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if this room was burning i wouldn't even notice (you've been taking up my mind with your little white lies)

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(also on tumblr.)



Peter was hiding something. More specifically, Peter was hiding something from Wade.

[ That's just unacceptable. ]

{ What're we gonna do about it? }

"We're gonna wheedle it outta him, of course!" Wade replied in a tone that suggested that this should be obvious.

{ How do you suppose we do that? }

Wade grinned.

"I have some trusty methods. Meet persuasion," he puckered his lips, "and reason," he finished, thrusting his hips.

[ So ... You're gonna fuck him. ]

"Okay, if you want to put it that way," Wade sighed, rolling his eyes, "then yeah."

{ It's not gonna work. }

"Well even if it doesn't, I still get to make love to my little Spidey, so I win either way!"


As White predicted, Wade's plan accomplished nothing except for making Peter come twice followed by a long nap afterwards, and although that result was more than satisfactory, Wade was still uneasy about Peter keeping things from him.

The boxes, of course, were not helping.

[ Maybe he's not interested anymore. ]

{ Or he's finally realizing that he can do better than us. }

[ Maybe this whole thing was one big joke. ]

{ Like in those movies where the guy accepts the date because he was dared to. }

[ He probably never loved us in the first place. ]

"Shut up!" Wade shouted, gritting his teeth.

"Wade?" Peter asked, looking up from his spot on the couch. "Is everything okay?"

"Boxes," Wade muttered, scrubbing a hand over his face.

"What is it this time?" Peter inquired, rolling his eyes with a small smile.

"Nothing, they're just being stupid," Wade assured him.

[ Who're you calling stupid, stupid? ]

{ God, Yellow. You're such a noob. }

[ Shut the fuck up. ]

"Jesus," Wade muttered, shaking his head. "Get a room."

He was startled out of his internal conflict when Peter stood up suddenly, pulling on a jacket.

"Where are you headin', baby boy?" Wade asked curiously.

"Out with a coworker, Monica. We've been hanging out for some time now. I promised I'd go for lunch with her today," Peter replied, putting on his shoes. "I'll be back in a few hours, okay?" He walked over to kiss Wade quickly before heading out the door. "I love you!"

"I love you, too," Wade called back before the door closed.

{ ... }

[ ... ]

{ ... }

[ He's totally cheating on us. ]

"Jesus Christ!"


Wade was awakened from his nap by the sound of laughter from outside the apartment door. Upon closer listening, he could identify Peter and an unknown female voice.

[ Probably Monica. ]

{ No shit. }

"This is my place," Wade heard Peter say. "It was really nice spending time with you."

"You too, Peter," Monica replied, and there was a moment or two of silence.

[ A kiss goodbye, perhaps? ]

"Don't be ridiculous," Wade scoffed, and opened the door. He was glad he looked presentable.

"Oh, hey Wade!" Peter greeted happily, planting a kiss on his cheek. "This is Monica."

Monica was blonde with grey eyes, and she was gorgeous. She held out a hand - dainty with red nail polish - and she pulled down her scarf to smile beatifically at Wade.

[ Shit. Even her smile is beautiful. ]

{ Well, if Peter's cheating on us, I'm okay that it's with her. }

"Hi, Wade," she greeted, shaking his hand warmly. "Peter's told me so much about you. It's a pleasure to meet you!"

Wade smiled tentatively in return. "It's nice to meet you as well," he replied, voice hesitant. 

"You're even more handsome than Peter said you were!" she exclaimed, earning a glare from Peter.

"Monica, shut up," he whined, taking Wade's arm. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

She laughed, waving. "See you. Bye, Wade, it was wonderful to meet you!"

Wade sent her a wave in return and allowed Peter to drag him into their apartment.

"God, I'm sorry. She's really enthusiastic," Peter muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. It was this action that allowed Wade to notice the very-visible bruise that resided there.

[ Hickey? ]

{ Hickey. }

[ 'Enthusiastic' indeed. ]

Wade felt sick.


"Bye, Wade! I'm off to -"

"Meet with Monica, I know," Wade replied as he rolled his eyes, trying hard to conceal his disdain.

Peter had been spending time with Monica a lot for the past week or so, and Wade was getting really tired of it.

[ We haven't fucked Peter since that time we wanted to wheedle his secret out of him. ]

{ Holy shit. That was weeks ago! }


"How do you think I feel?" Wade grumbled, crossing his arms.

"What was that?" Peter called from the door.

"Nothing," Wade called back, mouth set into a frown.

Peter glanced back at him in concern and walked over to press a kiss to his boyfriend's lips.

"It's only for an hour or so. I'm sorry I haven't been spending much time with you, but when I get back I promise we can do something together."

Wade smiled half-heartedly at that and nodded, waving as Peter left the apartment.

"I love you, baby boy!"

"Love you too!" Peter replied as the door shut behind him.

{ Are you thinking what I'm thinking? }

Tonight's our chance to finally get laid? ]

{ No, you shit head. }

"Aw, I was thinking that, too!"

{ You two are morons. I'm thinking that tonight is our chance to confront Peter about our cheating suspicions. }

"Or we can not," Wade suggested hopefully, not wanting to cause conflict.

{ If we don't confront him we'll never know the truth. }

[ Unfortunately, White has a point. ]

{ Of course I do. }

"Can it wait until tomorrow? I haven't made love to Petey in weeks," Wade complained.

{ Seriously? }

[ C'mon, White. You know you're deprived, too. ]

{ ... }


{ Fine. But tomorrow we confront Peter! }

"Sounds good to me!"


The next morning, Wade was greeted with a passionate kiss and an exclamation of, "Happy birthday!"

Wade blinked in confusion until he remembered that, yes, today was indeed his birthday.

"Thanks, baby boy," he replied, smiling wide as he pulled Peter in for another kiss.

"Just stay here, I've got breakfast all set up and I'll bring it over," Peter assured him, getting off of the bed.

[ How did we get so lucky? ]

"No idea," Wade murmured, smiling at his boyfriend's retreating back.

After breakfast in bed, which was absolutely delicious, Wade and Peter lounged around their apartment until Wade became impatient.

"Petey," he whined, tugging on the shorter boy's arm, "where's my present? I know you got me one."

Peter grinned, shrugging as he got up off the couch. "You got me there. I'll give you your present, but first I gotta stop by Monica's place real quick."

Wade scowled, not even bothering to hide his annoyance.

"What the shit, Parker?" he snapped, standing up and crossing his arms in front of Peter. "It's my birthday and you're blowing me off to go make-out with Monica?"

Peter stepped back, eyes wide with surprise and confusion.

"Wade, what the hell are you talking about?" he asked exasperatedly.

"You've been spending more time with Blondie than you have with me," Wade explained, pouting. "If you're cheating on me just go ahead and say so because I can't take this anymore."

"You can't possibly think I'm actually cheating on you with Monica," Peter burst out incredulously. "What the fuck, Wade?"

"You're always going on dates with her and stuff and one day you came home and there was a bruise on your neck!" Wade exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.

"You saw that?" Peter asked sheepishly, deflating a little. "Dammit, I thought I did a good job of hiding it."

[ What. ]

{ Did he just admit? }

"Listen, Wade, I'm really sorry -"

"Just go, Parker. I don't want to see you." Wade turned and walked in the direction of their - his, now? - bedroom.

"Wade, Jesus Christ, it isn't what you think it is, just let me -"

"I thought I told you to leave?" Wade asked coldly, turning over his shoulder to glare at Peter.

Peter's eyes hardened, his mouth pressed into a line. "Fine." He threw open the door and left.

{ Well, that could have gone worse. }

[ "Shut the hell up, White." ]


Wade moped around in his bedroom, eating ice cream and watching Ryan Reynolds rom-coms - he'd finished The Proposal and Just friends and was in the middle of Definitely, Maybe - when he heard the door open.

"Whoever you are, I'm not in the mood to do some sweet ass-kickin' right now so please come back later!" he called, eyeing his katanas just in case.

There was no reply, so Wade groaned, pausing the movie as he moved off of the bed and grabbed his swords.

"I'm gonna give you the count of three to get the fuck out," he warned, walking to the main area. "One, two ..."

"Shut the hell up, Wade," a voice deadpanned, and Wade dropped his swords, staring at Peter.

"Why are you here?" he spat, recovering, and crossed his arms.

"To explain, which you wouldn't let me do earlier," Peter retorted. "Also, to give you your present."

"I don't want anything from you," Wade replied haughtily.

[ Yeah we do, we'll take anything Peter gives us. ]

{ Face it, we're totally whipped for him. }

"Shut the fuck up," Wade hissed under his breath.

"Listen, the truth is, I accidentally killed your pet goldfish and I didn't know how to tell you so I've been avoiding you."

Wade froze in shock, his eyes wide.

"What?! What the shit, Parker? How could you!" he wailed, then stopped suddenly. "What the fuck, wait a second. I don't have a goldfish."

{ God, you're slow. }

[ Shh, emotions make the brain work slower. ]

"Peter," Wade began in a threatening tone, "quit lying to me, or I swear -"

"Fine," Peter cut in quickly, holding up his hands, although he was smiling a little. "You wanna know the real truth?"

"That'd be really useful right now," Wade drawled.

"Okay, so, you know how I've been hanging out with Monica a lot lately?"

Wade's stomach twisted.


"Well, the reason I've been spending a lot of time with her is because ..."

{ This is it. }

[ RIP us. ]

{ It was good while it lasted. }

[ Peter was a good boyfriend. ]

"She's been helping me with ideas for what to get you for your birthday," Peter finished in a rush, turning slightly red.

The boxes stopped short, and Wade stared in surprise.

"I - what?"

"Just ... Wait here," Peter mumbled, running out the door.

[ What just happened? ]

{ Couldn't tell you if I tried. }

Peter returned with a kennel that he set on the floor, then opened it.


{ Holy fucking shit. }

What was possibly the cutest puppy in the entire world stepped out, heading towards Wade immediately.

"Hey, little guy!" Wade greeted the pup, kneeling down as it crawled all over him to lick his face. "Who's the cutest, huh? Who's the absolute cutest?"

"Clearly me," Peter piped up, watching the two with a smile and a look that practically screamed, 'FOND.'

"Petey, you got me a puppy?" Wade asked in awe as he held the little sucker, standing up to face the younger boy properly.

Peter nodded.

"Monica and I had been brainstorming ideas for a while - hence all of our lunch outings - until I thought you'd love a dog. So the rest of our outings consisted of us trying to pick the perfect dog out for you. It was actually her who found this little guy about a week back," Peter laughed, stroking the puppy. "I officially adopted him a couple of days ago, and he's been staying at Monica's place while we waited for your birthday, so we didn't ruin the surprise by keeping him here."

"But the bruise on your neck ... Wasn't it a hickey?" Wade asked, head tilted.

"Nope." Peter shook his head, popping the 'p.' "This little rascal," he ruffled the puppy's ears, "decided to get overexcited and handsy with me, and he bowled me over and stepped all over me the first time I met him."

"Aw yeah, high-five!" Wade exclaimed, laughing, as he tapped his hand against the little guy's paw.

"Wade, I'm sorry for neglecting you all this time and for leading you to believe that I was cheating on you," Peter murmured sheepishly. "Can you forgive me?"

"Petey," Wade said seriously, "you got me a freakin' puppy for my birthday. You are most definitely forgiven."

Peter grinned, placing a kiss on Wade's cheek.

"I love you."

"I love you, too," Wade replied, smiling widely as his new puppy licked his face. "Now, c'mon. I'm in the middle of Definitely, Maybe and I'd love it if you and Wolf would join me."

"Wolf?" Peter asked, amused, as he followed Wade and their new puppy to the bedroom.

"You gotta admit, he looks like a wolf," Wade defended, shrugging, as they all piled onto the bed.

Peter gave him a skeptical look.

"Okay, fine," Wade relented, "I kinda wanna name him after Logan because I think it'd be cool, but I'm pretty sure calling him Wolverine would be copyright."

Peter grinned, shaking his head as he cuddled with Wade and the newly-named Wolf.

"Happy birthday, Wade," Peter murmured, pressing a kiss to the taller man's lips.

Wade smiled widely in reply, and pressed play on the remote.