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say it, just say it

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It starts simply, and ultimately, because of the other members' inability to keep their noses out of Yoongi's business.

"So when are you planning to confess your feelings?" Seokjin's voice floats just above Yoongi's head, and he would've completely ignored it (just like he'd been playing deaf to their conversation for the past five minutes already) in favor of staring at Namjoon from his place by the kitchen doorway if not for the fact his ears somehow pick up on the word confess. He feels his back tense up, then he's whirling around to stare at Seokjin, his face uncharacteristically bewildered and flustered at the same time.

"Hyung," Yoongi hisses through gritted teeth, striding towards Seokjin's place by the counter in quick steps. He presses his palms against the counter's surface, leaning towards the older boy with evident panic in his face. "you can't just go around saying that."

Seokjin blinks, tilting his head to the side as he surveys Yoongi with a curious look, but even from here Yoongi can see the amusement dancing in his eyes. "Why not? I know you've liked Namjoon for about three years already--"

"Shh!" Yoongi shoots a hand out to hover over Seokjin's lips, just a few inches from touching his face. He quickly glances over his shoulder, checking if anyone had been within earshot when Seokjin chose to run his mouth so carelessly, then lets out a tiny sigh of relief when he sees that the coast is clear. Turning his attention back to Seokjin, Yoongi can't help but frown up at him. "I know you know I like Namjoon, probably because I'd been stupid enough to tell you about it. I knew I shouldn't have taken you up on that heart-to-heart talk bullshit you pulled on me."

Seokjin still has it in him to look offended despite the fact he's obviously enjoying the rare sight of Yoongi in obvious discomfort, face even paler than usual. "Hey, I just figured that since we were new roommates at that time we should get to know each other more. Honestly, the most that I'd been expecting from you was confessing the fact you hate everyone in our group, not actually be in love with Namjoon--"

"Yoongi-hyung's in love with Namjoon?" comes a third voice, and Yoongi swears the blood in his face has never left him as fast enough as it did now. He looks at Seokjin, both their eyes comically wide before he turns around, feeling his heart fall to the pit of stomach as he sees Hoseok standing a few feet away from them, seemingly going for the direction of the fridge but completely bypassing it in favor of fucking eavesdropping between the two oldest members.

That last thought morphs the cold, hard panic in Yoongi's veins into bubbling, boiling rage, his face going from icy pale to a flushed red in a matter of seconds. "You--" he clenches his jaw and lets out an exhale, trying to hold the last of his dwindling patience. "Shut the hell up. And come here."

Hoseok's surprised expression turns dubious as he spots the way Yoongi has his hands balled into tight fists by his sides, like he's physically holding himself back from punching the life out of him. He averts his gaze towards Seokjin, blinking and letting out an "Uh."

"It's okay, Hoseok." Seokjin tries for an encouraging smile, but it ends up looking more like a grimace. Hoseok considers backing out of the kitchen towards the safety of the living room, but then he's sure that would lead to a more likely demise than just doing what Yoongi wants now. So with a few careful steps he makes his way over to the two older boys, then nearly screams in terror when Yoongi closes the distance between them by reaching out and grabbing him by the collar.

"What you heard," Yoongi says menacingly, ignoring Seokjin's concerned voice hovering over them. "stays between the three of us, alright?"

Hoseok's chin wobbles a little, and that action is enough of an indication to Yoongi that he'll keep his word about zipping his mouth shut, but then Hoseok's mumbling out a question eerily similar to Seokjin's. "Why not just tell him you like him?"

Yoongi blinks, momentarily speechless for a second time before he lets go of Hoseok and nearly whines out, "Why the hell are you all saying that!"

Hoseok shoots Seokjin a confused look over the top of Yoongi's head, and Seokjin merely shrugs in reply, as if to say, "This one's a hopeless case."

"Aren't you supposed to confess when you like someone?" Hoseok says slowly, but the last part of his sentence is engulfed by Yoongi's loud groan.

"People who think like that are the dumbest people on this earth." he says, exasperation evident in his voice. "I can't even have a normal conversation with him without fucking it up somehow. And you're telling me I should confess? Ha, good one."

Seokjin walks around the counter to settle beside Yoongi, patting him on the back once before retracting his hand at the glare the younger boy sends his way.

"To be honest with you, I've always thought you hated Namjoon's guts." Seokjin admits once he's put a considerably safe distance between him and Yoongi. Hoseok's nodding along quite enthusiastically, as if Seokjin's verbalizing that one thought that's been bugging his head. "I didn't want to say anything during that time you told me you liked him, but I think now is a good time to tell you that Namjoon probably thinks you hate everything about him."

"What." Yoongi says flatly, his eyes going from Hoseok to Seokjin.

"You said it yourself hyung," Hoseok says after a beat of silence as Yoongi digests the thought in. "you always fuck up whenever you talk to him."

"Well, yeah, I do--" Yoongi huffs, crossing his arms over his chest. He settles his gaze on the floor as he recounts his catastrophical attempts at talking to Namjoon. "I'd be trying to ask him how he's doing, because how the fuck am I even supposed to start a conversation with him, then he'd have this funny look on his face like he's weirded out and I'd just end it there because I can't stand it whenever he looks at me like that. Then if music is involved even in the slightest, we'd get all professional about it and it sucks. So yeah, I do fuck it up."

Seokjin makes a sympathetic noise while Hoseok nods along, then decides to throw in his two cents. "You mean you don't realize that you always have this cold expression on your face whenever you talk to Namjoon? Most of the time it looks like you're pissed off that he's in the same room as you."

Yoongi looks so genuinely bewildered at that, his eyebrows shooting way up his forehead as he slowly starts shaking his head. "I don't-- I mean, I do get nervous talking to him but I don't-- the face-- it's not on purpose--"

Seokjin lifts a hand up to silence Yoongi's rambling, which is getting increasingly cringe-worthy to watch.

"Listen, Hoseok and I, along with the other members, are the people who are with you and Namjoon the most, so you have to believe us when we tell you that the room literally drops a few degrees whenever you try talking to Namjoon. We'd be practically shivering with how cold you are towards him." Seokjin has his eyebrows knit together in a look that could pass of as pity. Yoongi would honestly wipe the look off of his face if not for the fact that he's having a major epiphany right now, possibly costing him the chance of ever having a normal relationship with Namjoon, much less a romantic one. "And even if you don't plan on confessing your feelings, then at least try being nice to him."

"It's not like I'm mean to him on purpose." Yoongi grumbles, but he's looking quite shaken with the realization that he may actually have been an asshole to Namjoon more times that he can count with his fingers. "I mean, this is Namjoon we're talking about okay? He's just so fucking tall, and he does this intense eye contact thing whenever I talk to him, and his stupid dimples just keep popping up--"

"We get it, hyung," Hoseok groans, pulling a face. "He's really in love, huh?" he adds as a side comment to Seokjin, who just smiles in agreement. Then before Yoongi can do so much as reclaim some of his tampered pride, Hoseok claps his hands together. "Right, so it's decided. Don't be an asshole to Namjoon anymore, then maybe confess your feelings already because you are clearly 100% gone for him."

"That's easier said than done." Yoongi spits back, annoyance stamped right in his face. He's just about to speak some more, no doubt ready to complain about the sudden turn of events, but then Jungkook pops his head in, blinking at the three of them. Yoongi has never shut his mouth as fast as he did right then, trying not to look like he'd been caught in the act because Jungkook has the instincts of a fucking cat and can smell a lie a mile away.

Luckily Jungkook seems preoccupied with something else, grinning excitedly as he tells the three older members to get their butts in the living room since they were going to play some Jenga. The tense line in Yoongi's shoulders significantly loosen as he walks towards Jungkook first, his usually cold self already springing into action. He casts one last glance at Hoseok and Seokjin, his eyes telling them "Our conversation reaches no one else" while simultaneously saying with his mouth "Get a move on already" in that lazy voice of his.

Once he disappears out of sight, Hoseok can't help but let out a disbelieving snort, then he grins at Seokjin. "Honestly, I've never heard Yoongi-hyung talk that much until now. Is he usually like that about Namjoon?"

Seokjin can't help but grin, nodding as he says, "Yeah, and don't even get me started on his satoori."

Hoseok lets that one sink in, remembering how Yoongi's satoori only ever slips in whenever something bewilders and excites him at the same time. "Damn, he really is in love."

That last thought is something the two of them unanimously agree on, walking towards the living room where they're sure Yoongi has put the maximum possible distance between him and Namjoon, his stoic expression more prominent than ever.

 

*

 

It's during dinnertime when Yoongi decides to give Hoseok and Seokjin's suggestion a test run. They're all sitting in the table, Namjoon conveniently seated right across from him, and he tries to ignore the sudden increase in his heartbeat as he clears his throat and says, "Namjoon, do you want some beef?"

The rest of the table goes considerably quiet, Jimin and Taehyung's conversation turning into quiet, disjointed phrases, obviously distracted by Yoongi's sudden question. Even Jungkook, who usually pays the most attention to food whenever it's within his vicinity, lifts his head up to watch the scene unfold through his eyelashes. Seokjin and Hoseok exchange subtle knowing looks, then brace themselves for whatever the outcome would be.

Namjoon, who Yoongi's eyes are completely focused on, blinks in surprise before he looks around the table. The rest of the members quickly act like they're not waiting in bated breath for his reaction, and generally it's pretty bad acting, but Namjoon must have been so taken aback by Yoongi's offering because he doesn't seem to notice the fake-normal atmosphere they're trying to set in.

"Um, it's okay, hyung," Namjoon replies slowly, like he's treading on a land mine. Yoongi's too busy trying not to flush under Namjoon's gaze that he doesn't notice any of it. "I still have some on my plate, and we all need to eat as plenty of beef as we can since we have dance practice tomorrow--"

"Right!" Yoongi says a little too loudly, completely cutting Namjoon off. He nods over-enthusiastically, his grin looking almost soulless as he stabs a piece of beef with his chopsticks. "I just thought you'd like some, considering how you have the biggest appetite in here. Then there was that one time you kept stealing food off my plate when I wasn't looking because I was still recovering from my surgery, so."

The look of pure horror that passes each members' faces in varying degrees can't even come close to the look of burning embarrassment that crawls up Namjoon's face. He looks down his own plate just as Yoongi finishes off with a forced chuckle, shoulders slumped and head bent low.

"I already apologized for that." he mumbles lowly, and Yoongi feels himself wince internally, the realization that he'd fucked up once more feeling like a slap to the face.

The table remains unbearably quiet for a few more moments until Yoongi says, "Right, you did." in a small, hushed voice, stuffing his mouth with as much rice as he can afterwards. Hoseok decides to do damage control by flicking a piece of rice in Taehyung's direction, which then draws out into a mini-food fight that neither Namjoon nor Yoongi take part in, busy staring at their own plates out of mortification.

Seokjin puts a stop to the food throwing just when he remembers he'd probably be the one to clean up their shit, but not before he sneaks a glance at Yoongi from the corner of his eye, an overwhelming urge to comfort him and also smack him over the head coming over him in waves.

 

*

 

Yoongi doesn't dare speak, or even do so much as look at Namjoon until the next day during dance practice, and even that doesn't count as proper eye contact, considering that they only share fleeting glances at each other through the wall mirror before Yoongi breaks their gaze in the next millisecond, trying to fight off the blush that's bound to creep up his face.

They've been practicing for about four hours already, taking short breaks in between just like they're doing right now, some of of them slumped against the wall or just limply lying on the floor, looking barely conscious. One of the staff is gracious enough to pass around some water, and Yoongi is more than grateful, croaking out a Thank you before downing his water in five gulps.

Somewhere during that moment, the three youngest members manage to roll over the floor towards him, each of them sweaty and flushed but with almost identical grins on their faces. Yoongi blinks from where he's leaning against the wall, his legs spread out in front of him, just inches from where Jimin and Taehyung scramble to sit up just as Jungkook does on his other side.

A sudden wave of apprehension shoots up Yoongi's spine, and his alarmed expression must have given away his plan of scooting away from them, because right then Jimin grabs a hold of his calf, holding him in place. Jungkook follows his lead, placing a hand over Yoongi's knee. Taehyung leans over Yoongi closer, his freakishly wide grin making Yoongi squirm in discomfort. Darting his eyes over the trio's heads, Yoongi realizes that he's helplessly alone in this side of the room, seeing as their dance instructor, along with Hoseok's aid, had called over Namjoon and Seokjin to personally see through their progress in the opposite end of the studio.

"What are you spawns of Satan planning this time." Yoongi states warily, not bothering to hide how suspicious he is of the three. The fact that the youngest members barely do so much as blink at his nickname for them should definitely count for something, but then Jimin leans towards him just as close as Taehyung had and says, "So you like Namjoon-hyung, huh?"

"I think in love would be more appropriate." Jungkook chimes in, his eyes twinkling with crude amusement as he watches Yoongi's face pale considerably.

"What are you talking about." Yoongi practically wheezes out in one breathe, feeling terrified and at the edge of his nerves like he had with Hoseok yesterday-- wait a minute. A scowl begins to crease his forehead as his eyes pass along the three boys all up in his face right now, and he can't help but blurt out, "Did Hoseok tell you brats anything."

Taehyung's grin widens as he shares knowing looks with Jimin and Jungkook before he turns to Yoongi. "Nobody told us anything, but we figured now would be the right time to tell you we know all about your big crush on Namjoon-hyung, considering that Hoseok-hyung is in on your little secret too, just like Seokjin-hyung."

Yoongi stiffens at the mention of the words crush and Namjoon in the same sentence, quickly peeking over to check if anyone else was within earshot. Thankfully Namjoon and company are still busy practicing, his long limbs accidentally whacking Seokjin in the face, which is sure to buy them some more time.

Turning his attention back to the younger boys, Yoongi runs Taehyung's words over his head and frowns once more. "What do you mean you figured it out? That I," another glance at Namjoon's direction, and in a significantly smaller voice, "like Namjoon? I'm not even that obvious, Hoseok and Seokjin-hyung said so themselves."

Yoongi adds the last part as an afterthought, throwing all caution out the window because fuck it, even if he lets these three in on his secret and they'd somehow end up running their mouths, it's not like Namjoon would believe anything they say. Especially since there have been countless of times they'd told stories that were most likely pulled right out of their asses, Taehyung especially.

"Don't clump us together with those commoners," Jimin says, rolling his eyes. Jungkook makes a noise of agreement. "unlike them, we're very keen on observation and deduction. Also, the only time your pale skin gets even the slightest hint of color is whenever you talk to Namjoon-hyung."

"And that color is pink," Taehyung adds in, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "Pink like love. Pure, virginal love."

Yoongi sputters at that, his temper bubbling like hot lava as the three boys start to snicker, but then their dance instructor is calling for their attention, telling them that another round of practice is starting in a minute so can you please stop harassing Yoongi and get a move on?

Jungkook calls out an okay, jumping up to his feet in a way that would probably make Yoongi dizzy if he did the same. Jimin and Taehyung scoot back a little further before doing the same, and really, Yoongi wonders how the hell they can be physically active and still find the energy to snoop around Yoongi's sad, nonexistent love life.

"You should try a little harder, hyung." Jungkook says as Yoongi staggers to his feet, having to lean against the wall once more as he waits for the feeling to come back to his legs. Yoongi's just about to snap back with a "I'm already standing, aren't I?" when Jimin joins in in agreement.

"Yeah, last night was really bad. Namjoon-hyung looked really put off."

Yoongi's mouth snaps shut, feeling his face warm up as he remembers the look of sheer embarrassment in Namjoon's face. He's just about ready to wallow in his misery when he feels Taehyung clap him on the back, then have him loom closer to him in a distance that would be considered questionable in public before creepily whispering in his ear, "Why don't you just go ahead and confess to him already, hyung?"

Yoongi doesn't even grace his question with an answer, instead screaming in his head for about a minute long while he moves into position with an impassive look on his face, the only indication that everything is going wrong for him the tiny eye twitch he does every few seconds whenever he manages to catch Namjoon's eye in the mirror.

 

*

 

A week passes by with Yoongi sulking about in their schedules, letting his gloom consume him as he throws furtive glances at Namjoon's direction whenever the younger boy isn't looking, which, he sadly notes, is almost all the time. But when Namjoon does pay attention to him, it's only to ask him about what he thinks of a certain verse, or if he's done on his own song writing. It also doesn't help that Yoongi has this automatic reaction to be as professional as he can be during those moments, leaving them to awkwardly nod off and murmur about "getting back to work", like they're office employees who barely know each other instead of groupmates in an idol group who have spent countless sleepness nights and excruciating dance practices together.

The fact that the rest of the members are aware of his current predicament doesn't make it any better, Yoongi having to endure sympathetic glances thrown his way every time Namjoon would be the clueless, dense person that he is, letting Yoongi's weak attempts at conversation fly over his head. It's also become a habit of sorts for the other members to pull Yoongi aside any chance each of them gets, and really, if he has to go through another second of Seokjin cooing at him to "Just tell him how you feel already" or Jimin threatening to "wake Namjoon-hyung up in the middle of the night by screaming about your undying love for him", he'd die. Yoongi will honestly die, but not before he deals with the other members first.

The tipping point comes right after a whole day of recording their samples for the new album, Namjoon barely brushing past Yoongi to get to the door, not even bothering to hide the fact that he's desperate to get back to the dorm already. They had been standing together with Hoseok just a few moments ago, Namjoon looking over his lyrics while Yoongi puts a considerable distance between them without being too obvious unless he'd want to suffer a heart attack with Namjoon's warmth pressing against his side. Namjoon had mumbled something towards him, but Yoongi, too preoccupied in his frenzied, self-conscious thoughts, snaps at Namjoon with a rather harsh "What?" that makes even Hoseok's eyebrows lift up in surprise. A look of hurt had passed over Namjoon's face before he fixes it into a blank expression, shaking his head as he looks away, saying "Never mind."

That could have been what makes Yoongi turn to Namjoon, shooting a hand out just in time to catch him by the wrist before he steps out the door, along with the conviction of apologizing to Namjoon for being an asshole all this time. For loving Namjoon and hurting him in the process.

"Namjoon," Yoongi says, his heart thudding against his ribcage almost painfully. He knows his hand must feel so clammy and tense around Namjoon's wrist, but he holds on, his grip never loosening even though Namjoon has a slight frown creasing his forehead. "I... I have this thing that I want to record-- and I-- um, you should help me with this..."

Yoongi's rambling must have been verging on the near incomprehensible, what with the way Namjoon's frown deepens and his eyes squint down at him as if he's trying to follow where the hell Yoongi is trying to go with this. When the older boy trails off by justifying himself through very lame reasoning, Namjoon can't help but grimace.

"Hyung," he says in a tone that Yoongi knows will lead to a likely rejection. "We've been recording for almost 12 hours now. I'm pretty exhausted already, and we still have an early start tomorrow--"

"But this is your job, right?" Yoongi finds himself cutting in, immediately regretting what he's about to say, and from the way the other members awkwardly cough behind him, even they know it's a pretty dick move. But somehow Yoongi's brain-to-mouth filter malfunctions, just like all the other times it does whenever Namjoon's right in front of him, so he ends up saying it anyway. "If you're going to whine about a few sore muscles then you shouldn't have bothered being an idol in the first place."

The silence that follows is thick enough to suffocate everyone in the room, Yoongi included, then after about a minute Seokjin steps in, trying to tug Yoongi away from Namjoon, who, despite their exchange a while ago, is still holding on to the younger boy.

"We're all just tired right now," Seokjin starts, his voice gentle as Yoongi lowers his head, feels his cheeks heating up as he lets himself take a few steps away from Namjoon. "let's just go back to the dorm and rest up--"

"No." comes Namjoon's voice, void of any emotion. It comes out flat and maybe a little bitter, but that has Yoongi looking up at him all the same. "Yoongi-hyung is right. I'll stay here with him. You guys can go ahead."

Seokjin can't help but throw a concerned look in Yoongi's way, no doubt worried that they'd end up having a fist fight, or at the very least, a verbal confrontation. But Yoongi sends a tiny nod his way, completely resigned to his fate, seeing as it's entirely his fault anyway for driving Namjoon up the wall with how bad he is at expressing his feelings. At least Namjoon could take this as an opportunity to let off some of the pent-up anger that's accumulated over the past years Yoongi had been unknowingly treating him like shit.

The next few minutes pass by with the rest of the members filing towards the exit, each of them glancing at the unreadable expression in Namjoon's face before fixing their eyes on Yoongi. His heart starts to ache a little at that, knowing that the other members are worried for him because they know for a fact that Namjoon's pissed at him. But he gives nothing away, instead nodding his head curtly at Hoseok before the door eventually shuts behind him.

Yoongi chews on his bottom lip, the tension in the air more prominent now that it's only the two of them in the room. He decides to make the first move, stepping towards the worktable with all the intent of fiddling around with the computer. He makes a fuss of settling on the swivel chair, all the while having to do breathing exercises just so he wouldn't pass out with the lack of air supply going to his brain. Namjoon follows after him after a few quiet moments, dragging another chair to sit beside him.

Heavy silence blankets over them once more, with Yoongi helplessly staring at a blank Word document while Namjoon sits quite still beside him, the only indication that he's still conscious is his soft breathing and the occassional clearing of his throat. They last like that for around five minutes, the only development being Yoongi having typed out one line, which happens to be be "Composition #1".

Yoongi curses himself inwardly, already regretting the fact he'd been bold enough to actually make Namjoon stay when there's still palpable tension between them. He squeezes his eyes shut, counts to five in his head before he opens his mouth with all the intent of calling it a night and telling Namjoon to just go ahead back to the dorm when the younger boy beats him to it.

"So," Namjoon says, voice clipped. "what's the title of your song?"

At the sound of Namjoon's hollow voice, Yoongi feels a surge of emotion rip right through his very being, making him shake as he swings his chair around to face Namjoon. He feels his face flushing as he looks up at Namjoon, his throat tightening as he blurts out, "I'm sorry."

A slight frown settles between Namjoon's eyebrows. "'I'm sorry'? Shouldn't we go for something more eloquent? People might mistake it for that one Super Junior song--"

"No," Yoongi shakes his head, repeating his apology, but this time with a lot more conviction. "I'm sorry, Namjoon. I'm sorry for being an asshole earlier. And for all the other times. Fuck, I just-- I'm just sorry."

Namjoon stares at him for a few moments, his eyes a fraction wider than they were earlier. Yoongi sees a bit of the old Namjoon coming back, sees the way his eyes are regaining a bit of their usual emotion as the younger boy's back slumps against his chair in what could be relief or resignation. A tiny twitch at the corner of Namjoon's lips follow, then he's giving Yoongi a one-sided smile, his dimple pushing an indent into his cheek. The sight of it makes Yoongi ache, his hands burying into his lap, bunching the fabric of his sweatpants into his fists.

"I don't think I've ever heard you apologize before," Namjoon says, even managing a chuckle as he leans forward, enough that Yoongi can see that he isn't as angry as he had been earlier. "but it's okay. Apology accepted, hyung."

That should've been enough for Yoongi, because that's what he'd been going for right? He had only made Namjoon stay so he could apologize and clear the tension, but somehow it only makes Yoongi feel even more horrible. Because even when he's already admitted he's sorry, there's still a lot of misunderstandings that are left unexplained, and the last thing Yoongi wants is for Namjoon to convince himself that Yoongi bullies him for his own convenience. And it's ridiculous, it really is, and it should be the most ridiculous thing that Namjoon could ever think of to explain Yoongi's behavior, but when Yoongi meets his gaze right then, he sees a sliver of the same hurt within Namjoon's eyes that had passed over his face earlier. And just like that, the realization hits Yoongi with the force of a bullet train; that Namjoon must have convinced himself that Yoongi hates him, enough that every time they'd have a conversation Yoongi would refuse to even look at him properly. Enough that Yoongi would keep saying all sorts of hurtful words, never once apologizing until now.

And it's so ironic, so completely different from what Yoongi's true reason is, but beyond that it just makes Yoongi feel so horrible, enough that he finds himself leaning even closer, letting the walls he'd built so hard all these years crumble so Namjoon would stop hurting himself. So Yoongi would stop hurting him, because damn it, he's so fucking gone for Namjoon, so much so that he doesn't even care if he looks like an idiot when Namjoon rejects him. When, not if.

"You're driving me crazy." Yoongi says, his cheeks undeniably pink now as he tries his hardest to look Namjoon in the eye. At the back of his mind, he's chanting an endless line of Holyshitthisishappeningholyshitthisishappeningholyshit--

"Um, I'm sorry?" Namjoon says after a significant pause, scratching the back of his neck. "I know I broke two different doorknobs in the dorm today, not counting the one in the studio's restroom, but--"

Yoongi has to physically restrain himself from shaking Namjoon by the shoulders. "No! I don't mean it like that-- just," he flounders a bit for words, then, "I'm crazy about you, Namjoon."

That seems to have Yoongi's desired effect on Namjoon, because that has the younger boy perking up a bit, raising an eyebrow at the older boy as he does so. It also looks like he's trying to fight off a smile, what with the way his dimple is popping up even though he's trying to keep a straight face. Yoongi has to blink at that, then takes it as a good sign as he swallows around his now considerably dry throat.

"The reason I've been an asshole," Yoongi starts, scrubbing at his cheek because damn it, why is he blushing so much? "why I always say the wrong things at the wrong time when I talk to you-- it's because, well, it's because," his tongue honestly feels like lead, his words coming out garbled, like he's swallowing everything he wants to say. He steels himself, shuts his eyes tightly as he forces out the words as his heartbeat picks up an even faster pace, "Ilikeyou, god fucking dammit."

"What, hyung?" Namjoon says, half-laughing and half-confused, and he's leaning even closer, his face lighting up despite the fact he's still looking a bit lost. "I heard you cuss at me, but I didn't catch that first bit--"

Yoongi feels a vein popping up his temple with how frustrated and nervous he is, so he lets out a growl instead and pulls Namjoon in by the collar. He tugs him in with the sole intent of kissing him full on the mouth, but he overestimates and they end up bumping into each other's noses, hard.

"Ow, motherfucker--" Yoongi pulls away to inspect his nose for any blood, then his eyes snap up to check Namjoon's. He swears to god if he actually injured Namjoon when all he was going for was a spontaneous kiss like he'd seen in all those romance comedy flicks--

Suddenly, Namjoon's loud and obnoxious laughter booms within the confines of the room, bouncing against the walls and making Yoongi wince. He sits there quite dumbly, watching Namjoon shaking with how much he's laughing, the corners of his eyes tearing up, and honestly, it's too much. Yoongi's just about to slip out his chair in dejection, maybe find a hole to curl in and die out of mortification, but then Namjoon's wiping his tears of mirth away, saying, "Shit, sorry, hyung. Here-- let me--"

Then one of Namjoon's hands is pressing against the back of Yoongi's neck, drawing him in until Yoongi's drowning in Namjoon's scent. It's all so overwhelming, the way Namjoon's eyes are looking into his so intensely, how his other hand has slipped just underneath Yoongi's shirt to press against his skin, how Namjoon's lips are pressing against his and oh--

Yoongi tilts his head to the side even more, groaning as Namjoon nips at his bottom lip, letting his mouth fall open to let Namjoon's tongue in. Namjoon swallows the gasps that follow the sensation of having Namjoon's tongue pressing against his, and Yoongi has to curl his hands into the sleeves of Namjoon's jacket, his mind going blank as he soaks in everything that Namjoon's making him feel.

Namjoon's kisses turn into small, playful pecks as they part for air, Yoongi's eyes still slipped shut, his cheeks tinged with a deep pink that Namjoon can't resist but run his thumb over. The feel of it makes Yoongi's chest grow heavy with affection, and he can't help the lopsided grin that spreads on his face as he finally meets Namjoon's gaze.

"Hey," is what Namjoon greets him with, murmuring it against Yoongi's skin before he places a kiss there. "I believe you were trying to tell me something before you decided to nearly break both our noses off?"

Yoongi snorts, but it's all fondness and no bite. "You smartass."

Namjoon laughs at that, soft and real, and Yoongi has to look away for a moment, eyes going down to the sight of Namjoon's knees digging against his. He reaches over to take one of Namjoon's hands, intertwining their fingers together. The sight of it softens Yoongi's eyes, his face taking on a gentle look.

"I love you." Yoongi confesses quietly, lifting his gaze to look at Namjoon again. "I love you, and I'm sorry I didn't know how to show it. Sorry that I didn't realize all it took was for me to just say it."

Namjoon's mouth is twisted into what could be an amused smile, then he's breaking into a full-on grin as he buries his face into the crook of Yoongi's neck. The action surprises the older boy, moreso than the heat that's coming off of Namjoon in alarming waves.

"That was so cheesy," Namjoon says, voice muffled against Yoongi's shirt, and the older boy finds himself frowning at that, tugging at Namjoon's hair so he'd let up. But Namjoon refuses to do so, just smiles against Yoongi's skin, taking a deep breath as if he'd been wanting to do this all these years, to breathe Yoongi in and never let him go. "I thought you hated me-- and it made me so miserable, but, fuck, I'm so happy right now."

Namjoon burrows his face into Yoongi further, and even though Yoongi's supposed to be the smaller one, he feels so tiny, especially when Yoongi's arms find their way around him. "I love you too, hyung. God, I'm so in love with you."

Yoongi laughs against Namjoon's hair, every part of himself tingling with nerves but also unbearably light. At the back of his mind, the tiny part that isn't drowning in Namjoon's scent and Namjoon's laughs and just everything about Namjoon, Yoongi thinks that this is probably the best day ever. Then Namjoon's lifting his head up, kissing his way up the line of Yoongi's jaw, before he's whispering into the older boy's ear, "You think we should tell the others?"

Yoongi takes that last thought back, feeling himself grin as he nods his head. He could think of another day which could count as the best day ever.

 

*

 

Breakfast the next day is filled with a lot of side-eyeing and awkward coughing, everyone's eyes on the single hickey that's standing out quite prominently against the paleness of Yoongi's skin. (Namjoon had been laughing so hard last night before he finally managed to suck a proper hickey against his neck for the sole purpose of freaking the other members out, but then one thing led to another and well, if Yoongi happened to be shirtless right now, the others would definitely be a thousand times more scandalized than they are now with a single visible hickey.)

"So," Taehyung decides to break the silence, chewing on his food loudly. Hoseok takes his eyes off of Yoongi's neck to pull a face at him. "is that a mosquito bite? And did the mosquito look a lot like Namjoon-hyung?"

Seokjin sputters on his tea, his eyes round as he goes from Taehyung to Jimin then finally to Jungkook, their beloved youngest member, sneering quite obviously at Yoongi and Namjoon's direction, who are conveniently sitting beside each other.

"Fuck off," Yoongi simply replies, sniffing defiantly. Namjoon nudges him with his shoulder, his dimple already in place as he smiles at the older boy. Yoongi sighs then, bringing a hand up to cover Namjoon's which had been perched just beside his plate. "and yeah, we're together, everything worked out for the better, etc, etc. Try making fun of us and I'll skin you alive."

The reaction that follows is instantaneous; first, it's all one huge, garbled noise of cheering, then all of them are asking for the details in different approaches, from Seokjin's simple "How did you confess?" to Taehyung's loud wail of "Did you do the dirty in the studio?"

Yoongi decides to shut them up with a loud "Alright" then he leans towards Namjoon, pressing a quick kiss to his lips and smiling against them when he hears the rest of the members screeching in distaste.

"You finally got your revenge?" Namjoon whispers as they part. Yoongi cracks one eye open and sees that Seokjin is looking anywhere but them, a faint blush on his cheeks. Hoseok is staring at them, completely scandalized while Taehyung has lifted his plate, his food scattered around the table, to cover his face with. Jimin continues screeching in a high-pitched voice until Jungkook shoves at him with his elbow, his phone out and fixed on both Yoongi and Namjoon.

"Will you shut up, Jimin? This is perfect video material right here."

Yoongi makes to stand up and swipe the phone right out of Jungkook's hand, but Namjoon curls a hand around his wrist and tells him it's okay.

"They helped, didn't they?" is all Namjoon says by way of explanation and Yoongi, despite still wanting to crack open the other members' skulls for various reasons (the number one being the fact that Jungkook still hasn't stopped filming them yet), merely huffs and says, "Yeah. Yeah, they did."

Namjoon smiles then, all big and wide in a way that has his eyes scrunching up, his dimples impossibly deep against his cheeks, and Yoongi, for all the years that he'd been rude and fake-angry for being so in love, can't help but smile back, completely and impossibly smitten.

(Later that day, Jungkook's phone meets a likely demise by being dunked into the bathtub, Yoongi swearing that he'd thought it was one of his bath bombs.)