"Are you sure you are going to be fine staying home alone? I have some time off and it wouldn't hurt to take a day off now." Sheriff Stilinski says as he sits down at the table for breakfast.
"No dad, I'm fine, it's just some sort of stomach bug, you don't need to take time off of work." Stiles says as he brings his breakfast to the table.
" Are you sure? You looked pretty bad last night" the sheriff sets down his coffee mug and looks at Stiles "and you don't look much better today."
"Seriously Dad, you don't need to stay, I am capable of taking care of myself. Now you need to leave or you're going to be late for work." Stiles says as he clears his father's plate from the table.
"Fine, I'll go, but promise me you'll call me if you need anything, alright?" Sheriff Stilinski says as he grabs his jacket and walks through the door.
"Fine, fine" Stiles says as he starts on the dishes. "Now go."
Stiles spends the rest of the morning cleaning. He starts in the kitchen and makes his way through the rest of the house. With all the craziness going on neither of the Stilinski's have had much time for house work.
When he's done with that he moves up to his room and boots up the computer. While he has the time he might as well try to do some of the homework he fell behind on while dealing with the whole crazy alpha werewolf on a murderous rampage business. He tries working at his desk, but everything aches to much for him to stay sitting there too long, so he moves to his bed instead.
He tries to focus, but his mind is drifting to other things, mainly the events of the past few days.
While scrolling through, he realizes that his hands have started shaking and he is covered in a cold sweat. Maybe he had exerted himself a little too much today, and he cant keep focused on his stupid economics paper anyways, so he decides to stop for the night. After all the assignment will still be there tomorrow, so he closes his laptop. He feels exhausted. It is most definitely time for a nap.
He can't move, it's like his body isn't under his control, he tries frantically to move any part of his body, to move at all , but he cant.
He wants to scream out, but the sound gets stuck in his throat and nothing comes out of his mouth.
"Come on you need to wake up son."
And suddenly Stiles is awake, gasping and shaking from his nightmare. For a second he is terrified there is something touching him. He scrambles to the other side of the bed, his heart racing. It takes him a few minutes but he realizes the figure that is talking to him.
"Stiles, it's okay, you're awake now, it was just a dream."
"Dad?" Stiles croaks out.
"Yeah son, it's me." Sheriff Stilinski's whole body relaxes as soon as Stiles speaks.
Stiles takes a deep breath and draws his blankets up around himself and looks to his father. "So what brings you to my room at" stiles looks at his alarm clock "3:47 in the morning." he says with a shaky smile.
His dad just looks at him "You were screaming loud enough that I could hear you from downstairs.
"Wait, what were you doing downstairs? Were you still working? You realize that you are not a robot that runs on coffee, you are a human who needs sleep to function."
"Stiles don't deflect, this has been going on for the past three nights, now what's going on?"
Stiles freezes at that announcement, he wracks his brain trying to come up with anything but the truth. He dismisses the first two ideas but stops on the third. It's not something he would normally ever use and he feels terrible even thinking it, but he needs his dad to drop this.
"I ah, didn't want to say anything, but uh, I've been dreaming about" Stiles stops and looks at his blanket. " I've been dreaming about when mom died."
The lie does it's job and sheriff Stilinski looks away from him for a moment and swallows. Then he looks back at his son. He opens his mouth and then closes it again. Stiles thinks he must be lost for words so he fills the silence.
"I don't know why, it's stupid okay, I guess I just miss her."
"Stiles" he starts, but stops when his voice breaks. " I miss her too, I think about her all the time, It's nothing to be ashamed of." His dad opens his arms in invitation, and stiles feels horrible taking comfort in this when he is lying to him, but he could really, really use a hug right now, so he moves into the hug.
They stay like that for a long time, not talking, just taking comfort in each others presence, each for different reasons.
Eventually Stiles pulls back and says "You have work tomorrow, you better get to sleep."
His father opens his mouth to say something but Stiles cuts him off. "I'll be fine dad, now go to sleep."
"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then" he says and leaves the room.
It takes stiles a long time to get back to sleep that night.
He goes back to school on Tuesday, and as his life always goes, he wakes up late and rushes out the door. Despite his best efforts and breaking every speed limit in town, Stiles is still late to class. He tries to slide into Econ without coach Finstock noticing, but it doesn't exactly go his way.
"Bilinski, why are you coming into my classroom late?" Finstock bellows.
Stiles doesn't even bother to correct him, he thinks it's a lots cause and he will always be known as Bilinski to him.
"I woke up late-" Stiles starts but Finstock interrupts him.
"You know what Bilinski, I don't even care, just find a seat and pay attention."
Stiles looks around and there are two empty seats in the classroom, one by Scott and he really, really doesn't want to see him right now, possibly not at all this week, and one by Danny. Yeah, Danny is definitely the better choice. He scrambles to take the seat before Finstock can start yelling at him again.
He ignores the questioning look Scott sends his way as he sits down and gets out his book. He spends the class actually listening to Finstock and taking notes for a change. He doesn't have Scott to talk to and he really doesn't want his mind to wander right now, that hasn't been working out too well for him lately.
When class ends and he is packing up his books Danny turns to him and says " You were unusually quiet today. You didn't even take the opportunity to ask me if I found you attractive. It was a nice change."
"Yeah well, it hasn't exactly been on my mind lately" Stiles replies. It isn't something he wants to think about right now.
Apparently it isn't only the nightmares that are getting to him. He is sitting down for lunch with Lydia and Allison, (Scott is mysteriously absent which Stiles is grateful for), when Lydia's shoulder brushes against his and the simple touch leaves him shaking and gasping for air. Images of that night flash before his eyes.
Stiles' back is on fire, he cries out as claws slowly tear their way through the flesh, and god it hurts, it hurts so bad.
He sees lydia and she looks mostly annoyed, but it's hard to tell with the images of that night playing over again in his head. Now Lydia looks like she is saying something but he can't hear anything, he doesn't hear any of the noise from the cafeteria, all he hears is the buzzing of his own thoughts. Lydia punches him in the shoulder and suddenly everything snaps back.
"Stiles, Stiles are you okay?" Lydia asks.
Stiles thinks this must be the third or fourth time she has asked judging by the fact that Lydia Martin actually looks worried about him, which under normal circumstances would be great, but right now he just wants everything to go back to how it was last week. Judging by the nightmares and now the daymares, um waking dreams, no flashbacks, Stiles doesn't think that is going to happen any time soon.
"Should I go for help?" Allison asks Lydia.
This finally prompts Stiles to speak. "Guys, I'm fine." and wow his voice doesn't sound the slightest bit fine, not even to himself. "I must have eaten something bad, I just had a really bad cramp." he says as he moves away from the hand Lydia has on his shoulder and stands up. "I'm gonna go to my locker and see if I have anything that will help, I'll catch up with you later."
It doesn't look like either Allison or Lydia are buying it, but he can't do any better right now. He is so shaky he is surprised his legs can support him for the walk out of the cafeteria. As soon as he is out of the cafeteria he makes a beeline for the choir room. Stiles is so out of it he doesn't even check to see if anyone is there. He just leans against the wall and tries to catch his breath. His feet don't want to support him anymore so he slides down and puts his head between his knees.
"Shit, god fucking damn it" Stiles curses as he brings his hands up and runs them through his hair. Then he turns and punches the wall repeatedly until he is thinking about the pain in his hand instead of what happened in the cafeteria.
He skips his next period and stays in the empty choir room, trying to put himself back together. It works partially, but Stiles also realizes things aren't going to be going back to the way they were, not before his next class, not soon, and possibly not ever. So he skips the rest of the school day and drives home instead.
He avoids Scott for the next couple of days. He doesn't want him to notice anything with his stupid werewolf powers, he doesn't want to have that conversation right now. Actually scratch that, he would be completely fine if he never had that conversation, like ever.
He gets out of lacrosse practice with a note from his dad, which Finstock is surprisingly upset about, probably because he doesn't have someone to help raise team morale by being a human punching bag.
It's tough avoiding him in classes. Every time he rushes into chemistry ahead of Scott and sits with the first person he sees, Scott sends him a hurt look. Stiles feels vaguely guilty, but it doesn't stop him from doing it. It doesn't hurt that when he isn't working with Scott he actually gets his work done, and his labs are going way better than they have all year.
The third time he does it the hurt look is replaced by one of annoyance and then it gets a lot easier to avoid Scott, because Scott is avoiding him too.
It's Scott who notices something is wrong first, or at least brings it up first, which means one of two things, either Allison had told Scott about the cafeteria incident and sent Scott to talk to him, or he isn't hiding this as well as he thought he was. He really hopes it isn't that second option because if it is, everyone must know that something is going on. He loves Scott, but he isn't the most observant person he knows.
Scott corners him in the hallway, and Stiles resigns himself to the fact that this conversation is happening, and he really doesn't want it to happen in the hallway where everyone can hear, so he gestures for Scott to follow him and brings him to the choir room.
As soon as the door shuts Scott turns to Stiles and asks "Why have you been avoiding me? What's going on Stiles."
"I haven't been avoiding you, I've just been focusing on my schoolwork and -" Stiles starts, but Scott interrupts him.
"Don't lie to me Stiles, it hasn't just been you avoiding me, Allison told me about what happened in the cafeteria." and that answers his earlier question, stupid Allison and her annoying habit to actually care for people, why couldn't she be more like Lydia and mind her own business.
"Seriously Scott, nothings wrong, I told Allison that I just wasn't feeling well and -"
"Don't lie to me Stiles, do you really think I'm that stupid?"
Stiles runs his hand over his face and takes a moment to think on how to answer this. "Okay, so maybe I'm not so fine, but I'm dealing with it okay?"
Scott doesn't look to happy about that answer, but he accepts it.
"You know you can talk to me about things right Stiles? I can at least listen, I mean, the whole Peter Hale thing wasn't just stressful for you ..." Scott trails off
"Yeah I know, and if I need to I will, but really Scott, I am dealing with it."
Scott still doesn't look too happy about this whole situation, but he lets the issue slide.
Since Scott didn't pick anything up with his aforementioned freaky werewolf powers, Stiles stops avoiding him.
Thing went somewhat back to normal after his awkward conversation with Scott. He started sitting next to him again in the classes they share, which was annoying as Scott would send him worried glances every five seconds to make sure he wasn't going to loose his shit or something, but it's better than the constant barrage of "Are you okay?" Scott sent his way the first day until Stiles had snapped and threatened to start avoiding him again.
Sitting next to Scott also has the unfortunate side effect of his grades going back down again. But Stiles doesn't mind, he's still keeping busy, this time with talking to Scott instead of you know, actually paying attention to his school work. His dad is probably going to be upset, if only his teachers hadn't alerted him to the fact that he was doing better in school, his dad would never have had the opportunity for his expectations of him to rise.
He thinks he is dealing with things better, he hasn't had any more big freak outs, and the smaller things like shaking hands and faster breathing, are getting easier to hide. He is keeping his distance from people so he doesn't get a repeat of the lunch room fiasco, sometimes it's tough, and he's gotten more than one weird look from Allison and Lydia for it, but they haven't said anything, so that counts for something.
Things improve at home too, he isn't having as many nightmares, and when he does have them, at lease he isn't waking the whole neighborhood by screaming bloody murder.
So the last thing he wants to do is jeopardize all of this by going to stupid lacrosse practice. But Coach Finstock has been on him non stop, asking when he is going to "man up and get back out on the field. Come on Bilinski, we need you."
He is running out of excuses not to go, and he doesn't think he could get his dad to write a note and he definitely doesn't want to forge one. The last time he did that his dad had caught him right off the bat and had grounded him for weeks.
So he does man up and prepares himself for practice on Monday.
He arrives at practice early and by the time Scott gets to the locker room he is already in his pads. Scott gives him a weird look, Stiles normally waits for Scott before he goes off to practice, but he doesn't say anything about it.
Being on the field is nerve wracking, and Stiles is so tense he actually hurts. He's just waiting for someone to crash into him. Lacrosse is after all a full contact sport, and trying to brace himself for it so he doesn't have another freakout is mentally and physically exhausting. After all it isn't only the people on the field who are watching him, Lydia and Allison are in the bleachers watching too. and while Scott isn't always that observant, Lydia and Allison are, and to top it off they were there for the last big freak out, so they know what one looks like. He's just started to relax thinking that it might not happen today, that they might just stick to group exercises, when Coach Finstock stops their exercises.
"All right, time for a skirmish!" Coach Finstock says while rubbing his hands together. "The winners of the skirmish will get to gloat about their superiority, while the losers will run suicides around the field, so give it your best! I want us in top shape for our game on friday!"
This is not good, not good at all, skirmishes usually aren't his thing at all, and now what with the freak outs and the fact that his back has just started to fully heal over, this is like the worst timing ever. Not that Stiles should expect anything else, obviously the universe hates him.
It starts out fine, he stays out of the way of anyone with the ball, he gets a lot of dirty looks from his teammates, but what more did they expect of him, even on a good day he wasn't much help. I mean there was a reason why he was second string.
Then, Scott, stupid Scott, tosses him the ball, which he stupidly catches. Everything freezes for a moment and then then Danny charges him. He crashes into him and the ball goes flying. Stiles falls to the ground from the impact his back is on fire, but surprisingly he isn't transported back to that night. He's shaky and breathing a little harder but better than he should be, so he gets up and continues playing.
They are almost to the end of practice and Stiles has started to relax when someone passes him the ball again, feeling confident he moves to go towards the goal, but he doesn't make it there, instead he is on the ground again but this time some one is on top of him and he can't he just can't he needs to get away and It hurts so bad, but he can't move and he can faintly hear someone asking if he's okay and he needs to pull it together right fucking now. So he shakily gets up and tries to smile, he's sure it looks nothing like his normal smile, but it must do the trick because they are turning away from him to listen to something Coach Finstock,is saying. Stiles ignores them and quietly moves away from the field in a daze, still half way between his memories and reality.
He ends up back in the choir room, and Stiles wonders if they even use this room at all. He sits down in an empty chair and just sits. "Fuck" he doesn't even have the heart to yell it "fuck, fuck, fuck." It's just a mantra he repeats to himself over and over again as he resigns himself to the fact that he really hasn't gotten any better.
The only good thing that happened at practice yesterday is that apparently Scott didn't notice that anything was going on, which is awesome, but Scott did notice that he was hurt.
Scott sniffs the air and looks around he classroom before his gaze lands on Stiles. "Are you hurt?" he asks.
Stiles contemplates lying, but Scott's freaky werewolf senses would see right through that, so he just does a little bit of omitting. "Yeah, I scratched my back up when I hit the ground yesterday during practice."
Scott accepts his answer and goes back to his school work. They are silent through the rest of the period, which is unusual for Scott. After the bell rings stiles starts gathering his books and before he can leave he stops him. "Stiles, can you meet me and Allison after school?"
Stiles is wary, he doesn't think this is about him, he hasn't given them anything else, or he thought he hadn't. In his opinion he'd been hiding things well, or at least enough so that Scott wouldn't notice. Maybe Allison had noticed something? Hopefully this has nothing to do with him, but if he blows it off, Scott will know something is up. "Sure, my house good? Dad's working late tonight."
"Sure, I'll see you there." Scott smiles and is out of the classroom in a flash, probably to go find Allison.
Stiles is nervous the whole way home, getting more and more worked up thinking about what Scott would want to talk about. He pulls into the driveway and hops out of his jeep. When he goes to open the door his hands are shaking so bad he has trouble getting the key into the lock. He really needs to calm the fuck down. He slams the door behind him and sits down in the nearest chair and just takes deep breaths. He is so immersed in his breathing that the door bell startles him badly enough to fall out of his chair. He scrambles to get up and open the door.
He invites Allison and Scott into his living room and once they all settle in, surprisingly Allison is the one to talk. "We need to do something about Derek. My family already sees him as a threat, he is a new alpha and they think he has no control over his abilities. We need to talk to him and get him to meet with my family."
"Okay so good luck getting him to listen to that." Stiles responds.
"Stiles this could put Scott in danger too, if they think Derek isn't in control, they will think there is no one to keep Scott in line-" Allison starts.
"Hey, I can control myself fine." Scott interjects.
Stiles looks at Scott "And you have proven that so wonderfully over the last few weeks what with the attacking me and..." Stiles trails off at the hurt look Scott sends him. "Anyway, I agree with Allison, something needs to be done.
"Good because Scott has already asked him to meet us on the lacrosse field after school tomorrow."
Stiles' heart sinks and he starts to feel queasy. This will not be fun, his last encounter with an alpha wasn't exactly pleasant.
The day goes by in a blur, too fast for Stiles. He wants each class to last an eternity, but they seem to last seconds and all too soon he is waiting on the lacrosse field with Scott and Allison, foot jiggling up and down because he just can't keep still right now. He is jumping at the slightest noise and cursing himself for it. He can do this. Plus Scott would totally know when Derek arrives, what with him having freaky werewolf senses.
And there it is, Scott is turning towards the woods facing the lacrosse field and there he is. Derek is slowly making his way towards the group. He doesn't look to pleased by the fact that Allison is here.
He looks to Scott and asks "What do you want and why did you bring her here?" yeah he is definitely not happy about that.
Surprisingly it is Allison that steps foreword to talk.
"Derek, my family is worried about you, they see you as a threat, they think that..." she trails off looking unsure of what she is about to say but then a determined look comes over her face and she looks right at Derek and says "they don't think you are in control and-
She stops talking as Derek's eyes glow red and he takes a step forward and God Stiles is so stupid, so stupid, but he is stepping in front of her and now Derek is right in front of him, Derek could touch him and he is touching him and he doesn't want it and it hurts, it hurts so bad and he's babbling trying to say anything to get Derek to stop, pleading with him. But all stiles sees are his eyes shining red and empty and that is when he starts to scream because Derek isn't there not really and it was such a fucking stupid idea to come here alone, why would he do that. Stiles hears someone call his name from far away but it sounds like he's underwater and it's not cutting through to him. Now he is thrashing and hitting anything he can reach and it's no use he derek isn't budging and oh god this is really going to happen, why is this happening to him.
"Stiles, Stiles are you okay" the voice sounds frantic now and he wants to scream out no and help and oh god please make it stop but his whole body is frozen. Suddenly he feels a hand on his shoulder gently shaking him and he lashes out, hitting anything he can reach and he hears a "Jesus" and "Stiles, god Stiles" but he doesn't register who any of the voices belong to. And just as suddenly as the shaking started it stops and Stiles is back enough to see that it was Derek and he turns tail and runs for the parking lot, desperate to just get home, get away from this, away from Derek.
By the time he's made it to the parking lot he is out of breath and god is this what it felt like when Scott had an asthma attack, he's pretty sure he's about to suffocate and he should be focusing on his breathing but he's scrambling in his pocket for his keys. He brings them out with shaky hands and drops them. He falls to his knees to pick them up when a hand comes to rest on his shoulder and someone says "Stiles?" He turns and scrambles away from the hand as quickly as he can, back slamming against his jeep.
"L-Lydia?" and when he says her name, his voice breaks.
Lydia leans over to pick up the keys and when stiles reaches out for them his hand is shaking.
"Yeah there is no way I'm letting you drive like this. You're shaking like leaf." Lydia takes his keys and puts them in her purse. "Come on, I'll drive you home." and she turns and stalks off to her car. Stiles takes a deep breath and picks himself up and follows her.
He gets into the car and looks anywhere but at Lydia. She starts the car and pulls out onto the road in silence. Just as Stiles relaxes she opens her mouth to speak, still looking straight ahead. "This isn't dealing with it you know."
And Stiles laughs a small broken laugh. "Yeah I think I've figured that out thanks."
"It sucks and it's horrible, but you need to talk to someone about it."
Stiles finally turns to look at Lydia and says "Like you talked to someone about your attack?"
"I did actually, and before you ask, it helped, it - it didn't make everything better but it helped." and Lydia pauses "Stiles, I don't know what happened exactly but I can guess."
The silence after that statement stretches until Stiles speaks. "I should be over this by now. I mean it wasn't like with you, I wasn't mauled and left for dead in a field." He stops and looks out the window and says in a quiet voice “It was just sex right, I should be fine with it."
Lydia makes a Strangled sound low in her throat and pulls over to the side of the road. When she turns to look at Stiles she looks upset, like really really upset, and he never thought Lydia would ever care that much about him in any way.
"Right?" Stiles turns to Lydia looking for, he doesn't know what he's looking for, just something.
"It wasn't just sex Stiles" Lydia says quietly, and Stiles breaks. He gasps and tears run down his face and he tries to speak but nothing comes out. Lydia continues speaking "You didn't want it and it wan't okay Stiles. You - you need to understand that."
"I can't do this, Lydia. I can't."
Lydia nods and pulls back out onto the road. Silence stretches until they pull into the driveway. Looking straight ahead Lydia says "I know we aren't the closest Stiles, but if you do want to talk, I'll listen." Stiles just nods and gets out of the car taking his keys from Lydia's outstretched hand.
He is so thankful his dad isn't home right now, he wouldn't let this pass. He walks up the stairs to his room and goes to flop onto his bed and sleep for a million years and pretend that this all never happened. But of course, of course, Scott is standing by his window. Does no one in this town use the front door?
"Stiles -" Scott starts but Stiles cuts him off.
"Scott, I really, don't want to talk about this right now, can you just leave?"
"No, something is going on with you, and I need to know what. What did Derek do to you?"
Stiles heaves a long sigh and sits down on his bed. Yeah it was too much to hope for that Scott would let this go. " Please just leave this alone, can you please just go?"
"No, I can't." Scott pulls out the computer chair and sits down facing Stiles.
"Scott, I don't want to do this tonight. Leave!" Stiles yells.
"No Stiles, I wasn't there for whatever happened, I'm not just going to leave you alone now!"
"Fine Scott, He raped me, now you know. Are you happy!" and saying it takes all the fight out of him and he folds in on himself.
Scott looks shell shocked and says quietly "What?"
Stiles turns away from him and murmurs "He raped me." and saying it out loud makes it real somehow.
"I'm going to kill him." Scott says calmly and starts walking towards the door.
"Please don't," Stiles gets up from the bed and puts a hand on Scott's shoulder to stop him from leaving "It wasn't - he wasn't himself, I just - please don't."
Scott's whole body is tense under Stiles' hand and Scott says "What else can I do?"
Stiles laughs a small, ugly laugh and replies "Dude I don't even know what to do about this." and takes his hand off of Scott's shoulder and returns to his bed. "I guess you could just be there for me? If I - if I want to talk or something?"
Scott relaxes and says "Yeah, I can do that."
Things get better. It's a slow progression but they do. Stiles takes up Lydia's offer to talk and they work through some things, he can't tell her everything for obvious reasons, but what he does tell her is enough to help. Scott is surprisingly tactful about the whole thing and is the rock Stiles Clings to.
Stiles doesn't tell his dad and he doesn't think he ever will. His dad wouldn't let up until Stiles let him do something about it and he doesn't want to, he just wants to not see Derek, possibly ever again. But that doesn't work out so well, a month after everything got dragged out into the open he finds Derek on his door step. Which is disconcerting, but at least he had the decency to meet him here instead of in his room.
Stiles takes a steadying breath and gets out of his car. He keeps his distance from Derek though. Derek works his jaw like he is trying to say something but the words don't come out.
"Well if you don't have anything to say I would appreciate it if you would leave." Stiles says stiffly.
"Stiles, I - I'm sorry." Derek says haltingly "I wasn't, I didn't have control and I should have, but I didn't."
"I know, if you were yourself you wouldn't have ..."Stiles trails off
Derek relaxes minutely and looks Stiles straight in the eye "Can you forgive me?" and the question is so sincere, Stiles has never seen Derek be this sincere, ever. Stiles leaves the question hanging while he thinks it over.
"No." Stiles says, and Derek looks crushed. "I know you weren't in control, that it was the whole becoming the alpha thing, but I just can't."
Derek simply says "Okay" and quietly leaves.