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Darcy Saves the Day with Her Breasts!

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"Shit," Tony mutters as he looks at the antenna he just cobbled together. "Okay, this needs to be held steady and upright. Propped against something, maybe?" He and Darcy both look around as if hoping that some suitable thing-to-prop-an-antenna-up will miraculously appear.

Nope, still a featureless expanse of water in all directions.

Up to their waists and slowly rising.

Hopefully not swimming with piranhas. (It didn't look like they were in the right latitude for piranhas, but you could never be too paranoid.)

"Uh," Tony says, frowning. "I could maybe make a little raft? Float it on top of the water? No. Maybe you could just hold it with your pinkie finger?"

"I hate you," Darcy says. Her arms are already starting to hurt from holding up a solar panel in one hand and some kind of Frankensteined cell phone in the other. "Why don't you just hold it up? You're the so-called genius inventor whose so-called portal screwed up."

"Because I am the genius inventor here, and that means I need my hands free to work the equipment that is our ticket out of here."

Darcy huffs an aggrieved sigh and looks around again. Right, left...down...

She purses her lips in a considering frown, then snags the antenna from Tony with her pinkie and sticks it down the front of her shirt. She wedges it firmly between her breasts, then smirks at Tony.

Fifteen minutes later, they're in a SHIELD helicopter heading back to New York from... wherever the hell that was.

"You realize that my boobs just saved your life," Darcy tells Tony. "That means I now have the right to tell people that my boobs are Tony Stark's favorite pair of boobs in the world."

"As attractive, and useful, as yours may be, Miss Lewis, I have seen some magnificent--"

"SAVED. YOUR. LIFE," Darcy interrupts.

"Okay, third favorite," Tony concedes. "I'll give you third favorite. Pepper comes in first because she has girlfriend privileges, and Natasha comes in second but don't tell her that because I have no desire to be stabbed in my sleep."

Darcy hmms thoughtfully, then nods. "Fair enough. Third favorite. It's a deal."