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Better Than Pancakes

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“Hey, I thought you were making pancakes. I’m starving.”

“Well good morning to you too, Captain Crankshaft.”

“Fuck you.”

“Wow. Already did that last night babe, so what else is on the menu?”

“I was led to believe pancakes were, but apparently not.”

“Good Christ. I have the batter mixed already, was just waiting for you to drag your crabby ass in from the garage, or maybe you’d rather make due with a bowl of Captn’ Crunch.”

“Captain Crunch? Kiss my ass.”

“Oh, I would, but it’d probably just give you a complex.”

“Not what you said last night, Danno. So, we having pancakes or what? You know what? Forget it, gimme a bowl.”

“Oh, please. Sulking does not become you, you realize this, right? Look, I’m ladling right now? See? See how that burner is already all nice and warm? Hear that sizzle? I had everything ready to go, was just waiting on you, jackass.”

“Mmmm, yeah, I see….smells good…feels good too.”

“Hey! Don’t interfere with this culinary awesomeness happening here, or you’ll be eating your ‘cakes crispy. So-unnhhgh….fuck that feels good…okay, keep that up, the chef can ladle and have a backrub all at the same time.”

“The chef can multitask?”

“The…mmnnnn….yeah, yeah….what you said.”

“You sure? ‘Cause I smell something burning.”

“Shit! Sorry…um, slide the trash can over here for me, please?”

“Sure…here. So this is culinary awesomeness? Impressive. Feel like I should take a picture to preserve this moment.”

“Thanks, babe, and you know what? You are so unbelievably funny and goofy. Don’t you know better than to antagonize the man that holds the fate of your breakfast in his hands? Why don’t you go take a load off. You’re distracting the chef.”

“Is that what I was doing?”

“Smart ass. So…here, look, you want more than five?”

“Five’ll be good to start with.”

“To start with? I’ll have you know, I am not slaving away all morning over a hot stove for you, so commit to a number.”


“Ten! Ten, he says….okay, you start with these-here’s the butter.”

“Goddamn, this smells so good, Danno.”

“Of course they do, what did you expect? Make yourself useful and get the milk outta the fridge, okay? Now, what’s with the thing? It didn’t fit?”


“Words, caveman, swallow your food, and use your words. I know you can.”

“Mmm-mmm, nope…didn’t fit. Right part, wrong year model.”

“You ordered from that internet store again, didn’t you?”


“You did. How many times, babe, do they have to fuck with you for you to understand, they cannot be trusted.”

“Jesus, Danny, we’re not dealing with the mob here, it was just a mix-up.”

“Three times! Three times is not a mix-up, it’s dumbassery, or either it’s deliberate.”


“Yeah, here, here, take this plate while I finish up. You got enough?”

“Yeah, thanks, Danno. This really hits the spot, as always. Captain Crunch has got nothing on you, baby.”

“You better believe it. Just remember that the next time you wake me up in the dead of night doing the foxtrot with a hammer on that hunk of junk out there.”

“It was eight-thirty in the morning, Danny.”

“Eight-thirty on a Saturday, Steven. Eight-thirty on a Saturday when we have the day off is the equivalent of four-thirty on a weekday.”

“So, mmmm, pass me those blueberries, yeah? Thanks. So, you’re saying it’s like dog years?”

“Exactly. Wait, no, not really.”

“Oh. That makes perfect sense. Syrup?”

“Yes, please, and yes, it makes perfect sense, but to someone like you, it doesn’t compute because it’s normal behavior, and you, my lover, are about as close to normal as I am from a decent pizza.”

“You’re crazy.”

“Only for you babe, only for you. Why’ve you been working so hard on the ole ‘quis, anyway?”

“I haven’t been-“

“Steve, you jump out there every chance you get. It’s getting to the point that when I wake up and you’re not in bed, instead of the bathroom or the ocean, I find you with your ass rolled up under that car. If I didn’t know better I’d say you were having a little somethin’ somethin’ on the side with that thing.”

“Danno, you’ve finally lost it.”

“Well, what gives, then? And hand over some of those blueberries, will you? What? What’s that look? Are all your ninja skills derived directly from little blue berries? Share.”

“No, wrong berry. You’re thinking of strawberries…here, have the rest of mine. Since when do you eat blue berries anyway?”

“Since now, thanks. So, strawberries? Huh. Coulda sworn it was blueberries.”

“This conversation is ridiculous.”

You’re ridiculous, you’re just not self-aware enough to realize it. So, when you gonna tell me what bug has got up your ass about the Marquis all of a sudden?”

“It’s not all of a sudden. I’ve been working on the Marquis since we met.”

“No, no you’ve been tinkering with it since we met. It’s only been the last few weeks that you’re out there every free moment that we’re not eating, sleeping or fucking. So, what gives?”

“You know…the anniversary of dad’s death is coming up, again.”

“Yeah, babe, I know.”

“I don’t think I ever told you, but when I was around ten, I think, he took a week off from work. A week with him all to ourselves was unheard of. It was just me and him, riding around the island in that stupid car.”

“Man, that must’ve been a real special thing for you, yeah?”

“Yeah, it was. He took me to all his favorite places, we just bummed around you know, just me and dad. I can’t remember where mom and Mary where, but that week, we did all the things a father and son should do all the time. All the things, he just, never got around to, I guess, most of the time, and then later on…”

“I’m really glad you got that time with him, Steven.”

“So am I.”

“Okay, but I don’t get the urgency now, about the car-you’ve been a little touchy about it, lately.”

“I know. I’m sorry, I just thought-you know our vacation is coming up, and I wanted to get the car up and running, take you out, kind of, retrace dad and mine’s steps, you know? Just you and me this time.”


“I’m sorry I was pissy earlier. Sorry I’ve been a little crazy, with the car and everything. I just wanted to use the Marquis because my best memories of dad are tied to that car, and I wanted to make memories with you, too.”

“I’d love to do that with you. I wish you’d said something, you know, let me help.”

“I know. I’m sorry, I just kind wanted it to be a surprise.”

“You are a continual surprise, Steven McGarrett. Come here, babe.”


“Jesus, you taste so fucking good, Danny.”

“Better than pancakes?”

“Fuck yeah. Better than pancakes, better than anything.”

“Now that, I like to hear.”

“I’m sure, but you know, I had another surprise for you…”

“Yeah? What’s that?”


“Holy fuck! Is that-is that what I think it is?”

“Depends on what you think it is, Danno.”

“You little shit. Is that-are you asking me to marry you, Steven?”

“What if I am?”

“I-I’d need to come up with an answer, I guess.”

“And that would be?”

“Wait. What? That’s it? Where’s the popping of the question? Where’s the bended knee? I’m a traditional kind of guy, here.”

“You really want that, Danno?”

“Aw, not so much. I just want you, you goof of gargantuan portions.”

“Gargantuan? How long have you been waiting to use that in a sentence?”

“What do you care? So-we’re getting hitched?”

“We are. You’re mine, figuratively and soon to be, on paper.”

“Oh…yes, I can go along with that. But from now on, Saturdays are for sleeping in, Steven.”

“Duly noted, Danno. Duly noted. Now, come here. You’re got syrup on your chin, and I’m still hungry.”

“Animal. At least put the ring on me first.”


“Danny…it fits. It’s perfect. It looks so fucking good on you, baby.”

“Yes it does, doesn’t it? God, wasn’t sure I’d ever wear another one of these.”

“This one’s good for the rest of your life, Danny.”

“Steve…you are so…you’re so unbelievably…cheesy.”

“Is that so? Just wait, I’ll show you cheesy.”

“Ah! Fuck, not-not on the kitchen table, Steven! For fuck’s sake!”

“Why not, you look good enough to eat, Danno.”

“Oh-god, can you get anymore ridiculous? You are so-oh…fuck…mmm, ohmygodsteven…”

“That’s it, Danno, just lie back and let me enjoy my breakfast.”

“Ohhhhunnnnmmmm….fuck-jesus, Steven! Uhnnn…please, please do that again, that thing with your tongue?”


Oh fuck!

“I love the ideas you have, Danny.”

“You-you are such a cheese-ball.”

“And you taste so much fucking better than pancakes.”

“Christ, babe. That’s the most romantic thing anyone’s ever said to me.”