Bloodshed never wanted to hurt the femme again after what he did to her down in that cave. He wanted to protect her, to cherish her, and to love her. But there were times where he wanted to grab the femme and pin her down so he could ravage him senseless. He was such a detestable bastard, but he couldn't help it. Thornstriker would be sitting right there in his lap and he could never touch her the way his mind wanted him too. It was torture, but he refused to act on his carnal desires. He had no right to even think that way. Not after what he did to her.
The idea was tempting though. It wasn't like he could do it. All it would take was a little strength on his part. Bloodshed could easily pin her to the floor and have his way with her. Thornstriker was so weak, so tiny. It really wouldn't take much effort.
But the guilt made him stop. He had already done that once before and he was lucky that the femme was with him now and had forgiven him and his savage actions. If he were to do it again, everything he had established with the green femme up until now would be destroyed with no chance of redemption. He had to handle himself carefully around her, no matter what.
Though, at the moment, it was unbelievably hard as they were sitting down by the lake of a neutral planet. Thornstriker had asked if the Decepticon wanted to join her for some stargazing; apparently tonight had been the best night to observe a meteor shower. It was rare for the Autobot to arrange a meeting, so Bloodshed accepted immediately. Of course now, he was regretting it a little as Thornstriker was sitting in his lap, her hand-held telescope in her servos as she looked up at the meteor shower with a content expression.
She was pointing out the different stars and such, though Bloodshed was just barely paying attention. Yeah, the scenery was beautiful; he wasn't about to deny that for a moment. But his focus was elsewhere. All he could do was look down at the petite green femme in his lap, feeling every part of her body move against his. Primus, the Autobot was completely oblivious to how the mech was feeling with her in his lap.
Bloodshed suddenly felt like an awkward teenager again. He couldn't fucking believe that he was getting hot and bothered about this femme sitting in his lap. He had way more self control than this! This shouldn't have been bothering him this much! He was just thankful that the scientist hadn't noticed yet. She'd probably have a fear-induced spark attack if she did.
"Primus, have you ever seen anything like it?" Thornstriker said excitedly, smiling brightly as she looked up at the sky through her telescope. "It's just absolutely gorgeous."
"Yeah…" Bloodshed murmured, his gaze drifting down to the back of the other's delicate neck cables. If he wanted to, he could grab her, choke her, even kill her… The green femme would be completely powerless against him. He inwardly shuddered at the thought.
He didn't like to think such things about Thornstriker, but he simply couldn't help it. The only thing that was holding him back was his own guilt, his own fear that Thornstriker would hate him. The green femme was so precious to him. He couldn't hurt her again. He had promised himself he would die first.
Still, it wasn't like the thought wouldn't come up every once in a while. Yeah, he'd feel like shit afterwards for even thinking about it, but the thought would always come up. All it took was a snag of her wrists, a push down onto the ground. Like the green femme could fight him off. Bloodshed would be able to see her moaning and withering beneath him, just like that time down in the trench. Just the two of them with no way to escape-
"B-Bloodshed...?!" he heard faintly. He snapped out of his thoughts and looked down at the scientist in his lap. His optics widened when he saw that Thornstriker was looking up at him with concern. The Decepticon looked to see that he had grabbed Thornstriker's wrists and held together while his other servo was resting at her thigh. Realizing what he was doing, he swallowed hard and quickly released the femme, pushing her out of his lap as he stood up and backed away.
Thornstriker just sat there on the sandy shore of the lake, looking up at the red mech confused. It had all happened so fast. As she was watching the meteors soar across the sky, Bloodshed suddenly snagged her wrists and held them away while his other servo crept to her thigh and rubbed over it. He felt Bloodshed's lower plating grow abnormally warm, which terrified her. She didn't understand how or why the red warrior had had such a reaction. She hadn't even done anything to arouse him in the slightest!
Cautiously, the green femme stood up, though she kept her distance from the younger, larger mech. The red warrior looked completely ashamed and even humiliated that he did such a thing. He kept his optics on the floor, as if he were too disgusted with himself to look up at the older mech. Thornstriker bit her bottom lip and swallowed, trying to calm herself down.
"Bl-Bloodshed?" she murmured, looking at him with concern. "Are... Are you all right?"
The red mech said nothing.
Thornstriker took a cautious step toward the Decepticon, who took a step back in turn. The scientist was surprised by the sudden retreat. Just as she opened her mouth to ask him what was wrong, Bloodshed said softly, "I... I think you should go."
She blinked. "Pardon?"
"I..." Bloodshed grew quiet again, looking down at himself. He wanted to beat himself over the helm with a sledgehammer right now. His fucking day dream had caused him to get a hard-on right under his plating where Thornstriker had just been sitting. He was ashamed, embarrassed. Not to mention fearful of what the green femme's might be if she realized what state he was in at the moment. He swallowed and shook his helm, trying to calm himself down. "Thornstriker... Sorry, but you really need to go. I... I can't right now."
"Did... I do something... wrong?"
Primus, her naivety was both adorable and, at the moment, exciting to his aroused state. He shook his helm. "No... It was me. Look, just... go back. Before... something happens..." He stiffened a bit when Thornstriker seemed to come closer to him, studying over him. He backed away from him, but Thornstriker kept on him until finally, Bloodshed's back hit a tree. Primus, why wouldn't the femme just listen?! This was completely humiliating for him! Not to mention shameful! He didn't want Thornstriker to see him like this. Especially not like this.
But Thornstriker was a scientist for a reason. She was smart and she knew when something was wrong. As she got closer to Bloodshed, she could feel the heat radiating off of his frame. The very faint scent of arousal... Thornstriker gasped and her optics widened as she realized why the red mech had wanted him to leave. She blushed brightly and stared up at the larger mech, mouth lightly agape as she backed away a bit. If Bloodshed would have allowed himself to be any more ashamed, he probably would have blushed with mortification.
"What...?! Why are you-" Thornstriker simply could not form a sentence as she stared at him.
Bloodshed held up a servo. "Just stop talking," he growled, almost begging. Primus must have been pissed at him for something he had done. Why did this happen tonight? When Thornstriker had been the one to invite him out, something that rarely happened? He wasn't sure how this could get worse, but he dare not jinx it.
He huffed and buried his face into his servo, leaning against the tree and wishing he could disappear into it. "Let me just say now that I'm not exactly happy about my reaction either," he grumbled.
Thornstriker bit her bottom lip as she looked over the younger mech. It was a bit strange to see him look like this, all flustered and embarrassed. Normally, Bloodshed stood tall, proud. He was also extremely intimidating and always looked so vicious, so angry. Now he appeared to be some awkward teenaged-mech who was embarrassed to be around his crush. It was a reminder to the scientist that Bloodshed was younger than her, after all. Just most of the time, it seemed as if their ages were reversed. And she simply couldn't help herself as he saw how vulnerable the other looked.
A sharp giggle escaped pass her lips and though she tried to muffle it by slapping her servos over her mouth, it didn't work and she just laughed a bit more. She certainly wasn't mocking Bloodshed, oh no. It was just so weird to see him like this, acting like an embarrassed teenager. Primus, she didn't even know the mech could be embarrassed. Sje just had to laugh, even though it just made the red mech feel even smaller than he already was feeling.
Bloodshed slid down the tree and slumped to the floor, wanting to disappear. He had been shocked that Thornstriker was laughing instead of trembling with fear. Now it felt like she was mocking him for his aroused state. Well, formerly aroused state. He had been so embarrassed that his erection had completely disappeared. He couldn't believe this had happened.
Trying to calm herself down, Thornstriker kneeled down in front of the red mech. She was still smiling and laughing a bit, gently trying to pull Bloodshed's servos away from his face. "Oh come on," she said, chuckling. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about, Bloodshed. I'm sure it happens to everyone once in their life time. I'm not making fun of you. Come on."
"Then why are you laughing at me?" he growled.
"Bloodshed, I'm not laughing at you," she promised, practically yanking at his servos. Either she was very weak or Bloodshed was really strong because he simply wouldn't budge. She frowned a bit. "I mean it – I'm not laughing at you." When the embarrassed warrior refused to move from his position, she sighed. "Bloodshed, I was laughing because I was… surprised."
Bloodshed was quiet for a few moments as Thornstriker just stared down at him. Finally, Bloodshed slowly and reluctantly moved his arms away from his face with a huff. The green femme couldn't help but to smile at the embarrassed look on her companion's face, noting the small and hardly noticeable blush on his cheek plating. She gently seized the sides of his face and murmured softly, "I never would have imagined someone as intimidating as yourself could be so cute."
He frowned and avoided the other's gaze.
Then Thornstriker sighed, her optics drifting down to the other's groin plating. "You… You don't need to be so embarrassed," she said softly. "I… I suppose it is only natural that you had a reaction like that… I was in your lap and… I know…" The scientist blushed as she couldn't bring herself to finish the statement.
People could say whatever they wanted to about his oblivious and naïve nature, but Thornstriker knew just how much Bloodshed was attracted to her, both sexually and emotionally. Thornstriker didn't stop to think that her being on his lap would bother Bloodshed as much as it did, though. She had grown so comfortable and so safe around the red mech that she had completely forgotten about how the red mech felt about her. She had been selfish and she wasn't mad or upset that the red mech's body reacted in such a way.
It was funny though. If this had happened any time earlier, Thornstriker would have panicked. Possibly even run away. But she didn't. She chose to laugh instead because she trusted that Bloodshed wouldn't do anything to her, no matter his state of arousal.
She let out another sigh and shook her helm, her gaze returning to the red mech's face. She gently stroked his cheeks. "It's all right, Bloodshed… Really."
Bloodshed shifted a bit uncomfortably where he sat, slowly and reluctantly looking back up at the older femme. All he could see was the Autobot's smiling face, something he didn't normally see from her. Seeing that smiling face made him feel as if his earlier hard-on wasn't so embarrassing, so shameful. It seemed as if everything really was okay and that he didn't have to be disgusted with himself as it was obvious Thornstriker was disgusted or frightened by him.
He huffed, wrapping his servos around Thornstriker's wrists and pulling the delicate limbs away from his face. "If… If you say so," he said softly. "I… I didn't mean for such a reaction. I just–"
Thornstriker pressed a finger to his lips. "Shh… You don't need to apologize, Bloodshed. I understand… And I'm sorry for not thinking about how you'd feel with me so close. I suppose I'm simply getting too comfortable around you for my own good."
Bloodshed was more than relieved to hear such words. Thornstriker trusted him. That was why she was not afraid when she had realized his arousal. "It's not your fault either. Just can't control my damn libido sometimes."
"If you say so." The green femme then wrapped her arms around the much larger mech's neck, hugging him gently. "Bloodshed… Thank you for cherishing me the way you do. I know… about the past, but now… I do appreciate your care, your kindness. It means a lot to me… Really."
Bloodshed nodded, wrapping his arms tightly around the scientist, pulling her into his chassis and stroking the back of her helm. "I can't… take back what I did. So now… All I can do is cherish you and love you the right way. It's not much, but I–"
The Autobot shushed him again, shaking her helm. "It means just much than you realize, Bloodshed. I… I've never felt more loved by anyone." She planted a soft kiss to her lips. "So… Truly, thank you."
The red warrior nodded, resting his helm on the other's shoulder. Primus, she was so beautiful, so precious to him. An angel in every way and even after what he did to her, Thornstriker was able to forgive. Hell, she was now able to trust him. His lips broke into one of his small but rare smiles at the thought, hugging the little femme a little tighter.
He loved this femme. He would die for her, kill for her – do anything for her. Thornstriker was everything to him. Without her, he would be nothing. That was why he protected her, cherished her, loved her. There wouldn't be much to live for if this femme were to perish. Thornstriker meant the world to him and nothing else mattered.