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Watanuki has a molesting pipe fox.

And worse, Doumeki knows it.

It was all so harmless at first. The pipe fox liked to curl around his neck or upper arm for easy mobility, particularly when Watanuki was running as fast as his legs could carry him (an event that had become all-too-frequent in Yuuko's employ). When Watanuki was not engaged in running for his life, the pipe fox liked to drowse while curled around his shoulders, its little head tucked under Watanuki's ear. It was kind of cute. If Himawari could see it, Watanuki was sure she'd realize her feelings for him on the spot. Boys with cute pets always got the girl, or so Watanuki deduced from the manga that Yuuko tried to hide from him.

This was not to say the pipe fox did not occasionally tread on unwanted territory. Sometimes it did this excited-routine where it would swarm all over his torso, and Watanuki would be reduced to spastic movements and muffled shrieking, because first, his sides were very ticklish, and two, soft fox fur running over anybody's nipples was bound to provoke some noise.

Doumeki seemed to take this in stride after the first time it happened, in his own stone-like way. Watanuki thinks Doumeki has never had an emotion in his entire life, and even if a pipe fox ran over his nipples, Doumeki wouldn't make a sound.

But now he has a problem, because it's gotten colder.

His shoulders are still a favorite place for the pipe fox to ride when Watanuki's setting a new personal best for the 500-meter dash, but it's taken to circling around Watanuki's waist. He's not sure, but he would almost swear he can feel its tiny exhales into his belly button, which disturbs him on my levels. Also, it's making his belly sort of sensitized and he just knows that there's going to come a moment in the future when he'll be tempted to say, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh, it's just that my pipe fox nuzzled my navel." He'll be roundly slapped, for sure.

So he's in math class one day. The room is chilly, since the heating isn't what is should be. Watanuki is watching the teacher go through a problem on the board when he feels the pipe fox around his midriff venture lower.

This is not happening to me, Watanuki prays fervently as he shifts a little in his seat.

But it is. And it's all kinds of crazy wrong, because there is a pipe fox in his pants. Watanuki is not into bestiality, dammit, and holy shit -

Doumeki is looking at him.

Actually, that isn't strictly accurate. Doumeki is looking at Watanuki's crotch with something approaching interest. Or, at least as close as Doumeki ever gets to looking interested.

"I didn't know you liked math," Doumeki says in that low voice of his.

"Wh-what?" Watanuki whispers back. "It's okay, I like it better than English, but -"

And then he realizes that Doumeki has completely misunderstood.

"No, it's not like that!" he says, probably louder than he should.

He really doesn't even begin to know how to interpret the look Doumeki gives him in reply. He's still trying to puzzle it out when Doumeki abruptly stands, the legs of his chair screeching a bit against the floor.

"Sensei, I'm taking Watanuki to the bathroom," Doumeki says.

The teacher is looking at them with barely-there impatience. "What for?"

Doumeki shrugs slightly. "He's got something down his pants," he says in that stoic, indifferent, I-could-equally-be-talking-about-having-curry-for-lunch voice.

The whole classroom bursts out into alternating gasps and laughter. Watanuki is still wailing Doumeki's name in horrified protest as Doumeki hauls him out the door.