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The words come to my lips unbidden. It is a passing thought, as I stride through the gate. No laborious work is this, merely the product of an idle mind.
To stretch one’s legs is as good for the body as it is for the brain, after all.
“The weather is clearing, the wind combs the young willows’ hair.”
It must be the weather. After a lengthy snowstorm, the first sign of spring had appeared. Light dancing over the thawing ice, revealing life beneath the coldness of the winter, calling forth the cycle of rebirth that plays out with every year’s passing.
I find a smile on my lips. Such thoughts bring me a sense of peace. No matter what changes, always will the cycle of the seasons continue.
“The ice is melted, the waves wash the old moss’s beard.”
A voice not my own.
My heart practically leaps from my chest, a jolt running through my entire body. Had my inner voice somehow escaped me before I could speak it?
Placing a hand to my chest, I inhale deeply, in an attempt to calm myself. I am alone, no-one accompanied me on my excursion.
So who…?
The voice came from above me.
Running a hand through my hair, my gaze travels upwards.
A chill runs up my spine.
I cannot clearly make out many details of the feminine figure perched upon the gate, save for the lengthy hair the color of cherry blossoms and the conical horns extending from the sides of her head. I am afraid, undeniably. There is no escaping the fact that I have lain eyes upon a monster.
However…
Such a lovely verse, even from the lips of that which is inhuman…
Soothing my nerves, I bid myself to make my way up the weathered stairs at the side of the gate.
The woman upon the gate, be she oni or other fiend, is a poet worth speaking with.
~
Did I get distracted…?
That’s no good. I’m doing something really important!
It’s cold today.
I don’t feel it much.
But I can tell it’s cold. Even if it’s getting warmer, the cold doesn’t go away easily. Even though there’s green now, there’s still a lot of white.
It’s okay though, don’t mind. What I do is really important, so the cold doesn’t bother me at all.
… Not that I feel it much anyway.
Sometimes if it’s really cold my arms and legs start to freeze, though, and I don’t notice right away. Then I need help, and that’s no good at all.
Is that why she gave me it?
I don’t think a lot. She thinks for me. But I’ve been thinking more now.
It’s wrapped around my neck. She did that part for me too.
It’s a scarf.
I don’t need a scarf, do I?
I didn’t stretch a lot today, so it’s hard for me to reach it and touch it. I can tell it’s warm.
But unless I start freezing, the cold isn’t a problem.
…
She gave it to me. So… I like it.
But why?
My neck isn’t so stiff, so I bury my face into the scarf. It’s soft.
Wait.
Is someone there?
“Boo!”
Her eyes don’t match. Her umbrella has a big tongue hanging out, and it smells exactly the same as she does.
“Did I scare you~?”
It’s the karakasa again. She’s sticking her tongue out. After a moment, she stands up straight and places both of her hands on her umbrella, frowning.
“Beeeh, you finally noticed, and you didn’t even jump?”
I tilt my head. Why would I jump? I don’t need to go anywhere.
“I’ve been trying to surprise you for at least ten minutes. I guess that’s what I get for trying to practice on a jiangshi…”
The karakasa sighs heavily.
“Maybe more people will come out now that it’s warming up,” she says. She’s thinking to herself out loud. She’s around here a lot. One time, when something really important was happening, we even fought.
But now she’s just here.
… I almost forgot!
“Do not enter the mausoleum!”
I try to make myself sound very loud. I project my voice across the cemetery as much as I can. This is why I’m here. No-one can enter it unless she says so.
“I wasn’t going to,” she replies with a slightly deeper frown.
“Oh.”
She never does. But I have to make sure.
“I’m not interested in the mausoleum, I just need someone to practice on,” she’s sitting on a nearby wall, now, kicking her feet, “But it’s just you and bunch of spirits, and you don’t react at all.”
Was I supposed to react? She never told me to.
So I probably wasn’t.
“I’m guarding the mausoleum.”
I need to be firm and clear. She won’t get in while I’m here. No-one will!
Aside from that one night…
But no-one else will!
I’m not sure why she’s so disappointed to hear that if she’s not trying to get in.
Unless she’s trying to trick me.
“I won’t be tricked,” I add, firmly. I am very serious about this. Tricking me is no good, it’s very mean and I don’t like it at all. “Do not enter the mausoleum!”
“If I was trying to trick you, you’d already be tricked,” she replies. Is that how it works? I’d already be tricked?! Have I been tricked all this time?! Did she get in before I realized?! Did I fail?!
“You… you…!” I don’t know what to say. My foe is truly terrifying, to be able to trick me before even speaking to me! I have to stand firm and do my duty as this mausoleum’s guardian!
“I won’t be deceived! You can’t get in!”
I think I’ve defeated her. I can see her shoulders sagging.
“I just wanted someone to practice on,” she whines, attempting to further deceive me even more. I’m not going to have any of it.
“Fiiiine, have it your way.”
I’m ready to attack, to stop her attempts at trickery…!
But she simply takes off, drifting into the air and flying away.
I did a good job. The karakasa left!
I’m sure she’s going to praise me for it.
She’ll praise me, and give me something extra tasty to eat. I eat all kinds of things, but the tasty stuff is the best! Mochi, meat, spirits of desire, those are some of my favorites!
I might not feel temperature very much, but just thinking about it makes me feel really warm inside. I can’t help but smile!
…
There’s no-one else here, now. There’s the spirits of the graveyard, and they certainly do look tasty, but I can’t leave my post. I need to stay here and make sure no-one can enter the mausoleum.
It’s quiet.
The sky has cleared out. It’s been really cloudy recently, but now it’s gone.
The snow is melting.
I can hear it.
Drip drip.
Drip drip.
Drip drip.
The water from the melting snow is flowing down. It’s running across the gravemarkers, across the moss that’s growing across them.
I don’t know why I notice it.
But it’s caught my attention now.
There’s no intruders, so maybe it isn’t so bad…
No matter how much the graves are cared for, moss and snow still accumulate here. It’s impossible to stop it. I’ve seen it again and again, standing guard.
The water from the melting snow is clear. Forming miniscule rivers as it gathers beneath the gravemarkers, flowing through moss and stone. It’s like a tiny valley.
My mind is wandering.
Waterfalls down great cliffs, fed by the snowy peaks atop the graves. The moss is like forests, refreshed by the coming spring.
It’s as if I’m standing above a world cast in miniature, built from monuments to those who are dead.
I can see myself walking trails, past little rivers and groves of tiny trees.
A thriving forest valley between the graves.
In fact, the way that the water runs over the moss looks almost like-
… A rabbit.
There’s a white rabbit, sitting there. Its nose twitches. It knows I’m looking.
“… Stay away from the mausoleum!”
I shout to it in my most commanding tone of voice.
It doesn’t move.
Animals come to the graves sometimes. This isn’t the first time. But usually when I yell at them, they run away.
Sometimes I wish they wouldn’t.
This rabbit isn’t.
I don’t know why it won’t run, but I don’t mind.
Because rabbits taste good.
I can feel a little drool at the corner of my mouth. I can smell the scent of the rabbit, too. It’s enticing…
If it’s the only other thing here, then it’s okay if I move.
If it’s not moving, I can get closer.
I take a step. The rabbit is looking at me, but it’s still not moving. Normally they definitely run by now.
Maybe…
Maybe this rabbit is nearing the end. Maybe it wants to donate its body to a deserving jiangshi like me.
That must be it.
I’m a good girl, so even rabbits want to reward me.
I take another step closer.
It still hasn’t moved.
“Thank you, rabbit-san.”
I feel compelled to thank it for the life it’s giving up. If I eat it, it won’t be able to come back, so it can’t even be a jiangshi like me. And yet it’s still awaiting my bite.
I almost want to cry. Offering up its tasty meat, just for me…!
I take another step closer. I’m almost on the rabbit, now. It still hasn’t moved.
“Your sacrifice won’t be forgo-“
Ah!
Something hit me in the back? The rabbit is off and running. I try to catch myself, but my legs aren’t flexible enough. I should have stretched more!
“Teehee, this jiangshi is always so easy!”
There’s white. I fell into the snow. It’s cold. Someone is standing on my back.
Get off!
“Get off!”
I can’t move very much like this. I can see pink. Whoever is on my back is wearing a pink dress.
“And don’t go in the mausoleum!” I have to give my warning no matter what, even when my face is half-buried in a pile of snow.
“Sure sure~” the voice declares cheerfully, “Lemme just take this…”
A small hand has taken ahold of the talisman on my forehead.
No! That lets me know what to do! If I don’t know what to do, then I won’t-
~
It is a lovely spring day.
The Minister has thrown a banquet. I must admit, I cannot help but feel tantalized by the scent of the various foods on display. I believe one could potentially reach every corner of Japan and still not manage to experience all of these dishes.
Even if this atmosphere is rather stuffy. I am a lady of the court, that much is true. My position as an official is unquestioned, and I do not begrudge it.
But, at times, I truly wish I could simply escape to the wilderness and indulge in verse. My fellows appreciate my poetry, but the duties of an official rising in the ranks at times weigh heavily upon my mind.
There are some moments where I wish I could merely escape from my tasks except for that which involved poetry.
While this is no difficult task, the fact that I am forced to dress in formal attire puts a damper on the whole experience.
I do not possess the loveliness, the fullness of beauty, that the ladies who hold more traditional positions do. I cannot compare to their radiance, their delicacy. To gaze upon them is to gaze upon the finest works of a skillful artist, or to hear music with the full richness of an experienced performer.
I am afraid I do not compare, no matter how I am dressed. My body feels as if it may disappear into the expansive layers of my junihitoe. Ah, perhaps if I were to fade as such, I could simply escape into my verse and forget about this situation completely?
Alas, no human has the power to disappear completely, and my desire for the fine food on display cannot outweigh my awkwardness.
I am rough. I am lacking in refinement. I am a pale shadow to the gentleladies who are seated across from me. A young woman with few charms and a boyish look who appears utterly out of place among such company.
The servants found it in themselves to praise me, and I nearly laughed in response. I am well aware of my own shortcomings, and elegance is one of them.
There is little choice for me but to endure. A formal occasion denotes formal dress. No matter how unsuited I feel myself to be, I am still beholden to these formalities.
In such situations, my thoughts falter. I can no longer find words that flow easily from my lips at any other time.
I sit in dull silence.
To be frank, I suspect that few here even recognize me. Even among my fellow officials, I am clad in looser, less complex clothing that is far more suited to one lacking in loveliness such as I.
The formality of the event stifles the enjoyment I have in eating any of the food. When I am spoken to, any talent for words I possess is rendered meaningless.
It is only in these situations I am disarmed so thoroughly.
My attention drifts.
The men of the court cast a sharp image. I must confess, I desire perhaps not their clothing, but something more akin to it. At the very least, something that does not feel as if it will devour me whole, like a colorful monster emerging from the depths to snap up an unsuspecting fish.
My gaze slowly returns to the women of the court.
I would hate to refer to this sensation welling in my chest as anything as ugly as jealousy. However, I am struggling to find another word to describe it.
Longing, perhaps.
Without exception, they are truly beautiful.
Wait…
Many of these women are familiar faces. But there is one I do not recognize.
Indeed, all of the court ladies are beautiful. But this woman has a sort of ethereal nature even I struggle to explain. She is, perhaps, five years my senior if I had to guess. Her pale skin shines as if she is made of moonlight. Her fine blue hair fixed into a pair of loops only serves to accentuate the intensity of her matching eyes. Her features are smooth, soft, and elegant, and unlike myself she seems perfectly suited to her formalwear. I would hazard a guess that she would be perfectly suited to any choice of clothing she made.
This ethereal nature leads me to wonder if some manner of divine spirit has appeared in the midst of the banquet. Certainly, she was not there before. I would not have missed someone with such a striking appearance. Not only that, but I am quite certain I have never once seen her before in my entire life.
Her blue eyes fix upon me, and I avert my gaze. No-one else has reacted to her presence, so I am certain she is supposed to be here. Staring in dull shock at a banquet guest is hardly the sort of behavior expected from a lady of the court or an official.
She is approaching.
I suppose it is time to prepare my apology. Naturally, the words I am normally so capable with flee my mind in such a situation. It is to be expected, truthfully.
“Miyako no Yoshika,” she begins, greeting me with a bow, “It is a pleasure.”
I have never met her before. Of this much I am certain. I would not have simply forgotten someone with such a striking appearance. And yet she recognizes me on sight, even wearing a junihitoe.
Did she perhaps speak to one of the other guests in order to learn my name? Perhaps that is the most likely option. And yet, I do not recall seeing her before now.
More than a few mistakenly believe me to be a man. I would not be surprised if she first heard of me as such.
And yet, she knows me on sight?
I swiftly bow my head.
“I-I apologize,” I begin, unable to hide my shame, “You are clearly familiar with me, but I cannot place your face. Forgive me, but what is your name?”
Her full lips curl into a thin smile.
“My name is-“
~
I wasn’t here. I was somewhere else. Just for a moment.
My face is still in the snow. I don’t like it. Whoever was on my back took my talisman, too.
What am I supposed to do? I can’t remember. Suddenly it feels hazy and distant.
It’s frustrating. I know she wanted me to do something for her, but I can’t remember at all.
All I can do is lie here, facedown in melting snow.
I try to move my arms. They’re too stiff. I can’t get them under me. I didn’t do my stretches today, because I wanted to make sure I… I…
I can’t remember why!
I try to push with my legs, what little I can move them like this. Maybe I can roll over, at least. Getting on my back would get my face out of the snow, and at least I could see.
I rock from side to side.
I can’t get up. I can’t roll over.
Even if I could, I don’t know what to do.
Inside of me I can feel something tightening up.
It’s clenching like a fist in my chest as I try to rock myself onto my back again.
I can’t do what she wanted.
I can’t remember what it was.
The talisman tells me. It lets me know everything I need to do for the day.
Without it, I’m just like this.
…
I hate it.
It feels like the snow is just going to swallow me up. Like it will melt and wash me away with it.
And I can’t do anything about it.
…
I don’t know how long it’s been now. It’s hard to tell. I think the sun is still out at least.
… Is someone there?
I can hear them walking.
“-Which is why when she said that, I was wondering what she was talking about.”
It’s a voice. I’ve heard it before.
“Eeeeh? No way, I can’t believe she’d-ah…”
The sound of footsteps has stopped.
“No way, is that...”
The first voice trails off.
“No, it’s that jiangshi, remember? The one who yells at anyone who goes by the mausoleum,” the second replies.
“That one? Ugh, that’s where those Taoists came from…” the first doesn’t seem very happy.
I try to roll over again so I can see them, but I can’t.
I know I’m supposed to do something here, but I just can’t remember what I’m supposed to do without my talisman…
“… Is she stuck?”
I can hear the second voice coming closer.
“Who cares?” the first voice replies, “It’s not our problem, is it?”
“… I guess you’re right,” the second voice sounds hesitant. I stop moving. They’re talking about me, I can tell, but I don’t really know why.
“But… It just feels wrong…”
I can feel hands on my side.
“I’m not going to help you if she bites you, Kasodani-san,” I hear the first voice saying, “You’re going to have to deal with that yourself.”
I don’t bite anyone! … Usually!
The person who put her hands on me is pushing. She’s rolling me over? I’ll be able to see again!
Suddenly I can see the sky again. It’s not so blue anymore. The sunset shades of oranges and reds are reaching across the sky, like a fire burning in the west casting its lights upwards.
But it’s not just the sky. A green head of hair, with two floppy brown ears. The face of a younger girl.
“Aaaah!”
I can’t help but let out a cry of relief as I’m finally freed from my snowmelt prison, once again able to see.
The girl who rolled me over jumps.
“U-uwaah I’m sorry to disturb you don’t bite meeee!”
She’s gone already. She ran away before I could say anything else.
I don’t see who she was talking too, either.
I really wasn’t going to bite…
I just wanted to say thank you.
But I can see the sky now! That’s a lot better than being on my front, with my face buried in the snow!
Maybe I can even get my legs under me.
I try bending them. They’re not totally stiff, but I feel this creaky sensation when they move, and they don’t bend very far.
I’m still stuck.
The sun has sunk lower, but there’s still not a cloud in the sky.
It’s so clear today, after so much darkness. It’s all I can really do right now, looking up like this.
“…”
The words, from a distant place deep within me. They’re coming up again. It seems so far away now, like a barely-remembered dream. A flash of events I experienced somewhere, in someplace buried in the recesses of my mind.
But they suit this moment.
Looking up at the clearing sky, surrounded by nothing but the gravestones and the natural world.
“The weather is clearing, the wind combs the young willows’ hair.”
…
Perhaps being alone like this isn’t so bad, now that I can see the sky. Even if I wish I could remember what I was supposed to be doing.
But that verse doesn’t feel complete.
I can’t remember what came next.
Did I know in the first place?
A tapestry, a lengthy scroll of words rolls out in my mind. Distant ones, but ones that remain at the very edge of thought.
But the ones I’m looking for aren’t there.
I wonder why…
“Oh, dear, what ever happened here?”
I recognize that voice immediately. If I could sit up, I would!
“Nyan Nyan!”
She’s here! She came back! I was wondering when she’d be here, she said she’d be back later today.
Seiga Nyan Nyan!
“Did someone take your talisman again?
Ah, that’s right, that did happen.
Seiga’s face enters my view from above.
Her skin is pale, like moonlight. Her eyes and hair a matching shade of blue. She looks ethereal. Like she came from somewhere else.
I’m so happy to see her. I wave my arms to the best of my ability, trying to reach for her, as she sighs.
“My my, if only you’d stretched more… still, you look rather cute down there, don’t you~?”
Ah…
But I want to get up!
Nyan Nyan reaches down, taking me in her arms and slowly pulling me from the ground and to my feet.
“At least they didn’t take your scarf,” she adds, tilting her head as her eyes look me over, “I’ll have to prepare another talisman, won’t I…”
Nyan Nyan sighs.
Did I disappoint Nyan Nyan? I forgot all about what I was supposed to do, and someone did take my talisman.
I didn’t mean to make her sad.
“… Did I do something wrong?”
Nyan Nyan cocks her head.
“Of course not. You’re just the same as ever, my adorable, lovely corpse.”
The tone of her voice is so sweet. She must not be mad.
“Now,” she adds, “Hold still…”
She pulls something from her bag, and after a few moments of scrawling on it she places it to my forehead.
…
Ah! That’s right! I’m supposed to guard the mausoleum! It suddenly clicks inside me. That’s what my old talisman was telling me to do!
“Mmm, but I don’t think you need to do so from outside, tonight,” Nyan Nyan adds, drawing her hairpin. With a twist of her wrist, she cuts a hole into a nearby wall, taking my hand to draw me through it as well.
I get to be inside with Nyan Nyan tonight.
The hole we passed through seals behind us.
“Mmm, Yoshika, we should make sure you’re flexible so that you don’t get stuck like that again tomorrow, shouldn’t we?” comments Nyan Nyan as she pins her hair back into place.
“Yeah…”
I don’t want to end up like that again. My face being pinned in the snow was terrible…
I suddenly feel Nyan Nyan’s arms wrapping around me.
Her lips are by my ear. I can see her out of the corner of my eye, as she practically drapes herself over me.
“Tell me… who do you belong to?”
I forget things a lot. I don’t think a lot, either.
But I remember this.
“Nyan Nyan!”
Her arms tighten their embrace. They’re warm.
“That’s right~”
Her full lips curl into a thin smile.
“And no-one can ever take you away from me.”