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Loop

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Title: Loop
Author and Coverartist: creepylicious
Reader: l_niania
Pairing: Adam Lambert/Freddie Mercury
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: mentionings of death
Summary: The one where the Doctor takes Adam for a ride and he meets Freddie Mercury.
File Length, Size, & Type: 38:39 min, 35 MB (mp3) and 19 MB (m4b)
Download Link: MP3 and M4B
Streaming:

 

 

~1~
Adam blinked. Closed his eyes, opened them and blinked again.
He knew he wasn't drunk because he just finished the rehearsal for the Kiev show and- no way was he seeing what he thought he was seeing.

“Hello Adam!” Adam heard a familiar voice say, and Adam wanted to ask if he was dreaming, but he knew he wasn't. Not at all. He could feel the sweat running down his neck. Cooling and itching and so utterly not dream-like.

“I need to change,” Adam said.

The Doctor laughed. “Good to know you still have the spirit, the sense of adventure, the-”

“Could you turn around?” Adam interrupted him.

“Yes, of course. How thoughtless of me.”
He always had been, was the thing. Thoughtless and demanding. Not that it did any damage to Adam's psyche or anything. Mostly he forgot or tried to forget or convinced himself (with his brother's help) that he had been temporally insane. Well, he thought putting on clean pants and a shirt, the insanity was back. With a fucking bang.

“So? What are we going to do?” Adam asked checking his reflection one more time. He didn't want to ask where they were going or when, because as far as he knew they never ever ended up where they wanted to go anyway. Or that's how it's been roughly 18 years ago. “You can't take me to a carnival anymore or anything like that.” He added.

“What would you like? Babylon?” The Doctor asked.

“If it's the Brian Kinney kind, then hell yes,” Adam answered.

The Doctor didn't get it. “Brian Who?”

And wasn't that funny? “Doesn't matter. Let's just say it wouldn't be your scene anyway.”

“You don't know my scene, Adam.”

He said Adam like you would address a child. Tender and caring. Adam wasn't sure if he was pissed off or not. It was always nice to know that someone cared. “It's a fictional gay club – with a very busy backroom.”

“Oh,” The Doctor said. He smiled. “That's not your scene either.”

True enough, not anymore. Or at least not the backroom. “I still like to dance and have sex.”

“I know, who doesn't like to dance?” The Doctor answered.

Adam gave him a look. “Do I need anything else?” he wanted to know as he put his favourite boots on. They were the sensible boots too, as if he had known it. There was always a lot of running when you were hanging out with The Doctor.

The Doctor looked him over and shook his head. “Perfect,” he said. And Adam was fighting a blush. He used to say that a lot when Adam had been feeling like no one could ever love him (except for his parents, but they never count if you're feeling like the ugliest thing alive).

“Let's go then,” Adam said and then: “I need to be back for the concert. It's fucking important.”

“I know,” The Doctor answered, “I always got you home on time, didn't I?”
Adam nodded. He did.

~+~
Freddie was pretty sure he wasn't drunk or high. But if he were this would've been so much more plausible.

“Do I have to change or-” the guy said. Freddie couldn't see his face, but he was tall and what Freddie could see of his skin was pale.

“No. You'll fit right in,” another male voice assured.

“I'm not sure you saying that is a good thing. Remember that one time on Islebob 8?”

“You should take the leather jacket-”

“I left it in Kiev,” the tall guy said. It was pretty clear they had no idea Freddie was there or maybe they didn't think the police-box's door was open. He's walked this back-alley before and he never once had noticed the police-box before.

“No, you didn't. I grabbed it while you were chatting up Brian.”

“I wasn't chatting him up, for god's sake he's married,” the tall man said and waved his hands in a funny gesture to make his point. He sounded American. “Also; I love you. This is my favourite jacket.”

“You say that about every jacket,” the other voice said, fondly.

“Not true. This one is special,” the tall guy answered shrugging his jacket on and turning and that's when he saw Freddie. And Freddie saw him. He was gorgeous. Was the first thing that came to mind. Pale skin and black hair and his eyes. His eyes were as blue as the sky on a summer-day. Perfect and untarnished. “Uhm, Doctor?”

“Yes?”

“Do we have company on purpose or did you screw up again?”

“I did not screw up. It is the year of the Lord 1968.”

The tall guy looked at Freddie. “Is it the year of the Lord 1968?” he asked. He rolled his eyes as he said 'year of the Lord'. Freddie could relate.

“Yes,” Freddie said, because it was and because he had no idea what else to say. There were two guys in a freaking police-box and Freddie had only vague ideas what two guys – one looking so hot – would get up to in a police-box.

“And we are where?”

That got Freddie's attention even more. The guy didn't seem drunk. “London, England,” Freddie said and then as a joke: “Earth.”

The guy let out a slow breath. Maybe a bit disappointed. “Earth, Doctor? Really? All these years and you bring me into the past on old boring Earth?”

“Are you drunk?” Freddie asked.

"What? No!" And mumbled under his breath something along the lines of "I wish I were." Freddie smiled and got one in return. “I'm Adam, and that in there, is The Doctor. Don't bother. It's a title name thingy like Cher. Wait, do people know her in 1968?” Adam asked the mysterious man inside.

“You should know,” the man said and stepped out of the box. He was wearing a blue suit and red shoes that looked kinda funny with it and a brown coat. He looked boyish, but something in his eyes spoke of eternity. It was strange.

“I don't know the entire history of music,” Adam answered.

“Yes, we do,” Freddie threw in amused. “I'm Freddie,” he added.
Adam offered his hand and Freddie took it, because how could he not?

 

~2~
Adam really wasn't sure what the hell he was doing in London in 1968. But he would make the best of it and maybe there wouldn't be any evil aliens involved this time. The universe knew he had had enough of that for a lifetime.

“I'm going to shop for cool clothes,” Adam declared. They would be vintage when Adam got back home. That was totally a win. They would be vintage and new and no one would've been wearing them except Adam.

“Is that the only thing you think about?”

“No,” Adam said with a wicked smile, “I do think about sex with cute boys too. A lot.” He then remembered that they weren't alone and that they were in 1968 and looked at Freddie, who looked a bit shocked. “Oh shit. I keep forgetting.”

“No, it's okay...” Freddie trailed off and didn't look at Adam.

“I know that it's okay,” Adam answered a bit too sharply. He wouldn't be put back in the freaking closet. This was just an episode, no one would even remember him here. There was no shame in who he was. None at all. He didn't give a fuck.

“Adam,” The Doctor said. It was kind of a warning.

“I just don't get why we're here! I don't need you to mess up my life. I have a great life and-”

“I know, Adam,” there was that tone again and he closed his eyes.

“I didn't eat anything before you showed up. I get bitchy when I don't eat,” Adam answered. It was partially true too.

“I know a good place,” Freddie offered.

Adam nodded. He had no idea why they were taking this guy, but he seemed nice enough, even if a bit young. But then Adam had been a child when The Doctor took him for his first joyride. Wow, he thought, that sounded super-creepy.

“I don't have money,” Adam said devastated. How in hell should he go shopping when he only had dollars and on top of that from the freaking future? “Please say you have money. I will pay you back. I am a big fucking deal back home.” He looked at The Doctor who smiled.

“I know. I always knew, Adam.”

“Of course. You could've said something, you know? Take away all the teenage angst.”

“Growing up is an adventure and-”

“Oh spare me the lecture. Money?”
The Doctor sighed but handed it over. Adam smiled. He would pay him back too.

~+~
After they've eaten Freddie took them to his favourite shops and Adam spent a lot of The Doctor's money. Freddie wondered for a brief second if Adam was some kind of, well, hooker, but it really didn't seem that way. He was too out there, too self-confident in who he was too. He and The Doctor (somehow Freddie knew it was all in capitals) seemed to be friends. And they were possibly both very mad. Not that Freddie cared at the moment. These two were the most interesting people since he met Brian and Roger.

“So, why are you a big deal back in the States?” Freddie asked.

“I sing. I am a singer,” Adam answered and then bit his lip and glanced at The Doctor, who nodded.

“Are you any good? I don't know you.”

“Well, yes I am very good,” Adam answered. “But you wouldn't hear me sing,” he added and it sounded kind of sad.

“Maybe we could sing a duet if you're up for it. There is a show I'm playing with friends. Do you know Gimme Some Lovin'?”

“Yes!” Adam said he looked excited all of a sudden. “I didn't sing it in some time, but yes, I know it.”

The Doctor smiled like he approved of something. This Doctor fella was kind of strange. Not in a bad way, Freddie thought, but like he knew things. No one could just know things. Adam was talking again all excited about music and he knew what he was talking about: it was like Freddie found his missing piece or something. He couldn't wait to sing with Adam. His speaking voice was nice, but he wondered what the States thought was a big deal these days.
Adam was humming under his breath as he pulled shirts and pants and jackets from shelves and tried them on. It sounded catchy and Freddie tried to remember if he ever heard it before, but he couldn't place it at all.

“You write?” he asked.

“Songs, not really the music. I can't play an instrument to save my life-”

“So very true,” The Doctor nodded.

“Hey! I was a child back then and it wasn't my fault you landed us in the Queens choir,” Adam said, taking off his shirt and putting on a new one. His back was full of freckles, his shoulder's too, but Freddie didn't see any on his face. He looked harder as Adam turned around to ask an opinion. Adam noticed. “Oh,” he said. “I'm wearing make-up.”
Except for Drag Queens Freddie never ever had met a guy who wore make up like this. And Adam didn't look in any kind feminine that way. He looked like a guy who could kick your ribs in if he wanted to.

“It looks good on you,” Freddie said and nodded to the shirt.

“I'm buying it then,” Adam answered with a smile.

 

~3~
Adam figured it out when they were on stage, rehearsing. He had heard that voice a million times while he was growing up. He knew every word to every song and- fuck it all. This here was Freddie Mercury, well not yet, but soon enough this would be the frontman, the singer, the legend and Adam was singing with him and OH GOD, he had been half naked in front of Freddie Mercury. He would never forgive The Doctor for that one. This was even more horrifying than the zombies on Pegasus Seven (you would think that a planet that is called after a white winged horse would be fucking peaceful, but no, not when The Doctor was there).
Later, after the show, he and Freddie sat down on a lumpy couch and talked and drank and laughed and Adam was a bit star-struck, because this was Freddie. But he was only 22 and he wasn't Freddie Mercury jet. He was still only just Freddie, the guy singing in that band, that wasn't Queen. But the foundation was there. Adam could see it now.

“You're wearing glitter,” Freddie said.

Adam touched his fingertips to the corner of his eye. He was wearing glitter. He liked glitter and it seemed like the occasion for it. “Yeah, I like it. I wore it a lot while promoting my first Album.”

“What did you call it?” Freddie asked.

“For your entertainment,” Adam answered and he was so very aware that Freddie would never ever be able to listen to it.

Freddie laughed. “That is a good title.”

“Don't steal,” Adam joked.

“I wouldn't. But I will need to find a copy of it soon. Your voice is amazing.”

Adam blushed, he didn't blush anymore, because fuck it, he was Adam Lambert, but this here was a compliment from Freddie fucking Mercury. Adam was allowed to blush. “Thanks,” Adam said.

“And you're cute when you're blushing,” Freddie added.

“Are you flirting with me?” Adam asked.

Freddie looked away. “Would that be bad?”

“No,” no it wouldn't be bad at all, Adam thought, except for all the reasons that it would. Adam wasn't from this time. He wasn't even born yet. He couldn't stay either. And this wasn't The Timetraveler's Wife. Except how it was. Freddie would die of AIDS and there was nothing Adam could do about it. Suddenly he wished The Doctor wouldn't have brought him here.

“Because you said you're thinking about having sex with cute boys all the time...”
Oh, Adam though. OH. Freddie wasn't aware how cute he was, he didn't think Adam would, but Adam would. So he leaned over and he did kiss Freddie, softly, gently. Just a peck on his lips.

“Hey, you are cute,” he said, because he couldn't fuck up Freddie Mercury.

~+~
Freddie was fucking in love or something. Adam made him feel all kinds of things, mostly the wet dream kind, because his skin was soft to the touch and he wanted to play connect the dots with his tongue on Adam's body. He kept that to himself. It would be way too creepy. They only knew each other for two days now. And Freddie didn't even know why Adam was here or where he lived, except LA. What his parents did for a living and stuff like that.
And then there were all these other things. The side-glances at The Doctor during conversations and how he sometimes bit his lip to keep something in and shook his head and smiled kind of sadly.

“You should sing me something then, from your new album,” Freddie said, because Adam kept repeating that he wouldn't find Adam's album anywhere. Freddie was pretty sure The Doctor had one. Maybe he should ask.

“Sing you something from my new album,” Adam repeated. He closed his eyes and Freddie watched him. Then he smiled. “You want to hear something scandalous?”

“If it's something you want to sing,” Freddie answered.

“I always want to provoke people to think for themselves, you know? I don't want to apologise for who I love. No one should.”

“Except maybe pedophiles and goat-lovers,” Freddie mused.

“Dude!” Adam laughed. Freddie thought that everyone should always make Adam laugh. The world wold be certainly a better place then.

“What? I think they really should be at least reconsidering their choices and maybe see a doctor.”

“Someone called for me?” The Doctor said, pocking his head in.

Adam smiled. “I bet no one ever really calls for you.”

“You would be surprised, Adam,” he didn't wink like he usually did when it was a joke. He looked like it hurt to think about that.

Adam went still beside him. Freddie reached out and stroked his arm. Adam exhaled slowly and leaned against him.

“Don't say it, okay?” Adam said.

“We can stay a bit longer,” The Doctor answered.

Adam nodded. Freddie wondered how much longer they were going to stay. Forever would be pretty good in Freddie's book, but that wasn't something that would be happening. He just knew it. Adam would disappear with The Doctor in the blue suit and Freddie would probably never see them again.

“I would like that,” Adam said.

“I would like that too,” Freddie whispered and Adam kissed his temple in a gesture that told Freddie it was born out of familiarity. Where he came from this was normal for Adam. It wasn't in any way for Freddie. He never kissed a guy before Adam and he certainly wouldn't be that affectionate in public, not that they were in public right now, but they weren't alone either. The Doctor still counted, even if he knew about Adam's preferences. And now about mine, Freddie thought.

“Wanna hear that song now?” Adam asked.

“Yeah.”

“It's called Fever and it's from the first album,” Adam answered and then sang.

 

~4~
“I can't believe you did that to me!” Adam exploded. He was very aware that he was falling and fast and The Doctor should have known. “This is not The Timetraveler's Wife!”

“Adam,” The Doctor cut in.

“What? I mess him up. We mess him up. He-” Adam stopped and ran a hand through his hair. He needed to put an end to this. He needed to go home. He had a concert to give in Kiev with what was left of Queen.

“Adam,” The Doctor said again.

“Why did you bring me here? Why would you bring me here to meet him?”

“Because he needs you.”

“He is fucking Freddie Mercury, for god's sake! He doesn't need me. I needed him when I was growing up. I needed him.”

“How do you think he became the person he was on stage? Would be on stage? Why do you think did he do what he did?”

“Because he was amazing and a visionary and had this great voice. This talent to make the masses move to his music.”

“Do you see that when you look at him now?” The Doctor asked. He was eating a biscuit and sipping his tea. Adam took a sip of his coffee. He missed soy milk.
Adam didn't see all of it, but it was there. A small part of Freddie already knew what kind of person he wanted to be, but the bigger was afraid. Maybe. Adam couldn't say, not after only a week. But he liked this person, he liked this young version of his childhood hero. And that was all kinds of fucked up. All kinds.
Adam wanted desperately to say yes, yes he saw that. All of it and they should just fucking leave him be to become a superstar.

“No, not yet.”

“Exactly,” The Doctor answered. “He needs someone to bring it out in him.”

“He isn't even part of Queen yet. There is no Queen yet, Doctor. What am I supposed to do?”
The Doctor took a sip of his tea. Adam found that very fucking suspicious. “What do you want me to do?” he repeated.

“Bring it out in him,” The Doctor said.

“I don't even want to understand what you are suggesting here.”

“He is vital to you becoming you, you know that. And-”

“I am vital to him becoming who he is. Well, fuck you!” Adam said. Who was The Doctor to meddle in the affairs of mortals? And why was it so important for Adam to become who he was anyway?

“The world is not better off without you,” The Doctor said as if he could sense what was going on inside Adam's head.

“Are you quoting Gerard Way on me?” Adam asked.

“He is a friend.”

“Of course,” Adam said. Of course Gerard would be a friend of The Doctor. “I should probably sit down with him and trash talk about you.”

The Doctor frowned. “I don't think so.”

Adam smiled. “I don't want to care about him, because he's going to die,” he admitted.

“We are all going to die.”

Adam couldn't really argue that. “I don't want to mess him up,” he said again.

“You won't. You'll help him become who he needs to be and he will help you become who you need to be, so you can stand on that stage and be the best you can be while you sing with Queen.”

Adam took another sip of his coffee. “I miss Starbucks.”

“Not for another three years, Adam.” The Doctor smiled. “But we could stop for coffee there on our way back to Kiev.”

“How do you even know that?”

“Gerard Way,” The Doctor said with a shrug.
Adam really should have known. There was probably a story there how The Doctor and Gerard Way saved the coffee or something. He should really talk to Gerard soon.

~+~
Freddie could feel the tension radiating from Adam.

“You're going back to the States.”

“Kiev. I am going back to Kiev,” Adam said.

“But you're from the States.”

“Yes, but I have this big concert in Kiev. And it's going to be amazing and I don't belong here.”

“You could,” Freddie said. Because he really wanted Adam to stay.

Adam closed his eyes. “You aren't there yet. You won't ever-” he stopped himself. “I don't hide who I am and I don't hide with who I am. And I am a big deal back home. You probably didn't even tell your parents.”

“I was born in Zanzibar, they aren't exactly traditional, but I don't think they could deal with this,” Freddie said.

“And this means what? You and me? You being with me? You liking men?”

“All of it and you are the first, you are the-” he cut himself off. He didn't know how to say it anyway. Adam seemed always so collected about it all and Freddie was just a big mess of feelings.

“Guy you want to get into your pants?” Adam asked. Freddie looked at him. He wasn't teasing. Freddie swallowed and nodded.

“Yeah.”

“I can't be that guy,” Adam said and sat down on Freddie's lumpy couch. “I can't be that guy because I'm leaving and I'm not coming back. I can't ever come back. I made him promise to never bring me back here.”

“The Doctor?” Freddie asked.

“Yes, The Doctor.”

“Where are you from Adam?” Freddie asked, reaching out and running a finger over Adam's brow. His hand came back covered in glitter. Pale and blueish with a mother-of-pearl shimmer. Adam seemed at times like an otherworldly being. Like he couldn't possibly be from this world. And maybe he wasn't.
Freddie had gone back to that alley he met them the first time and the police-box wasn't there.

Adam shook his head. “I can't tell you.”

Freddie grabbed his face gently and turned Adam's head. “You are so beautiful it hurts to look at you.”
Adam made a noise and then kissed him, hard and kind of desperate and Freddie couldn't make himself care.

 

~5~
“Take me home. Take me home,” Adam said. He was shivering and barely holding it together.

“You want to make that coffee-stop?”

“You so owe me for this shit. I am emotionally scarred for life,” Adam said, leaning against the Tardis. The night was cool and windy. It smelled like rain. Adam was pretty fucking sure he would never ever be able to forget this night. And there was no one he could ever tell. Except maybe Gerard Way.

“I'm sorry Adam. But it needed to be you.”

“I get it. I want to go to Mercury 19. Anno I can't remember. But there where they had the good coffee that was purple.”

“Yes, I remember. You were way too young for coffee back then...” The Doctor smiled.

“You bought me cake,” Adam said fondly. “I am old enough for the coffee now.”

“And the mermaids have nothing to do with this,” The Doctor answered.

“Maybe I want to look at something beautiful and eternal for a bit before I have to face reality again.”

“Mercury 19 anno 3089 is reality.”

“Not for most people where I come from,” Adam answered.

“True enough,” The Doctor allowed.

“I didn't leave him a note. I couldn't. I mean, I didn't know how proof of me being here would affect his future.” He didn't look at The Doctor. He didn't want to see whatever his face was showing right now. He went and did it, he made Freddie Mercury fall for him and showed him glitter and felt his lips on his own, so Freddie could become the person Adam would grow up with. Listening to and finding strength in the songs.

“He wrote My Fairy King for you, Adam.”

Adam took a deep breath. He wouldn't cry, but he really wanted to.

~+~
Freddie didn't think he would ever see the blue police-box again. He was feeling good that day, no pains to speak of and not really tired either.
The box appeared in his garden in Kensington. He saw it from his window as he was about to make coffee. The Doctor stepped out and waved. Freddie smiled half hoping Adam would step out any second. The door closed and he opened the window.

“Doctor,” he said.

“Freddie Mercury,” The Doctor answered.

“I didn't think I would see you ever again.”

“I knew I would see you again,” The Doctor answered with a smile.

“Did you want to visit a dying man for the last time?” Freddie said.

The Doctor looked sad for a minute. “It's not only that. I want to show you something. Something I think you should see.”

“My final wish would be-”

“Adam,” The Doctor interrupted, “I know.” He smiled again.

Freddie put the mug on the counter. “Give me a minute to change.”

“Sure,” The Doctor answered.

It was cold and rainy when he stepped into the garden. The Doctor was leaning against the box. The door was open.
“He isn't inside, is he?”

“No, and you won't be able to talk to him,” The Doctor answered.

Freddie nodded. It would be enough, he guessed to just see Adam a last time. His body was giving out on him. He really wasn't sure how much longer he had left. And he hadn't seen Adam in over 20 years. But he had never forgotten the blue of Adam's eyes or the millions of freckles on his skin. Or how Adam's laugh sounded.
He didn't want Adam to see him like this anyway. Sick and nearly dying and old.
“It's okay,” he said.

The Doctor kicked the door open and Freddie stepped inside. It was big and golden and beautiful on the inside and not at all what Freddie had expected. “Did you visit David Bowie?”
The Doctor laughed, but didn't answer.

The spaceship, because it couldn't be anything else, made a noise when they finally stopped. Freddie was feeling kind of seasick.
“We're here,” The Doctor said and stepped out.

Here seemed to be a supply-closet. “My wild closet-snogging times are over, Doctor.”

The Doctor blushed a bit. “No, no, I just needed to park her somewhere where no one would find her, you know?”

Freddie nodded. “Okay, lead the way. Because I am sure I was promised something big. And Adam.”
The Doctor only smiled.
When they finally made it to their destination Freddie knew why. Adam was something big. He was singing and strutting and he was doing all this with his band, older, but no less awesome and full of energy. Adam looked amazing, beautiful and not a day older than Freddie remembered him, during what seemed like a rehearsal.

“He looks the same,” he said and then made himself look at his surroundings. He knew that place. Kiev, Adam had said it.
When they met Adam had been older, but now Freddie felt every year that was separating them. Adam came from here. This was Adam's time. This was Adam's place and it didn't hurt at all knowing that he was singing with Freddie's band, that he was singing his songs. Adam had known all the time, Freddie realised. He had known everything. He knew the future. Freddie's guts where right back then. My fairy king can see things, he rules the air and turns the tides.

“It's your birthday,” The Doctor said. “Happy Birthday.”

Freddie nodded and took a deep breath. He wouldn't cry, but he really wanted to.

End