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Petey and Wade are obviously an item, so why is Spiderman trying to be a Homewrecker?

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Peter would later blame the adrenaline pumping through his veins for his lack of decorum concerning the making-out practices of him and his very hot fiancé. They had just completely annihilated these three douches who were holding elementary school kids hostage for ransom. Spiderman and Deadpool, that is, not Peter and Wade. Well, technically yes, Peter and Wade, but only because they were Spiderman and Deadpool, because secret identities are a thing. So no one knew that they were themselves when that happened.

Or something like that.

But that was beside the point. The point was that they had just swooped in, kicked some serious kidnapper ass, rescued (and got cheered on by) a group of adorable little twerps (Peter knew that kids were only that adorable right as you were rescuing them. Afterwards they became brats once more. He will swear to this in court), and then were cheered on by the police and on-lookers as they came out of the school, flocked by the sticky-handed fiends.

The children, not the villains. The villains were webbed to the roof of the gymnasium.

So, yeah, it had been a good day. No one died. No one even got hurt, or anything. So, Peter definitely felt like he and his super hot fiancé deserved some making out.

It was not the adrenaline’s fault that Pete and Wade’s lips adhered to each other’s. Nor was it the adrenaline’s fault that Peter was panting, and Wade had his hands up Peter’s spandex shirt running his gloved hands down Peter’s ribcage, and Peter wanted to stay pressed against Wade for the rest of their natural (or unnatural, he wasn’t picky) lives.

No. The adrenaline was not to be blamed for any of that. What it was to be blamed for was Peter’s overconfidence and Wade’s absent-mindedness when they started the making out business on the roof of their apartment, instead of inside their apartment like they should have.

It must have been the adrenaline that made him forget all about not doing the do out in the open on the roof of an apartment building that his real-life identity lived in.

But, alas, that was all he could blame on the adrenaline. And unfortunately, he could not blame his adrenaline for the Avengers finding the two of them up there either.

Wade had Peter’s spandex shirt hiked up revealing lean muscles and taut skin, and Peter had his uncovered mouth firmly cemented to Wade’s ear lobe, and they were rolling around quite a bit, playing at who could be the stronger, more dominant one, when Peter heard the distinct whirring of the quinjet somewhere to the east and incoming. Peter pulled his mouth off of Wade reluctantly and looked up. Yep, there was the Avengers’ favorite mode of transportation flying directly towards them.

Peter looked around and saw that, nope, there wasn’t anything horrendous attacking the city, nor were there any fires, natural disasters, or even any petty crimes occurring in a 40-mile radius. He would know if there were. So, no, the Avengers weren’t just coincidentally flying over them on their way to fight crime and/or save lives.

Which meant that they were coming for Peter and Wade.

“Uh, babe?” Peter said slowly, prodding Wade in the stomach with his fingers.

“Mmm?” Wade asked, not moving his hands from where they roved over Peter’s torso.

Peter hurriedly pulled his shirt down, and dragged his mask, which had been shoved up to just over his nose, back down again, hiding all of his face from view. “We have company.”

Wade let himself be manhandled away from his fiancé, sensing the worry in his voice, and turned his head to the sky.

The quinjet hovered above them, and Peter pulled Wade towards the ledge, giving the jet some room to land.

He had never seen it this close up since as Peter he didn’t get to see the Avengers stuff, and the few times that the Avengers deemed Spiderman worthy enough to fight alongside them, they were generally doing the more hands-on things, not riding in the sky. He’d fought in close proximity to Cap and Iron Man, and even the Hulk on one memorable occasion, but the quinjet was usually far off, doing god knows what, and flown by god knows who. It was a fine specimen of machinery, and normally Peter would be itching to go look at it up close, to examine its engines and stealth functions. Today he was content to stay with Wade as far away as possible from the thing. If he thought that he could escape by jumping off the ledge and swinging away, he would have, but he was just one man, and the Avengers were, well, the Avengers. The only reason they hadn’t caught him before was because they hadn’t wanted to catch him.

As the jet landed, Peter wracked his brain for what their reason for being there could be. The most likely option was that they needed Wade for something, and couldn’t contact him. They knew where Peter and Wade lived, Clint had even visited them once, and they’d spent the evening playing Tekkan and eating pizza. But Wade had his phone on him, and Wade always answered the phone when one of the Avengers rang. He was smitten with the whole lot of them, and would have (and had before) begged off sex to go save the world. Not that Peter blamed him. The Avengers were pretty awesome, and so was saving the world. Peter could totally understand. He liked saving the world too.

So, yeah, it was unlikely that the Avengers were here to pick up his fiancé or scold him for not answering his phone.

The engine to the jet shut off, and Peter thought that maybe they were here to check up on Peter (though why they would take the quinjet when they could just call, or wait till the next day when he went into work, Peter didn’t know), or more likely considering those reasons that he’d just thought of about why that was unlikely, they were here for Spiderman.

And they had just seen Spiderman making out with Deadpool.



Shit, fuck, damn. Damnity damn damn fuck.

Fucking hell.

And another damn for good measure.

It was over. They knew. There was no way he could get away from it this time. They had caught him red-handed. Seeing Spiderman making out with Deadpool, they could come to no other conclusion than that Peter was Spiderman, and that he’d been lying to them. For as long as he’d known them.


He hoped that they would forgive him, because he really liked them. They were like the best friends he’d ever met and could totally see why Wade consistently fanboyed all over them. Wade and Peter were on the same page about that one. The Avengers were great, and Peter would hate it if his secret getting out would ruin his friendship with them.

Or worse, their tentative acceptance of Wade into the Avengers. He’d have to tell them that it was all his idea not to tell them who he really was, and that Wade wasn’t at fault at all. Because Wade loved working with them, and Peter could always get a job somewhere else, if they really couldn’t look past this, but Wade would be crushed.

It was so obvious to Peter, that that is what would happen, that when the quinjet door opened and the stairs descended, and the Avengers, whose expressions ranged from solemn to rage, stepped out onto Peter and Wade’s roof, Peter already had an apology on his lips, and a plea to not blame Wade. That was the first thing to come out of his mouth, his voice slightly muffled by his mask, and also cracking weakly at the gravity of the situation:

“Don’t blame Wade.”

Captain America stood in front of them (and it was definitely Captain America, rocking his thin-lipped grimace and burning eyes, not Steve, who stood before them) with his arms crossed, and a very serious expression on his face. “Why shouldn’t we?” Steve asked, and Peter almost flinched at how foreign Steve sounded just then.

They couldn’t be that angry at him, right? They might be upset that he hadn’t told him, but he did have his reasons, and the Avengers were known for respecting super heroes who wanted to keep identities a secret.

Peter made a placating gesture, and Wade moved closer to him, giving Peter whatever non-verbal comfort he could.

But then, inexplicably, Natasha had her gun trained on Wade, and Clint his arrow, and Iron man his repulsor, and Wade, his almost non-existant self-preservation instincts kicking in, stepped away again. They immediately lowered their weapons.

Peter’s mouth dropped open, though that couldn’t really be seen beneath his mask. “What’s going on?”

“That’s what we want to know,” Steve said, his arms still crossed menacingly across his chest.

Peter blinked.

“It looks like they’re angry,” Wade explained slowly, and tried stepping towards Peter only to step away immediately upon the weapons being aimed at him again.

“Yeah,” Peter said, just as slowly, “I’m just trying to figure out why.”

“Maybe the Man of Spider does not know,” Thor intoned darkly.

“Know what?” Peter asked desperately. These actions were super extreme for finding out that Tony’s intern was a super hero. If he had guessed, earlier, he might have thought that they would have been angrier with him dating Wade than with him being Spiderman, because whenever Peter had ‘accidentally’ overheard them speaking of Spiderman it sounded like they considered him harmless, at least in comparison to them, but they hardly ever gave Wade the benefit of the doubt. But that obviously wasn’t the case because they’d already found out that Peter was dating Wade and they were all totally cool with it.

Or at least they weren’t trying to cock-block him anymore.

Bruce, who was looking a little greener than Peter felt comfortable with, stepped forward and Peter tentatively relaxed. He could usually rely on Bruce to be the voice of reason. Hopefully he would explain why they the Avengers were all spitting mad. Because Peter was ready to apologize, more than apologize, beg for forgiveness for lying to them, but the way they were standing, the way they looked at Wade and Peter made Peter think that they would not make such an apology easy on him.

And Peter didn’t know why.

“Spiderman,” Bruce started, and Peter flinched back minutely. Why, now that they knew who he was, did they not call him Peter? “I don’t know what your relationship with Deadpool is, but he actually has a boyfriend.”

“A fiancé,” the intensely mechanical voice of Iron Man inserted in an accusatory fashion.

Peter gaped. “Excuse me?” he ground out.

Perhaps he had misheard.

Obviously Wade had a fiancé. Peter was the fiancé!

“So you did not know, then?” Steve asked, and he sounded slightly less likely to decapitate them with his shield.

Peter looked at Wade whose lips were twisted into some version of profound mirth. Peter narrowed his eyes at his boyfriend. This was not funny.

Ok, maybe it would be funny later, years from now, maybe when they retire and have time to reminisce, but now it was just confusing.

Peter glanced back at the Avengers and had to fight down the urge to run. For the first time when looking at them, Peter feared for his life. He was used to them smiling at him, laughing at Clint’s jokes, softly explaining technology to Steve and Thor, chuckling at him and Tony as they made plans to build a stasis chamber that would run off of ethanol but have the battery life of a nokia. And now they looked at him as if they didn’t trust him, couldn’t understand him, didn’t even know who he was anymore.

It was disconcerting.

It was so disconcerting Peter retrieved the flee-from-Avengers playbook he had trashed in his mind right before they had landed. Maybe it was viable after all?

Or maybe, Peter’s mind supplied as he mentally flipped through all the ways he could escape while retaining his life, maybe the reason they were looking at him as if he were a stranger was because they thought he was a stranger.

Were they still under the misapprehension that Spiderman and Peter Parker were different people?

Peter shook his head. That couldn’t be. They were smarter than that. Tony and Bruce had enough degrees between them to make an undergraduate cry and Clint and Natasha were spies who literally figured out people’s secrets for a living. Thor was a prince, soon-to-be-king, and they weren’t too shabby either. And Peter had heard Steve throw around strategy like he pro-football coach trying to stave off retirement forever, so no one could tell him that Steve lacked brains. They were all smart people. They had to know that Peter was Spiderman. At this point, given the evidence, it had to be obvious.

Didn’t it?

“Answer us,” Natasha said slowly and took a menacing step forward.

“Yes,” Peter spit out. “Of course Wade has a fiancé—”

Peter was interrupted by a flash of lightning and a rolling of thunder. The lightning made eerie shadows dance across Thor’s face, giving him a menacing look that seemed more unearthly than even being an Asgardian could explain. “You knew that this man was betrothed to another and still chose to couple with him?”

“Well who wouldn’t want to couple with his hot bod?” Wade interjected unhelpfully, and gestured to himself.

“Shut up,” Peter whispered out of the side of his mouth. He didn’t need Wade to make them angrier before Peter had a chance to explain himself. His irritation at Wade’s inability to understand timing could not stop a small smile from tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“I am disappointed in you,” Thor said, a frown on his face, and Wade’s grin soured a few degrees ‘till it started to look more like a grimace than anything remotely happy.

“Let me explain,” Peter said, and stuck his fingers under the spandex of his mask, prepared to yank the thing off as soon as he told them who he was.

It was obvious that keeping his secret from the Avengers was just not meant to be.

“What is there to explain?” Clint demanded, and his voice was so cold and cruelly calculated, unlike the flippant tone he usually used, that Peter did flinch back, and the rest of Wade’s smile dropped off his face. “You’re a superhero, a role model, and you were about to have sex with a man already in a relationship. How is that heroic?”

Peter wanted to say something. His mind ran around frantically, trying to find something to say to placate them, but he couldn’t. Hearing someone who’d called Peter buddy yesterday and who had threatened to steal his Hubba Bubba, speak with such disdain made Peter want to hide away and never return. It blocked his throat until all that came out was a croak.

Natasha stepped forward, moving in a slinky way that Peter had never seen before. He’d seen her walk, studied her movements on a completely professional level, and he had to say that she normally moved with grace, that was no secret, and her movements flowed easily, one into the other, but this was smoother and darker. “To be fair,” she practically purred, and Peter wanted to run and hide, “it wasn’t all Spiderman’s fault.”

“It takes two to tango,” Iron Man agreed, and he too focused on Wade.

“Wade,” Natasha said in a sickly sweet voice, “I think we need to have a little talk.”

“No!” Steve’s voice boomed across the roof, and it even startled Natasha enough for her to glance back at him. In a slightly softer voice, he repeated, “No,” and then said, “It isn’t our place. We came here to ask Spiderman to join the Avengers—”

“You what?” Peter apparently hadn’t lost his voice after all.

Steve glared him into silence. “But I can see we were mistaken about him.” It cut to Peter’s core that Steve refused to even speak to Peter, but continued to speak about him in the third person as if he wasn’t there. “Perhaps we will reconsider, and ask him again, if he can prove that he is a superhero worthy of being affiliated with us. Until then…” He shrugged and took a step backwards towards the quinjet.

“What about Deadpool?” Clint demanded angrily.

Steve shrugged. “I know that he has betrayed a trust, but unfortunately, it wasn’t our trust. He betrayed Peter, and it is up to Peter to decide his fate.”

“The fuck?” Peter asked succinctly, and looked to Wade, hoping that his boyfriend would have an idea on what to do, but Wade just put a finger to his lips.

Peter wanted to say something, anything to show these people, his friends that he was to be trusted, but Wade’s motion silenced him. He trusted Wade with his life, and if Wade wanted Peter to keep his identity a secret (though, again, how they hadn’t figured it out already, Peter had no earthly clue) Peter would trust Wade’s decision. He didn’t know what Wade was up to, but he trusted his boyfriend to have a plan.

“Cap,” Tony said, pointedly ignoring both Wade and Peter, “are we going to keep Deadpool on the team, despite knowing now that he’s a no-good, dirty, cheating son-of-a-bitch?”

Steve gave Wade a once-over, and it almost looked like he had pity in his eyes. “I want to give him a chance. He might have done something horrible within his personal relationship, but unfortunately, until he does something uncouth pertaining to our line of work, I cannot in good conscience release him from the Avengers.”

Peter quirked his head. So they were going to let Wade stay in the Avengers when he was cheating (not that Peter was complaining,) but they weren’t going to let Peter join, even when, as far as they knew, he didn’t have a significant other? So he wasn’t really cheating. He was just…having sex with a ‘married man.’ It didn’t really make much sense. Or they didn’t want Wade to be in the Avengers anymore, but they just couldn’t kick him out without due cause.

Fucking weirdos.

Peter opened his mouth to give them a good telling off, and to properly explain why they were all being complete fucktards, but Wade’s hand slapped against Peter’s mouth, effectively silencing him.


Wade had a plan.


Silence now, and then when they were alone, Wade could explain.

Peter could wait till then.

“So we’re just going to leave them here, to carry on?” Bruce asked incredulously.

Steve shrugged. “What can we do? Who one sleeps with is technically not Avengers business. Even if you are ruining the only good thing you have in your life and are throwing it all away for a rooftop romp with a guy you barely know.”

Peter could see that maybe Steve was really pissed at Wade after all.

And he wanted to tear into the man for insinuating that 1) Peter was the only good thing in Wade’s life. That was ridiculous, Wade was a hero, and had (some unscrupulous) friends, and hobbies and favorite TV shows, all without Peter. 2) Wade was going to settle for just doing it on the roof and then running away. And 3) that they barely knew each other.

Okay, those last two were ridiculous, but Peter was angry goddamnit! He needed excuses to punch Captain America in the face.

He glanced at Wade who gave him a reassuring smile.

Peter forced an uneven sigh from his mouth.

He could wait. He just had to wait.

“I’m telling Peter,” Bruce said defiantly.

Steve nodded. “I agree, Peter deserves to know.” He glanced at Wade. “Do you object?” Peter had a feeling that Steve wouldn’t care what Wade said, but Wade shook his head, so at least there was no argument there.

Peter wanted to scoff, but the best he could do was make ridiculous faces at the Avengers from the safety of his mask. As if Peter didn’t already know. He was right there! Hello!

At first when he thought they’d figured out who he was, he had been upset, and scared. Bad things happened to those who were around him, to those who knew who he really was. But they were the Avengers, they could take care of themselves. Maybe it would be ok, if they knew. He hadn’t been sure, but he was willing to give it a go, to trust them to be able to protect themselves and him. But now he wanted to shout it at them, because how dare they speculate without knowing anything. If they just knew how stupid they were being—Hah!

But Wade had motioned for him not to speak, not to tell them, and Peter wasn’t so much of a dick that he was going to ignore Wade if Wade had a good plan. He didn’t know what kind of plan he could possibly have, but Peter was willing to trust Wade.

Oh but he wished he could just scream it into their justice-y faces.

Iron Man’s metallic voice echoed in the open air when he said, “Well at least the rat is honest about this. Peter will know about this. Your days as a fiancé are numbered, Wilson. Know that your actions have caused this. And when Peter dumps you, know that you’ll only have yourself to blame.”

Tony stomped away, back into the quinjet, and the others followed him in silence. When the jet took off, Peter was still shaking with rage.