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Hermione stared at the mirror sighing once again as she saw the reflection.

“Why couldn’t I be born with red hair?” She flattened what she called her hair, others called it a mess. He liked it, he said he liked it but she knew that he preferred it if it was straight and red. She felt tears pricking her eyes and she scolded herself.

She knew that she was quite attractive, she wasn’t the most beautiful girl, she couldn’t even compare with the Patil twins or Ginny but she knew she was pretty. He said that he found her beautiful, obviously not as beautiful as her.

Hermione thought that he loved her, apparently he didn’t. Obviously he didn’t since he called her name last night.

 


 

 

Hermione gasped as she felt her orgasm approaching, she knew he was close too. She clenched and he groaned, “Oh Lily!” Hermione felt herself deflate and her heart break.

Severus knew that he fucked up, he royally fucked up at that moment. He looked at her and her eyes were closed, he knew then that she was trying so hard not to cry. He got off her and laid beside her. “Hermione…”

Hermione closed her eyes tighter and rolled to her side, “Please don’t Severus.” She hated her voice for cracking, for showing how much this hurt her.

Severus rolled on his side as well, even though Hermione couldn’t see his face it was full of regret. “Hermione, please.” Her response was a heavy sob. He wrapped his arms around her waist and he felt her stiffen. Before he knew it she bolted out of the bed, “Hermione?”

“I can’t Severus,” her voice cracked even more and she stared at Severus, “I can’t do this anymore.”

Severus felt his heart quicken, “Can’t do what anymore?”

“I think you know Severus,” Hermione reached for her discarded shirt and put it on, “I can’t keep having this on me. You still love her even though you say that you’re over her. I know that you think about her when-“

“NO!” Severus yelled before Hermione finished her sentence. He leaped out of the bed and pulled her into a hug, “You mustn’t think that Hermione. Never think that.”

Hermione cried harder and just stood still in his embrace, “It hurts Severus, knowing that I’ll always be second to her,” she pulled herself from his embrace, “I just can’t.”

 

 


Hermione pulled herself out from that memory. She spent the last three years with him, believing him when he said that he was over Lily. “Hermione?” She heard his voice and felt her heart crack yet again. “I know you’re in there, I’m coming in.” Severus pushed the door gently and looked at the figure sitting at the bottom of the bed.

How could he fix this? He couldn’t live without her. He didn’t know what to do without her, he was meaningless without her. He didn’t know why he yelled out Lily’s name last night. It was true what he said to her, he was over Lily. He was over her the day Hermione confessed her feelings for him.

Severus kneeled in front of Hermione and took her hands inside his, “Hermione please believe me when I say that I do not love Lily. I love you and only you.” Hermione bowed her head and he heard her snuffle.

After a while Hermione finally spoke, “I think we need to take a break from each other.” Severus didn’t know that his heart could break anymore but that did it.

“Hermione?”

“I need time Severus. I want to believe you but at the same time I can’t,” she finally looked at him and he saw her red eyes. He was such a fucking fool. “I need time. Please give me time Severus.”

He nodded and as much as it hurt him he let go of her hands, “Anything you want.”

Hermione stood up and walked to the door, “Hermione?” She turned around and looked at Severus, “Remember that I love you and only you.” The only response he got was a nod.

Hermione held in the sob and as soon as the door was closed she let it out. “Severus…”

Little did she know that Severus followed her to the door and thumped his head on the door, “Oh Hermione…please forgive me.”