The best thing about their stay in LA was that they didn't have to stay in a hotel. Sure, hotels were nice and Kurt loved the luxury and they both loved not having to clean up after themselves (though Blaine still tried). No, in LA they were staying at Mercedes' cute little condo in West LA. She was on tour, but she left keys for them and gave them full permission to treat it like home. (Her only wish was that they leave no evidence of the fact that they were having sex in her guest room.)
It was a nice place, huge kitchen and bathroom, the building had a gym and a pool and tennis courts. Looked completely different from the apartment buildings in New York. She lived on the third floor, and one could see the Hollywood sign from her balcony.
Their first day was spent resting. Kurt took a shower while Blaine took their rental and drove to Trader Joe's for something to throw together for dinner. It was a warm night, so after Blaine made dinner, they took their food and glasses of wine out to the balcony and put on some music and just relaxed. They'd be spending the next day with Cooper, so any relaxation they could get was worth it.
The next morning, Blaine woke up to Kurt pacing around the room.
"Do you have any idea where Cooper's taking us today?"
"I told him we wanted to see the Hollywood walk of Fame and Melrose. So hopefully, that's what he'll stick to, but knowing my brother, We should be prepared for anything."
"Why did we agree to let Cooper show us around?" Kurt asks, looking through his suitcase.
"Because we felt guilty for him missing the wedding. Expect a monologue from him about it. Performed dramatically with pointing because HE'S SO SERIOUS AND HE MEANS THIS!" Blaine says, yelling the last part.
"Maybe he's grown a little. Or took an acting class not taught by clowns."
At 11am on the dot, they met Cooper in front of the building. He pulled up in his huge, obnoxious Audi.
"I hope you guys are hungry, because I know a place in Santa Monica that makes amazing omelettes."
"Isn't that in the opposite direction of where we're going?"
"Where did you think we were going?"
"To the Hollywood walk of Fame."
"Oh God no. The only people who hang out in Hollywood are junkies and tourists. No real Angeleno goes there for fun."
"I'm sure no one actually from here calls themselves an 'Angeleno', Coop."
"Come on now, Squirt, no one in LA is actually from LA."
"So if we aren't going to Hollywood, where are we going, do I need to change clothes?" Kurt asks.
"Not at all. I'm taking you guys on the ultimate LA tour."
Kurt and Blaine exchange nervous glances before buckling their seatbelts.
"Okay, omelettes first."
They pull up to Swingers and Cooper starts to park the car when Blaine stops him.
"Coop, I don't think you can park here."
"Sure I can, see, it says no parking between 6 and 10 am on Tuesdays and Thursdays," Cooper says pointing to the sign.
"But it also says no parking before 6pm. It's before 6pm."
"But it's wednesday, that sign is only for the weekend."
"There are four different signs and they all contradict each other," Kurt says pointing out the window.
"This is so confusing. Can you park here or can you not park here?"
"I'm parking here," Cooper says defiantly.
"It's your ticket."
"Meh, I'll fight it in court. I do it all the time."
Blaine and Kurt exchange a look before following Cooper inside the restaurant.
After an admittedly delicious breakfast, they're happy to find Cooper's car still in the spot, with a ticket in the window. Cooper throws the ticket into his glove compartment before turning on the car and pulling off.
"I'm taking you guys on a tour of famous filming locations."
"What? That sounds amazing!" Kurt says excited, "Did you get us into a studio tour today?"
"Not necessary, trust me, you guys will love this."
Ten minutes later, they're walking from a sketchy parking spot towards the beach.
"Welcome to Venice Beach," Cooper announces as they approach the Boardwalk. They take in all the booths and shops, people skating by, a random collection of tourists and locals and cliched beach bums, and an overwhelming smell of the ocean mixed with burning incense and marijuana smoke.
"What was filmed here?" Kurt asks.
"Lots of stuff. Most importantly this is where I made my prime time debut playing a pickpocket on an episode of CSI:LA. I spent multiple nights here getting into character, I even tried smoking pot to get into my character's head."
Blaine stares at Cooper mouth agape.
"Come on little brother, let’s get you two a novelty t-shirt.”
That's how the rest of the day went, Cooper taking them to famous and not so famous spots around the city, telling them useless facts about his career.
They stopped at a mall.
"This is where I played a cashier who hits on Gloria in an episode of Modern Family."
And another mall.
"And this is where I played a cashier who gave the incorrect change on The New Girl."
And a random office building.
"This is where I was stuck in an elevator with Kim and Khloe on an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians."
And finally, Cooper brought them to a real location.
"I know this place! This is the famous Griffith Park Observatory where Rebel Without a Cause was filmed," Blaine says excitedly as he hops out of the car. He grabs his camera from the backseat and throws it around his neck, grabbing Kurt's hand and pulling him along.
"Well it is that. It's also where I played a tour guide on a new show debuting on Disney later this year."
"I remember seeing this place on TV and in pictures and always thinking it was probably the most romantic place on earth. Just being able to see the city at night. And now I'm here with you. Kurt, I am so happy."
“I’m happy too. So happy.”
Kurt pulls Blaine in for a quick kiss, then takes his hand as they head up to the observatory.
The next morning, their alarm goes off and Kurt reaches over and hits snooze before curling into Blaine.
“Do we have to wake up? Can’t we just stay in bed today and enjoy each other’s company?”
“As much as I’d love to, we have to go pick up Marley and Unique. I know you’re excited to see Unique and I haven’t seen Marley in ages. And it will be much better than yesterday.”
“How many times has your brother played an inept service worker on a sitcom?”
“Way too many times for him to be that proud.”
“The end of last night wasn’t so bad. Kissing you at the top of the Observatory. I’m gonna put it on my bucket list just so I can cross it off,” Kurt says, pressing kisses down Blaine’s chest.”
“It would have been even more romantic if Cooper hadn’t started narrating and pointing at us.”
“Your brother has not changed a bit since the last time we saw him.”
“He hasn’t changed a bit since he was 13. Now come on, hop in the shower, we have to head out in case there’s traffic.”
“It’s LA, of course there’s going to be traffic.”
Once they were ready to go, they headed down to their rental car, and Kurt pulled out his phone to set the GPS.
"Apparently the girls don't live too far from here, only about two miles," Kurt says before plugging his phone in and starting a playlist.
Thirty minutes later, the boys are circling a residential block filled with large apartment buildings.
"Why would anyone want to drive here? It took us twenty five minutes to drive two miles and we've spent five minutes driving in circles to find parking. Back in NY we'd be on our way by now. Just walk the two miles and meet them outside," Kurt rants as they make another circle around the block.
Beyonce’s “Diva” starts to play from Blaine’s phone.
“That’s Unique,” Blaine says, answering, “Hey Unique, you’re on speaker!” Blaine says.
“I see some things never change, Blaine, you’re still perpetually five minutes late for whatever you’re doing, but there’s no way you have too much on your plate during a vacation, so what’s the hold up?”
“Parking is the holdup,” Kurt replies.
“Oh Jesus, I knew Marley forgot something, you guys have been circling the block, haven’t you? Just park in the guest lot.”
“There’s a guest lot?”
Two minutes later, Kurt and Blaine are walking through a huge apartment complex looking around at the surroundings.
“How is this student housing? It has a pool and tennis courts and a gym and bbq grills, it’s huge! What is this place? How do they afford it?” Kurt asks.
“We have four roommates,” Marley says from behind them, Blaine turns around and pulls Marley into a hug, lifting her off the ground.
“Look at you, you look amazing! I never pictured you as a blonde!” Blaine says, planting a quick kiss on her cheek.
“You know what they say, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.”
“You look amazing, college definitely agrees with you.”
“What about you, married old man! Kitty sent me video of your surprise wedding, not a dry eye in the house. Wish I could have been there!”
“Oh trust me, if it hadn't been spur of the moment, you wouldn’t have been. Where’s Unique?”
“Ryder called, he was supposed to go with us, but something came up, she’s arguing with him, she’ll be ready to go soon enough.”
Marley lead Kurt and Blaine through the labyrinth that is her apartment building to her apartment. As she opened the door, three other girls ran out, saying goodbye to Marley, and looking Kurt and Blaine up and down, one of them raises an eyebrow at Marley.
“Guys, these are Unique’s and my roommates, Ava, Sophie and Taylor. Guys, this is Kurt and Blaine, my friends from High school that I told you were visiting.”
“You didn’t tell me they were so hot,” One of them says.
“And married. To each other. Don’t you have somewhere to be?”
“Yeah yeah. But you keep on parading these hot guys through here and I just didn’t know they grew them so hot in Ohio.”
Marley rolls her eyes and heads into the apartment.
“Sam stopped by a couple months ago when he was in town to see Mercedes, Ryder is here every weekend and he brought Jake with him last week. They’ve been bugging me for ages to set them up, but all you guys are gay or taken.”
“So you’re admitting you and Jake are back together, then?” Unique says coming out of the bedroom with her phone in her hand.
Marley blushes, “No. He lives in Chicago, I live here. We couldn’t work when lived in the same city, no way it’s gonna work now. We’re just friends.”
“Uh huh. Friends who used the ‘sock on the door’ signal last week.”
Blaine’s eyes widen, “Excuse me? Is my little Marley all grown up?”
“Um, so I hope you guys haven’t eaten, because Unique and I have a treat for you.”
“Nice subject change, that’s the answer I was looking for. Anyway, yes, Marley and I have plans for you, so lets get this show on the road.”
Marley leads them to the car and gives directions until they pull into the parking lot of In&Out.
“This is our surprise?” Kurt asks, “I have to say, it smells amazing.”
“It is, trust me. The only reason Marley and I haven’t gained 100 pounds from eating this once a week is because we don’t have a car so we walk everywhere.”
“I’m trying to talk Unique into getting a bike, but she refuses.”
Marley orders for them. 4 double double meals, 2 with animal fries and 4 milkshakes.
Once they finish eating, they drag themselves to the car.
“ I need a nap now,” Kurt says.
“No need to worry, we’ll be on the freeway for awhile.”
“Damn it, if we’re gonna be on the freeway, I should drive,” Kurt says.
“Why?” Blaine asks defensively.
“Because by the time you’re done letting everyone cut in front of you, it will be tomorrow. You’re too polite behind the wheel.”
“No such thing as too polite.”
“Yes there is.”
45 minutes later, they pull into the parking lot of the Huntington Library and Botanical Garden.
“Come on! You’re gonna love it! This is me and Unique’s favorite place in the world, it’s so pretty!”
Blaine grabs his camera and follows Marley to the entrance.
They walk through the gardens, stopping to take pictures. When they get to the rose garden, they spend thirty minutes stopping to smell the different colored roses.
“Okay, this one needs to be bottled and sold,” Unique says, stopping to smell a rather fragrant, unlabeled orange rose.
“Okay, now that we’re literally stopping to smell the roses, you have to tell us what’s going on with you and Ryder,” Kurt says, stopping to preen when he notices Blaine taking his picture.
“Well, Ryder goes to school in San Diego, and he came to visit one weekend, and I don’t know, those old crushy feelings from high school came back. I hadn’t seen him since I graduated and Sue kicked everyone out. His family took the chance and moved out here, so we hadn’t really kept in touch aside from the odd group text here and there.”
“So you saw him again and sparks flew?” Blaine asks, “That’s so romantic!”
“Not so romantic, we ended up arguing all over again about that whole catfish debacle, it never actually got solved. Finn talked him out of quitting glee club, but then there was your insane proposal and then Finn died, and he tried dating Marley again and then Glee club was gone and we both just seemed to be holding on to it.”
Marley leads them towards the Tea Room as they keep talking.
“So you guys had it out and then what?”
“Well, Marley kind of jumped in and ended the dumb fight and made us talk it out and I don’t know, it just went from there.”
“Well, I’m happy for you guys, I always thought you’d be great together. Your feud duet in Glee club blew me away, I knew there was chemistry,” Blaine said.
“And we’re here. Surprise! I made a reservation! We’re having tea!”
“A real high tea?” Kurt asks.
“Yep! I knew you guys would love it, come on.” Marley grabs Kurt’s hand and pulls him into the tea room.
“Rose, reservation for four,” Marley tells the host who brings them to their table.
They have their tea, and Kurt and Blaine tell Unique and Marley the story of their second breakup and reunion, and the Hurt Locker and Jigsue.
“I would have nightmares for the rest of my life,” Marley said about Jigsue as they left the tea room.
“I honestly think Jigsue was scarier than the bear she put in my apartment.”
“I just don’t know how she has avoided jail or like a mental institution for this long. Unique, Ryder and I watched her interview with Geraldo and our roommates just did not believe us when we told them about all the crazy things she did.”
“Well, I have a hard time believing most of that happened and I lived it,” Unique says.
They take a tour through the rest of the garden, stopping for pictures several times. They stop into the actual Huntington Library on their way out.
“So, where to now, M’Ladies?” Blaine asks as they head to the car.
“Well, there’s no way I’m letting this trip pass without some shopping with my most stylish friend,” Unique says.
“They have a monthly flea market at the Rose Bowl, which isn’t far from here, and we usually go with our roommates, but it’s next weekend, which is such a bummer, half our apartment is furnished from this flea market. So instead, we’re heading to Old Town Pasadena.”
“A flea market in a football stadium?” Kurt asks.
“Yes Kurt and it is AMAZING, I swear. There’s also one every week at Fairfax High school on Melrose, we go to that one when we’re not working.”
“Oh wow, that sounds fantastic. Speaking of work, I was wondering how you guys are affording that building?”
“Well, I have a boring job at Trader Joe’s. Unique works at this awesome boutique in West Hollywood.”
“Well, being a fashion student has it’s perks, one of my friends at FIDM knows the owner of the boutique and got me an interview.”
They spend the rest of the evening shopping at Oldtown Pasadena, Kurt and Marley stopping at The Gold Bug, all of them spending way too much money at H&M and Urban Outfitters. They have dinner at Barney’s Beanery before hopping back on the freeway to head home.
They drop Marley and Unique at their apartment with promises of them coming to New York for a weekend sometime soon and head back to Mercedes’ condo.
“We’ve got one more day in LA, what are we doing?”
“Well, since none of the people we know here wanted to go, I suggest we take ourselves to Hollywood.”
“Sounds good to me, hubby,” Blaine says, kissing Kurt and heading into the bathroom to shower.
The next morning, slightly sunburned, but excited they head down to Hollywood and Highland to check out the walk of Fame and the foot prints in front of the Chinese Theater.
Cooper was definitely right about the tourists and junkies.
“It’s not that different from Time Square, now that I’m seeing it. It’s crowded with tourists and people in those creepy costumes, and homeless people panhandling,” Kurt says, frowning at someone openly peeing on a wall.
“Do you wish we hadn’t come?”
“No way, I got a vomit free picture of Barbra Streisand’s star for Rachel, and we got to see all these classic hand prints and footprints, we’ve always wanted to see it. Now we can say we saw it.”
“So, did you love LA?” Blaine asks, taking Kurt’s hand.
“I did. I definitely did. Except for the traffic and the shitty parking, and the sun burn. And the tour of Cooper’s career. It was quite lovely. Whereto next, husband of mine?”