What people don't understand is that they're as married as it was possible for two underage Canadians to get in suburban Detroit. So not at all, but they tried. Sort of.
There was a wedding. It started of as a reason to throw a party. Boredom and teenage minds searching for any excuse, and somebody asked him, "Hey, aren't you and Segs engaged?" And the answer was yes, so then there was a wedding. Logic.
The engagement itself is a bit harder to explain. Tyler had won a ring from an arcade game and didn't have anything to do with it. It was this plastic piece of crap and he didn't want it, but he couldn't just throw it away. So he turned to Segs, who was sitting next to him and said, "Hey, do you want this ring?"
Segs said, "No, it's a piece of crap."
Tyler agreed, but he really wanted to get rid of it. "No man. It's great. I'm offering it to you because you're important and I want you to have it."
"Is this a proposal jackass?" Segs asked.
Tyler really wanted to get rid of the thing. "Sure."
"Well, you're doing it wrong."
So Tyler got down on one knee and asked solemnly, "Tyler Seguin, would you marry me?"
Segs said yes. Then they both cracked up, but he still took the ring.
That would have been it but then somebody said they should put their "engagement" on facebook, which seemed like a fun thing to do, so they did it. It was all super romantic.
The wedding party wasn't much of a wedding, but was a pretty good party. There was a wedding cake. It wasn't fancy, just grocery store cakes stacked together with two plastic hockey players on top. The cake was nice, but the beer keg someone got ahold of was even nicer.
It also explains why neither of them have completely clear memories of the ceremony. AJ conducted it because he was the Captain, and Captains can marry people, in some situations. Like if they were on a ship. They weren't on a ship, but there wasn't anyone else, so AJ had to do it. He said something about commitment and love that Tyler recognized from somewhere, the bible maybe, or a movie. The vows were as basic as they come, do you agree to marry Tyler, repeated twice with different last names, followed by I dos.
Tyler remembers saying "I do" and staring at Segs who was doing something stupid with his eyelashes. It was an alright moment until AJ said "You may now kiss the groom." Tyler had planned to peck Segs's cheek, but the other boy planted one on him, full on the lips, wet and sloppy. They'd never actually kissed before, because kissing would have been gay. Tyler decided to just go with it, making out enough to get cat calls from their teammates before pulling away.
The party got late and blurry. Tyler woke up around noon, overheated on a basement couch because Segs was draped over his back octopus-style.
"Hey," Segs said. "What does it feel like to be married?"
Tyler didn't know. "Dude, your breath stinks. Get off me."
Segs grinned. “Sure thing honey.”
Tyler wasn’t expecting a honeymoon, but was ambushed by one the week after the wedding. It was all Segs’s idea. Tyler actually considered pressing charges for kidnapping before he decided it would be a pretty shitty thing to do to his spouse. They probably wouldn’t have stuck anyway considering how Tyler willingly got in the car and didn’t start objecting until it became clear that they were headed out of the city. “Where the hell are we going?” He asked.
“On our honeymoon,” Segs explained. “We don’t have anything tomorrow, so I thought it would be a good time to get away.”
Tyler glared at him. “You can’t just decide these things. I could have had plans!”
Segs laughed at him, which wasn’t very nice. “Not likely. Besides, what would you rather do: whatever your non-existent plans are, or have sex with me?”
“We’re having sex?” Tyler asked.
“Of course we are. Isn’t that the whole point of honeymoons?”
Tyler couldn’t argue with that.
They were in the car for a while longer because Segs chose for them to honeymoon in the middle of nowhere. The ride was a chance for Tyler to think about things and work up a nice strong panic.
Apparently being married meant they're going to have sex, like actually, the gay kind, which is different. Everything up to this point could have been written off as simply using someone else’s hand because of boredom. This was like, legit gay. Which was different, and could be awkward. Only Segs seemed ok with it, enthusiastic even, if his romantic getaway planning counted for anything, and if anyone was going to have a homosexual panic Tyler decided it wouldn’t be him.
Eventually they pulled up to a motel that looked run down but was clean enough inside. Their room wasn’t like what they’d get on a road trip. It had one king instead of two doubles, which made sense but drove home exactly what they were here to do.
When they first got in the room it was really awkward. They kind of stood around and stared at each other, and at the bed, neither knowing what the first move should be.
Then Segs stepped forward and started kissing really enthusiastically. It was the only their second kiss, and their first without an audience. It was hot and wet and sloppy, sharp in way that differed from any of the girls that Tyler had ever kissed before. Tyler wondered if this sharpness was because he was kissing a guy, or because the guy was a hockey player, or if it was just something about kissing Segs.
They fumbled to push their pants down. Tyler wouldn’t have worn this belt if he knew he was going to get laid. The lesson here was that Segs shouldn’t be making plans on his own. Getting his hand on Segs dick was familiar, but held an extra charge knowing this was just a precursor to something else. Segs’s hand on his own cock felt good too, just a bit of friction to make things more fun.
Freed from their pants he pushed Segs down on the bed and ground their hips together. Segs moaned. They’d done this before too but it felt different, better, because they were making out at the same time. Tyler bit down on Segs’s shoulder, just because he could. He had never done that before, with anyone, but apparently Segs liked it. The noise he made was loud, packed with shock and appreciation. Tyler had to do it again.
It seemed like that might have been a mistake because it made Segs pull away from him, walking away from the bed to search through their discarded clothes. The distance did mean that Tyler could get a better look at the teeth marks he had left on his husband’s (which still didn’t sound right) shoulder.
He didn’t have to worry because after pulling something in his coat pocket Segs headed straight back to where they had been, kissing Tyler and handing over his finds. Tyler looked down at the items and his breath caught in his chest.
Segs, who can be responsible when there’s something he wants (which is hard to remember because mostly he wants to play hockey and who wouldn’t want that?) had remembered condoms and real lube, designed especially for sex, unlike the hand lotion they’d used before. And condoms! Because there was going to be sex!
It was nearly too hot for Tyler to handle. It short circuited his brain. Segs kissing and rubbing up against him didn’t help.
Segs’s hand snuck into his boxers and took hold of his dick, jerking him messily.
Tyler groaned. “If you don’t stop that I’m gonna come.”
“That’s fine,” Segs said. “We have all night. It’s our fucking honeymoon. Multiple orgasms are a must.” Segs’s hand didn’t stop, but sped up and spread precome down his shaft. “You can fuck me later.”
Tyler closed his eyes and thought about fucking Segs, and thought about Segs’s hand, and thought about how he was kind of married to Segs. He thought about how absurd this was, and how he was going to get to fuck Segs, in just a little bit, and then it was too much and he came.
When Tyler opened his eyes Segs’s face was right above his, wide eyed and desperate. He couldn’t think much but he could enough to pull Segs down and kiss him, enough to dig his hands into Segs’s ass as the other boy ground against his hip, enough to hold onto Segs through his orgasm, and enough to push Segs off him so he could breathe as they drifted off.
They woke up all sticky and gross which led to the discovery that handjobs work great in showers too, even if showers don’t work too great with two larger framed dudes.
Their growling stomachs were a reminder that they were growing boys who needed sustenance after athletic activities, so they ordered a pizza because being on honeymoon meant they didn’t have to eat healthy.
Then the sex. The actual totally gay anal sex with condoms and real lube. It wasn’t like anything else.
He learned that lube is important and that he didn’t really know what to do with it, but Segs did. He coated his fingers with the stuff and put them where Segs told him too, one at first then another, then another, because Segs kept on saying more and making hot desperate sounds below him. Eventually more meant his dick, which meant wiping the lube of his hands to put on a condom and then getting more lube to spread over that. Segs wanted to kiss and wanted more, now, and wasn’t any help at all.
Tyler pushed in. His world narrowed down to disbelief that this was really happening, and Segs; Segs’s body, Segsy’s voice, Segsy’s fingernails as they dug into his back. This was actually happening.
He knew he had to be careful, go gently, but maintaining any measure of control was difficult.
He knew it wasn’t going to last long so he reached down to stroke Segs’ cock because no way was he coming first. It only took a couple of harsh strokes before Segs was coming between them. Tyler felt Segs shaking around him. It was so hot and so new. Tyler started to come looking at Segs, all fucked out and goofy looking, and he thought, I’m married to this guy, what the hell, and that was that.