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Warm Arms and Double Beds

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Forced gasps, struggling breaths, tears burning his eyes. Seijuro’s world was crashing down on him and Reo was the only thing holding him together. He clung to Reo desperately, barely aware of his surroundings but very aware of the acute terror rushing through him and the safe warmth of the chest in front of him. He burrowed closer into that warmth, choking on his pleas as warm arms circled around him. He wasn’t even begging for anything in particular – just a general “please” for any kind of help or safety or something to stop his suffering. He’d had panic attacks before, but he had always been alone or had managed to get somewhere he could be alone before he really broke. This time, it had come on so suddenly and in his shared room with Reo that he had no time to react and nowhere to go. He’d lost most of his sense of spatial and temporal awareness, but he knew he was kneeling on the floor with his forehead against Reo’s chest and Reo’s arms stroking his back and hair. Reo was speaking softly and trying to keep the worry out of his voice as he tried to soothe him as best he could.

Eventually, Seijuro started breathing normally and the world became clearer. His head started to feel a little less fuzzy and had stopped pounding. He tried to keep his focus on Reo, feeling safer with him. Reo kept his arms around Seijuro the entire time and they ended up staying like that for half an hour. They only moved once Seijuro felt steady enough to, and then they only moved onto the bed to continue cuddling. Even before now, Seijuro had noticed he felt a lot safer and more comfortable when Reo was around but now he knew he’d feel even better, knowing that Reo could look after him through a panic attack.

After that, whenever Seijuro was feeling especially anxious, or close to another attack, Reo was ready and willing to do everything he could until Seijuro felt better. Seijuro made sure Reo knew how much he appreciated it. Their friendship quickly grew even closer from then on and they both opened up about a lot more things. 3 months later, they rarely hid anything from each other anymore.

~~~

Rain pounded on the glass as thunder cracked overhead. Seijuro snuggled closer to Reo, pulling the blanket tighter around them, as he watched the lightning through the window. Neither were afraid of storms but something about the atmosphere made them both need to cuddle. They had actually started cuddling before the thunder had started, the rain putting them both in the mood for it for several reasons.

It had been raining all day, which meant that Seijuro had stayed inside. Reo, however, had forced himself to go to the library to find some special research books. He had taken a long time, so Seijuro had assumed he was delaying his trip home in the hope that there might be a break in the rain. Seijuro had quickly become restless as he waited for Reo’s return, since he’d already done all his work and was rapidly losing motivation to do anything else. By early evening he was a mixture of self-loathing and hopelessness.

Reo came home not long before the thunder started. He’d been keeping an eye on the weather forecast and had left during a fortunate dip in the rain. As soon he had unlocked the door, Seijuro had pulled him inside and over to the bed, instantly settling into a comfortable position in Reo’s embrace. He’d only been home a couple of minutes before the rain took a turn for the worst again, and 40 minutes later the thunder started. They talked through both of their days, and the conversation and Reo’s presence had lifted Seijuro’s mood. Even when he was feeling better, their position was so comfortable and the atmosphere so perfect for it that they stayed where they were. Neither had shut the curtains when it had gotten dark, so they had a great view of the night sky and the lightning. When they started getting tired, Reo didn’t try and move to his own bed. Instead, he asked if Seijuro wanted him to stay there with him all night. He received a small nod and a quiet “please” as a response, and got set for a wonderful night of cuddling. They separated just long enough for them both to get ready for bed, before curling together again under the sheets and both slipping into a comfortable dreamless sleep. It was the best night of sleep Seijuro had had in a long time.

~~

After that first night together, they started sharing a bed more often. When either of them was feeling low or stressed, or when they were already on one of their beds and too comfortable to move, or just when they both wanted it, they snuggled up together.

As the weeks went on, night time cuddles naturally became an increase in day time cuddles too. They no longer only snuggled when one was feeling low, and instead they easily found themselves curling up together while watching TV or reading or just chatting. It felt so natural and wonderful that neither ever questioned it aloud, but they knew they both looked forward to it. Being in each other’s arms felt like coming home.

About a month after they’d started sharing beds almost every night, Reo suggested they push their beds together in an attempt at a makeshift double bed. He’d given a list of reasons about how it would save them space in the room and make a more comfortable bed (neither mentioned how the join in the middle probably wouldn’t be all that comfortable). In reality, they both knew Reo barely used his bed now and they both wanted to share more often, so Seijuro agreed. They pushed Reo’s bed over to join Seijuro’s and bought new blankets to cover them. It turned out it really did give them more space in the room, and Seijuro was very happy sleeping safely between the wall and Reo. It made him feel like nothing could get to him and it not only improved his sleep but his overall mood seemed higher and his stress levels lower, since he knew he had a nice warm caring bed situation to wake up in and return to every day.

~~~

Seijuro felt a little rush of nervous excitement as he tilted his head back further, feeling the warmth of Reo’s shoulder behind his ear and Reo’s arms around his waist. Reo closed his eyes as he closed the gap and ever so gently pressed his lips to Seijuro’s.

They had been cuddling as usual while watching a film, when they had realised they’d ended up talking through most of it instead. Neither of them could pinpoint what had caused it but something around them resulted in a shift in atmosphere (Seijuro blamed it on Reo speaking especially softly, while Reo blamed it on something in Seijuro’s eyes). It felt so natural as they leant in. There was a little awkward nose bumping at first but then the kiss turned slow, sensual and most importantly – it felt right. Neither of them had the slightest worry that the other would pull away or the situation would become uncomfortable. It felt like a natural addition to their relationship and it was perfect. 

Seijuro let out a happy sigh as he snuggled closer to the warmth wrapped around him, burying his nose in Reo’s neck and hair. Everything felt so much better when they were like this. It felt like none of his anxieties or duties could get to him here. Nothing could hurt him while he was cuddled up to Reo.

Kisses soon became a regular thing – some soft and sweet and sensual, some cute and short and filled with affection and happiness, and some followed by a little nose nuzzle to comfort the other. They hadn’t given a label to their relationship and they didn’t intend to. Their friends didn’t ask, but they wouldn’t have given them an answer anyway. They were what they were, and both were happy. They stayed close all through school and even through university – making up for the distance with skype calls and cuddle filled visits whenever they could. In their early twenties, after graduation, they moved into a flat together and couldn’t be happier. They had a home, a real double bed, and each other. That was all they wanted.