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when you feel like the world has turned against you

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life is like shitting, yoongi thinks as he grits his teeth. he has his head buried in his hands, his blonde strands sticking to his sweaty forehead. he huffs and musters his strength and pushes, to no avail.

 

“argh!” he groans in frustration and pushes his soaked fringe away from his eyes. this was absolutely not the time for this, he doesn’t have time for this, he should be in the studio, churning out lyrics and harmonies.

 

not this.

 

yoongi wants to cry. he never had trouble before, so why was trouble finding him now? now when he had so much in his head, now when no one was using the studio. he exhales, his breath fogging up his glasses and he wipes them with the hem of his shirt. he takes a sip from his cup sitting on the counter by his side and gulps down a huge mouthful of water after that. settling his cup back down, he turns back to the task at hand. he gathers all his frustration and attempts again and fails once more. he punches the wall out of frustration and regrets it after he feels the stinging pain shoot through his knuckles. he winces and rubs at his fist gently, trying to ease the pain.

 

yoongi recalls the last time he felt like this, the time when he had argued with namjoon over lyrics of a song.

 

“hyung, it’s not supposed to go like that!”

 

“why not.” it wasn’t exactly spoken as a question but yoongi could hardly be bothered with the tone of his voice now. namjoon sighs as he rakes his hand through his short cropped hair.

 

“hyung, that’s contradicting the whole song.” namjoon explains not so gently, because if yoongi couldn’t be bothered to settle this amicably, namjoon wouldn’t either. yoongi gives him a look, staring up at the younger.

 

“how.”

 

“it just does.” namjoon replied with an equally dead tone in his voice, to which yoongi raises an eyebrow at. he crosses his arms and stared even harder at the taller male, which he should have not done, because no one could outstare namjoon.

 

“is that the way you’re supposed to be speaking to your elder?”

 

namjoon lets out a dry chuckle but immediately stares back at yoongi and yoongi almost but doesn’t wither under the weight of his stare.  “and is that the way you’re supposed to be speaking to your leader?”

 

emphasising on the last word, he crosses his arms in a similar fashion to yoongi. the smaller male could feel something boiling inside of him, eyes narrowing on namjoon.

 

“so now you’re using the leader card on me.”

 

namjoon shrugs.

 

“i tried. you weren’t being reasonable.”

 

yoongi opens his mouth to interrupt but namjoon closed up the gap as quickly as he had left it.

 

“look at the current lyric flow, and look at yours. it may be a small part but look at how it distorts the feel of the song. try to imagine it in your head, hyung.” yoongi cringes at the amount of stress placed on the word. he had to admit, namjoon had a point. his part of the lyric did distort the feel of the song but to him, it was just a tiny bit. he feels stuck, stuck in between namjoon and his lyrics.

 

who’s namjoon to judge his lyrics anyway?

 

oh yeah, he’s the leader.

 

“it’s just one line, namjoon. one line.” he sighs exasperatedly. “you haven’t even read the rest of the lyrics.”

 

namjoon flushes.

 

“but hyung,” he whines but yoongi only put his hand up.

 

“read it, namjoon.” a wicked grin grows on yoongi’s face.

 

“or i’ll get seokjin to read it to you like a baby.”

 

namjoon blushes, the tip of his ears turning a bright shade of pink. he sighs. “fine, but don’t bring seokjin hyung into this,” he says, hands covering his ears. yoongi laughs and decides to take this opportunity to tease namjoon.

 

“oh why? afraid that he--”

 

“hyung, are you done?”

 

yoongi snaps out of his thoughts at the familiar voice. namjoon. he looks down to where he’s at and groans loudly. he hears namjoon knocking at the door.

 

“yeah, almost.” it’s a lie but yoongi’s going to try and finish the job anyways. he takes a deep breath and clenches his eyes and jaw as he pushes, unconsciously holding in his breath and lets out a sigh of relief when he feels it move out. he sits up straighter and wipes the sweat that has formed on his forehead with the sleeve of his t-shirt. he turns and reaches out for the toilet paper when he realises there’s none.

 

“fuck.” he curses under his breath and turns in the other direction and rummages through the cabinet for the roll of toilet paper. feeling the rough texture of the tissue under the pads of his fingers, he quickly pulls it out, careful not to knock anything over inside the cabinet. he unrolls a length and breaks it off before quickly cleaning up and flushing the remnants of his constipation and constipated thoughts down the toilet bowl. he pulls his underwear and pants up and washes his hands in the sink.

 

namjoon knocks again and yoongi sighs. he grabs his cup and opens the door to meet with namjoon’s face and literally dashes to the kitchen before namjoon can say anything.

 

“ah fuck.” yoongi curses as he feels needles prick his feet and legs and he grabs on to a chair and seats himself down before his legs gave up under him. he grits his teeth once again and he tries to breathe in and out evenly. he sets his cup on the table and combs his fingers through his blonde mess of hair. his legs feel weak, like that time namjoon had stared down at yoongi.

 

“oh fuck, hyung, what the hell!” he hears namjoon shout from the toilet and he feels his cheeks turn hot when he hears namjoon complaining to the others about how the toilet stinks. he groans and covers his eyes with his hand. he can’t deal with this right now, not now when his legs are jelly and his ass is sore.

 

not now.

 

yoongi feels something tap his shoulder and his head shoots up, mouth ready to fire away at the person that dug him out of his embarrassment, but he opens his eyes to see a yellow fruit shoved in his face. he looks up and sees seokjin smirking behind his hand. yoongi’s eyes travel from seokjin to the fruit and back to seokjin again.

 

“i told you to eat your bananas, didn’t i?” and yoongi feels like his entire body is on fire as he snatches the offending yellow fruit from seokjin and storms off to his room, locking himself inside. he throws himself and the fruit onto his bed, his head buried in his pillow as hears the other members laughing outside.

 

ah fuck.