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Memory Loss

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Chapter 1

"Get the hell off of her!” Those words echoed in her head as she slid into the blackness. Everything was pitch black, she wouldn’t have even been able to see her hand in front of her face. How did that happen? When did it get so dark all of a sudden? She had no memory of where she was or what she had been doing. She was obviously with David, she was always with him, and it seemed he never left her side. He was too worried about what she might do, where she might go, or what she might say.

That made it hard to do anything. She hadn’t seen her family or friends in over two months. Her life pretty much revolved around David. The only person left in her life and she hated him, despised him even. Maybe now she was finally away from him, she hated being terrified of him all the time, all she wanted was to get away from him; to be rid of him would be like getting rid of a huge weight from her shoulders. But at what cost? It seemed now she was rid of him, she had also lost herself. Was this darkness the end for her?

“Chuck some water on her or something.”

“Rob we can’t do that.”

“Just splash a little bit on her face, it’ll help bring her round.”

“See, Jay said the same thing.”

“It’s a little different to chucking a bucket full of water on her though.”

“Alright this ain’t the time to be arguing, look, I think she’s waking up.” She squinted, it felt like her eyes were glued together and someone was trying to pry them apart. When she could finally see something, all that was there was a bright light. Oh god, she was dead. He had finally killed her. She knew this day would come. Panic overtook her; she couldn’t believe it had come to this. She had so much more to give, she’d had a whole life to live, yet she was at the end.

“Hey hey love, it’s ok, you’re alright.” Her eyes widened as she heard a voice. Five guys were all stood surrounding her. She sat up in a panic and cowered further into the sofa she was sat on.

“It’s ok we’re not gonna hurt you, you’re safe here.” The stranger smiled back at her. She sniffed back the tears that were stinging her eyes. Where the hell was she and where was David. “My names Gary, this here’s Mark, Howard, Jason and Robbie.” He pointed out each one to her, as they all smiled and waved back. She felt something trickle down her forehead, she reached up to brush it away, but when she looked at her hand it was covered in blood. She started to shake; she was overwhelmed with anxiety at what was going on. Who were these people, where was she, and what the hell had happened.

“We should probably take her to hospital, her head looks bad.” Jason said to Gary, who nodded agreeing. All the guys stood up, still watching her every move. She pulled her legs up to her chest, feeling extremely vulnerable. She watched three of the guys walk away, as Mark and Robbie stayed with her.

Mark looked down smiling at her, which seemed to relax and calm her down quite a bit, she already liked him, and he seemed nice. She pulled at her skirt; she frowned as she found a split in the side of it, almost as if it had been ripped, like someone was trying to tear it off of her. She looked at the five guys stood near her, even though they were strangers, she knew it wouldn’t have been them. It must have been David.

“Do you remember what happened?” The guy named Mark asked her. She noticed the concerned look on his face, she shook her head shrugging. He shared the concerned look with Robbie, who also shrugged. The other three guys walked back over, all forcing a smile at her.

“Erm… we’re gonna take you to the hospital.” The blond one, Gary, said calmly to her. Though her eyes widened and she opened her mouth, wanting to protest, yet no sound came out. She didn’t want to go to the hospital, she hated hospitals. She had been there too many times in the past. “Don’t worry we’ll stay with you, we just want to make sure your heads ok and make sure you’re alright in general. We’ll look after you.”

His smile calmed her down considerably, and she nodded. He handed her a hoody to put on, which she zipped up all the way. As she was only wearing a short skirt and small top, she was quite cold. She didn’t really like wearing that kind of thing, she only wore it because David wanted her to, and he practically forced her. Like he did everything. She stood up but had to quickly grab hold of Gary’s arm as she swayed, he held onto her as her head was spinning with dizziness. Once it had stopped she let go of his arm with a smile, he smiled back and led her towards the front door.

Once outside, they all piled into a red van type car. Gary drove them to the hospital in good time, luckily once inside they didn’t have to wait long before a nurse came along calling Gary’s name. He had given his name as no one knew the girls name, and it looked like she wasn’t speaking anytime soon. When they sat down in the cubicle with the nurse, her face showed recognition at who the girl was. She had seen her before, she had treated her quite a lot, and her body had been littered with cuts, scraps and marks. The nurse knew how she got them, though the girl never said a word.

“Lydia, back again.” The nurse said to her, but was concerned when the girl frowned, not showing any recognition to her name whatsoever. The nurse looked to the five guys who had brought Lydia in, when she had seen her in the past; she had always been on her own. She knew something was different about this time. “What happened?” She asked the guys, she was glad they all seemed concerned about this girl also; she needed looking after, or rather protecting.

“Well we were at this club and we saw her with this guy, I guess her boyfriend, anyway he was being quite… rough with her. They ended up leaving, but when we left we heard them arguing in an alley outside. He was pulling her about, shouting at her, and then he… punched her and hit her head against a wall, where she then blacked out. We took her back to our flat as the bouncers took the guy away, but since she woke up she hasn’t spoken a word.”

Jason explained to the nurse, talking with concern about this girl. Tonight hadn’t been the first time they’d seen her, they had noticed her at the club before, with her boyfriend. Every time had been the same, the guy would be aggressive with her, leave her alone to talk to other girls, and then he’d touch her inappropriately, obviously making her feel uncomfortable. Tonight though, it had gone further.

When Gary and the other guys saw them in the alley, he was trying to take her skirt off, again touching her in a way that made her along with them, shiver with disgust. He was shouting in her face as she tried to push him away, then her punched her. They tried to run to her, but everything happened so fast. Before they knew it, the guy had pushed her head so forcefully against the wall, her skin split in two, and she blacked out before she even reached the ground. Luckily the bouncers had been alerted, they pulled the guy away as Gary and the boys rushed to this girl’s aid. They picked her up, put her into their car and drove her as fast as they could to their flat. The nurse listened to what Jason had to say, she looked back at Lydia, who was inspecting her nails, almost as if she had no idea who or what they were talking about. The nurse knew she probably didn’t, which concerned her greatly.

“I asked her if she could remember anything, but she just shook her head.” Mark told the nurse, this also concerned her.

“Ok, how long was she blacked out for?” The guys looked at each other, trying to think.

“About half an hour.” Jason told her, as he had been checking his watch whilst Lydia was out.

“Right ok, Lydia?” The nurse tapped her on her arm, as she didn’t respond to her name. The guys shared another concerned look, she didn’t know her own name, and this was worrying. Lydia looked at the nurse, who finally had her attention. The nurse smiled at her, which relaxed her nerves. “Hi, I’m going to patch up your head, it’ll probably need a few stitches which shouldn’t hurt too much. Then I’m going to take you for a scan, this is where you have to lie down on a bed and you get put through this scanner, this is just to make sure you don’t have any other injuries anywhere else, ok?” Lydia nodded, almost understanding everything that had been said to her.

The nurse went ahead with everything she had explained, the stitches only stung slightly, which was lucky seeing as the cut was quite long and deep also. The guys went with her as the nurse led her to the x-ray room, as they waited in a different room with the nurse, watching as Lydia was helped onto a bed and strapped down, the nurse explained everything that was going on. She told them Lydia was having an MRI, this would find out if she had any brain or head injuries, and would hopefully find out the cause of her memory loss. She also told them that her memory should come back in a few days, or a couple of weeks at the most.

As they were still waiting, the nurse told them she had seen Lydia before. She described how she had treated her for cuts and abrasions in the past, and knew they were caused by Lydia’s boyfriend, though Lydia never said. The boys were worried about what they were hearing; they also knew they weren’t going to let this guy near their new found friend again. Gary looked down at his hoody that he was clutching, the one he had given Lydia to wear. He couldn’t quite believe all that the nurse was saying, why would Lydia be with a guy who treated her like that. He knew if she was his girlfriend, he’d treat her much better.

He hoped him and the guys were able to help pull her through this, even though he had never met her before, he really wanted to be there for her. Once the scan had finished, the nurse explained to them all, using the x-ray to show them, that Lydia didn’t have any damage to her brain, though her skull had been fractured slightly. The nurse told them all this was nothing to worry about, and it should in fact heal by itself. She then sent them away with a prescription for some painkillers, and an order of rest for Lydia.

The boys took Lydia back to their flat as they had no idea where she lived. When they arrived it was already past midnight and they were all feeling exhausted from the nights events, especially Lydia. As all the boys except Gary, made their way up to bed, Lydia sat down on the sofa feeling a bit dejected. It wasn’t that the boys were leaving her on her own though, Gary had already said he wanted to have a little chat with her and then show her to the spare room to sleep.

Lydia looked up as Gary sat down next to her, she gave him a small smile and he found himself smiling back. Every time he saw her at that same club, he always noted how beautiful she was and then wondered why she was with the guy she was with. He definitely thought she could do better, he sometimes thought he could be the one to show her better. Maybe now she was here, in his home and he was looking after her, helping her get better, he could treat her better and perhaps she would want to be with him.

“I was wondering if any part of your memory had come back yet?” Gary asked, though she shook her head after sighing. He nodded, not liking the fact that he couldn’t hear her voice. He wondered if she had lost the ability to talk or if she just wouldn’t. “Er… I was wondering about you not talking, is your throat sore or is your voice not working, or did you just not want to talk?” He noticed the sad look on her face.

She opened her mouth to try to talk, but nothing would come out. It’s not like she didn’t want to talk to him, she really did, but every time she opened her mouth, she would try to force the words out, but nothing. It was so frustrating not being able to say what she wanted, not being able to express herself. She hated not being able to have a conversation with Gary. Gary could see the frustration written all over her face and could see how upset she was at not being able to talk. So he got up and grabbed a pad and pen from one of the kitchen drawers, she smiled her thanks to him when he handed them to her.

“It’s not that I don’t want to talk, I just can’t. I don’t know why.” Gary looked at what she wrote, and understood what she was saying. The hit on her head had obviously done some damage to her mind, causing her to not be able to talk. Maybe it was a psychological thing. They both hoped it wouldn’t last long though.

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Gary asked her, wanting to know if she remembered anything about her life at all. He had found it worrying when she didn’t know her own name.

“David.” Gary wondered if that was her boyfriend.

“Is that your boyfriend?” She nodded. “And do you remember what happened with him tonight?” Lydia looked at him in thought for a moment, before writing again.

“From the look of my clothes, I would guess we were at a club. I don’t really remember anything else, I wish I could.” Gary rubbed her arm in comfort for a moment, and she smiled softly back at him. He was glad Lydia felt comfortable in his presence, seeing as she had no idea who any of them were, where she was, or who she was. He felt better knowing she wasn’t feeling intimidated.

“The nurse told us she’d seen you before, she said she’d treated you before when he’d hurt you in the past. Why did you stay with him, if he hurt you so much all the time, why didn’t you just leave?” Gary asked her, though that made her feel uncomfortable and upset. She didn’t like being asked that, especially when she didn’t really know the answer herself. She put the pad on the table and pulled Gary’s hoody further around her. He felt sorry then, he didn’t mean to be so brash with her, he just couldn’t understand why she’d put herself through that kind of pain. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to be so harsh, I didn’t want to upset you.” Lydia gave him a small smile and picked up the pad again.

“It’s ok; I know you didn’t mean it. But I can’t really answer your question; I don’t really know the answer. Right now the only thing I can remember of my… past is David. I don’t remember anything else; I don’t even know anything about myself.” Lydia and Gary shared a smile, he couldn’t imagine what she must be going through, to forget your whole life, and she must be terrified. “What are you thinking?” He looked at what she wrote and smiled.

“I was just thinking, I can’t imagine what you’re going through or how scared you must be. But the boys and I are all here for you, we’ll look after you and take care of you. I promise.” Lydia beamed at him, he was almost blinded by her smile. He noticed then how beautiful she really was and he couldn’t be more fascinated with her. He knew he was going to keep his promise to her, there was no way he was going to break it and there was no way he was going to hurt her. He hoped they could become good friends and maybe even something more, though he wasn’t going to pressure her or do anything she wasn’t comfortable with, not in the state and situation she was in at the moment.

“Thank you for looking after me, you have all been really kind. But I can’t impose on you all, tomorrow I’ll go find somewhere else to stay.” Gary frowned, he didn’t want her to do that, plus where would she go. He shook his head at her and smiled.

“You don’t have anywhere else to go, so you can stay here. We want you to, you can stay here as long as you like.” Lydia smiled once more, she was glad he had said that. She hadn’t known Gary long and she already liked him, he was really kind and sweet to her and she could tell they were going to be good friends.

Chapter Text

It’s like she’s lying on a soft, fluffy cloud. As if she’s floating in mid-air without a care in the world. A smile graces her lips, she feels at peace. Finally at peace in the world, until she hears a voice.

“Lydia… Hello, Lydia are you awake?” Her eyes shot open, she had no recollection of where she was, or who this guy was sat in front of her. “Lydia relax it’s me Mark, remember. You got hurt so the boys and I brought you here last night. It’s ok.” She remembered now, she had gotten hurt and they had helped her out. She shook the haziness from her head and looked over at Mark, he sat smiling at her from the end of the bed. She couldn’t remember going to bed last night, the last thing she remembered was talking to Gary, she must have fallen asleep on the sofa and he must have put her to bed. Just at that point the bedroom door opened and in walked the blonde man who had captured her interest the night before. He grinned at Lydia and she noticed he was carrying a tray full of food. At that point Mark stood up and made his way to the door.

“I’ll leave you to it.” He said, leaving Gary to sit down in his space.

“Morning, I brought you some breakfast, I didn’t know what you liked so I brought you a bit of everything.” Lydia looked at the tray that Gary had placed in the bed between them. There was a bowl of cereal, a plate full of toast and some fruit. He had also made her a cup of tea and brought her a glass of orange juice. She picked up a piece of toast and mouthed thank you to him, they shared a smile before she bit into her food. As Lydia sat eating, she picked up the pad and pen that was placed on the bedside table, and began to write to Gary.

“I don’t remember going to bed last night…”

“Ah, no you fell asleep on the sofa so I brought you up here. I hope you don’t mind, I just thought you’d be quite uncomfortable on the sofa.” She nodded and smiled at him, he knew that was her saying thank you.

“So I have a few questions...” Gary nodded.

“Ok, I don’t mind answering them.” She smiled and began her writing spree.

“Ok first one, what day and date is it?” Gary’s eyes widened, though he tried not to show how shocked he was to Lydia, he couldn’t believe she couldn’t even remember that. “I know it’s bad, but I really can’t remember anything.”

“Ok well, today is a Saturday, and the date is 20th February 1992.” She nodded and started writing again.

“What do you do as a job?” He chuckled, he knew this would be something she’d either be shocked by, or excited about.

“Well… the boys and I are in a band together, we’re called Take That. We’ve had a couple of songs out, they’ve not done brilliantly but we’re doing ok.” She nodded, looking pretty impressed.

“So what do you do, the singing or dancing?” Gary laughed and she noticed for the first time he had a real belly laugh on him. She already knew it would be one of the things she liked best about him.

“Definitely the singing, I actually write the songs. Howard and Jason are the best dancers, though all of the boys dance better than me.” Lydia smiled back; she could tell she’d have a lot of fun with these guys.

“Er I found your bag last night, after you fell asleep. I don’t know if you have anything in there that says how old you are or where you lived.” He picked her bag up of the floor and handed it to her. She took out her purse, and upon opening it, found a picture of five beaming children. Gary looked at the picture and noticed they looked slightly like Lydia, his eyes widened as the thought of them being her children, entered his head. “Are they yours?” Lydia looked up at Gary, but the room quickly faded away until she found herself sat in a room packed full of people.

She looked over at a bride and groom, who walked over to her smiling. She noticed the bride was holding a baby, a little girl with tufts of blonde hair. “Alright sis, having a good time?” Before she could answer another girl came bounding over.

“Daddy, Toby's picking on me.” A boy and two other girls came running after her, they quickly began running around the hall, playing ‘it’ or some other kind of game.

“Well it’s good to see my nieces and nephew gets on.” The groom, who she quickly realised was her brother smiled at her. Another woman walked over calling the groom her brother also. As Lydia remembered who these people were, the room packed full of people faded out until she was once again sat on the bed with Gary.

He was frowning at her asking if she was ok. She shook the haziness from her head, pushing the hair back from her eyes.

“They’re my nieces and nephew; I have an older brother and sister.” Gary read what she wrote, but frowned as he felt confused.

“How do you know? Did you remember?” She nodded.

“Flashback.”

“Oh, right. Erm… you have a driver’s license here, it says your twenty one. So you’re the same age as me.” They smiled at each other. Lydia carried on looking through her purse; she found a pass for what she assumed was her work. But apart from that, there was nothing else that could tell her about her previous life.

“It’ll be alright Lydia, things will get better I’m sure. The boys and I will look after you and I’m sure you’ll carry on getting your memory back. Just this morning you’ve remembered some things, that’s good.” Lydia nodded and smiled at Gary, it was sweet of him trying to lift her mood and make her feel better. Though she still felt slightly down about the fact that she couldn’t remember anything, she hoped Gary was right and she would carry on remembering.

For the rest of the day Lydia felt quite lost, she didn’t really know what to do with herself and she didn’t like the thought of annoying the boys with her presence. They did always make sure she was ok though, they made her food and cups of tea, something which she had come to like. Though some foods they made her was trial and error on whether she liked them or not. Mark made her cheese on toast which she really enjoyed, but when she made herself a cheese sandwich she hated the taste. The boys laughed at the look on her face, and Gary ate the sandwich instead.

Gary said it seemed that she liked cheese if it was melted, but only then. The weekend seemed to drag by and when it finally got to Monday, the boys had to go into work. They told Lydia that she could go with them; though she was pretty reluctant, she didn’t like imposing on them and she didn’t want to get them into trouble either, but they insisted. When they arrived at their manager’s office, she stayed behind the boys, almost shying away from everyone. She still wasn’t very comfortable with people; the only people she felt comfortable around were the boys.

“Lads, there you are, finally. We’ve got a lot of work to do today so… whose she?” Nigel, their manager, pointed toward Lydia. The boys parted slightly as they looked round at Lydia, who was almost cowering away behind Gary. It was then that the boys realised they hadn’t thought of a story to tell Nigel.

“She’s my cousin.” Mark spoke up quickly, before Nigel twigged on about what was really happening. Though it would be some story someone would have to guess, they were looking after a girl who had no memory of her life and who couldn’t talk, surely no one would be able to find that out. Nigel quickly forgot about Lydia and set the boys to work, he wanted Howard and Jason to come up a new dance routine for a music video the boys had coming up.

He wanted Gary to carry on working on a song for a B-side single, and he sent Mark and Robbie off for a photoshoot. This was what they did for the rest of the week; Lydia would spend time with each of them. Howard and Jason taught her some of their dance routine; they spent most of the time giggling and making fun of each other. She then spent time with Mark and Robbie, again they spent a lot of the time laughing, the boys would pull funny faces at the camera, or Lydia would make them do certain poses and faces.

Lastly she spent time with Gary whilst he was writing, as she spent more and more time with him, she found herself also liking to write. Not songs like Gary, but she liked the craft of it, being able to put words together to create another world almost. When she found it so hard to express herself, to put across her thoughts and feelings, she was able to do it all on paper. And if she was honest with herself, she enjoyed spending time with Gary the most. She loved Mark, Howard, Jason and Robbie like they were her brothers, but Gary, he was no brother to her. She liked him more than a friend if she was honest, but it was too early to think of that, she didn’t know him well enough yet, but she would get to know him and she looked forward to that.

* * *

“Lydia you are coming tonight aren’t you?” Robbie asked her as they all sat around in the lounge. It was a Saturday, a week after Lydia had practically moved in, and that evening the boys were set to play club Hollywood. They had asked Lydia to go with them, but she wasn’t so sure. She didn’t really like being around crowds of people, she was also worried about bumping into David. Every time she stepped out of their house, she panicked about seeing him again, or him finding her. The boys assured her that wouldn’t happen, and even if it did, they promised they would look after her and make sure he didn’t hurt her.

“Yeah come on, come and watch, we’re not that bad honest.” Gary tried to persuade her. Lydia let out the quietest of giggles and Gary smiled, loving being the cause of that sound. It was the first time she had properly made any noise at all, he hoped that wouldn’t be the last of it. Lydia reluctantly nodded and the boys cheered, so as soon as they finished eating their dinner, they got ready and drove to the club. They had a while before they had to go on stage, so they sat in the dressing room, which was more like a cupboard, and had a drink.

Nigel prepped them before hand, telling the boys they had to play their best show as there were some record label people watching. Lydia wished them good luck, obviously writing it down, before they then made their way out onto the dance floor. Lydia sat by the bar as the boys performed on stage, the whole time she had a smile on her face. She loved watching them singing and dancing, she could tell they loved it and that made it even more pleasurable to watch. When they began to perform their last song however, Lydia started to get dizzy again, just like when she was talking to Gary about her nieces and nephew.

“I’m warning you Lydia, smile.” They were at a club, another night out with David. She hated them, she never wanted to go out, at least not as much as he liked, but he always made her. Said he liked showing her off, but she knew it wasn’t in a way of him being proud of her. More so that he liked the control, he showed her off and then left her on her own whilst he flirted with other girls. It was like he was proving to her and everyone else that he could do it, that he had that much of a hold over her, he could do anything and she’d still be by his side. Not that she wanted to be, but she was too scared to do anything else.

“Lydia are you pissing me off on purpose or can you just not help it? Whichever it is, I’d stop now if I was you.” When she looked into his eyes all she could see was evil, almost as if there was red cloud shrouding them, saying he was the devil. He may as well have been.

“David I don’t want to be here, you know I don’t like going out all the time.” He rolled his eyes at her as he took a sip of his beer, before winking at a passing girl. Lydia sighed deeply. She wished she could be anywhere in the world but there with him. David looked back at Lydia and frowned as he saw the look on her face. He cursed to himself, before slipping his arm round her waist.

“I know how I can cheer you up and make you smile again.” He kissed and nipped at her neck, though she pulled away in disgust. That’s when he got angry, he always got angry. “Don’t pull away from me, you are my girlfriend. Mine, you got that. And that means you do as I say, and I say you kiss me.” He gave her a look of pure evil, pure animalistic. He grabbed her by the back of the neck and pulled her lips to his. They kissed.

When she was younger and she thought of the time when she would be with someone, when she would be in love with someone, she always thought it would be magical. She imagined every time they kissed it would be like fireworks going off around her, but whenever she kissed David, it was nowhere near that. More like fireworks fizzling out.

“See, I bet you feel better now.” Their attention was diverted for a moment, when a band of young guys stepped onto the stage.

“Hiya everyone, we’re Take That and we’re here to sing to you tonight. We hope you enjoy it.” As soon as they started singing, Lydia began to smile, it was like their happiness and all the fun they were having, was infectious. David saw the smile on her face, it was probably the first time she had smiled in weeks, he however was frowning. He was angry, he didn’t know how she could smile at them but not at him. He was jealous.

“Why the hell are you smiling at them? They’re just a bunch of talentless idiots.” Lydia frowned at David, he always had to spoil her fun.

“They’re good actually, anyway I’m just having a bit of fun.” He smirked at her.

“Well so am I.” He stood behind her and grabbed her around the waist. As he pulled her back into him, she could feel his stiffness. She shivered with disgust as he kissed at her neck. She glanced up at the band on stage, the blonde one was watching her. Her attention was somewhat diverted however, as David’s hand began to run up and down her leg. His hand slowly made its way up into her skirt. She quickly pushed it away again.

“Get off, stop it.” She heard him chuckling in her ear, it made shivers run up her spine, but not in a good way. “David please, not here.”

“Why not. I’m just having a little fun, just like you were. You wanna look at them, well I wanna touch you. And you can’t stop me Lydia, because you’re mine. Got it.” He carried on touching her leg as he kissed her neck. He pressed her further into him, so his groin was pressing into her lower back. “And when we get home, you’re gonna undress yourself for me and you’re gonna be willing and ready. Because you’re mine and you do as I say.”

Gary frowned at Lydia as she ran from the bar to the backstage area. As soon as they finished the rest of the song, they all walked backstage, to find Lydia sat on a sofa, with her legs pulled to her chest, and her head resting atop her knees.

“Lydia what’s wrong?” She heard Gary, but she didn’t want to respond, she didn’t want to do anything. She’d only had two flashbacks so far, but this was by far the worst one. She couldn’t believe what this man was like, he was evil and a monster. Why did she stay with him, why didn’t she just leave him. There was no way she could be with someone like that, but then maybe this person she was before she had lost her memory was different.

It was almost as if they were two different people. She felt disgusted with this David, but more importantly she felt disgusted with herself. She should have left him, she should have just got up and left him before it was too late, before he did this to her. The only good thing that had come out of what he did, was her meeting the boys. They were saviours, they rescued her as she was almost like a damsel in distress.

“It’s ok, the flashback was just a flashback, he can’t hurt you now I promise.” Gary put his arm around Lydia, as she collapsed into him.

Chapter Text

"I don’t love you, I never have loved you. In fact I hate you.” Lydia screamed at David, they were stood in their flat having yet another argument. It always ended like this, every time they went out, the night always ended in an argument when they got home. David smirked at Lydia as she carried on screaming at him in anger. He stepped closer to her, until he was stood mere centimetres from her. She stopped, the look on his face caused her to stop screaming.

“I don’t care if you love me or not, the only thing I care about is… well everything but you. Do you really think I keep you around because I love you or like you. Ha you’re an idiot. The only reason I keep you here is for the sex, merely because of your body. It’s not the best I’ve seen but it’ll do, it’s quite nice to have sex on tap.” Her hand flew up and hit the side of his face, before she even had time to think of what she was doing. They both froze, it was one thing to shout at him, but it was a totally different story if she hit him.

She glanced over at the door to his right, before looking back at him. They were both breathing heavily, trying to work out the others next move. So Lydia quickly made a run for it, she was nearly at the front door, before she was grabbed from behind. He lifted her from her feet, carrying her to their bedroom. He threw her on the bed and smirked down at her as she shuffled further away from him.

“That was a bad move Lydia, you know how much I like pain during sex, you should have waited.” She pulled her legs to her chest, trying to protect herself in some way, but there was no protecting her from him. She’d never be protected from him, she’d never be rid of him. She had come to accept it, this was her life, she was condemned to a life in fear and pain with David.

“Lydia wake up, it’s ok it’s just a dream. Lydia… Lydia.” She shot up, panting heavily. Gary looked at her and could see her eyes were wide, almost with fear. He stepped closer to her, but Lydia moved away. It was almost like she was in a trance, she was still trapped in her dream, or rather a nightmare. “Lydia it’s ok, it’s me Gary. I’m not going to hurt you, I promise.” Lydia looked up at Gary and realised it was just a nightmare, but it wasn’t, it was real life. It was another flashback, two weeks after her first one. They had been coming more and more often, but they all consisted of David.

She had realised she hadn’t seen her family or friends in about two months, he had kept them away from her. David had isolated her from everyone, so she was all alone, so the only person she had was him. Because of that she had relied on him, which was one of the reasons why she had stayed with him. There was another reason, it was nagging at the back of her mind, but she had yet to remember it. The bed dipped as Gary sat down beside her; he wrapped his arms around her slowly and carefully, so as not to scare her. She leaned into his side, already feeling much safer and more at home. She knew Gary would be wondering what all these flashbacks were, so she decided to tell him. She picked up the pad and pen from the bedside table and began to write.

She told him everything. How David had isolated her from her friends and family, so all she had left in the world was him. How he used to beat her, ridicule her and make fun of her. How he would use her for sex, he would expect her to be up for it whenever he wanted. He would expect her to be waiting in bed when he got home from work. She told him everything. Gary was shocked, he couldn’t believe someone would do this to her. What had she ever done to deserve this. She also told him there was something keeping her there with him, but she hadn’t remembered it yet. Once she had finished telling him everything, he was silent. He just wrapped his arms tighter around her and held her to him. She was thankful to him, she had wondered what he would say. Whether he’d be sympathetic or try to understand, but she was glad he had said nothing, only comforted her.

The next couple of weeks were much the same, Gary rang Lydia’s work for her, telling them she wouldn’t be in for a while. He had to explain to them what was wrong and why she wouldn’t be in, and from that they totally understood. Gary asked what she did and they told him that she was a secretary for a marketing business. When he told Lydia she suddenly remembered everything about her job, it was weird, it was like a flood of memories entered her head, all at once. She suddenly remembered everything she did, the people she worked with and she also realised how boring it was.

She carried on spending lots of time with the boys as they were working as hard as they could to break into the music industry. She didn’t know why they weren’t already signed. She understood some of their songs weren’t brilliant and hadn’t done so well. But a lot of their songs were really good and were catchy, and she thought Gary was a brilliant writer, who would only get better. She knew they already had a fan base with young girls and gay men, and they always worked so hard.

She found it strange that record labels couldn’t see how hard working they were, and how big they would be. She felt bad for the boys really, she stayed at the flat whenever they had to go to record label auditions. Then when they got back, they always looked sad. They tried to smile and say they were ok, but the smiles never reached their eyes and the sparkle was gone. That sometimes made them feel discouraged, but Lydia would do her upmost to cheer them up and spur them on. She said they just had to carry on and not let it dampen their spirits, otherwise they would never make it as a band.

Every so often Lydia would have another flashback, but most of the time she had them whilst she was asleep. It was almost like they were dreams or nightmares, she would prefer it if they were. It was weird when she had them whilst she was awake, anything could set her off. One of the boys saying something or mentioning something she recognised, watching a TV program or listening to some music. She just kind of zoned out, the boys would look at her and noticed she just seemed to be staring into space, that’s what happened when she had a flashback. They didn’t last very long when she was awake luckily, when she came back round again, her head would always feel fuzzy, almost as if she had a headache.

She didn’t like having them, as when she was in the flashback she would feel every emotion she had felt at the time. Sometimes they scared her, actually most of the time they did because they involved David. When she did eventually come back round from them, depending on the flashback, she sometimes wouldn’t let the boys near her. Other times she would, she’d need Robbie to say something funny, she’d need Mark, Howard and Jason to make fun of each other or muck around. And often she would need Gary to hold her, to comfort her and to even kiss her. Every one of those things made her feel better and made her feel normal again. She had remembered almost everything about her life, her family and her friends.

How her friends had warned her about David but she hadn’t listened, how David then isolated her from everyone, so much so, that she hadn’t seen them in almost three months. She felt stupid at not listening to her friends, she thought everything with David was perfect, she thought he was perfect. How wrong she was. At the start it really was like that, but it quickly became something else entirely. It was only a few weeks into them knowing each other that things turned sour between them, since then everything just went downhill and got worse. She had never thought she would get away from David, she thought she would be with him until he finally let her go, which she knew would never happen, or she thought she would be with him until the very end, till he had eventually killed her.

She had also remembered how David had treated her, though she couldn’t remember the night he had caused her to lose her memory. There were also a few other things that she couldn/t remember, it was like there were missing pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. She knew they were all linked to that night. She tried desperately to remember them, she tried to pull them out of the back of her mind, but as hard as she tried it didn’t work. She couldn’t remember. It was so frustrating, not being able to remember parts of your own life, it was almost heart breaking. She was glad she had remembered pretty much everything about her family and friends, and even glad that she had remembered almost everything about David, but there were still some parts missing and that angered her greatly.

“Try not to think about it too much Lydia, I’m sure you’ll get the rest of your memory back soon.” Gary told her with a smile, as they were sat in his room one evening. The rest of the boys were out at a club somewhere in town. Lydia hadn’t felt like going, so Gary offered to stay with her to keep her company. The boys had realised a while ago that Gary liked her, and then he had confessed to them that he did. Though he wasn’t sure what to do about it, or how to get her to like him.

Howard had offered him some one-on-one advice, telling Gary that Jason had guessed Lydia liked him, so all Gary had to do was spend some time with her alone, and for them to get to know each other. So that’s what they had been doing. They had actually been spending quite a lot of time together, they knew quite a lot about each other, and Lydia had started to really like Gary, though she wasn’t sure he felt the same. Though he did and he also wondered if Lydia felt the same. Lydia smiled back at Gary, grateful that he was trying to be supportive and make her feel better. Though she was still extremely worried about her memory.

“I’m still really worried that I won’t get it back, what if I never remember any of my previous life.” Gary tried to think of what to say to make her feel better, so he just said the first thing that came into his head.

“Well we’ll just have to make you a new life won’t we.” Lydia looked up at him and smiled, she wondered if he was saying what she thought he was saying. Gary could see confusion written over Lydia’s face and knew she was wondering what the meaning was behind that sentence, so he decided to just tell her. He wanted to be honest with her, he wanted to treat her well, the way she deserved to be treated. He wanted to do everything for her and he wanted her to have a much happier relationship with him than she did with David. “I guess I’ll just be honest with you, I like you Lydia. When I used to see you in clubs with David, I always wanted to take you away from him and show you a better life. I would really like it if… well if you’d give us being together a go.” Lydia smiled brightly at Gary and he found himself smiling back, feeling relieved.

“I’d really like that as well Gary.” For the rest of the evening they sat talking and laughing, though like always Lydia’s laugh was silent. Every so often she would make a small noise whilst laughing and giggling, but other than that she had no voice. Gary longed to hear her voice and laugh, though he knew he had to wait. They both wondered what would bring back her voice, Lydia just hoped she wouldn’t have to wait long.

“I better be going back to my own room, it’s getting late.” Gary nodded reluctantly, then said the first thing that came into his head before thinking.

“You don’t have to go.” Lydia opened her mouth to talk, then remembered she couldn’t. She didn’t know what to say, but she didn’t have to say anything, Gary quickly spoke again. “Sorry that was really forward, I didn’t think before I spoke. I’m really sorry, I hope I didn’t offend you. I don’t think you’re like that at all it’s just…” Lydia cut him off the only way she knew how, with a kiss. She softly pressed her lips against his, for a few seconds they were both in their own world. Lydia smiled as she heard the fireworks, they were almost deafening. She could feel tingles going up and down her body, all over. This was the best feeling she had ever had, she didn’t want to let it go, ever.

“Well, that certainly shut me up.” Gary said with a smile, Lydia giggled, this time making a noise. Gary’s smile spread across his face at that, each time she giggled the noise got louder and more and more. “So I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” Lydia nodded, before pulling him into a hug. They held each other for a few seconds, before finally letting go. Gary almost didn’t want to, he knew then this was it. Lydia was the one for him, and he wasn’t going to let anyone take her away.

* * *

It was two weeks after Gary and Lydia had kissed and Gary was making dinner for the two of them. He had asked the boys if they would go out to give them some time alone, they all agreed, ribbing Gary at the same time. They all thought he wanted them out the way, so he could woo Lydia into bed, however he said it wasn’t like that. He really liked Lydia, and of course he would like to be with her intimately in that way. But he didn’t want to be too forward with her. He wanted everything to go perfectly for them, and he didn’t want to put her off by being too forward. He told the boys off for what they said, though they knew Lydia wasn’t like that and they all considered her a really good friend, apart from Gary, who thought of her as more than that.

Gary told Lydia he was making her dinner and banished her to her room whilst he was cooking. The boys soon left him alone to get things together, as he was quickly getting stressed out. Gary made a simple carbonara, he knew Lydia liked it as he had already asked. As he was downstairs cooking and becoming increasingly stressed out, Lydia was upstairs listening to some music whilst she was writing. She had decided to write everything about what had happened to her. How she had lost her memory and voice, and how frustrating that was for her. How she had been in an abusive and horrible relationship and felt trapped, still felt trapped by him. Everything she had been feeling, feels and will continue to feel, she had written about. It felt good to get it out, and Gary had even given her the crazy idea that she could one day make it into a book and publish it.

She was actually quite nervous when she showed him what she had written, she was worried he would judge her for staying with David, or judge her on some things she had been through with him. But he didn’t. He just read it all in silence, taking everything in. He couldn’t believe some of the things he was reading, David was a monster. Lydia felt bad for thinking that of Gary, she knew deep down he wouldn’t have thought of her in a bad way, but she was scared. She was scared of being judged by everyone for what she’d been through and also for staying with David, though she knew writing it all down was making her feel better, along with Gary cheering her up. It made her feel better when Gary told her it was a worthy story and to carry on.

When Gary finally called Lydia downstairs for dinner, she was awestruck at what she saw. As she entered the kitchen/diner she saw the room was lit only in candlelight. Gary had laid the table out all neatly, she smiled at him as he held the chair out for her and she sat down. They ate in silence, every so often glancing over at each other and when they did they smiled. Whilst the boys are around the house is always so noisy, full of voices and laughter. It was nice for Gary and Lydia to spend some time together, some quiet time. It was hard to do that with all the boys around. As Lydia looked up at Gary, his face morphed into something else. He wasn’t Gary anymore.

Chapter Text

"Right, that’s the last time we have any of your friends round again!” The sound of David’s chair scraping against the floor cut right through Lydia. He gave her a death glare as he stood and walked away from her. She sighed as she picked up their plates and practically threw them into the sink. The sound of plates hitting each other echoed throughout the flat, Lydia followed after David and found him sitting on the sofa watching the football.

“It’s not my fault you’ve treated my friends like shit, just like you do me.” David glared up at Lydia, she took a step back from him as he stood. His stare cut like a knife through her, it was one of the things she was most scared of. His stare and the looks he gave her did nothing, it was what came afterwards.

She felt the hit before she saw it, she watched his arm settle by his side again as she held onto her face. It stung, like always. Every time was the same pain, perhaps it had even got easier. She had learnt to shut herself off from it, she didn’t feel any pain anymore. Physically, emotionally or mentally. Her life had completely become about existing, just getting through each day, hoping she didn’t piss off David. Sometimes she faltered.

“Don’t you dare speak to me like that Lydia, you know what happens when you do. I have been nothing but nice to your friends, it’s not my fault they are a bunch of interfering twats. I don’t want you seeing them anymore.” Lydia looked at David like he was crazy, why wouldn’t she see them anymore, they were her friends.

“I mean it, if I find out you’ve seen them I’ll get so bloody angry and you’ll really regret it. I don’t want them interfering in our lives and that means you don’t see them. I don’t care what you tell them, tell them you hate them for all I care, but I am no longer permitting you to see them. Do you understand that?” She looked at him, his face was red with anger, and he looked like he could explode at any moment. She had experienced that before. She had been witness to one of his explosions, it wasn’t pretty, and she didn’t want to be on the receiving end of something like that again. She had since promised she would never make him that angry again.

“Lydia, I said do you understand that?” She reluctantly nodded, she agreed with him. He looked satisfied, he was smug with himself. He had yet again won.

“Lydia… Lydia are you ok?” Gary could see Lydia had zoned out again, he noticed when he heard the crash of her fork hitting her plate as she dropped it. She shook her head as she closed her eyes. She looked back up at Gary and smiled. She nodded in answer to him. Yeah she was ok, she was with Gary now, not with David. She was definitely ok. She had gotten away from him, she had got out of the cycle.

She no longer had to suffer the pain of being with David, she no longer had to suffer at the hands and words of him. When she was with David, she dreaded waking up each day knowing she was with him and knowing he had so much control over her life. Now each day she woke she felt happier and more content, knowing she was not only with Gary, but at the fact that she had her life back. She had her own life again, she had friends again and she was in a better relationship. She no longer had to live in fear, she no longer had to live her life the way someone else wanted. She felt free and that was exhilarating.

* * *

“So did you have a good day?” Gary asked Lydia as they sat on his bed together. They had been talking for a while, it had been a while because Lydia had to write everything she wanted to say, down onto paper. She nodded in answer to Gary’s question, as she couldn’t really be bothered to write anymore. Her hand was aching and it just frustrated her knowing she wasn’t able to speak.

Gary chuckled at her and rubbed his hand over her arm, he had been sat with his arm around her for some time and she liked it. It made her feel safe, comfortable and secure. “Is that all I’m gonna get from you?” Lydia just shrugged. “You all right, you seem a bit annoyed.” She rolled her eyes as she picked up her pen and paper.

“My hands just aching that’s all, I can’t be bothered to write anymore.” Gary could understand, he knew it must be frustrating not being able to talk and say how you feel. He knew he found it frustrating not being able to hear her voice and know what she sounded like. He would love to hear her voice; he’d loved to hear her voice say his name, to really tell him how she felt about him. Everything just wasn’t the same written down on paper, it was hard to get your feelings and emotions across on paper. He prayed he would be able to hear her voice soon, not only for her sake, but for his as well.

“Well you don’t have to do any more writing if you don’t want to, I actually wanted to say something to you and I need you to listen.” Gary sat up and pulled away from Lydia. She thought something was wrong, was he going off of her or was he getting fed up of her. Usually men did seem to go off of her after a while, it was just something that seemed to happen a lot.

She hadn’t had a lot of luck with men in the past, none of her boyfriends had been that great, though no one was as bad as David. Gary manoeuvred himself so he was sat in front of Lydia, he took hold of her hands in his and gently rubbed his thumbs over the back of them in a soothing motion. She smiled at him as he had managed to calm her down, maybe this wasn’t going to be something bad.

“Lydia you know how much I care about you and adore you, well if you don’t you do now.” Her grin began to widen, as Gary once again said something beautiful to her. “Anyway I’ve really enjoyed you being here and spending time with you, and I feel we have got to know each other a lot and I treasure our friendship immensely, but I want something more. I want you to be my girlfriend. You don’t have to write anything down, just nod or shake your head.” She let out a tiny giggle as he smiled. He waited for her answer, it felt like he had been waiting a lifetime before Lydia finally nodded.

She had left Gary waiting because she needed to think about it, she needed to know if being with Gary was the right thing to do. Every relationship she had previously had, had pretty much been a disaster. She hadn’t had many, but the few she did have hadn’t ended well. She didn’t want to end up in another relationship like she had with David. But she knew that wouldn’t happen with Gary, in all the time she had spent with him, she already knew he was different. She hadn’t actually spent as much time with previous boyfriends like she had with Gary, she knew practically everything about him and she was still keen to know more.

Gary was the same with her, they both craved the time that they spent with each other and it was never enough. So that’s why Lydia said yes, because she knew her relationship with Gary would be different. He was kind to her, he took care of her and he made her laugh. He was affectionate and always put her feelings first. When she nodded in answer to Gary, his grin widened and practically took up the whole of his face. Lydia could see the sparkle in his eyes, as if he had hidden gems in them. He pulled her closer to him by her hands and kissed her forcefully on her lips.

“You have no idea how happy you’ve made me.” She nodded and pointed to herself, saying he had made her happy too. He understood what she meant and kissed her again.

* * *

“Are you sure you want to tell them, we don’t have to yet you know, we can still keep it to ourselves.” Gary put his arms round Lydia’s waist as they stood together in her room. It had been a couple of days since Gary had asked Lydia out, and they were now about to tell the boys. Lydia was a little nervous about what they would say, Gary however was the total opposite. He knew how much the boys liked Lydia and he knew they would be happy for them. They had given him advice about Lydia and they had encouraged him all the way with her, so he knew they had nothing to worry about. He didn’t really know why Lydia was so nervous about telling them, seeing as she got on really well with them all.

Lydia had her reasons though, she had never got on with David’s friends, she hated them and they hated her. The feeling was always mutual. Ever since she had first met them they hadn’t got on. David had four close friends, Lydia couldn’t stand any of them. They were never nice to her, from the very beginning they had made fun of her and were horrible to her. David couldn’t care less about how his friends treated his girlfriend, he never said anything to them about it and let them get away with it each and every time. Sometimes he even joined in, that made Lydia feel even worse.

She was glad though that she had forged a friendship with every single one of the guys from the very beginning, they all got on well and that made things easier. However she couldn’t help wondering what would happen after she and Gary told them they were together. Would they stop liking her as much, would they stop getting on and would they think she was taking Gary away from them.

Everything had been ok so far and she knew they had an inkling something was going on between her and Gary, so maybe things would be ok, she could only hope. Once she had explained things to Gary, he understood why she was nervous. Though he told her not to worry. He knew the boys wouldn’t act like that, they just weren’t like that. Deep in her heart she knew that too.

“Er guys?” Once Gary had finally gotten the boys attention, they watched Gary and Lydia in anticipation, wondering if they were finally going to tell them they were together. They had been waiting for this for a while, Gary had been sort of keeping them up to date with what was going on, and so they had an inkling on what they were going to tell them. “We wanted to tell you that Lydia and I are together.” The boy’s faces broke out into wide smiles, Lydia and Gary smiled back at them. Lydia hoped from that they boys would be ok with this, they certainly seemed very happy for them both.

“Finally, we didn’t think you would ever get together you were taking so long.” Howard said to them as Mark hugged Lydia tightly.

“Nice one.” He said to her as he pulled away, she smiled at that. The boys were being really supportive and that was so nice. Gary squeezed her hand and began pulling her to the front door.

“Anyway we’re going out, see you later.” Lydia waved to them, before she was pulled out the door. Gary had promised to take her out for dinner, they hadn’t actually gone out on a proper date together yet. The boys had been so busy working, and when Gary and Lydia spent time together, it was only ever at the house. Because they lived together they spent a lot of time together, they almost didn’t need to go out on dates, but Gary had insisted.

He wanted to treat Lydia and give her a good time, he wanted them to go out and have some fun. First he took her to dinner at a beautiful restaurant, it was an Italian as he knew her favourite food was pasta. The table they sat at was lit by candlelight, it was all very romantic. This made Lydia smile. Everything Gary did for her seemed romantic, he would hold doors open for her, and he would get her a drink if she was thirsty or food if she was hungry. He was always being kind and caring towards her, she knew he was the best boyfriend she’d had.

“So what was it the doctor said about your voice, did she say it would come back?”

“She said it should do, though she doesn’t know when. She told me something would trigger it to come back, but until then I just have to wait.” Lydia held up the pad to Gary, they both noticed people looking at them, thinking the way they were having a conversation was strange.

“I wonder what it would be that would trigger it to come back though, it can’t be another knock on the head surely.” They both chuckled at Gary’s attempt at making fun of the situation. Lydia hoped it wouldn’t take that for her voice to come back, she didn’t want to go through something like that again. Whatever it was that would make her voice return, she knew it would be something big. “Maybe I need to give you a shock or something?” Gary eyed Lydia carefully, wondering what he could do. She shrugged and smiled, quickly writing something down for him.

“Or you could just give me a kiss?” Gary grinned at her, leaned forward and gave her soft sensual kiss. Lydia thought it might be one of the best kisses she’d ever had, Gary thought the same. He knew it was. No girlfriend he’d had in the past could come close to Lydia, no girl ever would.

That evening they had a nice meal together and carried on their conversation, though it was hard for Lydia to eat and write at the same time. People still gave them funny looks about it, but she just gave them looks back. She wasn’t having them judge her or make fun of her, she’d had enough of that to last a lifetime. Gary smiled when Lydia would do that, he liked how independent she was and how she stood up for herself, he knew it was about time too.

He knew how hard her past had been and how keen she was to put that behind her, he could see she was doing that. Gary drove them both home after their meal, unfortunately for them, like every car journey it was ridden in silence. Every so often they would share little smiles with each other, as that was all they were able to do. When they got home the boys were sat on the sofa’s watching TV, they joined them for a little while, until Gary and Lydia decided to go upstairs.

They went into Gary’s room, they spent most of their time in there. It seemed more homely to Lydia as it had more things in it and more things that were personal to Gary. She didn’t have a lot in hers, the boys had brought her things as she didn’t have any money. They brought her clothes and other necessities that she needed, but she didn’t have anything that was personal.

When she had first started to live with the boys she didn’t have any photos, and the room seemed quite cold because of that. So they took photos of them all together, of her with each of them individually and they put them around the room. That made it better for Lydia, though she still didn’t have any photos of her family or friends and that was hard for her.

She had contemplated going back to the flat that she had shared with David to collect some things, though when she thought about it she worked herself up into such a frightened frenzy, that Gary had to pretty much calm her down. He always thought she’d had a flashback, she didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth. Not that he would be angry with her, she just knew he wouldn’t like her to go back there. He would be too worried about her, he wouldn’t want her to get hurt.

“I enjoyed tonight, it was nice to go out on a proper date.” Gary spoke as he looked down at Lydia.

“I enjoyed it too, it was fun. Though I best be getting back to my own room, I’m tired.” As Lydia made to move, Gary stopped her suddenly.

“Wait Lydia, why don’t you stay here with me tonight?” She opened her mouth, but remembered that she stupidly couldn’t talk.

“I’m sorry Gary, I’m just not ready for that yet.” He nodded his head quickly, he hoped he wasn’t frightening her away.

“I understand that, I really do. I don’t want you to do anything you’re not ready for or comfortable with. But I’d still like you to stay, you can sleep in my bed and I promise, no funny business.” He held his hands up in mock surrender, she smiled and nodded.

“Ok, I’ll stay with you.” He silently celebrated his small victory, before kissing her.

Chapter Text

"So you’ve remembered everything now have ya?” Robbie asked Lydia as they all sat around the dinner table one night. It was a few days after Gary and Lydia had spent the night together, though nothing had happened between them. Lydia was almost surprised Gary had not pulled any moves on her, but he had acted like a true gentleman. She knew that would be the case though, she knew he wouldn’t do anything she didn’t want.

“Not everything, the night I got hurt and lost my memory I still can’t remember anything from that day, and there are also a few other things I can’t remember.” The boys nodded, seeming to understand what she was saying.

“So you can remember who you are now.” Robbie said laughing, all the boys and Lydia laughed again also, though Lydia stuck her middle finger up at him in an answer.

“Anyway we better be going, we got those dates with them girls.” Mark said to Robbie, who quickly got up from his chair, making his way upstairs to get ready. Lydia didn’t think she had seen him move so fast.

“What are their names again?” Gary asked the three remaining boys who were still stood in the kitchen.

“My ones called Julie.” Mark smiled and Lydia could see he was looking forward to the date.

“Mines Michelle, Jay’s is called Ellie, and Robbie’s is called Meg.” Howard told them, before he also jogged up the stairs to get ready. As the boys left the room Lydia cleared up all the mess left after dinner, whilst Gary was on the phone to Nigel and the boys were upstairs getting ready. Once they had finished, they came back downstairs to say bye to Lydia and Gary, before leaving.

Lydia and Gary spent the evening watching films cuddled up on the sofa together, when the last film was finished however, neither of them felt like moving, they were too comfortable where they were. Soon though, they began to kiss again. Lydia loved kissing Gary, every time she felt herself get lost in their kisses, she felt herself get lost in Gary’s lips. These were the kind of kisses she had been dreaming of when she was younger, kisses with fireworks, with feeling, with love. These were the kisses every girl was meant to have, the kind of kisses every girl deserved. The ones that made shivers run down your spine and goose bumps appear all over your body, with hairs sticking up everywhere. As Lydia got further lost into the kisses, she soon began to climb onto Gary’s lap and their kisses progressed. Lydia felt different, she began to feel herself start to want him in a way she hadn’t wanted anyone before. Gary pulled away from their kisses he almost had to push Lydia away to look at her, they were both panting heavily with loss of breath and with need.

“Are you sure you want this?” He asked her. He wanted to make sure she wanted this and wasn’t just trying to please him. With her loss of memory and also loss of voice, she was quite vulnerable, though she wouldn’t say that about herself and she wouldn’t admit it to anyone. He didn’t want to take advantage of her at a time when she was less able to defend herself, he had to make sure this was something she wanted, he needed to make sure. Because if she wasn’t sure and she later regretted what they were about to do, Gary would never forgive himself.

Lydia smiled back at him, never before had someone cared about her the way he did, no one had asked her if she wanted something, if what they were doing was ok. No one had ever cared about her thoughts or feelings in a situation, they always went ahead with whatever they wanted, without a care in the world about what Lydia wanted. Being asked if she was ok with this, Lydia felt one hundred times better. He had taken care of her, he had taken her in and looked after her in such a kind and friendly way, no one had ever done something as nice as that. He had been so loving towards her as well, no guy had ever been that way, well not once she was their girlfriend. After a guy had finally managed to get her to be their girlfriend, they stopped being so nice and loving. Gary hadn’t acted that way. In fact he had acted pretty much the opposite.

She knew then Gary was different, he was a better man than any other she had been with or met. So Lydia nodded at Gary and pecked his lips, Gary smiled back at her, glad he could finally show her how much she meant to him, how much he cared and how much he wanted her. He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his back, as he carried her up the stairs she began to kiss his neck, almost distracting him from the task at hand. He took her to his bedroom and plonked her on his bed. He shut the door and looked back at her. They almost had no idea what to do, they just kept looking at each other as they panted heavily, trying to get their breathing under control.

They smiled brightly at each other, Gary thought then that Lydia’s nick name should be sunshine. As he shook himself out of her trance, he began to take his top off. Lydia reached over to help him and it soon flew across the room. Lydia quickly did the same to her own and Gary knew no one would come close in beauty to Lydia, ever. She had this aura about her that he could see, an aura which made her miles different to any other girl he had met or knew of. Gary reached down to his jeans and began to take those off too, Lydia did the same and they found themselves giggling again. Lydia moved up the bed as Gary stealthily crawled on his hands and knees towards her, almost as if he was on the prowl. Once he had reached her, he leaned over her, so his face hovered over hers. She ran her hands down his back, until they reached his pants. He leaned down to kiss her and they once again lost themselves in each other’s lips. When Gary thought about it, no one had come close to Lydia. Not just in kisses or beauty, but in personality also.

Gary had been with a lot of girls, but none of them came close to Lydia. She was intelligent, funny, kind and she was so out of this world to him, he knew he would be an idiot if he ever messed this up with her. He’d regret it forever if he ever let her go or let her get away. He knew there was no way he was letting that happen. Gary and Lydia lost track of the amount of time they spent kissing, though it felt nice that they weren’t rushing things. Soon enough though Lydia decided to move things along, as they were still kissing, she reached around and took her bra off. She pulled away from Gary’s lips and he looked back at her, she saw him gulp as he noticed she was topless. Lydia tugged at Gary’s pants, he got the message and began to pull them off as Lydia did the same to her knickers.

As they lay on the bed, with Gary above Lydia, it was almost like time had stopped, they just stared at each other. Lydia smiled at Gary, who began to smile back, he leaned down and kissed her again. When he finally pulled away he reached over to his bedside table and grabbed a condom. Now it felt all the more real, this was actually happening, she was going to sleep with Gary, they were going to have sex. The last person she had slept with was David and it was never any good with him, apart from that she had only slept with three other people, a lot less than Gary had. She hoped she would be ok and live up to any kind of expectations he might have of her.

Whilst they had sex, though Lydia preferred to call it making love, they just kept staring into each other’s eyes. As Lydia couldn’t speak, that was her way of communicating with Gary. All they did was stare into each other’s eyes, along with the odd noise. Gary was obviously more vocal than Lydia, yet as the sex progressed, the more noise she made. She grinned at Gary as they neared climax, he had managed to make her feel like no other guy had been able to do. It hadn’t just been sex, they had been making love, they were creating and taking part in something beautiful. They were sharing so much with each other, much more than they had ever shared with anyone. Lydia felt like she was about to burst with happiness, excitement and even love and Gary felt exactly the same.

“Ah Lydia, I… I don’t even know how to explain how you make me feel.” Lydia giggled and Gary felt a burst of warm air hit his face. She pulled him by the back of the neck and kissed him deeply. As the ending neared, she felt something deep inside of her bubbling, waiting to just burst out of her.

“Ahh Gary!” She screamed as she climaxed, shouting the words in Gary’s face as he had also reached his peak. He couldn’t believe what he had heard, or had he imagined it.

“You… you talked!” They grinned at each other, Lydia couldn’t believe it either. But it had felt so good to get the words out, to finally speak at long last. It felt amazing, magical even. Nothing could spoil this moment they’d had right then, nothing in the world would take away the magic of it all. This moment with Gary would stay in Lydia’s heart forever.

* * *

Gary sighed as he felt himself being pulled out of his sleep, he squinted his eyes and looked down at what was laying on his chest. He smiled as he remembered the previous night with Lydia, he hadn’t felt that amazing in so long. He still felt amazing. He softly brushed Lydia’s brown hair off of her face and smiled as she sighed. She had a small smile on her face and he wondered if that had anything to do with him at all. He kept stroking her hair softly, soothing her as she slowly began to wake. When Lydia had finally woken, she lifted her head to look at Gary, they both smiled at each other, remembering how beautiful the night before had been.

“Morning Lyd, can you still speak?” Gary hoped she could, he prayed with every part of him. Though he was worried her voice may have only come back for a short while and then had gone again.

“Morning…” She spoke, testing out her new voice. “Yeah I can, wow. God it feels so good being able to speak again.” Her and Gary grinned at each other. Lydia couldn’t be happier, she thought she would never get her voice back again.

“Thank god for that, I thought I’d never get to hear your voice.” They kept smiling as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer, if that were possible. She cuddled up to him and rested her head back onto his chest. “You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to hear what you sounded like, properly anyway.” She frowned as she looked back up at him.

“What do you mean by that.” She thought he’d never heard her voice before, as they hadn’t met until the night him and the boys took her in and helped her when she was hurt.

“Well… I’ve heard your voice before.” She frowned still. How, there wasn’t really anything she couldn’t remember now, so she knew they hadn’t met before.

“When?” What Lydia didn’t know was that Gary had seen her a few times before they met, however he had just watched her from afar. He had heard her talk a few times, though it was only ever to David, so she always spoke in a certain tone or was shouting.

“When you were arguing with David outside that club, I heard you shouting at him. Though I can’t properly remember what you sounded like, and your voice is a lot different when you’re talking to when your shouting. But it’s much better hearing you talk now like this, especially when you say my name.” They giggled at each other, as she softly hit his chest. Her face flushed with embarrassment at the memory of the night before, she couldn’t have wished for anything more perfect. It had probably been the best night of her life and she wasn’t afraid to admit that to herself. Lydia wished her voice had returned sooner, but it just showed how significant the night was to be able to bring back her voice. It really was special.

“Today I want us to spend all day together, just you and me.” Gary smiled sweetly at her. Holding her in his arms, he really didn’t want to let her go. Now that he had found the girl of his dreams he was worried and maybe even a little scared that he would lose her. It always seemed to happen to him, whenever he became settled with a girl they always seemed to break up. Sometimes it was Gary’s fault, and other times they just seemed to get fed up of him. Once Gary and Lydia had finally got out of bed, had a shower and gotten dressed, they made their way downstairs and headed towards the kitchen.

When they entered the boys were all in there, each were giving Gary and Lydia a cheeky little smile, as if they knew what they had done. Lydia blushed and made herself busy making her breakfast, whilst Gary gave the boys a look, silently telling them off. Lydia ate her breakfast in silence, not sure whether she should announce her new found voice. Gary just sat opposite her, giving her a secret smile as he winked at her. Robbie noticed and chuckled to himself, Gary elbowed him in the side as Lydia wasn’t looking. Robbie just shrugged, he loved winding Gary up and he knew teasing both him and Lydia about what they had done, would be the best way to get on his nerves. Not that he wanted to annoy either of them, but he was young, winding people up was what he lived for.

“So the guys and I were talking earlier, we’re gonna go out tonight, do you two wanna come?” Mark asked as he stood behind Lydia, leaning against the doorway to the kitchen. Gary looked from Mark to Lydia, who shrugged whilst nodding.

“Ok, we’ll come, won’t we Lyd?” He smiled and winked at her, so she took that as her cue to finally let the boys hear her voice.

“Yeah definitely, it’ll be fun.” Mark looked at the back of her head almost dumfounded, all the boys looked over at her with their mouths wide open. Lydia and Gary just smiled at each other, chuckling to themselves as the boys were stunned to silence.

“Did you… did you just speak?” Howard asked and she nodded.

“How?” Mark butted in as he sat back down at the table. Lydia just shrugged.

“I don’t know, it just came back last night. I don’t know how or why, though I have a feeling.” She looked at Gary and he smiled, knowing exactly what she meant.

“So, you’re all ok again. You’ve got your memory back and your voice back, sorted.” Jason said and Lydia grinned. He was right and she was very happy at that, everything was ok again, it was better than ok. Her life was in a better place than it had ever been, it seemed that was all down to the boys and Gary. She had them to thank and she knew she’d probably be thanking them for years to come, plus they wouldn’t really let her forget about it. The rest of the day seemed to fly by, it always did when she spent time together. First they went to the cinema to see one of the latest films out, though they didn’t spend much time watching it. They spent most of the film kissing in the back row, acting like they were a pair of teenagers. Once the film had finished they went and played bowling, though for this they spent most of the time laughing. Gary loved being able to hear Lydia’s proper laugh, so he constantly tried to get it out of her. He would tickle her, or make her drop the ball before she was meant to. She accused him of sabotage so she did the same to him. Neither of them got very good scores, but they weren’t too bothered as they drove to a restaurant for dinner.

“The boys were pretty shocked today at hearing your voice.” Lydia giggled.

“Why, is my voice horrible or something? Did it not live up to your expectations?” Gary shrugged and then shook his head.

“Not really, I thought it would be better to be honest.” Lydia gasped and Gary started laughing. Lydia realised he was joking, so she pushed his shoulder as she giggled.

“You’re evil do you know that.” He grabbed her hands in his and rubbed his thumbs over the backs of them.

“You like me though, admit it.” They smiled at each other as she tilted her head.

“Yeah I do, I like you a lot Gary.” He leaned closer and kissed her deeply.

Chapter Text

"I feel sooo happy!” Lydia grinned at Gary as she swung her arms around his neck. Gary grinned back at her, laughing at the drunken state she was in. The boys and Lydia had all gone out to celebrate the boys getting their first top ten hit. Lydia felt proud, proud of them all. Her boys had done well.

“Well at least now we don’t have to perform at schools anymore.” Jason shrugged, always looking on the bright side.

“Yeah thank god, they were a pain in the arse. You know one of the head teachers actually winked at me on stage once, and it was a bloke!” Robbie exclaimed, feeling almost violated as he shivered in disgust. They laughed at the disgusted look on his face.

“I won’t have to get jealous of all those schoolgirls anymore then, just the gay men and over eighteens I have to watch out for.” Lydia pecked Gary on the lips as he held onto her waist.

“Who’s Mark on the phone with?” Howard asked to no one in particular. They all looked over at a smiling Mark, who was currently talking to someone on the pubs pay phone.

“Oh, that would be that girl, Julie. Aw look he’s grinning, he hasn’t looked that happy in ages.” Lydia smiled as she looked over at the guy she thought of as a brother, as she stood still with her arms clasped round Gary’s neck. He had to pull back from her slightly as they stood so close to each other, he kept getting her hair in his face.

“He looks proper smitten, the lad does.” Gary smiled and winked at Mark as he looked back at them all watching him. He smiled, rolled his eyes and shook his head, turning away from them once again. “Anyway I should be getting you home.” Gary said turning back to Lydia, he smiled at her yet she however pouted.

“Oh I don’t want to go home yet, please can we stay for another drink?” She pulled her hands away from his neck and held them together in a prayer; she pouted and waited for him to grant her wish, as if he was some sort of god. Gary smiled back at her; he missed the feeling of having her arms wrapped around his neck.

He missed feeling her fingers threading their way through his hair, her finger tips massaging his scalp. Lydia had been drinking for most of the evening; she was tipsy and was on her way to getting drunk, Gary didn’t really want that. He wanted to enjoy the rest of the evening with her, not for her to pass out from drinking so much.

“Babe you’ve already had loads to drink. Come on let’s just go home.” She pouted still, not moving as he tried to pull her arm to follow him.

“Ah Gaz, go on let her have another drink. We’re all having one.” Robbie and Lydia grinned at each other as Gary rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“Ok fine, but just one.” Gary held up his finger to Lydia to emphasize his point. She smiled and nodded, leaning forward and quickly pecking his lips. She left him and made her way to the bar, joining Howard in ordering their drinks. Gary watched her walk away, but when he turned back to Robbie and Jason, he found them both grinning at him. “What?”

“She’s got you wrapped round her little finger.” Robbie laughed and Gary frowned as he stuck his middle finger up at his mate.

“Haha you’re funny, not. She doesn’t have me wrapped round her finger I’ll have you know; I just like to do things to please her.” Gary slightly and unconsciously puffed out his chest, as if he was trying to assert his manliness.

“Yeah, in other words she asks or tells you to do something and you do it.” Robbie carried on, still chuckling to himself. Gary frowned harder still; he was starting to get fed up with Rob. It was his and Lydia’s relationship, it was private, he wasn’t going to let Robbie mock it. Jason could see what was going to happen, so he quickly intervened between the two of them.

“Ok that’s enough Rob, leave him alone. What he and Lydia do in their relationship is their business.” Gary smiled at Jason, thanking him for intervening and stopping an argument from breaking out. It was just in time as Howard and Lydia walked back over with everyone’s drinks, and Mark also joined them as he had finished his phone call.

“So Markie, are you two gonna go on another date?” Robbie asked Mark as he changed the subject, he was making an effort to make it seem less awkward between him and Gary. Mark beamed back at them all.

“Yeah we are, she was really nice and everything, and she said yes when I asked.” Everyone smiled as they were pleased for him, especially Lydia it seemed.

“Aw that’s so good Markie, she seemed really nice when I met her and she seems just your type.” Lydia leaned her head on Gary’s shoulder as she grinned at Mark. Everyone chuckled at what Lydia said, they could all tell she was tipsy, maybe Gary had been right; perhaps she shouldn’t be having another drink. Once they had soon finished off their drinks, they all decided to go home.

They all got into their van, Jason being the one to drive home as he had decided at the start of the night and so wasn’t able to have a drink like the rest of them. As soon as they got into the car and put their seatbelts on, Lydia was all over Gary. The alcohol she had drunk that evening had made her lose most of her inhibitions, Gary quite liked that. He smiled into their kisses, though Mark sat uncomfortably next to him, Robbie rolled his eyes and crossed his arms as he sat on Lydia’s other side.

“Someone should have sat in between them.” Mark said to no one in particular, he soon got poked in the side of the head by one of Lydia’s fingers though.

“I don’t know about that, she’d have probably climbed over us or something.” Gary pushed Rob’s shoulder, but soon returned his hand to Lydia’s waist again. Howard looked back at them all as he sat next to Jason.

“Yeah it is a bit OTT, can’t you two wait until we get back home, we don’t really want you having sex in the car.” Lydia and Gary finally pulled away from their kiss to take a breath. Lydia glared at them all.

“We’re only having a bit of fun, I like kissing Gary.” Lydia said as she ran her fingers through the hair at the back of his neck. He shivered slightly with lust as he smiled back at the boys.

“Someone’s had a lot to drink.” Robbie said as he turned his head toward the window. Lydia lightly hit his arm.

“Says you!” Robbie grinned and shrugged. Thankfully at that point they arrived home, luckily for Jason as he wasn’t keen on a fight breaking out in the car whilst he was driving. As they walked into the house, the boys began to make their way to the kitchen.

Gary began to follow them, until Lydia grabbed his arm and pulled him after her. She grinned at him as she pulled him up the stairs quickly, desperate to get to his room. Gary’s breathing quickened in excitement; he could already feel himself stirring in arousal for Lydia. Once she had pulled him into his bedroom, she slammed the door shut and pushed him up against it. It was quite a forceful push, not that Gary was complaining as he just grinned down at her as she looked up at him.

“Well someone’s keen.” She just shrugged as she ran her hands up his torso towards his chest.

“I’ve just missed you that’s all.” He chuckled.

“We only did it the other night.” This time she was running her hands around his lower stomach under his t-shirt, skimming the hem of his jeans. Though she came to an abrupt halt at what he said.

“Are you complaining?” He quickly shook his head and smiled.

“No definitely not.” He pulled her towards him by the waist, leaned down and took her lips with his. They kissed ferociously for what felt like forever. They eventually had to pull away from each other to catch their breath. In that time Lydia took the bottom of Gary’s t-shirt and pulled it up over his head. When he was free from it, she took her time admiring his torso. One of the best features of him was his chest, she loved it. Whenever they hugged she loved to just lean on him, using his chest as a pillow.

Gary caught Lydia staring at him and smiled. He wanted to move things along, so he grabbed the bottom of her t-shirt and pulled it from her body. He grabbed her by the waist once again and pulled her to him, so their torsos were touching. Lydia slid her arms around Gary’s neck and ran her fingers through the hair at the back of his neck. Gary loved it when she did that, it turned him on immensely and Lydia knew it. They smiled at each other before they once again kissed. Their breath along with their tongues mingled with each other’s, it seemed there was no one else in the world but them two. Lydia’s drunkenness led her to unbutton Gary’s jeans hastily; Gary smiled, loving this new side to his girlfriend. Once Lydia had unbuttoned Gary’s jeans, she began to unbutton her own.

Gary stopped her and pulled her hands away. She frowned at him but he just smiled. Instead he unbuttoned her jeans and he pulled them down her body. Lydia then pushed Gary onto the bed; he looked back at her slightly shocked but began to smile again. She yanked his jeans down his legs and threw them to the floor. Gary found a tipsy Lydia intriguing, she was usually a lot more shy than this and it takes a while for her to open up to someone. Though she had warmed to Gary straight away when meeting him, she had never acted like this before. It had been a week since they had first had sex, since then they had slept in Gary’s bed together every night, though only had sex twice. They had also only had sex when the boys were out.

Drinking had changed Lydia; she had become more feisty and less caring. Gary really liked it. He watched in delight as she began to strip her underwear off. First went her bra, flying across the room and hitting the wall. Then went her knickers, as she stood up after taking them off, she threw them at Gary. He chuckled as they hit him on his chest; he picked them up and held them for a few seconds before chucking them to the floor. Lydia crawled up Gary’s body until she reached his underwear, she smiled as she noticed they were blue, her favourite colour. She again yanked them down his body and swiftly pulled them from his legs.

As Lydia straddled Gary’s legs, he ran his hands up her belly, tickling her slightly. She giggled and wiggled in his lap, he found he was struggling to contain himself. He almost wanted to flip her over onto her back and take her, but he was interested in seeing what Lydia was going to do. She pushed her hair to one side of her head, leaned down and began to kiss Gary’s stomach. He watched as her lips travelled up and over his stomach, nearing his chest. She then began to kiss and lick his nipples, sucking and biting on them every so often.

Gary bit his bottom lip as he smiled, he loved what Lydia was doing to him, but then again he’d always loved what she did to him, ever since they met. As she reached his neck, she began to suck; both of them knew she was going to leave a bruise. But neither cared. Gary liked the fact that he would be marked by her; he could show everyone that he was hers and she was his. After she had left a mark on his neck, she began to kiss his lips again. As they kissed with such passion, that it took both their breaths away, Gary’s hands wandered to Lydia’s chest.

He squeezed her breasts, almost as if he was trying to drag them from her body. They both smiled into the kisses as he flicked his fingers over her nipples, pulling a deep moan from her throat. Lydia quickly pulled away again and Gary was left panting with need and want for her. He lifted his head and watched as she crawled back down his body.

He frowned and lifted up onto his elbows, as he wondered where she was going. Though he was soon pushed back down by her, as she again straddled his thighs. He smiled at her forcefulness, but the smile quickly turned into a gasp, as he felt her grab hold of his member and take a long lick. She kept sucking and licking him as if he was an ice lolly; all Gary could do was gasp and release a straggle of incomprehensible words.

“Ah… Lydia… don’t… stop.” He could feel himself nearing the edge, he felt as if he was stood on the edge of cliff about to jump and he was ready to dive in head first. But then she stopped, she pulled away from him and licked her lips, which he couldn’t help noticing were swollen and red. “Why did you stop?” He was enjoying that so much, he couldn’t help feeling disappointed.

“Because...” She moved up him, so she was once again sat on his lap. Their naked crotches touched and tingles ran through the both of them. Lydia quickly snapped out of that thought and grabbed a condom from Gary’s bedside drawer. “I wanted to move on to the main event.” She smiled at Gary, before ripping the condom open with her teeth.

Gary grinned back, until he was once again gasping at the feeling of Lydia rolling the condom down his hardened member. She sat astride him and sunk down onto him. Gary grabbed hold of her hips and her hands found their way to his chest. She quickly began moving, she didn’t feel like building up the speed at all, she just started off at hard and fast.

Unexplainable feelings ran through the both of them, they enjoyed their love making immensely, but they both felt like it was time for something a little different. This evening couldn’t have come quick enough; Lydia thought she might drink more often. Once again Gary found himself at the cliff; he was teetering on the edge of it, wondering whether he should jump off just yet. But before he did he wanted to make sure Lydia felt good too. So he slammed himself up inside of her, reaching a point that only Gary had reached before.

This tipped both of them over the edge, leaving Lydia collapsing on top of Gary in exhaustion. They both panted heavily after they had definitely exhorted themselves. Lydia quickly fell into a deep sleep soon after closing her eyes. Gary brushed the damp hair back off of her forehead; he smiled and then kissed her temple. He moved them slightly till he was lying comfortably, with her in his arms resting on top of him and he too drifted off to sleep.

* * *

“Fuck!” Lydia grabbed hold of her head, she felt awful and she wondered what the hell she was laying on. All she could feel was something hard below her. She carefully opened her eyes slightly, wincing at the bright light in the room, which wasn’t actually brighter than usual. She noticed she was lying on top of Gary, both of them being naked. Parts of what happened the previous night, flooded back to her. She wasn’t sure if losing her memory due to drinking was better than losing her memory due to a hit to the head. Right now she preferred the latter as her head was banging with intense pain. She shifted slightly as she tried to move off of Gary, waking him up in the process.

“Ow… ah careful.” She flopped onto the bed beside him, laying on her front once again.

“Sorry.” She closed her eyes once again, feeling like her head was going to explode and also like she was going to be sick.

“Feel rough?” She peeked out of one eye and noticed Gary was grinning at her, she frowned at him, annoyed at his happiness at her pain.

“Shut up, it’s all your fault.”

“My fault? How is it my fault? You’re the one who insisted on having one last drink. Though I quite liked how you were last night.” He grinned again and once again she frowned at him, wondering what the hell he was going on about.

“What?” He snuggled further towards her, putting his arm around her waist. As he was about to tell her about the previous night’s escapades, there was a loud knock on the bedroom door.

“Oi you two, if you’re gonna get drunk and have sex, try and keep it down!” Howard shouted at them through the bedroom door. Lydia turned towards Gary, her mouth agape in shock. He chuckled at what his best mate said. “And if you can’t keep it down, you’re moving rooms!”

“Oh my god.” Lydia slapped her hand over her mouth. Her head was banging, she felt sick and now she had found out her and her boyfriend’s friends had heard them having sex. Brilliant.

Chapter Text

Things had been going perfectly for Gary and Lydia, almost too perfectly. Lydia knew things were too good to be true. Whenever she ended up in a good place things always seemed to go wrong. It had happened again. Gary was annoyed with Lydia; she knew he was angry with her. Though in her mind she couldn’t understand why.

Sometimes as they were eating dinner, or watching TV, she would catch him looking at her, almost staring intently. His gaze burned into her, like he was furious with what she had said to him. This only annoyed and frustrated her further.

She was an adult, her own person; she could make up her own mind and make her own decisions. Why did he feel like he could do it for her and why did he get angry with what she had decided, it made no sense to her. They hadn’t been sleeping in the same bed; they hadn’t been doing anything together.

Now when the boys went to work she would mostly stay at home, other times she would go with them, but she wouldn’t spend time with Gary. The boys noticed that they were distant from each other; they couldn’t understand why as they knew Lydia and Gary had been getting on so well.

The reason for them not getting on was David. It always came back to him. He was still controlling Lydia’s life, as much as she had tried to distance herself from him and her life with him, it seemed he still had a hold over her. She was upset he had come between her and Gary, she thought that the relationship she had with him, could not be infiltrated.

She was so angry that David had come between them, but she was also upset that Gary had let him. He had let David win and that was the worst thing for Lydia. She knew she needed to talk to him more about it, she needed him to understand why she had to do this, and she needed him to understand her thoughts.

“Can I talk to you?” Lydia asked Gary, as she slowly crept into his room. She leaned her head on the door, almost looking at him sideways. Gary sighed; he couldn’t resist her face, so he nodded. Lydia smiled slightly, as she shut the door behind herself and sat on the end of Gary’s bed.

“I’m sorry that you feel the way you do Gary, but I need to do this.” Gary’s head snapped round until he was practically glaring at her. Lydia was a little taken aback at this look; he looked as if he hated her.

“You need to do this. Why do you need to do this? I don’t understand why you want to go and see him Lydia, why the fuck would you want to see him again?” Lydia stared at him in disbelief, never before had Gary sworn at her and he had definitely never shouted at her before. She knew he felt strongly when it came to her ex, but this was her life and her decision.

“I don’t want to see him at all, but I have to. If I want all of my memory to come back then I’ll have to see him.” Gary shook his head and chuckled slightly, almost in a mocking way.

“You’re unbelievable do you know that? You want to go and see a man who… who used you, who didn’t love you at all, who hurt you and who used you for sex. Lydia he pretty much…”

“Stop!” She knew where he was going with this; she didn’t want to hear it. She knew what David did; she didn’t want Gary to say it. He was so much better than David; she didn’t want him to even have to say his name. “I know what he did Gary; I was there for Christ sake. I don’t need you telling me, as if you know what it was like. I hated my life with him, and yes he did terrible things to me, but I have to see him. I don’t want to, but I need to. I know you can’t understand that, but that’s not my problem.”

Gary bit his tongue, he wanted to say so much, but at the same time didn’t want to offend her. Lydia meant so much to him, he desperately didn’t want her to go visit David, and if he was honest he was scared.

“No I don’t understand Lydia, but just think about this a moment. Think about this logically, is this really a good idea? What if you go and see him and he hurts you again, or you don’t get your memory back. It would have all been for nothing, a waste of time. The bits of your memory missing might not even be important anyway, is it worth risking yourself for unimportant moments in your life?” She shook her head with her mouth agape; she couldn’t believe what he was saying.

“Of course those pieces of my memory are important, every bit of my memory is important. Do you know what it’s like to know nothing about yourself? You think it’s scary not knowing anything about a person, try not knowing anything about yourself. I didn’t even know my own name for fuck sake! He took my memory away from me and do you know what, I’m going to get it back. Whatever you say Gary, you’re not going to stop me. Like I said, I have to do this.” Gary was pissed off now; she didn’t care what he thought, as if she didn’t care about him. Maybe their relationship meant nothing to her after all.

“Ok fine, you don’t give a shit what I think, what about your family and friends? What do you think they would say about you going to see him, don’t you think they wouldn’t want you to either?” She frowned, he was still going on, she just wanted this argument to end, and she just wanted it all to end.

“How would you know what my family think? You’ve never even met them…”

“Yes I have.” Gary let it slip; it got out before he could stop it. He couldn’t help it, she had just annoyed him so much, he was angry and he wanted to get back at her. Lydia looked at him stunned, did he really just say what she thought he said.

“What did you say?” Gary just shook his head. “Gary, what did you say?”

“Nothing, just ignore me I’m being stupid I…”

“You’ve met my parents? My family? When?” He stayed silent, he quickly tried to come up with an excuse in his head, but Lydia was getting impatient. “When Gary!” She shouted at him, she was furious.

“About three weeks after you moved in, I saw them in the street as they were handing out flyers about you. Apparently your ex neighbour had bumped into your mum, telling her that she hadn’t seen you around in a while. They seemed…worried, they were obviously concerned about where you were, though had said they hadn’t seen you in a while whilst you had been with David. I have a good reason as to why I didn’t tell you.” She looked at Gary in utter disbelief.

“Who did you meet, was it just my mum?” Gary shook his head.

“Your friend was there too, Annabel I think she said her name was.”

“Belle.” Her best friend, she had been her best friend since they were five. “I can’t believe you met my mum and my best friend, yet you didn’t say anything. You lied to me and you deceived me.” He’d not only bumped into her mum, but he’d bumped into one of her best friend, a friend that she had been through everything with. Lydia couldn’t feel more hurt and more humiliated; it was like he had been lying to her the whole time they were together.

“Lydia it was nothing like that, just let me explain.”

“Let you make excuses more like.” Gary shook his head, he needed to explain to her, and he needed her to know why he did it. He couldn’t have her thinking the worst of him that would devastate him.

“No, the reason why I didn’t tell you was because I thought it would hinder your recovery. You didn’t know yourself or anyone else and I just thought you seeing them wouldn’t do you any good.” Gary hated seeing Lydia upset, he hoped he could bring this back and make her understand and forgive him.

“What if I saw them and I remembered them though, I may have got my memory back quicker if I had seen them. And anyway, I didn’t know you or the boys so how is that any different, in fact you were all total strangers to me. And it seems like you still are, I thought I knew you, I would never have thought you would do something like this to me. I don’t know who you are anymore Gary.”

Gary’s eyes widened, this was not how he wanted this to go. This was not how he planned to tell her, this was not how he planned for her to find out. He hadn’t imagined for her to be this angry and hurt, but it was like she was disappointed as well. He had proved her wrong in thinking he was better than anyone else, and that was something he had never wanted.

“Lydia please, I never meant to hurt you, I thought I was helping…”

“Helping, god you have no idea do you? You are just like him, you’re just like David.” Gary’s eyes flashed in anger, he was furious she was comparing him to that animal.

“Do not compare me to him, I am nothing like him. I would never treat you the way he did, I…”

“No in some ways you’re much worse. At least he was honest and up front in his hate for me, at least he was honest about making my life a misery. You, you just lied about it. You are just like him, because you kept me from my family; he kept me away from them just like you have. He made me lonely and you’ve done the exact same thing. I…I don’t think I can ever forgive you for this Gary.”

He looked at her as if she had just killed his dog. He was devastated, he had hurt her, he had deceived her and now he had lost her.

“Lydia don’t be like this please, let’s just talk about this.” She shook her head as she began to stand and move away from him.

“There’s nothing left to talk about Gary, all the fight has left me. I can’t do this anymore. You’ve tried to explain yourself out of this one but I’m not having any of it. I’m leaving.” Gary frowned at her as he also began to stand.

“What do you mean you’re leaving? Where are you going? When will you be back?” He moved closer to her, but she put her hands up, stopping him in his tracks.

“I’m going out, I don’t where and I don’t know when I’ll be back.” With that she swiftly left his bedroom, made her way down the stairs and walked straight out of the front door, ignoring the questioning looks from the boys. As the cold air hit her face and a million thoughts ran through her head, she felt like she did when she first woke up in that flat. Anonymous.

* * *

Gary jogged down the stairs after Lydia, but found the front door had already been slammed shut. He stood in front of it, sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. What the hell was he going to do now, how was he going to explain to Lydia that he never meant to hurt her. He cared so much for her, he never wanted this to happen, he had always wanted what was best for her.

Ever since he had met her, even when he had watched her from afar, he had wanted to care for her so much. He had wanted to give her everything and more, yet he had managed to screw things up. He had hurt her in such a way; he wouldn’t blame her if she never forgave him. She was right he thought, he was like David. He had isolated her from everyone she knew, just like he had.

When he had met her mum and her friend, he wasn’t sure if he should tell Lydia or not. At the time she was still trying to get her memory back and she couldn’t talk, he didn’t know if seeing them would help her at all. He was also starting to get really close to her and he knew something was happening between them both, he thought that if she saw her mum and friend again, she’d move out and he wouldn’t see her again.

He didn’t know why, now he had a chance to think about things, it was stupid thinking she would move out and have nothing to do with him. He could tell she really liked him, she had almost said as much. But now, now he had ruined things between them, she was hurt and angry, he’d probably never be able to make it up to her. She’d never forgive him and he’d never forgive himself.

“Gaz, what’s happened?” Mark asked as he and the rest of the boys walked closer to him. They knew something was wrong, for days things had been tense between Gary and Lydia, and now they had heard the arguing, with Lydia then running out the door, they knew things definitely weren’t right.

“I’ve fucked everything up, well and truly.” Mark placed his hand on Gary’s shoulder, hoping he could comfort his friend in some way.

“Well what happened, what did you do that’s so bad?” Robbie asked the question that was burning on all their minds. As the boys sat down on the sofas, Gary began to relay the story to them. He told them everything, from how much he had always liked Lydia ever since the first time he had seen her in the club, to how he had upset her, to the argument they’d had that afternoon.

* * *

Lydia had no idea where she was going, she didn’t take any notice of where her footsteps were leading her to, so she thought it was strange when she noticed she had wound up in a park. She vaguely remembered going there as a child with her siblings and then her friends, and then she remembered going there after every argument she’d had with David.

She used to think how happy the children that played there were, how she wished she could be that happy. The playground was usually filled with laughter and happiness, yet now it was eerily quiet and had a dark atmosphere. She sat on the bench and shivered, it was like a dark cloud had surrounded the area and it felt evil.

“Well fancy seeing you here.” She knew that voice; she hadn’t heard it in a while. This couldn’t be real, no she was imaging it, it must be another one of her flashbacks. She closed her eyes and willed it to go away, she breathed deep and opened them once more. David. He was stood in front of her with his trademark smirk. She wished she was dreaming, though she knew she wasn’t, he couldn’t have been more real.

“I haven’t seen you in a while Lydia, I’ve missed you.” She almost wanted to scoff in disgust. Yeah right, he was just telling another one of his lies, he was messing with her, playing with her mind as usual.

“What do you want David?” She looked past him; she didn’t want to meet his eyes. She couldn’t, because when she looked into them all she saw was black. They were filled with evil and darkness, something she had never thought possible of a person, until she had met him.

“We’ve got some unfinished business you and me.” He took a seat next to her; she shuffled away from him, trying to distance herself once again.

“You hated me and I hated you. We’re finally apart and everything’s better, what is there to ‘finish’?” She couldn’t understand what he was talking about, maybe it was those parts of her memory she had yet to recall.

“Don’t worry, I’ve seen you with that blond idiot, I don’t want you back or anything. But you know there’s something else that needs to be sorted, don’t you Lydia?” She finally took a look at him. He was frowning and he looked serious, like there was something he was concerned about.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” His frown deepened and she knew he was already getting wound up.

“Don’t play games with me Lydia; you know there’s something we need sorting out. I tried to the last time we saw each other, but those stupid blokes intervened.”

“What you mean when you practically tried to kill me.” She spat the words in his face with hate. She wasn’t going to let him control her or scare her anymore, she was in control of her life now, she would decide what would happen.

“That wasn’t anything that you didn’t deserve…”

“I lost my memory because of you and I still haven’t got all of it back. And what now you expect me to know what the hell you’re talking about?” He moved his face closer to hers so he was looking dead into her eyes.

“You are playing games with me Lydia, just like you always do. Now we can sort this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way. What would you prefer?”

Chapter Text

Before she had met David, Lydia’s life was actually pretty normal. She lived with two friends, as they were young girls they would save up their money and then go out at the weekend. She would still visit with her family, and every day she worked at a boring office job, wishing for something better. But when she had got with David that all changed. When they first met he wasn’t the evil man he was now, he was actually pretty sweet and kind to her, and he always made her laugh. He took her out to nice places and he was extremely nice to her family and friends, making them all like him pretty quickly. But after a few weeks that all changed.

She wasn’t sure what had triggered that change, she still wasn’t sure even to this day. But she knew from then on he wasn’t the same and he probably never would be again. That saddened her, because she knew what a brilliant man he was, but that person was gone. It all started with her nights out with her friends. As they had moved in with each other, she moving into his flat, he didn’t like the fact that she returned from her nights out late and drunk. He said he got jealous of the guys they would sometimes hang out with and he started to stop her from going out so much, until she had completely remained at home. Her friends didn’t like that, though he told Lydia they would just be jealous.

As time wore on he began to stop her from seeing her family and friends so much, she complained, but in the end he forbade her from seeing them. He was violent with her and because of that she was scared. Scared of what he might do to her and the people she loved. Because that was the kind of man he had become. In the end her job wasn’t some place where she hated being, every day she looked forward to work. Every weekend she wished would go quicker, just so she could get to work, so she could get away from David. That was her only outlet, it was the only freedom she now had.

When she had woken up in the boys flat, she was scared not knowing where she was or who they were, but she was elated at the fact that she wasn’t with David. Though she remembered nothing about herself, her life or anything else for that matter, what she did remember was David and how he was. She couldn’t remember her life with him; she just knew it was something so terrible; she didn’t ever want to speak of it.

Perhaps that was why she had lost her voice, she had been through something so traumatic, not only living that terrible life with David, but what he did to her that night. It had all been something so horrific; her voice had left so she could never speak of the horror of it all. Spending all that time with Gary her faith in guys had been restored. She had really fallen for him, but then he had let her down again, just like David.

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about David. Just leave me alone and we can both get on with our lives.” Lydia stood from the bench to leave but before she could get away, David grabbed hold of her arm, preventing her from moving any further.

She turned to face him, only to be taken aback at how close his face was. He stared into her eyes, he looked angry, which wasn’t unusual. But this time he looked like he was really pissed off with something, as if this time she had purposefully gone out of her way to annoy him. She also noticed how he looked like he wanted to hurt her.

“David…”

“You’re not getting away that easy. You know you have something of mine. I want it gone.” She frowned at him. She was utterly confused with what he was saying; it was as if he was talking a foreign language.

“Like I said, I have no idea what you’re talking about. So please, just let me go and I won’t bother you ever again.” He smirked and looked at her as if he felt sorry for her. She hated that, she didn’t want his pity.

“You really have no idea do you?” She shook her head. “Well then, I have to make sure that this is over. I need to make sure you’re not lying to me or trying to fool me again Lydia, because I’d be very upset if you were.” She shook her head as she continued to frown; now he was just sounding strange and creepy also. He sounded like he was about to do something sinister.

“David I still have no idea what you’re talking about. You have to make sure that what’s gone?” His eyes flashed in fury.

“That thing! That fucking thing inside of you. I told you when we last saw each other that I wanted it gone and now I’m going to make sure it is.” She looked at him shocked, his face was full of hate, something was going to happen, and she could tell he was going to fly off the handle at any moment. Before she had a chance to ask what he was talking about, she heard voices shouting from the distance as she felt David’s nails dig into her arm, practically breaking the skin.

She looked round and saw the boys running towards them, but they didn’t get there fast enough. She felt the blow as she looked at Gary’s face; she saw the pain in his face before she felt it herself. The punch David took to her stomach knocked all the wind out of her, until she was doubled over in pain. Lydia grabbed hold of her stomach as she was in such agony; she had never before felt pain like it. This was more than just a punch to the stomach, something else was happening, she could tell something else was going on. She heard Gary’s voice, but he sounded so far away.

She wanted to cry out for him, but she couldn’t talk from the amount of pain she was in. The boys were shouting angrily, as she watched David pull back his arm and hit her again. The first punch had left her doubled over in pain, but this one caused her to fall to the ground. Gary caught her just in time, lowering her carefully to the floor, as Howard and Jason, the two most strongest in the band, grabbed hold over David and pinned him to the floor. Robbie crouched down beside Lydia, as Gary kneeled down on her other side.

“Mark call an ambulance.” Robbie told him, knowing Gary wasn’t able to form any coherent thought; he was too busy cradling his girlfriend.

“Lydia look at me.” Her eyes were shifting everywhere; she wasn’t able to focus on anything. She wanted to close them and just fall asleep, but Gary was moving her shoulder, trying to keep her awake and alert. “Come on Lydia look at me, please. Stay awake for me please.” She blinked up at him, slowly focusing her eyes on his face. She opened her mouth to say something, though instead ended up wincing from the pain she was in. “It’s ok, don’t try to speak. We’re getting some help to you, you’re gonna be ok.” Tears welled up in Gary’s eyes, but he promised himself he was going to remain strong, for Lydia.

“I…” Lydia tried to clear her throat, her voice wasn’t coming out clear enough. She needed to say these words; she had to get them out before it was too late. “Gary… I’m sorry.” He frowned at her. Why would she say that, there was never any need for her to say that? He should be saying those words and thanking her for making her way into his life, he was so thankful for her, because she was the best for him.

“You don’t have anything to say sorry for, I’m sorry.” Before either of them could say anymore, a voice from behind spoke up.

“I feel sorry for ya mate, she’s damaged goods she is.” Gary’s face darkened with anger, Robbie hadn’t ever seen him looked so pissed off before. Gary turned his head to look at David, who was currently being held to the floor by Howard and Jason, who didn’t actually have to work so hard at keeping him there.

“I would shut up if I was you.” He glared at this evil man, this monster that had made his girlfriend’s life a misery.

“Is she as obedient for you? Having her lie there and take it can get a little boring after a while.” He smirked at Gary, whose face was as dark as thunder. The boys were all frowning in confusion, wondering what the hell this guy was talking about. Howard pushed his head hard against the ground, making sure he knew to shut up and keep quiet. Upon hearing Lydia’s voice, Gary turned towards her once again. He held her head in the crook of his elbow, cradling her against his chest. She slowly began to close her eyes again, and that worried him immensely.

“Lydia wake up, Lydia! Lydia please wake up!” Her eyes stayed shut, almost as if they were sealed with glue. She had fallen into unconscious and there was no waking her up.

“She’s gonna be ok Gaz, the ambulance will be here soon. She’ll be fine.” Gary looked up at Robbie, silently thanking him for his comfort. Robbie nodded his head in acknowledgement, before each of the boys heads turned towards the sound of sirens. The police and the paramedics made their way to them at the same time, the police arrested David and shoved him into their police car. Whilst the paramedics both crouched down beside Lydia, immediately tending to her aid.

“What’s her name and age?” The woman paramedic asked as she pulled out a stethoscope.

“Her names Lydia and she’s twenty one. Is she ok, will she be alright?” The woman smiled at Gary, already being able to tell he had ties to this girl and a lot of feelings for her.

“First we need to establish what has happened, see what has gone wrong and then fix it.” Gary nodded, though he pretty much had no idea what to say.

“Ok well she was punched, twice.” Robbie intervened, knowing he would have to explain what had happened. “She was punched in the stomach by the way; it must have been pretty hard as she just collapsed.” The paramedics nodded. They did all the things they needed to, checked her pulse, blood pressure and checked her stomach out, trying to find if any of her insides had been damaged from the blows. Once that was done, they placed Lydia onto a stretcher and moved her into the ambulance.

Gary and Mark went with her, with the boy’s running back to the house to get their car so they could follow on. Mark looked on at Gary, tears were brimming in his eyes and he was holding onto Lydia’s hand tightly, pressing it against his lips. He could tell Gary was really trying not to break down; he put his hand on his shoulder, hoping he could comfort his friend in some way.

“What if she’s really hurt Mark, what am I gonna do?” Mark squeezed Gary’s shoulder, as he saw a few tears finally leave his eyes.

“She’s gonna be ok, she’s in good hands and they’ll take good care of her. I’m pretty sure you will too.” Gary nodded determinedly; he wasn’t going to let her out of his sight now. He would make sure she knew how much he liked her and wanted to be with her, he would tell her every day, just so he knew she knew. After they got to the hospital they were made to go to the waiting room, so the doctor could check Lydia over and determine what was wrong with her. The boys sat in silence for a while, not knowing what to say or if they should say anything, Gary looked distraught.

“I should never have let her walk out of the house; all of this is my fault.” Mark and Howard both put their hands on Gary’s shoulder, giving him a comforting squeeze.

“It’s not your fault Gaz, you can’t blame yourself. You’ve done loads for her. David’s the one to blame; he’s a fucking weirdo that should be locked up for life!” Robbie said it with such venom in his voice; it was obvious to know he wouldn’t mind being the one to lock David up, if not do more to him.

“He’s right, but the police are dealing with him now so you don’t have anything to worry about in regards to him. Just concentrate on Lydia.” Jason added, trying to bring their concern back to their friend instead of the idiot who had caused all this pain. Though Robbie couldn’t see what Jason was trying to do and brought the conversation right back to David.

“What did he mean earlier Gaz?” Gary took his head out of his hands and looked across at his friend. He knew Robbie was referring to what David had said to him, but he wasn’t sure what to say. “You know when David said that she was damaged goods and… the other thing he said.”

Gary rubbed his hands over his face; he wasn’t sure how to answer that. His friends could see that they had stumbled onto a sensitive topic. Remembering what David had said made them all extremely angry, thinking about what he may have done to her or the way he may have treated her when she was in a relationship with him, made them all want to hurt him. Especially because he hurt her.

“I don’t want to talk about it; it’s not my business to tell.” All the boys nodded, totally understanding what their friend was saying and sympathising with him immensely. “All I will say is, Lydia had a terrible time with him, he was awful to her and getting her away from him was the best thing we could do. But it’s my fault he hurt her again, if we hadn’t been arguing she wouldn’t have left and she wouldn’t have run into David.” The boys didn’t bother thinking anymore about what David had done to Lydia. They didn’t want to think about it, it was too awful to think about. What he did to her, not only in their relationship but that day, was something so evil none of them could comprehend it.

“What was it that you were arguing about?” Mark asked Gary, wondering why he was blaming himself for the awful thing that had happened to Lydia.

“A few weeks after she moved in with us, I bumped into her mum and a friend of hers in town. They were handing out flyers on her because they believed she was missing, well she was. I didn’t tell them she was with us and I didn’t tell her I had seen them. Today I let it slip that I had and she pretty much flew off the handle. Not that I blame her.” The boys were confused; they couldn’t understand why Gary would keep a secret from Lydia. Especially as big a secret as that.

“Why didn’t you just tell her, when you first saw them why didn’t you let her know?” Howard asked this time, all the boys sat round listening intently to their best mate.

“I don’t know why really.” Gary shrugged; he didn’t have a proper answer. The answer he did have he had found out earlier that day that it was stupid and didn’t stand up at all.

“I guess I was just… scared. I thought if she knew her family was looking for her and her family knew where she was, she would leave and I wouldn’t see her again. I also thought it would put her back in her recovery, because she didn’t know anyone or herself, I just thought her not knowing who they were wouldn’t be any good for her. I should have told her, if I did we wouldn’t have argued like we had done and she wouldn’t be hurt right now.” Each of the boys shook their heads in disagreement.

“That’s not true Gaz; he’s the one who hurt her. You’ve done loads for her and you’ve been brilliant for her. You can’t blame yourself; she needs you to be strong for her right now.” Jason said as he leaned forward and looked at Gary deadly serious. He knew it was important for Gary to be there for Lydia and to be strong for her, as much as they all wanted to sit there and rant about David, their number one priority was Lydia.

“I know. All my focus is on her, I don’t want to think about him or why she’s here, I just want to concentrate on her.” Jason and the boys nodded. They were all extremely concerned for Lydia, but they were also concerned for Gary.
Lydia had been significantly hurt by someone she had spent a lot of her life with, someone who was meant to have taken care of her at some point. Gary blamed himself, he cared for Lydia tremendously and her being so hurt the way she had been, he couldn’t help but blame himself. They were all momentarily distracted when a doctor appeared in the doorway.

“Are you friends of Lydia’s?” They nodded, Gary stood up, his attention fully on this man who had been taking care of his girlfriend. “You can see her now.”

Chapter Text

Drifting in the abyss, that was where she was. Floating around as if she was as light as air. Like she was a butterfly flying in the wind. She felt at peace, even if a little sad. She wondered if anyone would miss her when she was gone. David always said no one would, no one would think of her, she would be forgotten about. She wondered if Gary would miss her, she would miss him. She’d think of him constantly, wondering what could have been.

She was angry with him yes, but she didn’t want to be without him. She couldn’t be without him, not now. It would be like losing a limb, almost impossible to live without. Having spent so much time together, it would be impossible for her to live without him, and if she had to it wouldn’t be a very good life to live. The peacefulness soon left Lydia, instead she felt pain. Pain all over. It was excruciating. She had never felt anything like it, not even when she used to get hurt by David. It felt like her insides were getting torn apart.

“Lydia… Lydia. Are you awake Lydia?” Her eyes snapped open at the point where she felt an immense surge of pain run through her.

“Aahhh!” She grabbed her stomach as she writhed in pain. She thought she was dying she was in that much pain.

“Lydia do you know where you are?” A man in in a white jacket stood by the bed she was laying in. She looked around her, she was lying in a white sterile looking room and she was wired up to a machine. A nurse stood the other side of her checking the machines. She had no idea what was going on.

“I… I don’t know. I’m just in so much pain.” Tears ran down her cheeks at the feeling that was running through her. She just wanted it to stop.

“I know and we’re getting some painkillers to you now, but we need to know if you know where you are.” The nurse inserted a drip into her hand that would administer painkillers into her; she hoped she would feel better.

“I… I guess I’m in hospital, I can’t remember what happened.” She ran her hand over her face and into her hair. She had such a terrible headache, but luckily the pain in her stomach was beginning to turn into a dull ache.

“You’re in hospital because you were attacked, do you remember now.” She watched as the doctor wrote a few things down onto a clipboard he was holding. She began to remember David and how he had hurt her, what he had said to her that had confused her so much. And then she remembered her argument with Gary, the reason for her leaving the house and going to the park. She became angry with Gary again all of a sudden, though she still wanted to see him.

“The boys that I came in with, can I see them?” The doctor nodded and left the room. The nurse helped Lydia sit up slightly, just as she was settling back against the bed wincing in pain, the boys walked into the room. Gary caught the look of pain on her face and his face winced along with hers in sympathy. He felt even worse now seeing her in pain. Gary strode across the room so he was sat on the chair right beside Lydia. The boys then pulled up chairs so they were also sat around her bed.

“Hey you ok?” Gary asked her softly as he took a hold of Lydia’s hand. She snatched it away from him, turning her head away and looking at the doctor who stood at the foot of the bed. Gary’s face fell at the harshness of Lydia’s look, he was deflated and upset by the way she had acted. He felt even more at fault now.

“Doctor is Lydia going to be ok?” Jason asked as he was stood next to the doctor.

“Yes she will be.” He answered Jason, before turning to face Lydia. “There is a reason as to why you were in so much pain though.” Everyone sat up to listen intently to what the doctor had to say. They could tell by the look on his face that it wasn’t going to be good. “I’m afraid due to the attack… Lydia you suffered a miscarriage.”

The boys turned to look at Lydia. Her face was as white as a sheet, like she had seen a ghost. The boys all turned to look at Gary, who was currently running his hand over his face. “I’m very sorry. We worked out that you would have been around nine weeks pregnant.” Lydia didn’t know what to say, the doctor decided to leave them all alone. Everyone sat in silence for what felt like a lifetime, but what did they say, nothing they said would make things better.

“Lydia I’m so sorry.” Gary said to her, finally breaking the awkward silence that had filled the room. She just stared at the wall opposite, not having a clue what to say. “Lydia…”

“Get out.” Gary looked at her astonished. He didn’t want to leave; he wanted to be here for her and to help her. All he could think about was why she wanted him to leave, did she blame him, and was he at fault. Maybe he was?

“Lydia look…”

“I said get out! All of you just go. Leave!” The boys all quickly got up and left, with Gary trailing behind them. When he got to the door and they were the only ones left in the room, he turned back to look at Lydia.

“I’m sorry; I know it’s my fault. If I had only told you the truth none of this would have happened and for that I’m sorry.” Lydia looked up at Gary and for the first time that day she didn’t look angry. They shared one last look before Gary left and shut the door behind him. As he walked into the waiting room, the animated discussion halted and all the boys stared at him. “Go on then, say it.” The boys frowned at Gary, wondering what he was saying. “It’s my fault.” They frowned harder this time.

“I was actually going to ask was it yours?” Robbie spoke up, asking the question which was most likely on all the boy's minds. Gary’s eyes widened, he hadn’t actually thought about that, but he quickly knew the answer.

“No of course not, we didn’t even know her nine weeks ago.” They nodded in understanding.

“So do you think he knew?” Howard asked, looking round at the rest of them. They turned back to look at Gary, who sat down in one of the hard plastic seats.

“I… I don’t know.” Gary frowned in thought. If David did know Lydia was pregnant, he would know that by hurting Lydia he was hurting his own child, what person would do that?

“Well he does seem like some sick fuck, so maybe.” Robbie said shrugging. Gary thought back to the night Lydia lost her memory. When they had stumbled across her and David outside the bar, he was shouting at her and blaming something on her. Gary could recall David saying something about dealing with something and getting rid of something, could that be… Gary shook his head; he couldn’t think of something like that, he didn’t want to. He didn’t think anyone was capable of something like that, something that twisted and sick that couldn’t even be put into words. But then again he didn’t think anyone was capable of the things David had done to Lydia. He was again proved wrong.

“Well the main thing is that Lydia is ok and David won’t be hurting her again.” Jason, the voice of reason, added to the conversation.

“Yeah Jay’s right. Anyway maybe we should go home? It’s getting late and Lydia obviously wants to be on her own. We can ask the doctor when she’ll be discharged on the way out.” Mark directed the question at Gary, who nodded in agreement. As the boys left the hospital, back in Lydia’s room her mind was once again being haunted by her previous life. She didn’t want to be, but she could feel herself being transported back.

***

“I’m pregnant David.” In the bar. She had decided that was the best place to tell him. She knew he’d be angry about it, so she decided to tell him whilst they were surrounded by loads of people. She watched as his eyes widened. Surprise, shock and anger all passed over his face, but anger was the one to stay.

“Please tell me you’re joking?” Lydia shook her head. She was determined she would be strong this time; she didn’t have anything to be scared about, not now. “Well fucking well done. Brilliant Lydia, that’s fucking fantastic. Why the fuck would I want a kid with you?” He said it all in as hushed tone, everyone around just thought they were another couple enjoying a night out. But she had never enjoyed a night out with David.

“Why would I want a kid with you? Look I’m telling you because it concerns you.” David stared daggers at Lydia; he didn’t want anything to do with a kid or her for that matter.

“Well you’re getting rid of it!” He grabbed her arm, emphasising his words. “You get rid of it as soon as possible, or you’ll get me so pissed off… you’ll be fucking quaking in your boots.” He smirked at her and the scared look on her face. She tried not to look scared, but she couldn’t help it when he spoke to her like that. The way he spoke so menacingly to her and in a threatening way. She couldn’t help but quake. She still wouldn’t be told what to do though, she had her mind and her own feelings, and she knew what she wanted.

“I won’t get rid of it. I’m keeping it David, if you don’t like it then I don’t care. I’ll leave, I’ll go and have the baby, and you and I will never have anything to do with each other ever again.” David’s face turned from a smirk into a dark, threatening glare. They hated each other; they looked like they wanted to kill each other. Perhaps that could happen. David’s grip tightened on her arm, before he began dragging her out of the bar. “David let go of me, David!” People were staring but David didn’t care. He pulled her through the bar, until they were outside in the freezing cold air. It made her shiver, that and the look that David was throwing her.

“You are not keeping that thing!” David shouted at her, before slamming her against the wall. “You think that if you keep it, you can get money out of me or turn me into a ‘better person’. Well it’s not fucking happening! You get rid of it, or I’ll do it for you.” Lydia was shaking, she was terrified. Never before had he spoken to her like that, she had never been so scared in her life. She didn’t care about him threatening her, but to threaten their own child.

“David please, it’s our baby. You don’t have to have anything to do with it.”

“No! I want the fucking thing gone.” He hit her. He delivered the punch smack on her face, before pushing her head against the wall. He watched her eyes close, before she slid down to the floor. There were voices shouting, before he was grabbed.

* * *

Lydia was relieved at being allowed to go home the next day. She had to get out of that place, she felt suffocated, mollycoddled. Nothing was that wrong with her physically, she hadn’t been too hurt, but her physical self wasn’t the problem, it was what was going on inside her mind. She didn’t want to wait for the boys to pick her up, she knew Gary was probably on his way, but she couldn’t wait. She was too desperate to get out of that place.

The fresh air outside was refreshing; it made her feel more powerful somehow, like she could face anything. And that was what she was about to do. She walked the whole way, holding her head up high, she had promised herself that was what she would do from now on. No more feeling scared or belittled anymore. She was holding her head up high, feeling confident and powerful. She knocked on his door with a purpose. The power never left her when she saw his face, when she saw that familiar smirk.

“Can we talk?” She asked and he seemed surprised. He had never looked at her that way; he almost looked like a normal human being, like someone rational. When she entered the familiar flat, she could see nothing much had changed. Neither had he.

“I don’t know what you think you’re doing here Lydia, but if you think I’m going to apologise… you’re having a laugh.” She shook her head and smirked at him, but he didn’t like that. He grabbed her by the scruff of her top and pinned her against the wall. “Look you bitch; you’ve pissed me off enough already. What with getting knocked up and then getting me arrested, you better be careful with what you do.” She raised an eyebrow at him; he seemed surprised at the way she was acting towards him. She knew he’d think she was still scared of him, but there was nothing she was afraid of anymore. She had been through too much to be afraid now.

“Do what you want David, I’m not scared of you anymore. You’re just a bully and I am no longer letting you control my life or scare me.” David looked taken aback with her words, but he quickly turned his surprised look into his usual smirk. He probably thought she was bluffing, she had tried to do that in the past, but it had always failed in the end. She couldn’t hold the confident and angry exterior for long, it would always falter, but not this time. This time she really felt confident, she wasn’t scared of him anymore.

“Oh really Lydia, you’re really not scared of me anymore? I can see it in your eyes, you’re terrified, and you always have been. That’s why I kept you around for so long, every time I wanted something you would do as I say. It was going ok until you got yourself knocked up.” Lydia scoffed with laughter as she shook her head.

“I got myself pregnant; well that’s something new isn’t it. It’s your fault too you know, maybe if you hadn’t wanted to have sex all the time it wouldn’t have happened. Anyway that’s all sorted for you now isn’t it so you don’t have to worry. I didn’t want to have your child, why would I want to have something of yours. Why would I want to live with something that reminded me of you every day? I hate you; I don’t want anything to do with you.” David’s face turned into a hard frown and he gripped Lydia’s top tighter in his fists. “Oh did I make you angry? I’m sorry.” Lydia smiled mockingly at him; it was fun being the one in control.

“You better be careful bitch. You know what happens when you piss me off.” Lydia cocked an eyebrow at David, she was enjoying purposefully winding him up.

“What will that be then? Are you gonna do to me what you did to your ex Tiffany?” David looked confused for a moment, but then all of a sudden a look of recognition washed over his features. “Yeah that’s right, I remembered everything. There were pieces of my memory missing until yesterday. Being pregnant was one of them, and what you did to your ex was the other. Thanks to you David I now remember everything.” She smiled at him, but he was looking a little worried. She loved that, she thrived off of it.

“What’s the matter, are you scared?” He shoved her against the wall again; she winced slightly at the pain of her body hitting the wall. She quickly forgot about the pain as David began talking again.

“You better be careful with what you say, or the same might happen to you.” She tilted her head; he hated being mocked by her. It wasn’t a nice feeling he had come to realise. She however couldn’t get enough of it; it had been a long time coming. For so long he had been the one to mock her and control, if felt good doing it back.

“Oh really, what would that be then? What did you do to her David, come on. Say it!” His face darkened in anger, whilst hers stayed neutral. She knew what he had done, but she wanted him to say it, she wanted him to say the words. When they had been dating each other for just a month, they were having an argument one night and he had let slip what he had done. He terrified her, told her that if she disobeyed him or tried to leave he would do the same to her, to her family and friends, to anyone she loved. That was why she had stayed.

“It was an accident; I hadn’t meant to do it to her. But you, I can totally do the exact same to you on purpose because you piss me off so much.” She looked at him confused again, trying to get a further reaction from him.

“What David? What did you do to her? Say it!”

“I killed her! I killed her, and I’ll kill you too if you don’t shut up!”

Chapter Text

“How was it you did it again David? What did you do to her, go on tell me?” He glared at her as his chest rose and fell rapidly. He looked like he was about to have a heart attack, that or he was going to hurt her too.

“I didn’t do it on purpose, one night she just wound me up so much. I wanted to have sex and she didn’t, same old usual story. I said we’d have fun, so she gave in. Whilst we were going at it I decided to show her what I meant by fun. I wrapped my hands around her neck, I remember that my fingers almost touched at the tips, her neck was that skinny. She got scared but I just laughed, I was having fun, showing her what having a good time meant. I didn’t mean to kill her, but I guess I was stronger than I realised. It was only meant to be a little s&m during sex, but I suppose I went too far. I strangled her to death.”

David smiled. Lydia felt a chill run down her spine. The way he had spoken about this girl’s death, his voice was quiet and showed absolutely no emotion. He looked menacingly at her, like he was going to do the same thing to her. But strangely enough Lydia wasn’t scared, she was more curious. She wondered why he was like this, what possessed him to behave like this.

Silence. It filled the air and was as loud as a siren. They just stared at each other, it seemed like hours had gone by, but minutes could sometimes feel like that. David was breathing heavily; Lydia knew what was going to happen. He was getting angrier by the second, she could tell. She had learnt everything about him whilst they had been together, including the moment he was about to explode. This was one of those moments.

“So you killed a poor innocent girl just for your own pleasure? Did you get anything good out of it David, did it make you feel good?” She smirked at him again as she knew what she said would gain a reaction from him.

“Fuck you Lydia, you ruined my life you know that!” Her eyes widened. She had ruined his life; he was the one who used to treat her like shit.

“I ruined your life? You’re having a laugh right? You used to beat me, verbally and physically abuse me and you say I ruined your life. You treated me like shit. But at least I can live with myself; I can sleep easy at night David, can you? You’re the murderer.” That did it. He hit her round the face; it was pretty hard actually, so she knew she had really pissed him off this time, good and proper. She smirked. She liked being able to do that, it made her feel even more powerful.

“Shut the fuck up right now or…”

“Or what? You’ll do the same to me? Go on then David, just try it, I don’t care. You know why? Because you don’t scare me anymore. I am done with being controlled by you and being bullied by you. If you want to kill me go right ahead.” They again stared at each other for what felt like a lifetime, until both were distracted by a thud coming from the hallway. Lydia could see the frown of confusion forming on David’s face, yet she knew the cause of the sound.

“Police! Police! Arms in the air now!” David’s eyes widened as he quickly took a step back from Lydia with his arms in the air. Two armed police officers grabbed him and pinned him to the floor, before cuffing his hands behind his back.

“David Hickey I am arresting you on the murder of Tiffany Brown. You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. Anything you say may be given in evidence. Do you understand?” As the two policeman dealt with David, meanwhile a policewoman approached Lydia smiling warmly.

“Hi, are you ok?” Lydia nodded quickly and smiled back at her.

“I’m so much better now thanks.” As the policemen dragged David out of the flat, the boys suddenly appeared at the doorway. They quickly moved out of the way of the men, and smiled as they were happy to see David get his just deserves. Gary quickly walked up to Lydia with a worried expression on his face.

“You shouldn’t have left the hospital on your own, what the hell happened here? Did he hurt you again?” Lydia shook her head as she rolled her eyes slightly. She reached into her top and the boys watched as she began to pull a wire out of it. She smiled as she handed it to the policewoman.

“Thank you Lydia, you’ve helped a great deal. This girls parents will finally have their answers.” Lydia smiled more warmly, she was happy about that. She had always wondered about the girl, she knew she would have been just like Lydia; she wouldn’t have deserved to die. He probably did the same to her as what he did to Lydia.

“Well thank you, I’m glad he’s out of my life.” The boys looked at her quite shocked, but impressed.

“Wow bloody hell, you pretty much put him away.” Howard said smiling.

“Yeah nice one Lydia.” Robbie looked impressed and almost in awe of her. Lydia noticed Gary looked shocked however and maybe even a little annoyed.

“Why did you do that though, you could have got hurt?” Lydia rolled her eyes and breathed out a heavy sigh.

“She wouldn’t have, we were linked up with her, we could hear everything and we were right outside. If anything could of or would have happened, we would have been in here as soon as possible.” The policewoman answered for Lydia, who hoped Gary would then feel better about it.

“All we needed was the confession from him and she did brilliantly at getting that.” Lydia and the policewoman both smiled at each other. Lydia felt pleased with herself, for so long David had done his upmost at making her life a misery. Now she could finally say she had ruined his life.

The policewoman said she would stay in the flat so the police could have a look round and see if there was anything that could contribute to evidence. Lydia decided to collect some of her things she had there, the boys waited outside in the busy street as Gary helped her.

“So what time did you leave the hospital?” Gary asked Lydia as he watched her fold some clothes up and put them in a suitcase. He sighed deeply in annoyance as she shrugged. “Lydia please, I’m trying here.” She turned round to face him. Her heart softened as she saw the pained expression on his face, along with the tears in his eyes.

“I am really sorry and I know if it wasn’t for me lying to you, you would have never left the house, David would never have hurt you again and you… you wouldn’t have miscarried. I know it’s all my fault.” She opened her mouth but had no idea what to say. Instead she chucked the top she was holding into the suitcase and quickly approached Gary.

“It’s not your fault.” She stood mere centimetres from him. She looked into his eyes and all she could see was guilt, which incidentally made her feel guilty. “I don’t blame you.” She placed her hands on his upper arms and squeezed them. They followed a path up to his shoulders, where she linked her arms around his neck and brought herself flush against him.

“I was pissed off yes and I’m still a little annoyed, but I don’t blame you for what happened to me. It was David, it’s always him. He did this. He tried to before and it didn’t work. You took me in and looked after me, and for that I can never thank you enough.” They smiled brightly at each other, before Gary placed his hands on Lydia’s waist.

“I should be the one thanking you, you’ve changed my life and made it so much better. I… I love you Lydia.” Her smile shone brightly at him and he found himself smiling a nervous smile back at her.

“Good because I love you too.” Gary didn’t want to waste any time talking. He quickly brought his lips down onto Lydia’s and showed her just how much he loved her. Once they pulled away they remained in silence, just staring into each other’s eyes. “Come on, let’s get my stuff and then we can get out of here.”

They quickly gathered the rest of her clothes, just throwing it aimlessly into her suitcase. They then took all of the stuff that meant a lot to her, photos, things she’d had since she was a child. Everything else she decided to leave, it didn’t mean anything, it was just stuff, stuff that would remind her of David and she could do without that. Once they had finished she rummaged through drawers and boxes, till she found stashes of money.

“What the hells that?” Gary asked her with widened eyes as he saw her holding wades of notes.
“Money.” She shrugged, almost like it was nothing.

“Yeah I can see that, what I mean is, where did it come from, how did you get it?” Again she shrugged and he tilted his head at her, letting her know he wanted an answer, a valid one.

“It’s David’s, I don’t know how he got it. It could have come from anything, drugs, knock of videos, anything. What I do know is, it’s mine now, he owes me.” Gary grinned as he watched her stuff the money into her pocket. He liked the new found confidence she had from shopping David to the police.

“Come on then let’s go, I wanna get you home, safe and sound.” Gary told Lydia as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and kissed her on the top of her head. She smiled, wrapped her arm around his waist and they began their journey out of the flat towards their new life.

* * *

“How are you feeling now?” Gary asked Lydia, as they sat side by side on his bed. She looked up at him and smiled, though he could see it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “What’s wrong?” He brushed a few strands of hair away from her forehead, she closed her eyes and revelled in the comforting feeling.

“I just… I feel bad.” He frowned as she slowly opened her eyes again, just in time to catch his reaction.

“About what? You can’t feel bad about David surely? Lydia he was awful to you, an absolute monster, he deserved everything coming to him. I mean he killed someone for Christ sake.” She placed her hand on his chest, halting him in his speech.

“Hold your horses.” They smiled at each other, glad they were back on speaking terms. “I don’t feel bad on getting David arrested, I will never feel bad. You’re right he does deserve it, that and so much more. What he did to that girl doesn’t bare thinking about.” Gary frowned in curiosity. He had been wondering what had actually happened all day, so had the boys. They had been asking him constantly about it, they almost didn’t believe him when he said he didn’t know.

“Speaking of him… murdering that girl, what was it he did?” Lydia looked at Gary, almost as if she was asking if he really wanted to know, all with her eyes. Funny that, they were already able to communicate through looks alone. “Come on tell me please, I’m really interested to know.”

“Gary, it’s not a bloody soap opera. This was a young innocent girl who was killed, she didn’t deserve any of it.” Gary held his hands out in defence.

“I know I know, but I just want to know what happened. I’m curious. He was your boyfriend too, I hate thinking about it, but you could have ended up the same way.” She realised he was right, he had almost killed her the night she lost her memory. If he had hit her any harder, she could have died.

“Ok fine, I’ll tell you. He told me about her only a month into our…well I suppose relationship, even though I hate calling it that. Anyway we were having an argument, he had been an absolute shit to me, hitting me, verbally abusing me, and preventing me from seeing my friends and family. I’d had enough, I told him I was going to leave him, but he didn’t like that. It seems he wanted to keep me around and… well we know what for.” Lydia and Gary both sighed deeply, knowing full well what she was talking about.

“He pinned me against the wall, shouted in my face and casually mentioned his ex. Said he’d do to me what he did to her, and then he’d do it to my family and friends too.” Gary was still frowning, she had yet to tell him the full extent of what had gone on.

“So what did he do to her, how did he…kill her.” Gary hated saying it, knowing that Lydia had been with a killer. He was just glad he had her safe and sound with him.

“He strangled her. He said it was an accident, he just meant to spice up the sex. He took things too far.” Gary shook his head, he was gobsmacked. He couldn’t believe this man, this monster had gotten away with doing this inhumanly thing to someone. And then went onto abuse his beloved girlfriend, making her life a living hell.

“Well what he did was awful, but I’m just glad you’re ok.” He swung his arm back round her shoulders again and kissed the top of her head. She snuggled into him and wrapped her arm around his waist. “So what is it you feel bad about then?” He felt Lydia stiffen in his arms, he pulled away from her slightly and held her upper arms so he could look at her face.

“What babe, what is it?” She looked up at him, he could see pain written all over her face, but he couldn’t understand why. Everything was ok with them, David had finally gotten out of her life, so what was it that could be making her feel so bad.

“I’m annoyed with myself and I feel really guilty.” She looked down at her hands and began to twiddle her thumbs. She felt uncomfortable looking at his face and with him looking at her, as if he may be criticising her. It was almost as if she felt terrible for something, like she had done something wrong. He couldn’t understand why she would feel like that.

“But why do you feel like that?” She still wouldn’t look at him, he sighed and placed his finger under her chin, lifting it so she was finally looking at him. He searched her eyes for answers, but it was as if she was hiding her feelings, he couldn’t find anything. “Babe come on tell me, what is making you feel so terrible?”

She sighed deeply, like she was annoyed he was asking her or she felt too uncomfortable to tell him. She closed her eyes briefly before finally answering him.

“It’s about… the baby, me being pregnant. I feel bad because I didn’t know, and then I got myself into a situation where I could of and did get hurt. I even wound him up to the point where he hurt me and made me miscarry. It’s my fault. If I had known I was pregnant I would never have even considered seeing him again, we wouldn’t have argued and I wouldn’t have gone out, which incidentally put me in danger.”

Gary rubbed his hands over Lydia’s arms to try and comfort her in some way, though he could see from the tears in her eyes, it wasn’t working.

“Lyd you didn’t know, it’s not your fault at all. You lost your memory, you had no idea, and you are not to blame. Stop blaming yourself or you’ll never get past it.” She looked up at him, just in time for him to see a tear roll down her cheek. His heart broke for her, he knew she must be feeling so at fault and so guilty right now, but he knew the truth. Even he felt bad, because he was the one to argue with her. “If anyone should feel at fault it’s me, and I do. If I hadn’t of lied to you and argued with you, you would never have left and run into him.” Lydia shook her head determinedly as she frowned.

“Gary I don’t blame you and I never will, stop saying you’re at fault.” She was adamant with what she said, he gave her look saying she should follow her own words. She nodded almost in surrender.

“Then you should stop blaming yourself.”

“Gary even if I didn’t remember I was pregnant, I still should have known something was different. I should have known there was something different with my body and noticed the signs, but instead I ignored everything and fell in love with you.” Gary smiled at the last thing she said.

“Babe you can’t keep thinking like this. What’s happened has happened, it’s awful and I’m sorry. But we should look to the future, our future together.” They smiled brightly at each other as Lydia nodded.

“You’re right and I’m sorry.” She leaned forward and kissed his lips deeply. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Chapter Text

Life seemed perfect, almost as if it was too good to be true. If it felt so perfect right now, they couldn’t help wondering if things would go wrong again. But they didn’t think too much about that, right now, this here was brilliant.

Their lives were intertwined with each other’s, they fed off the energy they gave each other, and they fed off the love they felt from each other. And boy were they in love. Sickeningly so. But passionately and intensely so. They had become one of them couples everyone got sick of from the amount of public affection they showed each other, but they didn’t care.

After everything they had been through together, they felt they had a right to the love and affection they showed, even if other people didn’t like it. Lydia rejoiced in the fact she was in a normal relationship and they were equals. She no longer felt put down or insignificant, with Gary it was totally different.

He made her feel special, like she was the only woman in the world, as clichéd as it may sound, he treated her like a princess. Now it was a month since Lydia had got David arrested, he had been convicted with manslaughter. As they had a confession from him he was smart enough to plead guilty, he got thirty years.

Lydia was so relieved, she felt like a massive heavy weight had been lifted from her shoulders and had been destroyed. Gary was also comforted at the fact that they were finally on their own, they finally had this weight taken from them. Now they could enjoy their life together, without worrying about him or anything else coming between them. They were the happiest they had been in ages, Gary and Lydia had decided to start looking for a flat of their own, and the boys had just signed a record deal. Everything was perfect.

“Sometimes I think what we have is too good to be true.” Lydia said to Gary one night as they lay in bed. Lydia looked up at Gary’s face as she traced invisible patterns on his chest. Gary frowned and she felt the vibrations of his chuckle in his chest.

“Why do you say that, everything is perfect.” She shrugged and grimaced at him. She didn’t want to annoy him or make him think she thought something would happen, but she couldn’t help the way she was feeling.

“I know, but people always say if things are so perfect something’s bound to happen eventually and something’s bound to go wrong. Not that I think it will, or that we’ll do something purposefully to cause things to go wrong, I just can’t help feeling that something will happen or something will go wrong.” Gary shook his head, everything with them was amazing, and he couldn’t understand why she felt this way.

“Not with us it won’t. I love you Lydia and we’ve been through too much for me to just let something happen, or let something come between us. We will carry on having a brilliant relationship.” She smiled, though she still had the nagging feeling in the back of her mind.

“I know, and I won’t let anything get in the way of us either, but what if something does. I’ve been in so many shit relationships I’ve just kind of got used to them. And then you come along and treat me amazingly, I can’t help but think I don’t deserve it or I can’t have it because nothing is ever good for me.”

Gary’s expression softened. He didn’t want her feeling like that, he wanted her to enjoy their time together and to revel in their relationship, not to be constantly looking over her shoulder wondering what will happen next or what will go wrong.

“I don’t want you feeling that way, we should be making the most of what we have together, not worrying.” She nodded, he thought she was finally giving in and believing him. “I want you to be happy Lyd, and I will try my damn hardest to make sure you are. So let’s enjoy our fantastic relationship and this brilliant thing we have between us. Stop worrying about what the future holds and look forward to it.” She smiled brightly at him and he couldn’t help breaking out into a smile himself.

“You’re right. God I love you, what did I ever do without you?” He shrugged as his arms wrapped tighter around her waist, bringing her impossibly closer to him.

“Well I know that my life didn’t start until I met you, I couldn’t wish for a better life. Everything’s going brilliant with us and the band, I don’t think my life could get any more perfect, even if I worked really hard at it.” Lydia giggled.

“I know, I feel quite good about it too. I mean I’m pretty much a groupie, I’m sleeping with a pop star.” They both chuckled and he tickled her waist slightly, making her giggle even more. After not being able to hear her voice for weeks, he now does all he can to get as much noise out of her as is plausible.

“Speaking of sleeping, why don’t we do a bit of that now?” They looked at each other but soon broke out into fits of giggles as they couldn’t keep their faces straight.

“Gary you are so cheesy.” He shrugged.

“Come on, I’m already half naked, we need to get these silly clothes off of you.” He began pulling at the pyjama top she was wearing. She quickly sat up and pulled it off herself, leaving him momentarily stunned looking at her naked form.

She pulled him by his arm so he was also sitting up, and kissed him deeply, as she held onto his neck to keep him in place. They kissed and kissed, never getting enough of each other’s lips. They could kiss forever, getting lost in their own little world.

Each time they kissed Lydia heard those fireworks she had dreamt of hearing during kisses when she was younger, she felt butterflies bubbling away in her stomach, tingles ran through her body and hairs she never knew existed stood up on various parts of her body. She thought that it would go after a while, but it didn’t. Funnily enough each time they kissed and the more they fell in love the feelings only got stronger, just as their love did.

Gary felt the same when him and Lydia kissed, he felt things with her he had never felt before, something’s he didn’t ever believe he would feel, though many things changed when he got with Lydia, all for the better. As their kisses began their steady progression, Lydia felt Gary’s hands caress their way up from her waist towards her back, where they then began to slide round to her front.

Lydia smiled into the kisses as Gary’s hands began to massage and stoke their way around her breasts. He had once confessed to Lydia that he loved to touch her that way, but sometimes he felt embarrassed or thought that she might not like it. Though she had made sure to reassure him otherwise, telling him that she loved the feeling and wanted him to do it, this made him less embarrassed and also led to amazing love making.

Although they couldn’t wait to get into their own flat, not that they had anything against living with the boys or disliked it at all, but they wanted and needed their own space and a bit more freedom. Gary pointed out to Lydia, that he didn’t like the fact they couldn’t have sex when the boys were in the flat. Well not that they couldn’t but Lydia wouldn’t, not after that night she’d had a bit too much to drink and lost all inhibitions.

She had been so embarrassed to face the boys again after they had heard her and Gary, luckily they didn’t tease them too much as Gary warned them off before Lydia faced them. But even though they didn’t say much to her, she was still extremely embarrassed and found it hard to look them in the eyes for a few days.

Luckily tonight however all the boys were out. Mark was on his sixth date with Julie, and the three other lads were out at a club. Lydia didn’t know, but as Mark was on a date, earlier on in the day Gary had actually asked Howard, Jay and Rob to go out and give the two of them some space, though they knew what he actually meant by wanting space. Gary was pleased now that he thought about it though, as his hands carried on caressing Lydia and his lips left hers as he began to kiss her neck, he loved them having the flat to their selves, they could make as much noise as they liked that way.

Gary’s lips travelled all over Lydia’s neck and collarbone, he always wanted to give her so much pleasure and make her feel good, and he loved it. Satisfying her, the love of his life, was better than receiving pleasure, though that was definitely a great feeling too.

He couldn’t describe the feeling he got from hearing her sighs and moans of pleasure from what he was doing, knowing he was the cause of it made him feel incredible, almost like he was superhuman. He momentarily stopped kissing her and smiled at her moan of frustration. He laid her back on the bed and hovered above her.

He reached down to the waistband of her pyjama bottoms and slowly pulled them down her legs, along with her underwear. He hungrily stared at her naked body, he was looking at her for so long she almost wanted to cover herself up, she got shy easily. Gary quickly made himself naked also, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable.

They smiled at each other, before kissing briefly. Gary got back to kissing her neck, flicking his tongue over her sweet tasting skin every so often. She sighed in delight, stretching her arms over her head. Gary smirked as an idea formed in his head. He grasped onto Lydia’s arms, sweeping his fingertips over them, causing her to giggle from the ticklish feeling.

He held onto her arms as his lips travelled over her skin, finally making their way to her stomach. Her belly fluttered continuously as he placed soft kisses onto her, he brought his hands back down so he was now firmly grasping her hips. One thing he loved about her was the smoothness of her skin, she felt soft and silky under his fingertips, and he always admired her body in awe, wondering how she always looked so good.

She was a work of art to him, simply beautiful. He abandoned the kisses on her stomach and instead his lips sought their way to her own cherry coloured ones. He noticed the plumpness of them caused by their earlier kisses, they had also turned slightly darker along with her eyes, due to the lust that was flooding them.

“Please Gary.” She breathed out hoarsely. Her voice was drowning in lust and want, she needed him, she needed and wanted him to fulfil her needs, and he was going to grant her wish.

“Be patient.” He smiled at her, she just tutted and rolled her eyes.

“I’m not the only one who wants things to move on, obviously.” She said as she eyed his manhood, which had been erect ever since she had removed her top. She was right, he did want her, and he wanted to take her there and then, hot, hard and fast.

But he also wanted to take things slow, he wanted to build things up, he wanted them to work their way up to the main event. He wanted to take things slow, as if it was their first time all over again. He smiled at her, which made her wipe the frustration off her face and she smiled back at him. He cupped her neck as he kissed her again, their tongues intertwining with each other’s.

His right hand moved down her body, skimming his fingertips over her breasts along the way. He felt her shudder in pleasure, only causing him to grin into their kisses. His hand came to rest along her thigh, which he began to caress. As his hand made its way between her legs, he felt rather than heard Lydia’s moan in satisfaction. Finally she was getting something more.

Whilst moving his fingers into her slowly, only to give her the slightest of pleasure and to prepare her for his entry, she writhed around on the bed underneath him. She broke their kisses and let out a long throaty moan, as she grasped onto the back of his neck. He was doing what he had set out to do, giving Lydia pleasure.

He watched her hand reach down to grasp his manhood, which made him gasp in pleasure. His fingers inside her involuntarily twitched, causing her to moan in approval. She smiled up at him, as she skilfully stroked him in time to his small thrusting. Gary loved what she was doing to him, many times they had engaged in their wonderful interest of foreplay and many times it had brought them both great pleasure.

Sometimes as the boys were in the flat, instead of partaking in sex, which they both wanted to do greatly, they took part in foreplay. Sometimes it could be better than sex, though nothing could really beat the real thing. Gary’s fingers sped up slightly, as he felt Lydia’s hand tighten. She pulled her hand up Gary’s hot piece of flesh, her patience was quickly running thin.

“Gary please, just hurry up already.” He leaned down and kissed her, before moving his mouth to her ear.

“What is it you want me to do? Come on Lyd, say it.” She shuddered as she felt his hot breath skim across her skin. Her free hand grabbed onto his arm, needing to find something to hold onto as his thrusts got harder and deeper.

“Er… I, oh god Gary. I want to have sex. Stop… mucking around, please… just get a move on. Hurry up please, I want you.” He closed his eyes and revelled in what she said, before smiling at her once he opened them again.

His free hand reached across to his bedside table, grabbing the necessary condom, whilst still moving his fingers from his other hand inside her. Gary smiled at Lydia as he handed the condom to her, she grinned back before ripping the packet open with her teeth and sliding it down onto him.

Gary held back the moan that was stuck in his throat and instead quickly removed his fingers from her. He slowly and gently slid himself inside of Lydia, who bit her lip and threw her head back. She panted in ecstasy as she grasped a hold of Gary’s shoulders, pulling his upper body against hers.

Their naked sweaty torsos rubbed against each other, Gary slid himself harder against Lydia as he loved feeling her breasts pressed against his chest. He thrusted himself deeper into her, before pausing so they could revel in the feeling of being joined, the feeling of being at one.

“Gary move for Christ sake, I need you to move.” Lydia panted at him as she raked her nails up and down his back. He loved that feeling, when she became almost animalistic during love making she would do anything, including inducing pain on him. He flicked his tongue over his lips, which only made Lydia dig her nails even harder into him.

“Gary…” Her speech was interrupted when she felt him pull out, only to thrust hard back into her. “Ah…Gary.” He continued on, pulling various noises from her. He valued every noise she made, he would listen to her when she spoke, and even when she was talking to someone else he still had to stop to listen.

Every giggle, chuckle and laugh she made, every noise she made during sex, even the way she breathed out various sounds, he had to stop and listen and take note. He couldn’t ever get enough of her, everything she did he had to store the image and memory away in his mind. Gary was pulled out of his thoughts as he felt Lydia wrap her legs around his waist, digging her heels into his voluptuous behind. He lifted himself up, pushing deeper and harder into her, bringing the both of them ever so closer to the edge.

“Come on Lyd, do it for me.” She ran her hands down his back, finally reaching her desired destination of his bum. She squeezed it roughly in her hands, before running her palms over his smooth skin. She grinned up at him as he closed his eyes and groaned. “Lyd.” He thrusted into her one last time, before Lydia’s hands squeezed him hard as she threw her head back, moaning in absolute delight. They stared at each other as both reached their peak, with Gary then collapsing on top of her of in complete exhaustion.

“Fuck Lydia.” She giggled, running her hands soothingly up and down his back. Once they had both got their breaths back and regained their composure, he lifted himself off of her carefully, rolling to the other side of the bed.

“You know I love you right?” Gary looked over at Lydia. She smiled at him, propping her head up onto her elbow.

“Of course I do and I love you too.”

“Good.” Gary smiled back, before kissing her deeply on her lips. When they pulled away from each other Lydia could see pools of love in Gary’s eyes, she could see her future and the life he imagined for them, and she felt exactly the same. Never before had she felt so at peace, so ready to face the world, to take it on. Because she knew whatever life threw at them they would take it on together.

The End