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Mama Bears and Their Cubs

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“Let me get this straight,” Elizabeth Hummel glared at Principle Figgins. “You want to punish my child for defending himself?”

“Mrs. Hummel, we cannot encourage such incidents of violence…”

“Violence? Those boys put hands on my son to throw him into a dumpster. And you’re trying to call Kurt violent?”

“He should have gone to a teacher, or someone in administration. He could have come to me…”

“I did,” Kurt interjected. “I came into this office every day last week and reported incidents of harassment. Your secretary told me to suck it up, and what did I expect with the way I dress. She finally told me to stop bothering her.”

“We really should wait for Mrs. Hudson and Mrs. Puckerman to arrive before continuing this discussion.”

“So you’re not going to even address the fact that a member of this administration failed to protect my son.”

“He was never in any danger, Mrs. Hummel.”

“They threw him in a dumpster! They stuck his head in a dirty toilet, he could have drowned.”

“Not to mention that I’m never going to get the slushie stains out of my favorite jacket.”

Just then two other women were escorted into Mr. Figgins office.

“Noah it’s only the second week of ninth grade and you’re in trouble already? And you’ve dragged Finn into it? And get up and give me your chair you ungrateful boy. My feet hurt.”

Mrs. Hudson was already sitting in the chair that Finn had vacated. She looked curiously at the thin pale boy and the woman who was obviously his mother in the other set of chairs. “Why are we here Mr. Figgins?”

“We are here to discuss an incident of fighting between your three sons.”

Mrs. Hummel leapt from her chair. “No, we are here to discuss incidents of your two Neanderthal sons bullying and harassing my Kurt.”

Mrs. Puckerman stood and slapped her son on the back of the head. “Noah Puckerman, have you been harassing that little gay boy? You know that the gays were persecuted in the war right next to the Jews. I won’t have you bullying that child because he’s gay. The Berry’s are two of our closest friends at Temple, what would they think of you now?”

“Finn, is this true? Did you hurt that boy?”

“Ladies please calm yourselves and sit down. Perhaps we should discuss this without the children in the room.”




In the outer office, Puck and Finn sat in the provided chairs. Kurt pulled his chair a few feet away from the bigger boys.

Puck glared at the smaller boy. “I wasn’t picking on you because you’re gay. I pick on you because you think you’re better than me.”

“I don’t think I’m better than you.”

“You strut around the school with your fancy clothes that your rich daddy bought you…”

“My Dad didn’t buy me anything. My Dad died seven years ago. And I never said that I was gay.”

“Dude, it’s kind of obvious that you’re gay.” Finn said.

“It’s obvious that I have better fashion sense than either of you. And don’t call me Dude.”

“And again with the fancy clothes that your rich mommy bought you.”

“We’re not rich.”

“If you’re not rich, how do you afford such fancy stuff?” Puck countered.

“I make it myself. Well, mostly. We get clothing from thrift shops and I alter it.”

Finn just looks confused.

“With a sewing machine. I fix it so it fits me better, and add my own flourishes.”

Finn and Puck both looked confused.

“Kurt sighed. “The fancy little accent details. I make that up myself and sew it. Are both of you failing English vocabulary?”

“So what about the big fancy SUV you mom dropped you off in the other day?” Puck said.

“That wasn’t our car. Mom works at a garage. She was test driving it before the owner came for it. You didn’t see the crappy looking little pinto she picked me up in.”

“Your Mom’s a mechanic?”

“No she does the office work. My Dad was a mechanic. After he died, Mom kept working for his partner keeping the records and doing the billing.”

“Hey my Mom does office work, and my Dad’s dead too.” Finn said brightly.

“Finn, you’re not supposed to be making friends with the little fruit. He got us into trouble.”

“Don’t call me that. It’s offensive. And it’s not like you two are entirely straight.”

“What are you talking about? We’re not fags like you.”

“Don’t use that word. I’ve seen how you two act with each other. Since elementary school, you’ve always been all over each other.”

“You didn’t even know us in elementary school.”

“Yes I did. We moved after my dad died so I had to change schools for third grade. You two were always together, and you still are.”

“That doesn’t mean we’re gay,” Puck protested

Kurt just rolled his eyes. “Keep telling yourself that, Puckerman.”

Puck started to get up from the chair to go punch the other boy. Finn held him down. “Dude, we’re already in trouble.”

Just then Sue Sylvester marched through the room towards Figgins office. She looked at Kurt “I expect two football beasts to be in trouble, but why are you here Ladyface?”

“Since I’m not a female, Ladyface is a slur and you’re a bully for using it.” Kurt retorted

The woman looked flabbergasted. “Do you have any idea who I am, fresh meat?”

Kurt stood, walked over and stood toe to toe with the woman. “You’re Sue Sylvester, coach of the three time National award winning Cheerios cheerleading squad.”

“Four times. I saw you kicking the crap out of Mohawk at the dumpster a while ago. Where did you learn to kick like that?”

“Ten years of jazz and ballet at the McLaughlin dance studio. I’m one of only two boys to make it past toddler ballet.”

“Is the other boy a friend of yours? Can he kick like that too?”

“Not really.”

“What does that mean?”

Kurt sighed. “He’s friendly while we’re at class. But away from there he pretends he doesn’t know me. He’s on the football team, now.”

“Then he’s not good enough for you. I like your spirit, kid. Report to the gym after school and we’ll see if you’re good enough for the Cheerios.”

“I’ll probably have detention after school.”

Sue scoffs. “We’ll just see about that. What about these two? I could ruin their high school careers before they’ve begun. Say the word.”

“It’s not entirely their fault. They are victims of the high school social hierarchy as much as I am.”

“We’ll have to work on your killer instinct there kiddo, but whatever.” She glares at the two football players. “You’re off the hook this time, but if I see you harassing any of my Cheerios, I will run you both up the flagpole and leave you there until the first frost, then take you down and stake you out on the school lawn until the geese fly over and drown you in goose crap. You got that, meatheads?”

Both boys nodded frantically as Sylvester marched over and barged through Figgins office door.




Inside Figgins office, the principle was trying to decide how to resolve the conflict.

“Ladies, I want to assign detention to all three of the boys…”

“No,” Elizabeth interrupted him. “I’m not going to let you punish my boy for defending himself. This has been going on for Kurt’s whole school career and no one on the school district administration has ever done anything about the bullying.”

“If this has been going on so long, why are you just now doing something?” Ruth Puckerman asked.

“Because boys in high school can be much more vicious. And Kurt hasn’t hit his growth spurt yet, the others are so much bigger than him. You know your son likes to lock other kids in the porta john and roll it down the hill. Kurt could get seriously hurt.”

Ruth looked concerned. “My son really does that?”

It was Carole who answered. “Yes he really does, Ruth. I was hoping that Finn would be a calming influence on Noah. You know they’ve been friends their whole lives.”

“But instead my Noah is bringing Finn down to his level.” She looked over at Mrs. Hummel. “I’m truly sorry about my son’s behavior. It’s so hard with him not having a father figure…”

“My son doesn’t have a father either, and I’ve managed to raise him to not be a total savage.”

Carole leaped to the boy’s defense. “Noah is not a savage. Neither is my Finn. They just have to find their footing in a new school.”

“They need to do it without harming my son.”

“Ladies please. We must resolve this.”

“Mr. Figgins, I have no objection to you giving Finn detention without punishing the Hummel boy.” Carole said.

“I agree.” Ruth added. “A few days detention might do Noah some good.”

Just then the door flew open and Sue Sylvester stepped inside. “Figgins, that little porcelain boy is mine now. You better not be giving him detention. My Cheerios are the top tier in this school and I won’t have any of them serving a punishment that is not dished out by me.”

“Just a second there, sister. You can’t dictate my sons’ extracurricular activity like that without any input from me.”

“It’s okay Mom.” Kurt stepped around from in back of the Coach. “I want to be on the squad. I think I’d be good at it.”

“That’s for me to decide Porcelain. Be in my office no later than 60 seconds after the last bell, and we’ll get you a uniform.” With that the tall blonde blew out of the office.

“Well, that’s settled then,” said the Principal. “Mr. Hudson and Mr. Puckerman will serve three detentions on days that they do not have football practice, and Mr. Hummel will be a cheerleader.”

“All right, Mr. Figgins. But if I have to come back here for something like this, I will take legal action against the school district administration. And I will involve the media.”




Kurt thrived as a Cheerio. The physical activity toned his body, and trying to keep up with Sylvester’s schemes challenged his mind. For some reason the coach had taken a liking to him. He thought it was a good possibility that he would be head cheerleader his sophomore year.

Puck and Finn languished in freshman hell on the football team, hardly getting any playing time. They were looking forward to sophomore year because most of the team was seniors and would be graduating. Finn seemed to be the only one who could throw the ball effectively so he would probably be the Titans next quarterback.

They didn’t pick on Kurt anymore. They didn’t become friends, but they would sometimes speak to each other in classes that they shared.

Sophomore year started well. Kurt was appointed co-head cheerleader along with Quinn Fabray. The boys all joined the glee club when Schuester replaced Mr. Ryerson, bringing two other football players and three other cheerleaders with them. At parents night that fall, Elizabeth Hummel and Carole Hudson ran into each other again. The talked the whole night, and after that they spent a lot of their free time together. They had family dinner nights with them and the boys. Finn and Kurt found that they did like spending time together and became actual friends instead of just friendly acquaintances. Noah wasn’t pleased at first, but the more the three boys hung out together, the more he came to admire Kurt’s spirit, recognizing him as a fellow badass. The boys even went on triple dates together with Finn dating Quinn Fabray, Puck dating Santana Lopez and Kurt dating Brittany Pierce. Kurt tried to convince the girl that he really was gay, but she liked hanging out with him anyway.

The triple dating came to an end one day when they were hanging out at the mall and Quinn refused to go into any of the stores that Finn wanted to go to. So they ditched the girls and went to the food court and the arcade without them.

In the spring of their sophomore year, the Hudson’s moved in with the Hummel’s. Elizabeth said it was to save expenses but since Carole moved into the master bedroom with Elizabeth instead of the second bedroom, Kurt had his doubts. Finn moved into the basement suite with Kurt. They had a bit of a rough patch when Kurt redecorated the room like something out of Arabian Nights, but they got past it. Puck actually liked the décor and convinced Kurt to dress up like a harem boy.

That was the start of it. That was the day that Finn walked in on Kurt and Puck making out on a huge pile of pillows in the middle of the room. Finn watched for a moment, confused as to what was going on. Then Kurt moaned and Finn realized he had a hard-on. His moan echoed Kurt’s. Puck looked up and then motioned for Finn to join them.

After an enthusiastic make out and grope session, all three satisfied boys reclined on the pillows.

“See, I told you two that you were gay.”

Puck groaned. “Can we skip the ‘I Told You So’s’ and just go for round two?”

“Are you up for round two already?”

“Baby, Puckzilla is always ready.”

“I should have known you would have a pet name for your dick, you dick.”

Puck smirked. “You're gonna have a pet name for it too. Probably something like ‘oh God’”

“You know I’m and atheist, right?”

The two boys ceased their bantering when Finn didn’t join in. He looked pensive.

“What am I gonna tell my Mom?”

“About…” Kurt prompted.

“About this. About being gay or bi or whatever I am now.”

“You’re worried about telling your mom that you’re not straight?” Puck started laughing.

“Don’t laugh! I don’t know how she’s going to react.”

Kurt was laughing now too. “You’re worried about how your lesbian mother is going to react to you being involved in a same sex relationship?”

“Mom is not a lesbian.”

“You’re right. She’s might be bisexual. We should ask them. Make sure everyone is using the correct terms.”


“Yes, them. Your mom and my mom. You know, the two women that are sharing the master bedroom.”

“I thought they were just doing that because your mom didn’t want to clear all the sewing stuff out of the second bedroom.”

“And there’s only one bed because…? That room is plenty big enough for two twins or even two double beds. Why are they sharing a queen?”

Finn thought for a moment. “Our moms are really…?”

“Yes, our moms are really.” Kurt confirmed.

“Then she’ll probably be all right with me doing guys.”

“Yes, she probably will,” came a voice from the top of the stairs.

There were a couple of small thumps as a box of condoms and a tube of lube hit the floor at the bottom of the stairs. “Liz and I are going out to dinner, boys. Don’t wait up. And Puck, don’t forget to call your mom and tell her you’re staying over.”

“Sure thing, Mrs. H.” Puck went over and picked up the lube and condoms as the door closed behind Carole and Elizabeth. “Looks like round two is a go.”