because you didn’t use the magic word,” Shego remarked, wagging her finger at him.
Dementor let out a frustrated yell before ordering the henchmen to get her. Shego was a bit surprised that the men did not hesitate, but then again, she had been out of circulation for so long, she supposed they forgot what she was capable of. The narrow alleyway served her well as only two henchmen could comfortably come at her and she was able to put them on their asses with several well placed kicks. She was ready to yawn from the repetitive nature of their attacks.
“I’m not even working up a sweat here, fellas,” she taunted them, waving them on, wanting more to come at her if possible. Hell, it would at least be funny to see at least three men trying to charge her at once in the confined space.
“Ah, what is wrong with you? Can’t you get one woman?” Dementor screamed with his usual patience.
“Really, Dementor? ‘One woman’? You wound me,” Shego joked as she flattened a couple more of his men.
“I guess if you want something right,” he remarked, pushing a button on his craft.
Shego barely noticed the red dots that suddenly appeared on her, but realized it just in time. She leaped back as several lasers zeroed in on the spot that she was in barely a second ago. I guess he believes you can’t have too many lasers as well. Landing, she looked up just in time to see more henchmen coming at her. Catching one by the arm, she spun him around and tossed him into the men advancing on her. That was all the time Dementor needed to take aim at her again. He singed her hair that time.
“Damn it, you’re going to pay for that!” Shego declared, flaring her hands while smoke filtered off of her head.
Dementor, to his credit, did not look the least bit intimidated by her. It was not something Shego liked. And then he had to go and say something that she liked even less.
“Bring it on, wench!” Dementor proclaimed, moving his hovercraft closer to her.
Shego let loose a plasma blast, going right for Dementor’s big helmet encrusted head. She was trying to teach him a lesson as to why it was a bad idea to call her out of her name, but her lesson did not go through. He only laughed as her plasma rocketed closer, which annoyed her. The blast smashed against a transparent shield and dispersed without touching Dementor and that upset her further.
“My turn!” he hollered, a determined and slightly maniacal glint in his eyes.
Shego gulped as scarlet dots covered her body and she dived out of the way to avoid being dissected by lasers. Dementor laughed as he continued to fire, not even aiming anymore it seemed. Shego managed to avoid getting hit, but many buildings of the neighborhood were not so lucky.
“I hope they don’t expect me to pay for those,” Shego muttered. Of course, if the people who owned those buildings were smart, they had gotten insurance when Kim moved into the neighborhood.
Cali yawned and stretched. Rolling over, she realized she was on the couch and not on Shego’s chest anymore. Well, that hardly made sleeping worth it. Noise then reached her sensitive ears, causing her to flick them with her paw. Well, if she was no longer on a comfortable, warm body and there was all that noise, there really was no point in sleeping anymore as far as she was concerned.
Flipping over, so that she fell off of the couch, Cali opened her eyes and took note of the television. For a moment, she thought it was one of those martial arts movies her humans could not seem to get enough. But, then she realized one of the people on screen was one of her humans and the other was her old alpha! She then remembered that sometimes the things on TV were things happening outside. Her humans explained it to her as simply as they could and called it “security.” So, her human was probably fighting with her old alpha.
Acting without thinking, Cali was off, leaping out of the third story window and landing with all the grace of a feline. She was outside within seconds and launching herself at Dementor. A roar escaped her throat as she shifted from a cat to cat-girl instantly, looking ready to devour anyone who would dare to hit one of her humans. She moved to tackle Dementor, only to slam into his shield. Hitting the ground with a heavy thud, a soft, pained mew escaped her throat. Shaking her head, she tried to keep her brain from swimming.
“Damn it, Cali, you’re about as helpful out here as you are in the kitchen,” Shego teased as she rolled over to the cat-girl to make sure she was all right.
“Wha happ’d?” the dazed feline inquired. It looked like she was seeing stars, especially with the way her head wobbled from side to side.
“You face-planted into an energy shield. Now, get up before I have to explain to Kimmie why the kitten got chopped up,” Shego ordered, yanking the cat-girl to her feet, so she was not hit with any of the lasers.
The pair got up just in time to avoid more lasers from both Dementor and his crew. They ducked behind the dumpster, which was thick enough to hold for a few minutes against Dementor’s attack. Shego then turned her attention to Cali.
“Okay, Cali, listen to me,” Shego said and she got a nod out of the feline. “We’ve going to run back out there, take out as many of those guys as we can before ducking back into the other alley for cover. If we take out enough of his back up, Dementor will probably give up. Understand?”
“Yes,” Cali nodded again and smiled. One of the best things about her humans, aside from loving to cuddle and pet her, they explained things without yelling. Unlike the old alpha, who never seemed to stop yelling. “How come he’s here?” she asked curiously.
“I get the feeling he wants you if the fact that he keeps asking for ‘the cat’ means anything,” Shego answered.
Golden eyes went wide. “You’re not going to give me back, are you?” she asked in a tearful tone.
“Yeah, Cali, I’m out here getting my ass whipped to hand back the cat that saved my Duchess to a guy I hate. Totally giving you back,” Shego replied and rolled her eyes, forgetting Cali did not have quite the hold on sarcasm as a normal person did.
“Why?” Cali demanded with tears folding her eyes. “I was a good cat, right? I won’t bother you for tuna anymore!” she promised, hoping that was enough. She was willing to behave even better and sacrifice a lot more if it meant staying with her three humans now rather than going back to the old alpha.
Shego sighed and reached out to caress Cali’s head. It was a little awkward since in her human form, Cali was actually taller than she was. Cali smiled, understanding that a lot more than sarcasm. Once the crisis that was having a giant cat-monster in tears was averted, the pair turned their combined attention to the attacking forces.
Dashing out into the fray, they both dodged lasers and took apart whatever henchmen they ran by before ending up in the alley opposite the last one. They pressed themselves close to the wall for defense. They paused for a minute, listening as Dementor screamed at them to surrender the cat.
“I want that mangy, good-for-nothing, flea-bag of a cat now! So, give me the cat if you know what’s good for you!” the mad scientist bellowed.
“Funny, I always imagined him using the word ‘pussy.’ But, I guess it’s good he isn’t, or I’d have died laughing by now,” Shego muttered.
“Does he still have the shield thing?” Cali asked.
“He’ll probably keep that up until we break it.”
“I could hit it really hard.”
“So can I, kitten. Maybe we should hit it together. If we put enough force on it, it might short circuit,” Shego considered. Her plasma energy could easily disrupt electronics if she put the right amount of effort in.
“Okay. Where should I hit it?”
“You come from the top, I’ll come from below. This way, if we break through, I’ll end up ruining the hovercraft, too, and you’ll end up on bucket-head’s… well, bucket-head,” Shego answered.
With that semi-plan in hand, they rushed out again. Cali went for the high ground, leaping onto a light post before climbing to the second story of a building. Dementor turned his machine to her, figuring he would stun her and get out of here before things got even worse.
Cali avoided the lasers and then pounced, like a lion on an antelope. Dementor took aim again, thinking he had her since she could not dodge in the air when suddenly the craft rocked violently. He was knocked back as the ship was pushed up and then Cali landed on it, shoving it back down as her large hands impacted the top of the shield.
“Damn it, Cali, your fat ass is bringing the thing down!” Shego teased, grunting as she pressed back, even though she was going down.
“I’m not fat! If you keep saying that, I’m gonna tell Kimmie!” Cali whined, pushing down harder on the craft.
The sound of electricity popping drowned out any other words they might have exchanged. Shego grunted as her feet hit the ground again and she tried her best to keep a good grip on the ship, but it did not work out. She ended up shifting and tossed the craft off to the side. Cali yowled at the sudden change of direction and leaped off before the hovercraft crashed into a building across the street.
“Shit, I might have to pay for that,” Shego grimaced.
A buzzing sound echoed through the air as glass and stone fell from the building and onto the crashed hovercraft. Dementor coughed and crawled out of the rubble, hearing enough crackling and buzzing to know it would not be wise to remain close to the vehicle. As soon as he was out, Cali was on him, bearing her weight on his arms to make sure he could not get up and get away. She growled at him.
“Remove yourself from me, you filthy wretch!” Dementor commanded, struggling to get away from her. He was shocked she did not obey and she was shocked she had not almost obeyed. He was once her alpha and she used to do everything he commanded, but apparently, not anymore.
“You might want to watch what you say, Dementor. Cali there hasn’t eaten all day,” Shego taunted him as she strolled over.
Cali, wanting to growl at Shego, instead snarled at the mad scientist again, showing off long, pointy teeth. She could hear his heart pounding his chest, rightfully fearing her. He knew all too well that she would hurt him if he pushed her. He whimpered and turned pleading eyes to Shego.
“Get the beast off of me,” he implored Shego.
“Really? Why should I do that? I mean, you just attacked me,” Shego pointed out with a scoff.
“I’ll do anything! You must get her off me!” he begged, trying to get up on his own. Cali just pressed harder.
“Sure, soon as the cops get here. I hope this’ll get you to leave Cali alone in the future because if you don’t, next time I might not stop her when she gets the urge to tear your windpipe out,” Shego vowed.
Cali glanced at Shego for a moment and something in those green eyes told her to play up the vicious animal routine. Growling again, she reminded Dementor of a lion, complete with large canine teeth. He imagined she could easily cut through his spine with her teeth alone. Curling into a ball as best he could, he prayed to protect his innards from the wild beast above him.
“Now, why the hell are you so bent on getting Cali, anyway?” Shego inquired, calmly turning around to dispatch a few henchmen that seemed to think they were creeping up on her. She kept her attention on the grounded scientist, honestly curious as to why he was so interested in Cali, aside from the fact that she was any weird anime geek’s wet dream.
“She is my property! Return her to me!” Dementor demanded, speaking directly to Shego with the hope that it would not anger the beast on his chest.
“I don’t think she wants to go,” Shego quipped with a grin, looking rather cat-like in her own right. Cali growled in agreement.
Dementor tried to suppress his outrage, but he could not do it. “It doesn’t matter what this stupid beast thinks! I’m the one who saved her and created her, and she should be grateful that I didn’t kill her a hundred times over!”
“I don’t think threatening her life is going to help,” Shego chuckled as the sirens wailed in the distance. The police were probably headed right for them and she smiled, rather amused at how Dementor had utterly failed in taking Cali. “Cali, you might want to get up,” she suggested.
“But…” Cali looked from Shego to Dementor.
“He won’t get away. I’ll keep him down,” Shego vowed.
Cali nodded to show she trusted her human and eased off of her former master. As cars approached, Cali quickly changed into her cat form, having been told by her humans that her other form would attract a lot more attention, which was not something she wanted. She was all too aware that attention could be both good and bad, but mostly bad. And she was not willing to risk negative attention.
Shego kept the frightened cat close as she could while Dementor was hauled away. She had to answer some questions from the police until Global Justice showed up to take custody of Dementor. Then Shego had to deal with them, which was no picnic, since they always assumed she had something to do with things when something bad happened. When television news cameras were thrown into the mix, Shego knew it was time for her to make herself scarce, whether she was supposed to or not.
The pale woman disappeared back into the apartment and back to the couch. She yawned and stretched before flopping down on the sofa. Cali resumed her position on Shego’s chest, yawning and stretching too. Her eyes slowly drifted shut as Shego gently scratched the scruff of her neck. She was asleep within seconds and Shego was right behind her, falling into a rather peaceful slumber.
Shego awoke to the smell of food. Since there was no pressure on her chest, she correctly assumed Cali was up already. Indeed, the feline was awake and on the coffee table, eyeing the plastic bags that were on top of the furniture.
“You’re finally up, love? We were going to eat without you for a moment,” Bonnie commented as she stepped into the living room.
Shego scoffed. “We don’t eat without Kim when she’s three thousand miles away, so I highly doubt you were going to eat without me and I’m three inches from the food,” she remarked.
“Yeah, but you’re nowhere as lovable as my baby,” Bonnie teased, smiling as she spoke.
“Speaking of Kim, where is she?” Shego inquired with a yawn as she sat up, rubbing her eyes.
“I’m in the kitchen! You’d know that if you’d bother to get off of the couch!” Kim replied.
“What is this, ‘bug the hell out of Shego’ day? First Cali, then Dementor, now you two,” Shego grumbled as she stretched out her arms.
“Dementor? What happened with Dementor?” Kim asked, coming out of the kitchen to hear the story up close and not miss any of the details.
“And why do I have a feeling it’s the reason all of the cop cars and news reporters were outside when I came in?” Bonnie added. Arching an eyebrow, she asked, “You’re not in trouble again, are you, sweetness?”
Shego rolled her eyes. “Hell, no, I’m not in trouble. Me and the fat tabby are the heroes of the day,” she proclaimed, comically beating on her chest. Cali turned to her and let out what she would have liked to be a menacing growl, but was nothing more than an indignant whine.
“You and Cali?” Kim echoed, not sure what to make of that. She went over to the cat and picked her up. Caressing underneath Cali’s chin, she turned her attention back to Shego for the rest of the explanation.
“Dementor showed up, saying he wanted Cali for whatever reason. He had a bunch of men and lasers with him, but Cali didn’t feel like going,” Shego quipped with a proud smile.
“Cali, is that what happened? Dementor tried to come take you back?” Kim asked the feline, knowing she would never get an answer from Cali in her cat form.
“Now, that’s the thing that gets me, Princess. Dementor used to own Cali?” Shego inquired with a furrowed brow. She remembered something about Cali being his sidekick, but the story came out on a day Bonnie had almost been killed, so some of it was a blur if it did not revolve around saving Bonnie.
“I don’t know the whole story, but Cali was his sidekick for a little while. That’s how I first ran into her. Of course, when I first met her, she was in this adorable form,” Kim replied, petting Cali with just a little more intensity, earning several delighted, hedonistic purrs from the cat. Shego and Bonnie stared at Cali for a moment.
“You keep purring like that, fur-ball, and we’re going to forbid Kimmie from touching you,” Bonnie playfully threatened the feline. Cali snorted, sounding quite outraged by that. After all, she made those noises whenever one of her humans petted her.
“Cali, why don’t you tell us about Dementor,” Shego suggested. Cali snorted again, shaking her head to disagree. She hated leaving her feline form and ever since meeting her new humans, she did not leave it unless one of the humans were in trouble.
“Cali, come on, tell Shego and Bonnie about Dementor,” Kim implored her and then played very unfair by rubbing Cali with both hands. The cat twisted and turned as Kim stroked all of her weak points. Kim then let go and Cali rolled over onto the floor.
“No fair!” Cali whined in her humanoid form and rubbing her now sore hip.
“It’s no fair that you’re being a little mooch and you don’t want to explain why Dementor is out here looking for you. Tell us what’s going on in your life and your life before us,” Shego said to the feline.
“There’s shrimp in it for you,” Bonnie added, grabbing one of the bags and pulling out a food container.
Cali’s eyes went wide as they tracked the box that contained one of her favorite meals. She purred and sat fully up, sort of mimicking her sitting position of her cat form. Padding over to Bonnie, she smiled up at the lawyer, hoping to get her treat now.
“No, Cali, you talk first and then feast later,” Bonnie stated in a tone that let everyone in the household know how serious she was.
Cali snorted and turned her nose up. “Fine. But, right after that, I can have the shrimps, right?”
“Yes, you get the shrimp right after that,” Bonnie promised.
The cat-girl grinned. “Okay. The man you call Dementor was my alpha. He saved me after the first alpha tossed me out. He changed me…” she trailed off because she was not quite sure how to put it. Glancing down, she stared at her muscular limbs. The limbs that were so not right, she always thought. “He changed me into this form and he made me steal stuff for him,” she said.
“So, what happened? Why aren’t you stealing stuff anymore?” Shego asked. She really wished that none of this made any sense, but with the world they lived in, it was hard to make a skeptic out of her on a lot of things.
“He was always so loud, always screaming and calling me mean names,” Cali pouted and pulled her knees to her chest. “I didn’t even have a name until I met Kimmie. She found me and fed all kinds of delicious stuff that the old alpha — Dementor — never did. She was nice to me…” Ears flattened against Cali’s fluffy, long hair. “…He was not nice…”
“Did he hurt you?” Bonnie asked quietly, scratching Cali’s ear to give her a little comfort.
“…Sometimes…” Cali admitted in a low voice, glancing away.
“Bastard,” Shego growled. “I should’ve punted his short ass!” she declared, making a tight fist. She silently promised to hurt him much worse if they ever crossed paths again.
“So, did you run away?” Bonnie asked the cat-girl.
“I hurt him. He just kept screaming and screaming and I hit him. I thought I killed him, so I went to Kimmie for help. She came back with me and he wasn’t killed. He threw me out, so I followed Kimmie back here,” Cali answered.
“If he threw you out, why did he want you back?” Shego wondered aloud, rubbing her chin in thought.
The cat-girl shrugged. “I dunno. Shrimp now?” she pled with big, begging golden eyes.
“Not yet, kitty. When the hell did Dementor start making cat-girls? I mean, mutant giant animals, yeah, but crazy cat-girls that turn back into cats?” Shego said, shaking her head. It did not make any sense.
“Um… he didn’t make me. The first alpha was a nice lady, but then I made her angry and she started yelling and she threw me out, too,” Cali reported with a pout. She shivered, recalling how once warm, loving arms had held her only for those same arms to force her out into the freezing snow.
“DNAmy?” Kim guessed. She always suspected DNAmy had a hand in Cali’s creation, but she did not have any proof and it did not matter anyway.
“That sounds like one of her deals. But, why did she throw you out? In fact, why did she make a cat-girl?” Shego asked, trying to wrap her head around everything.
“I didn’t start out like this. Dementor made me like this,” Cali said, motioning to her body. “The first alpha made me a…I was a…I think she called it a kippy,” she said.
“Kippy?” Bonnie echoed.
“Knowing DNAmy, Cali started out as something that was part puppy and part kitten and all cuddly,” Shego commented.
“Okay, and why did she throw you out?” Bonnie asked the cat.
Cali shrugged. “I’m not sure. I didn’t really understand human words at the time. I just went hunting and brought her back a gift. It was real hard to kill and it was so much bigger than me, but I thought it would be a good gift for such a big alpha. She didn’t look too happy,” the cat-girl explained, her face falling.
“And she chased you out?” Kim guessed.
Cali nodded sadly. “I backed out into the snow. She was so angry. I didn’t know what I did wrong. I just wanted to give her a present. I thought she’d like it, like that I could hunt by myself, but she didn’t.”
“You probably hunted one of her other great creations,” Shego remarked, shaking her head.
“So, I did something bad?” Cali asked, face curled up in confused. No one told her it was bad. Even the first alpha never actually told her it was bad to hunt. Bad to kill from what she remembered, but not bad to hunt.
“No, Cali, you didn’t do anything bad,” Bonnie promised her, petting her head. “This DNAmy lady didn’t know what she was doing if she got upset with you for hunting. If she mixes a cat with a dog, what did she expect in the first place?” Bonnie shook her head. None of Kim’s foes ever made sense.
“Duchess, don’t try to make sense of any of it. Super villains do things for really stupid reasons more often than not, mostly because they’re crazy,” Shego commented.
Bonnie decided not to argue with that, knowing Shego knew villains much better than she did. They did not really have any new information and Cali did not seem to know much else. They let Cali change back into her cat form and she attacked her dinner of shrimp and rice. The trio also enjoyed their dinner before curling up on the couch for some time together. They turned the TV on.
“Oh, look who’s on the news,” Bonnie said in sing-song voice.
Shego groaned, not even having to look. Cali turned to see and was stunned to find that she and Shego were on television. Having a much better understanding of television now than when she first showed up, Cali was glad she did not think it really was her and Shego in the box because she knew that would have freaked her out. Still, she went in for a closer look. Kim and Bonnie could not resist teasing.
“Ready for your close up, miss TV star?” Kim remarked with a taunting smile.
“Maybe a stroll down the catwalk now that your TV career has reached its peak,” Bonnie added as Cali leaped into her lap and stared at the television.
Shego smirked lewdly. “Peak? Is that an offer?” she asked with hope in her eyes.
“Later, after our little kitty goes to sleep,” Bonnie promised, scratching the top of Cali’s head.
“Am I invited to this clandestine meeting or what?” Kim inquired.
“If you’re good, we might let you watch,” Shego taunted the redhead.
Kim made a mocking face, but their plans for the night were made at that moment. They were a little self-conscious about making love with Cali wandering around awake in the apartment. Ever since they found out that she was pretty much a sentient being, they treated her just a little different. Shego made sure to tease her more, but Kim and Bonnie actually babied the cat more. They found her even more adorable, but also, they found themselves a little uncomfortable with her witnessing some things, even though Cali did not understand it.
Cali was out quickly, curled up in one of the sofa’s throw pillows, and the trio retreated to the bedroom. Once the door was shut, they went wild. For a time, Bonnie and Kim had worried about how much noise they made, but Cali never seemed to hear anything once she was sleeping. And they made a lot of noise.
As they settled down to go to sleep, they were startled by the sound of scratching at the door. They all looked at each other, seeing who was going to get up. Apparently, no one could will another out of bed.
“I’m not letting her in while I’m butt naked,” Kim argued.
“I’m settled. I’m not moving,” Bonnie stated, curling deeper into Kim’s body.
“Cali doesn’t give a damn it you’re naked. She’s naked all the damn time,” Shego pointed out, knowing for certain she was not getting out of that bed.
“I care that I’m naked!” Kim stated.
“I care, too, because in a second we’re not going to be talking about the cry-baby at the door if you keep rubbing your butt on me like that,” Shego remarked.
Kim sighed and pouted, crawling out from her very comfortable space in the middle of her girlfriends to go let the cat in. She glared at Shego to make sure she kept whatever “cat” comments she had to herself. Shego smiled innocently, but was kind enough to not say anything.
“You’re so mean,” Bonnie hissed at Shego.
“It’s mean to thoroughly ravish her if she’s rubbing her naked ass against me? I don’t think so. If anything, she’s mean for teasing me,” the pale woman replied.
“That was pretty mean,” the attorney agreed as Kim quickly slid back into bed, as if she was afraid that the darkness might see that she was naked.
“It was — OW!” Shego grunted as Cali landed right on her hip. Thankfully, she was under the cover or she would have felt claws digging into her flesh along with the chunky weight on her. “Hey, fur-ball, park your fat ass on someone else’s butt,” she ordered. Cali looked at her and she could have sworn that she saw a little kitty smile on the calico’s face. Cali then land her head down and closed her eyes.
“I think she wants the one out of us with the most cushion back there,” Bonnie remarked.
“Quiet you!” Shego reached over Kim and grabbed Bonnie by a sensitive piece of anatomy. Bonnie gasped at the contact.
“Hey, hey, hey! None of that while the cat is the room,” Kim said, breaking up the “fight.”
“What? That was revenge,” Shego innocently proclaimed, even though the little twist she had given Bonnie had been rather pleasurable for the lawyer. “We don’t do revenge around the cat?”
“You keep this up and that’s going to be the only cat you see for a while,” Bonnie threatened the eldest. “Now, behave,” she ordered, weakly shaking her fist at Shego.
“Now, can we go to sleep?” Kim suggested.
Apparently, they were all in agreement for once. Settling in again, they all dozed off. Their rest was interrupted by the alarm blaring and the sound of something heavy slamming into the building. The force was so great it ended up shaking their home.
“What the hell is that?” Bonnie grumbled, trying to hide from the noise by burrowing closer to Kim’s body. Kim reached for a pillow to put over her head.
“Oh, somebody is going to die!” Shego snarled, upset with being taken from her slumber at whatever ungodly hour it was. She shifted and Cali rolled off of her hip, falling in between her body and Kim’s legs. The cat ended up on her back and stayed asleep. Shego made a mental note to insult the feline just for continuing to rest.
“It might be construction thanks to Professor Dementor’s rampage yesterday,” Kim offered from underneath the pillow.
“Then why the hell are we shaking and why is the alarm sounding off?” Bonnie wondered aloud. And then a particularly hard hit rocked the building even more than the last. “That was like an earthquake,” she commented, noticing a flashing light let them know that security system detected a threat. “But, since the alarm is still going, I’m going to assume, it’s not.”
“Looks like we got a problem,” Shego muttered and finally picked her head up to see what time it was. “A problem at five in the damn morning! Oh, somebody really wants to die!” she declared, flinging the covers from her body.
“Get ‘em, sweetheart!” Bonnie cheered, trying her best to go back to sleep.
Shego rubbed her eyes and grabbed the remote to see who triggered their alarm. Turning on the television, she had to rub her eyes again to make sure that she was seeing right. According to the cameras, their home, sweet home was being rammed by what looked like a moose mixed with a gorilla.
“Guys, I get the feeling that Cali’s mommy is coming back for her,” Shego commented.
“Cali sure is popular this weekend,” Kim murmured.
“Can we just give her Cali? I mean, the fat tabby is actually still sleeping through all of this crap,” Shego complained, motioning to the knocked out cat.
“Fine, I’ll go find out what the hell DNAmy wants at five in the morning,” Kim grumbled, sliding out of bed, much to Bonnie’s dismay.
“Me and Cali’ll hold down the bed. Make sure no one hijacks it,” the tanned beauty remarked, pulling Kim’s pillow to chest to compensate for her lovers leaving.
Kim did not say anything as she put on her clothes. Shego glared at Bonnie, but decided against starting a fight with her resting girlfriend. Instead, she threw on some clothes and decided to go downstairs with Kim to see if they could reason with the latest lunatic at their door.
“Can’t believe she’s doing this shit at five in the morning,” Shego grumbled, scratching the top of her head and messing up her hair even more so than before.
“How did she know we have Cali, anyway? Maybe she’s just here causing regular trouble,” Kim said, not that DNAmy usually made house calls.
“I don’t care! It’s five in the morning! We went to bed four hours ago!” Shego complained with a scowl. They were supposed to be having a lazy Sunday, which was not supposed to start for another five hours!
The redhead could not dispute that. They hit the street in time to see the gorilla — or moose — hit the building again. Added to that, what appeared to be an elephant mixed with a rhino rammed another end of the building. They were not really getting anywhere, but it was still annoying.
“Come on out, Amy. We know it’s you!” Kim called since the villainess was nowhere in sight.
“Then you know what I want!” the large scientist declared as she descended from the air, riding what Kim and Shego could only assume was the world’s largest buzzard. They assumed DNAmy spliced the bird with a whale or something close to that size. Really, they did not think too much on it because they did not care since it was five in the morning and they just wanted to get things out of the way, so they could go back to bed.
“No, not really,” Shego answered. “But, I know what the hell I want and that’s to go back to bed!” The sun was not even up yet, so she saw no reason why she should be awake.
“Give me back that cat you were holding yesterday,” DNAmy commanded, pointing to Shego.
“Why do you want our cat?” Shego inquired, not that she really cared. She just knew Kim would ask it instead of just letting her beat everything up, so they could go back to bed.
“She’s not your cat. She belongs to me. That loud meanie Professor Dementor stole her from me and from what I can tell by the stories I hear, he ruined the poor dear with his junk science,” DNAmy answered.
“Yeah, well, she’s out of his hands, in ours, and happy as a fat cat in a pile of tuna. Nice talking to you. Bye-bye,” Shego said and she turned to go back into the house. Unfortunately, Kim’s hand on her shoulder stopped her from going any further than one step.
“Her being with you is no better! I’ve heard about the two of you!” DNAmy hollered, pointing at them and glaring at them.
“You don’t think…” Kim trailed off and Shego shook her head, but the usually cheery scientist had her attention for the moment.
“What do you mean that you heard about us?” Shego inquired with an arched eyebrow as she turned around to face DNAmy again.
“You and your icky relationship! I don’t live under a rock you know and I won’t have one my babies subjected to your filth!” DNAmy declared.
Kim’s mouth dropped open. She could not believe what she was hearing. “Are you kidding me? You’re in love with a guy that has monkey hands and feet and you think we’re icky?” she shouted, motioning to herself and Shego.
“Kimmie, you’re trying to reason with a woman who can splice genes and create her own animals, yet she’s not filthy rich. Obviously, she’s not all there, so don’t try to argue,” Shego informed her lover. She did not care about DNAmy’s opinion of them. She just wanted to go back to sleep.
“I guess it could be worse. She could know about Bonnie,” Kim muttered, shaking her head. She hated being judged, but especially by someone who definitely had no right to say anything about anyone’s affections.
“So, give me back my baby!” DNAmy ordered, holding her hand out.
“Yeah, that’s not gonna happen,” Shego said in a long drawl.
“You didn’t even want her. She told us that you threw her out,” the hero pointed out.
DNAmy rolled her eyes. “As if I’m supposed to believe she told you anything. The only reason she can talk is because Dementor messed with her genes when he didn’t even know what he was doing! I might have thrown her out, but I’d rather take her back and fix her than to leave her with the likes of you two!”
“Come get ‘er then,” Shego dared the scientist. She crouched down a little, as if she was going to get into a fighting stance.
“I think I’ll just keep knocking on your building until you give her back,” DNAmy proclaimed.
Shego turned around and blasted the nearest animal ramming into their building. The plasma blast knocked the mixed creature on its back and it was unconscious by the time it hit the ground. Shego felt a bit bad for it, as she was never one for animal cruelty. But right now, she wanted to go back to sleep and refused to let any old mad scientist take their cat, especially not some mad scientist who was practically into bestiality, but had the nerve to judge them based on their sexuality. Seriously, what?
“Oh, don’t think I’m giving up that easy! Griffins and bumble-bears attack!” DNAmy commanded with dramatic flare.
“Bumble-bears?” Kim echoed, knowing she would not even believe it when she saw it.
Sure enough, soon the sky was covered in what appeared to be lions with eagle wings and black bears with bee wings… and stingers. Kim was never in favor of hurting animals, especially ones that were just doing what their master told them. So, acting as swiftly as she could, she ran into their home and grabbed rope. Thankfully, Yori kept a stash of ropes and grappling hooks for her ninjutsu lessons.
Rushing back out, Kim saw Shego had already started in on fighting the animals, doing her best to stun them rather than seriously injure them. The only problem was that Shego put herself in a lot of danger because she had to touch the animals on the back of their necks in order to stun them. She was getting too close for Kim’s comfort.
Kim quickly went to wrangle any animals that she could, but they seemed to just keep coming. Roaring from bears and lions echoed through the twilight and soon the faint smell of blood joined the hint of morning dew. All in all, Cali found it harder and harder to stay asleep, even though it felt really nice to have Bonnie petting her while they both lounged in the bed.
Cali poked her head up and decided to go to the window to see what was going on. Bonnie sat up and turned her attention to the television for the same reason. Their reactions were the same too, gasping at the sight.
“Oh, my freaking god! Cali, go help Kimmie and Shego!” Bonnie ordered as she got up to give her own assistance, needing to man some of their defenses. It was a good thing the building also had automatic defenses because there was no way she could run the whole thing on her own.
Cali nodded and was off like a shot. By the time she charged out of the door, she was in human form and she tackled a griffin, getting the creature before he managed to claw Shego in the back. Cali growled and clobbered the griffin; thanks to her ambiguous status — both biologically and morally — Cali had no problem hurting animals, humans, and just about anything else that tried to harm her family.
“What is that?” DNAmy inquired, pointing to the cat-girl. The creature looked familiar and she hoped it was not what she thought it was. She had only heard rumors of what Dementor had done to her precious creation and she hoped that she was not looking at the actual result of his tampering.
“Cali, be careful!” Kim called to the feline, who moved through griffins like she fought them everyday.
“I’m okay, Kimmie!” Cali answered with a grin, happy that the redhead was concerned about her. One of the joys of having these humans as a family was that they were always concerned for her… even though Shego had an odd way of showing it.
Soon, Kim, Shego, and Cali were assisted by stun-rays fired from guns on their building; Bonnie had come to their defense. The griffins and bumble-bears were soon knocked out, wrangled, or just plan incapacitated. DNAmy let out a long whine.
“This isn’t fair! Just give me back my kippy!” the geneticist hollered, shaking her fists like a child. “She’s mine!”
“Okay, you know what, we can do this a very simple way,” Kim proposed and she marched over to Cali. “Cali, do you want to go back with Amy or do you want to stay with us?” she asked the feline.
Cali’s ears dropped. “Do you want me to leave, Kimmie? Cuz, I wanna stay with you guys!” she declared, eyes watering because she thought they were going to ask her to leave and go back to the first alpha.
“No, Cali, we don’t want you to leave. We’re giving the choice. We’d love for you to stay, but if you want to go off with Amy, then you can,” Kim explained.
“I don’t wanna go with her!” Cali whined and clutched onto Kim, so that the hero would not make her leave. “I wanna stay!”
“You can stay, you can stay,” Kim promised, caressing the top of Cali’s head to put her at ease.
“Okay, Amy, take off!” Shego barked. “The cat wants to stay with us.” She pointed to herself and Kim.
“That’s the cat?” DNAmy asked. “What did you do to her?” she demanded, having to get off of her ride to get a better look at the feline. “What did you do to my kippy?” she wailed.
“We didn’t do anything. You made it sound like you knew what Professor Dementor had done to her the second you showed up, but I guess that was just to make it seem like you cared. When you kicked her out, Dementor found her and did this to her. If you didn’t want something to happen to her, you shouldn’t have abandoned her just because she did what her instincts told her to do,” Kim huffed, frowning at the spoiled brat of a scientist.
“She was bad, killing my precious experiments. I won’t put up with that,” DNAmy answered.
“She’s a predator. What do you think she’s going to do? We feed her some expensive fish and she eats with us and she still vanishes during the day. Can you guess what she does when she vanishes?” Shego inquired. DNAmy shook her head.
“I hunt,” Cali admitted. It was in her blood. She could not shake it. She was not sure what type of genes she had, but she longed to hunt and she hunted everything — including cats sometimes. She did not kill anything because she did not have to worry about eating. Her humans always fed her and they fed her delicious things. The stalking and the chase gave her such a thrill, though, and she found she could not resist the urge.
“What exactly did you splice Cali with?” Shego asked curiously. She knew that whatever work DNAmy put in on Cali was mutated and twisted by Dementor, but she was curious as to what Cali was working with at first. Was she just a regular calico kitten and some type of domestic dog? Even so, what type of domestic dog? Was she actually some sort of wildcat? Was there some type of wild dog in there? That kind of information might help them and Cali better understand just what they were working with.
“It doesn’t matter what I did! What did Dementor do? Why does she look like this?” DNAmy demanded, stomping her foot.
“Why do you think? Dementor is a scientist. He experimented on her, doy!” Shego pointed out.
“But… but… what did he do?” DNAmy whimpered.
“We don’t know. She was like this when we got to her,” Kim replied, petting Cali to make sure she did not feel bad about them talking about her with her standing right there.
“He ruined her!” DNAmy wailed.
“You said that before and you still sound like an idiot saying it. She’s not ruined. She’s fat and annoying, but not ruined,” Shego argued. As much as she teased Cali, she thought the cat was one of the better people that she had met in her life. Cali was loyal and fierce, ready to stand with and defend those she loved. What more could a person ask for in a friend?
“If I can take her back to my lab, I can fix her,” DNAmy suddenly suggested, taking a step toward Cali. The cat whimpered and pressed herself closer to Kim.
“She doesn’t want to go with you. She’s a free-thinking person able to make her own decisions now and she doesn’t want to be with you,” Kim warned DNAmy. The redhead tensed a little, her body ready to spring into action if necessary to keep the geneticist away from Cali.
“Nonsense. You two have probably just corrupted her thinking even more than Dementor corrupted her body. If I can get her back, I can make everything all right,” DNAmy insisted, reaching out for her poor creation. Cali whimpered more and would have merged with Kim’s whole body if possible.
“She doesn’t want to go,” Shego stated in a rough tone, igniting her hands. The display gave the cat a little more courage. Cali joined in and hissed, letting Amy know she would not go gently.
DNAmy seemed to consider the odds, but did not have time to response. Police cars pulled up and went to work. Animal control also came in. Cali quickly went back to her cat form and her humans eased their way back into their home as everything was taken care of.
“Are you all okay?” Bonnie asked, rushing to them and hugging them all. It was not too hard since Cali was in her cat form and curled up into Kim’s chest.
“We’re fine. A little sweaty, but fine,” Kim answered.
“Is everything okay?” Bonnie asked, glancing down at Cali, smiling to see the cat was still with them.
“Yeah, the previous owner of mouse-breath here tried to take her back, but we worked that out,” Shego remarked.
“By worked it out, do you mean my calling the police got her out of our hair?” Bonnie quipped.
“For now anyway,” Kim said.
No one addressed that ominous comment. But, they knew DNAmy would not be gone for long. She was probably just going to be held on minor charges anyway since she had not done much that was illegal. They did not dwell on that, though. They decided to just get their day going. Kim and Shego went to get cleaned up while Cali trotted over to the couch to get back to her sleep.
Cali thought about the first alpha and how she had just passed up a chance to go back to that. She remembered when she had first been thrown out, she would have done anything to be back in the first alpha’s warm arms. But, she was certain that she was in the best possible situation for herself.
Her humans were kind, gentle, and loving. They accepted her for all she was, not just for a part. They treated her in ways she could hardly fathom. There was no way she would ever leave their warmth, their love. She hoped they were always like that. She hoped that she was always with them. They were family.
Next time: Heather pushes Bonnie too far.