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Let's Be Rational About This

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He was passing Sergeant Smith in a passageway when the world slipped sideways and then they were clinging to each other, naked, in some sort of clearing surrounded by unfamiliar plants and – ugh, those unnerving little creatures with sharp claws and no eyes that he knew only from Smith's reports.

"Oh, that's rather inconvenient," she said, disengaging herself while Arthur scrambled for a weapon and, since he had none, awkwardly settled for holding his hands over his genitals.

"What's going on?" he demanded.

"Captain Pendragon," Smith said in a carefully controlled voice, "I'm fairly sure the Sagunil need for us to have sex now."

"They – what?"

"You see, I've been doing a lot of research on their lifecycle so they... they've suggested a reciprocal arrangement – which is really only fair, in principle! Though I was expecting them to bring me here with... er... someone I spend more of my time with."

"So tell them it's not happening," Arthur said, because he was a man of action and would not waste his time worrying about whom this incredibly intelligent and put-together xenobiologist, with soft skin and charming dimples and breasts that he had always tried not to stare at, though that was getting particularly difficult now, as she stared at him with her hands on her hips... No, he did not care whom Gwen Smith would have preferred to preform weird sex acts for aliens with.

"Respectfully, sir, I can't very well tell them without the comlink in place, can I?"


She sighed. "They don't even use language the way we do, although they can perceive sound, and movement, and... well. Chemistry."

"We could scream," Arthur suggested.

"The thing is, I may have already informed them that human screams can indicate intense pleasure, as well as distress."

"Sergeant Smith –"

"It's just Gwen, please." She stepped closer to him again, touched his elbow. "At least for now. As far as they're concerned we're just two humans – young and healthy ones, even. And our bodies fit together in a way that's interesting for them – they don't have genders, you know, or intercourse."

Arthur hadn't known.

"I think we might as well give them a little show."

"And if we refuse?"

"Well, then they'll probably kill us and dissect us. Hopefully in that order!" She laughed briefly and then stopped. "They need some new research material, don't they?"

She sat on the ground and tugged gently at Arthur's hand till he joined her. "Come on, haven't you ever thought about how we'd fit? I know I have."

"That wouldn't be appropriate," Arthur said, not looking at her.

"No, it wouldn't be, not back on the ship." She kissed him and placed his palm on her breast. "But here I can tell you, and you can feel for yourself. Whenever you look at me, my face and my chest go hot. Ever since I joined the expedition." In a whisper she added, "And my cunt, would you like to feel that too?"

Arthur nodded dumbly and she pulled at his wrist. His fingers hesitated at her curls but then slipped easily into her warm, wet opening. Gwen smiled wide as Arthur's mouth fell open.

"They must have been tracking my body temperatures," she mused, wrapping her arms around him and starting to ride his hand, "or maybe my blood flow or – but they must have sensed my arousal somehow, and that's how they knew to bring us here together."

"You wanted it to be someone else," Arthur said, withdrawing his hand.

Gwen huffed in exasperation and crawled on top of him. She'd been polite enough to ignore his erection up till now, but she gripped it firmly as she lowered herself onto his cock. "Listen better, Arthur," she ordered, and he did, gratefully, timing his thrusts to her words and moans as she told him, "I thought it would be, nnh, but I wanted this." She leaned close so her fabulous breasts touched his chest and they moved against each other in sweat and heat. "I fuck other men, yeah. I like them, we have a good time. But I'm always thinking of you."

"And me," Arthur grunted, "I'm always," thinking of her when he lay in his quarters, thrusting into his hand, "I never, with anyone else," because it was never appropriate, not with the captain, the general's son.

"Oh, Arthur." He watched her face crumple as she understood, and he knew it wasn't with pain.

Arthur screamed as he came after her.