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Eleven

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Eleven

 

Snape nodded at him just the tiniest bit before turning away with a flurish of his robes, and Harry heard his voice in his head saying: "Goodbye, Potter". Then the man apparated and Harry was left staring at the ugly streetcorner at St. Mungo's.

"Well, I suppose it is" Harry thought after recalling the previous days he spent at the Potions Master's bedside while the mediwizards tried to restore the man's vocal cords. "But that is just wrong." 

By the day of his discharge, Snape still coudn't (wouldn't?) talk, so they mostly communicated with the use of his Legillimency. As little as Snape was willing to talk to him. Which wasn't much. But still - at least he was alive.

Harry felt… something missing. But it wasn't a nagging, desparate thing which threattened to eat him alive, so he went on with his life and life went on with him.

 

He helped finish Hogwarts' renewal, he got back together with Ginny. He, Ron and Hermione went back for their eight year. He broke up with Ginny. They got their diploma. He started doing the Auror trening at the Ministry. Ginny and he had another fling. He stopped the Auror thing, deciding it wasn't his true calling. He couldn't figure out what his true calling was. He drifted a bit and had plenty pints with Ron and Hermione with unfruitfull conversations every evening. They vowed to remain friends with Ginny, and carefully planned not to meet for two month. He thought a lot about the war, about their losses. About how non- black and white the world was. About Snape. About Dudley, Vernon and Petunia, and everyone in his life, really.

He went clubbing and had sex with strangers every day for a forthnight. After the first five girls, one night he ended up in a man's arm. He liked it, and set out to seek more experiences with male partners. The excitement ebbed a bit, because Hermione got word of his last threesome and went over to give him a thoughough sex-talk including safety and STIs, and the session did a dampher on Harry's libido. His nineteenth birthday caught him by surprise. He went over to babysit Teddy Lupin and quickly fell in love with his little grandson. Remus and Tonks were enthuastic to have more time to themselves and didn't mind Harry amusing their two years old every other afternoon.

He repainted Grimmauld Place and rearranged the whole house until it wasn't so gloomy anymore. He still didn't know what to do with his life. Hermione got him thinking about going to university.

"But what would I study there? I don't even know what am I intrested in!"

Hermione grinned at him.

"As if most of the people who go to university do, Harry. I swear, half of my friends are just as unsure or questioning as you are. Just give it a go, see if it works. You might get a good idea. Better than sitting around."

 

So Harry went. He choose a wizarding university which was in close relations with a muggle one, and he chose a literature/ transformation major, but he visited every course he found intresting. And then he met Chris, and he was in a relationship again. He met up with the Weasleys and got a hearty invite to work at Fred and George's shop. He abandoned university and the WWW's popularity went up a lot. They started having problems with Chris which resulted in another breakup a week after Harry's twentiest birthday.

Harry took Teddy to long walks around a nearby park. He drank with Ron and Hermione, and occasionally went out to see a movie with Ginny and Luna. He helped to plan the opening of Neville's business and was a shameless promoter of the new uncoming Minister, Kingsley. He visited his parents grave. He thought about Snape. And he thought about Sirius and Peter and everyone in his past, really.

Then he went out clubbing again. Drinks with Ron and Hermione. Tried to make Grimmauld Place easier to live in. He went to career-guidence groups. To babysit Teddy.

 

Then there was a point where he thought he might suffocate if he had to continue to live on like this. So one day, he hugged Hermione and Ron tightly, and opened up the map of the world and blindly put his finger on a point. It hit the ocean at first, but then it landed on ground and he promptly brought a plane ticket to India.

The flight was a first in Harry's life, and so was India. He volunteered in a primary magic-school as a teacher, but felt as he learned more from his students then they did from him.

He joined a quidditch team and loved their fucking crazy liberating rules. He met an old woman one day, and they became fast friends. They were so much in sync with each other despite their differences that Harry was convinced he met with his soulmate in Ayushi. She soon invited Harry to live with her, and he was happy to oblige. Then after a few days, Ayushi's son unexpectedly visited them, and they fell in love almost instantly with Harry. But he had a wife and a child another town away, so their romance was mostly unfullfilled and cut short. But Harry experienced real heartbreak for the first time, and it dragged foreward a deep depression in him that was shimmering in his mind since the war of Hogwarts.

 

He didn't know how he avoided it before. It went on for long months, but Ayushi's support helped Harry over it somehow. He spent his 23th birthday there, but slowly started to feel the need to move again. It was hard to leave though. The kids at the school still hadn't failed to amaze him, and Ayushi became family for Harry. He didn't want to say goodbye.

After canceling Harry's portkey for the fifth time, they eventually agreed in a date. He was set out to leave two days after New Years Eve. As the time grew closer, he thought more and more about his old life and affairs back in England. He could see how much he changed, how his opinions changed on matters. He told Ayushi about Sirius, about the Durselys and Snape.

He conjured up images of them of her to see - they were sitting in her garden, drinking mango juice. She let out a small gasp when she saw Snape's face.

"What is it?" Harry asked worriedly.

She looked at him with a twinke in her eye.

"Nothing. But don't you think he looks a bit similar to..."

She hadn't finished the sentence, but Harry immidiately saw the resembelance he hadn't notice before between Ayushi's son and Snape.

"Hmm." He frowned, then let the thing go. "I always wonder about how he's doing."

He proceeded to tell Snape's story to his honorary grandmother, and Ayushi, after listening, said something intresting.

"I think you should let him know that you don't hold any grudges against him."

"What? Why? And, wait, I'm not sure that is true, actually. He did make my studenthood a living hell..."

Ayushi clicked her tounge.

"Do you blame him for your parent's death? Or your godfather's?"

Harry didn't have to think through his answer at all.

"Of course not. He was involved in both cases in some ways, but... no. Not more than I can blame myself for them." He added, feeling his throat close.

"And still, though you know it's not your fault, you blamed yourself. Don't you think he does the same? You should let him know he is forgiven, otherwise you might not find closure to all this history between yourselves."