"Pass me the salamander tongues, would you?"
"Hermione, if I'm just here as a sort of maid to hand you the ingredients, I wish you'd tell me now. It's nearly midnight. There are things I'd rather be doing, you know?"
"What? Didn't Ron or Harry - oh bugger. They said they'd explain it to you."
"They told me you needed me, that they couldn't help, but they were a bit mysterious about exactly why. So? Care to enlighten me? Because if it's just because this was beneath them and they thought good old Neville could do it instead, well - "
"No! No, it's not - oh knickers. I'll hex the two of them into the middle of next week when I see them. It's - um. Well, this potion is one that we think will help Harry to defeat Voldemort. It's - well, it's not quite Dark Magic. Quite. But - well, it's definitely on the grey side. Um. So it's all a bit hush hush."
"I can't believe they left this to me. I'll kill them. I'll kill them slowly. The thing is, Neville, that I need you to help me with one of the ingredients."
"Well I already am, pretty much. I mean -"
"That's - um. That's not quite the kind of help I. God. Um. I need - Ineedoneofyourbodilyfluids. And it has to be fresh."
"You need - what? I'm sorry?"
"I thought that's what you said."
"This really is extremely embarrassing."
"So why, exactly, aren't Ron or Harry prepared to bleed for you? Why does it need to be me?"
"It's - um. It's just that they aren't - qualified. Um. And it isn't. Um. Blood."
"Qualified? It's not blood? You don't want me to pee in a bottle, do you? Oh, don't say you want me to pee in a bottle, Hermione, because I really hate it when doctors want you to do that - it's so embarrassing, and I can never make myself go because they're going to know that - that - it's not pee we're talking about either, is it?"
"It's - it's - um. Just - look at the book, okay? I'm really sorry about this, Neville. I thought you knew all about it, and you were okay with this. I can't believe they were so irresponsible. What am I saying, of course I can believe it. I'll kill them."
"Dragon liver...cobwebs...shivering nettlewort...cinnamon...fresh semen from a virg...You want my - Hermione!"
"Oh, Neville, I'm so sorry! Don't look at me like that, I didn't invent the bloody potion, damn it!"
"Damn. Damn. Damn. Look, I know this is horribly embarrassing, but - well, you're here now, and it's quarter to twelve, and I really do need the, er, ingredient. Couldn't you just, you know, couldn't you - I've got some copies of Playwitch that you could - um. Neville?"
"Please? It's to defeat Voldemort. I wouldn't ask otherwise, you know."
"If - um. If I could help you, Hermione, I would. You know I would. But what you're asking - I just - I'm not the right person."
"Look, I know it's awkward, but - look, I could cast Viagro, if it helps. Um."
"No! No that's - um. You're sure that Harry and Ron aren't - qualified?"
"Yes. Absolutely positive. Um. I have - er. I have reason to know this is definitely the case."
"Right. Right. So it has to be a virgin?"
"I'm so sorry about this, Neville."
"That makes two of us. But - er, the thing is that I'm not exactly qualified myself."
"You're - what?"
"Neville, if this is some kind of male pride thing…"
"My pride is pretty much in shreds at this point, Hermione."
"But - but I know you've not been with any of the girls. I'd have noticed. People talk, and I pay attention to things - I always know who's dating, or who's had a secret rendezvous in the broom closet. Unless - oh! Is it a Muggle?"
"No. Very much no."
"Look, it's okay to wait for the right girl, Neville. You don't need to be ashamed of that. I think it's pretty cool, actually."
"But I really haven't - oh, God. Look, Hermione, I'm shagging Draco Malfoy, all right? It's - we've been keeping it pretty hush hush because - well, because. But considering what I've done to him and what he's done to me, I really don't think that anyone in their right mind would consider me a virgin at this point."
"Well, I guess that answers the question of whether we'd been sufficiently sneaky."