Chapter Text
Charles tries to be calm.
“Raven.”
“I know, Charles, I know, but we can't do anything about it.” she answers and Charles doesn't think she understands.
“But it's ours, Raven. He has no right to take it from us.” he protests and clutches the hand rests of the big arm chair he's sitting in. He cannot believe this is happening.
“Well, legally, Cain has every right.” Raven shrugs and Charles can't believe how indifferent she seems to all this. “It was Bryan's yes, but he gave it to Sharon and she gave it to Kurt. And Frost made very sure it's all legally correct.”
Charles sighs and puts his head in his hands, he always hated his stepfather's lawyer and now he once again has a confirmation of why.
*
Brian Xavier opened Xavier's Books in 1990 and he lived in the flat above the store with his family. Charles basically grew up at the store, he remembers trying to climb the shelves when he was little and sneaking into the adult section later to catch a look at the books Sharon Xavier called indecent and Brian called artistic.
He remembers the old man from across the street who came by every day, sometimes to come pick up a book or order another and sometimes just to chat with Charles' father about the weather and politics. He always ruffled his hair and called him son, even though he was old enough to be his grandfather.
Charles remembers also that he once told him that he actually thinks the store should be called Xavier's Store of Gifts, because every book he ever bought there felt like a gift.
Charles too remembers hearing his parents fight at night, how his mother said that this was not the life she imagined, not what she left her family for. Living at the lower east side and selling books.
Charles remembers hearing her crying after his father diagnosis and he'll never forget the soothing murmur of his voice, still confident and comforting, just as if no one had just told him how much time he has left to live.
The next day he spend his Sunday morning organizing the shelves with Charles like every Sunday for the past 9 years and will continue to for the next 4 months until he cannot bear the pain any more.
Charles will never forget how Raven moved in with them 3 months before Brian's death, because her mother had died too and his father told him he wouldn't want Charles living in an orphanage and he doesn't wish for anyone else.
Charles had known Raven Darkholm and her mother all his life, because they were always living just across the street and he wanted to make his Dad proud and didn't say anything when they started sharing his little bedroom.
Raven was the first person he told about the voices in his head and whenever he was sad she changed her appearances just to make him feel better.
Raven always said that Sharon turned into stone with Brian's death and when Charles thinks of her lifeless eyes he still thinks she was right.
They moved back in her family home after two weeks, Sharon took Raven with them, but Charles wasn't sure if she did it for Raven or for her own conscience. The mansion is cold and empty and Raven climbs in his bed at night, because they feel lost in the wide rooms in the dark where the silence seems to swallow them whole.
*
Charles remembers he's called his Mother Mommy when he was a kid, when he was older he called her Mother or Mum, but when she hires someone to take over the bookshop he starts calling her Sharon.
*
Sharon Xavier becomes Sharon Marko two months after her first husband's death.
Kurt Marko brings a son into the marriage that is 1 year older than Charles and twice as big as him. Charles has never hated anyone before, but when he gets the first peek at Cain's mind he flinches from the darkness and the pent anger inside.
He's more careful with shutting himself off of other's minds since that day, because he's afraid of what he might see.
*
“I can't believe you're so indifferent about it. This store was my father's life.” he gestures at the room, the shelves that are still in the same array Brian Xavier put them 26 years ago. He can't imagine this place to look different, can't imagine strangers coming in and moving out the stuff, replacing books and memories with modern machines and alcoholic beverages.
“Charles, I'm not indifferent about it. I'm just as sad as you are, but I know that we can't do anything.” she puts her hands at her ships and her yellow eyes gleam dangerously against the blue of her skin.
Charles gets angry. He can feel the tickle of her sadness against his own, but it feels laughable against the big tides of his own emotions and they're not as close as they once where, she forbid him to get inside of her head a long time ago.
“If you were sad you would still try. This man gave you a home. He cared for you without having to, sharing his money, his food, his life with you and now you're giving away the most important thing of his life without even fighting.” he screams and without thinking he adds: “Get out. This belongs to my family and you obviously don't want to be a part of it.”
*
Charles spends his afternoon sitting on the stairs of the shop, smoking cigarette after cigarette. He thinks of the bottle of scotch he has inside.
He knows he's been unfair to Raven, that he loved his father and that she misses him too, he felt her eternal gratefulness engraved in her mind, when she came to them, all those years ago.
But this store has been his home, keeping the memories of his father and even when he went off to study genetics he worked here on the weekends and spend his Sunday mornings arranging the shelves.
A big truck drives down the street and stops in front of the empty store front just across the street, Charles hasn't noticed before but the For Sale signs have been gone, apparently the new owner has arrived.
He hasn't expected any sort of person in particular, but he's still surprised to see a man and two little kids exiting the car.
The man is tall and wears slacks and a black turtle neck – Charles briefly wonders who still wears turtle necks, but it fits tightly to the man's body and brings out his broad shoulders and narrow waist.
Charles wonders if he should go out and let his sadness get washed away in loud music and a hot fuck, but he's really not in the mood. He prefers to sit here, smoke another cigarette and enjoy the view of the hot dad.
Because he supposes that the children are his – its a girl and a boy and while the boy's hair is silver – too young for it to be coloured, so he's probably a mutant – the girl's pigtails have the auburn colour as the man's.
His phone peeps and Charles shifts a bit to get it out of his pocket. You've got mail.
He opens his e-mail entry and smiles when he sees the sender. EML125
I'm really sorry to hear about your store. I can really relate to you. I know what it feels like if something gets taken away from you and there's nothing you can do.
I hope you remember that it's not your fault and your father would be proud of you. You did everything you can, you seem to be such a strong and intelligent man, please don't make yourself feel bad over the things other people did.
His smile widens, its not a long message, but it makes him feel better instantly. EML125 is some kind of internet friend he found and even though they've never met Charles feels a connection between them that is both frightening and amazing. He can talk to him about everything and he feels understood and comforted.
He doesn't know much about him, though. He has told him that he's not from America, but has a book store in New York City, too. Just recently he's been buying a new place, because he couldn't afford the old one any more. Charles knows just too well, it's not really the business to get rich with.
EML125 is a bit closed off about the rest and Raven once said he might as well be a serial killer or terrorist, but Charles doesn't think so. Their conversations flow easily and they both talk about serious things like current politics and fun stuff.
Sometimes Charles feels like EML is the only one who truly understands him and even if he doesn't he listens anyway and tries to offer his words as a help.
He sighs, if he could only meet the man in personal.
“I'm really sorry to disturb you”, a voice cuts off his thoughts – a rather nice voice – and when Charles looks up its the hot dad from across the street. “My name is Erik Lehnsherr and we've just arrived and I saw you sitting here and as I have a great interest in literature and assumed that it would be your book store I thought I could say Hello and introduce myself.” he smiles and holds out his hand.
Charles awkwardly stands up and tries to smile back, it's been some time since he has talked to such a good looking guy.
The fact that he has two children and is surrounded by such a hot mature aura and Charles just spend his last hour sitting miserably on his steps doesn't really help.
“Hello, my name is Charles Xavier. Nice to meet you.” he takes Mr Lehnsherr's hand. His skin feels dry and warm against his and his handshake is firm and honest. “And welcome, I suppose.” he tries one of his charming seductive smiles, or at least he's been told that he has charming seductive smiles.
“Thank you.” Lehnsherr smiles back. “Are you still open? I'd love to take a look.” he gestures in direction of the shop behind Charles.
Charles isn't really in the mood to let strangers come in, not when he's about to give up the whole memory that is kept in there, but somehow the thought of that calm, impressive man isn't that bad. “Sure.”
While Lehnsherr takes his time looking around and walking to different shelves to have a look at the books, Charles busies himself with organizing a stash of old papers. He definitely isn't going to follow Lehnsherr like the idiot he is. Even though he would really love to see how he looks at the book. If he takes them out and how he touches the pages.
“Oh, this is extraordinary. I've been looking for a version of this for ages.” Lehnsherr says and well, that's nearly an invitation to come over, isn't it?
He turns when Charles approaches and hold up a paperback from 2004, Charles remembers when his father has found a stash of them online and was happy for days, because he said it was one of his favourites and one of the books he had always wanted to sell in his own store. He smiles and feels the cold fingers of sadness reaching out for his heart at the same time.
“It's one of the first books I read in English,” Lehnsherr continues and turns the book around in his hands. He touches it lightly, carefully stroking the coloured front and when he opens it, his finger trails an invisible line over the paper. Charles has always thought that it tells a lot how people touch books and this man touches them more careful than most humans touch each other.
“My father gave it to me.” Lehnsherr adds quietly.
They fall silent for a moment. And Charles thinks of his father and about how Lehnsherr probably thinks of his father, too and how they only just met, but it's like Lehnsherr's mind has a colour he's never seen before, brushing warm and intense against his own.
“So you're not from America, I take it?” he asks after some time.
Lehnsherr closes the book and looks up. “No, I was born in Germany.”
“That explains the slight accents.” Charles notes.
“Well, yeah, I guess these things never go away entirely.” Lehnsherr shrugs, then looks back at the book. “I have to get back to my kids, but I'd love this.”
“Take it, it's yours.” Charles says, there's not much sense in selling books when legally the store doesn't even exist any more.
“No, I can't, this is your store and I just got here, it would be incredibly rude to take this from you without paying.” Lehnsherr objects.
“Please, Mr Lehnsherr - “
“Call me Erik, please.”
“Okay then, Erik, I'm... it's... this shop is closed, we're packing up, I guess, I lost somewhat of a battle and I'm not selling books anymore. It wouldn't feel right to charge you anything for this, take it as a welcome present.” he tries to smile.
Erik watches him intently. “You're closing? I'm really sorry. I hope it's not because the business doesn't go to well?” he asks.
“No, no, it more some kind of family tragedy.” Charles tries to explain. He used the same words when he told EML about it.
Erik lifts his eyebrows and looks surprised. “Family tragedy? Really? That's – I'm really sorry.” he sounds odd and his mind radiates confusion and – happiness? in big waves.
“Umm, thank you.” Charles says.
Erik just stares at him for a moment and then seems to remember his children again. “I really am sorry, but I have to go. It was - “ he swallows. “It's a pleasure to meet you, Charles Xavier.” he says solemnly and can only nod.
When the door has closed behind Erik Charles is still standing in the middle of the room. Somehow he feels like his chest isn't that cold anymore.
*
Charles spends the next few days packing his childhood in boxes. He's going to give a good part of their assortment to an old friend of his father so he can sell them in his bookstore. He's going to keep some of the books, too.
He doesn't speak to Raven again. She doesn't call and if he calls her he has to apologize, which would be the right thing to do, he knows that, but he still feels too depressed.
He doesn't see Erik again either. He sees people moving big boxes into the shop across the street and he sees the kids walking down the street a few times. Or actually, he only sees the girl, the boy is a constant blur of silver. He looks like quite a handful and he doesn't envy to have to keep up with him all day.
But their father stays hidden.
And Charles checks quite a lot if he's anywhere in sight.
When he's not crying over books, that is.
*
The next Monday Charles steps out of the empty rooms of his fathers old bookstore. The walls look pale and lifeless and the whole space is so much wider and open without shelves stuffed with books.
He sits down on the front steps one last time. It's pathetic, really, but it gives him comfort to drown himself in the dark familiarity of these feelings.
Maybe he should write Raven, after all. They haven't spoken for a week and maybe it would feel slightly better if she'd be here with him. Just sitting next to him.
Charles pulls out his phone and writes I'm sorry I'm such an idiot brother, come cuddle me? Feel still sad and pathetic.
She's his sister after all, whoever their fathers are.
Then he opens his emails and starts typing a message to EML.
Hello you,
I can only hope your week has been better than mine. I've spend my days with packing boxes and tearing up over every tiny memory that awaited me in the corners of our shop. I just closed the door of it behind me, the first time I didn't turn around the sign that says open/ close. There's no sign anymore. There's no shop anymore.
Just me and a thousand books I can't give away.
My tiny apartment is going to burst.
How did your move went? I hope you're feeling well in your new home.
He looks ups from his phone, contemplating his next sentence. EML told him that he moved to NYC out of personal reasons, Charles has no idea where he lived before that and what those 'personal' reasons were, but he wonders if EML wants to meet him.
Now that they're living in the same city.
Charles has told him relatively quickly where he lives (and everything else) and now, just 2 days ago EML suddenly had told him that he'd just moves to New York, too. It had been such a casual note that Charles had wondered if EML expected him to do the next step.
Wouldn't it be great if we'd just meet by accident?
You know, now that you're living in NYC, too
Charles feels like he's tried all different versions of asking if EML would like to go out with him, but in the end he just settles for the simple I'd love to meet you, if you're interested. and hits the send button before he changes hit mind again.
He slips his phone back in his pocket and turns his head to look at the familiar building of his new neighbour. He expects to see nothing new, but there on the pavement of the other side of the street stands Erik and looks even better then the first time they met.
Unfortunately he is applying his new shop sign.
Helmet Books
*
“Seriously, can you believe it?” Charles almost yells. “What a disgusting bastard. Comes into my shop and seems like the perfect gentleman, polite and interested in the shop and the books and now he's opening up his own book store, just when we closed our doors? What a coincidence.”
Raven sighs. She's been listening to Charles ranting about Erik and his hypocrisy for the last half hour.
Considering the new developments they had put aside their feud very quickly. Mostly because Charles was so angry at Erik that there was no space left for his feelings of disappointment at Raven.
“Actually, Charles, it does seem like a complete coincidence.”
Okay, no, maybe there's very much space left for Charles to be disappointed. And there's definitely space for even more anger.
He opens his mouth, preparing to discuss the living daylight out of her, but Raven is quicker, knowing full well that there's no chance to speak if Charles has once started.
“He doesn't even know you, Charles, he's no evil monster that only waited for Cain to close your shop and now he's rented a place in your street to rub it into your face.”
Charles slumps back in her cosy couch. He lifts his shoulders defensively. “How would you know?” he asks stubbornly.
“Oh god, you're impossible.” Raven exclaims. “Because that's not what happens. Its not as if the Universe is trying to shit on you. Okay, maybe it is. The whole Cain thing is terrible and I understand how you feel about it, but this Lehnsherr guy has nothing to do with it. He's just unfortunate enough to open up a book store were you just closed yours.” She sits down next to him and rubs his arm.
And because she's his sister and this is exactly what he needed he leans closer into her and allows her to embrace him in a tight hug.
Charles breathes in her clean and familiar scent and listens to her heartbeat against his cheek and it could be heart soothingly perfect, but Raven makes the mistake to whisper: “And I think deep down you know that I'm right.”, which she really shouldn't have done, because she knows Charles and if he's in this mood everything can send him off.
He stomps out without even saying anything else.
Chapter 2
Notes:
I'm so sorry this took me so long, but I made some last minute decisions regarding Uni and now I'll be studying something else in a different city than I actually wanted. And now I just moved out and instead of writing the last part of this chapter I spend my whole day watching X2, Wolverine 2 and DOFP with my flatmate (well you could call it research :D)
It's still unbeta-ed, if anyone finds a whole bunch of mistakes, please point them out :)I hope you still like this, TurtleTotem, It was such a pleasure to remix your story!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Charles spends his next week lying miserably in his flat above the old store and pitying himself. He also pours out his heart to EML.
Who's the only good thing in all this, because he agrees to meet Charles on Friday.
With a slightly improved mood Charles goes out to do some grocery shopping on Thursday. He thinks of EML and their date tomorrow and the thought of finally meeting the man who supported him with his words only makes smile a little bit again.
He wonders how EML looks, he might not be a looker like Lehnsherr, but he has proven to have a warm and caring heart, which is much more important anyway.
The thought of Lehnsherr washes away the small smile quickly.
Charles crosses the street and turns right in direction of the supermarket when his phone beeps.
He takes it out and sees EML saying very much looking forward to tomorrow, but before he can type his response he crashes into a solid wall of leather and cashmere.
“Oh god, I'm sorry - “ he starts, but when he looks up, it's Lehnsherr – wearing a turtle-neck and a brown leather jacked – who's holding his phone in his hand, too.
Charles draws his brows together. “Can't you look where you're going?” he asks and when Lehnsherr grins broadly and says “Sorry” as if he's not the biggest jerk in the history of mankind, Charles shakes his head and shoves him away rudely. “Excuse me”, he says in his iciest voice.
Maybe he's also projecting his anger and hate very boldly in Lehnsherr's direction, but he couldn't care less.
*
Charles has to admit the whole thing with Lehnsherr affects him more than he wants to admit. Which annoys him even more, because he doesn't want the idiot to ruin this day, too.
He briskly forbids himself to think about the guy any more the day and promises to enjoy the date with EML.
He arrives fifteen minutes early at the place they agreed to meet at and sits down at a bench to wait, he passes the time with watching people, casually skimming the unfamiliar minds surrounding him.
It's something of a habit, probably not a very nice one, but Charles can't help himself.
He brushes something that feels oddly familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. He senses some kind of purpose and feels movement, it's a sensation he can't really describe, but he always feels if the person is moving or staying at one place.
Charles feels something like have to be there in time and oh, there he is, because it's thought with such strengths that it is on the surface and easy for him to notice (he usually tries to avoid explicitly reading the thoughts of strangers).
He smiles brightly, it must be EML and he must have spotted Charles and recognized him by his blue cardigan (to make things easier Charles had told him that he was going to wear one).
Charles sits up straighter and looks around searchingly.
There's a mother with her child, an older couple feeding birds and – there's Erik bloody Lehnsherr coming towards him.
He's wearing his ridiculous leather jacket again. And tight grey slacks and a fucking polo shirt and the way it stretches tightly over Lehnsherr's chest makes Charles furious, but it reminds him of his desperate need to get laid which is why he's having a date today, but apparently no good things happen to Charles, because Lehnsherr appeared and ruined everything.
“Hey Charles”, Lehnsherr says and has the nerves to smile. Broadly. Alarmingly broad.
“What are you doing here? Is this some kind of joke? Are you following me?” Charles asks angrily.
“What? Aren't we -?” Lehnsherr starts and looks like he doesn't know what Charles is talking about. Very convincing.
“We? Oh, believe me, there's no we at all.” he lifts his hand and points accusingly at Lehnsherr's chest. “Not after you came in and pretended to be interested in my shop and opened up your own just after I closed. Oh my god, I even thought you might be interested in me.”
“But I am. And I was interested in your shop, I loved it, it's a shame - “
“You know what, Erik? Never mind, shove it up your arse, I really couldn't care less.” he lifts an eyebrow. “And now, if you'd excuse me, I've somewhere else to be, with someone who isn't only pretenting.” he turns on his heel.
He spends the whole way home fuming about the arrogance of Lehnsherr and his impertinence to radiate confusion and regret.
It doesn't occur to him that he completely forgot about EML until the next morning.
*
Charles gets sick the week after.
This whole month is about to become the worst of his life and now he also physically feels like he's about to die, it's fucking glorious, really.
The first day he does nothing but lie in bed or on the couch, moaning and sniffling to himself and regretting to ever been born.
In the afternoon Raven comes by to bring him (bought!) chicken soup and a tea bag refill, because he run out of it at 11 am.
“Where did you buy that? It's disgusting.” Charles spits out after the first spoon full of soup. It tastes like chemicals even to him and he's actually barely able to taste anything.
“Oh yeah Charles, it was my delight to bring you chicken soup and come by even though you're spreading germs like a wildfire.” Raven says statistically.
“Next time make sure to actually bring edible soup.” he shoves the pot back in her hands.
Raven shakes her head, but gets up to bring it back into the kitchen (and Charles is sure to hear her say “uh its really gross”, because it's Raven and he knows that she's secretly going to taste it, too).
She comes back with a steaming cup of tea and that's nice, because no one knows how to make tea for him like Raven does.
“Maybe you should talk to Erik when you're up again,” she says and Charles coughs loudly. “I think he really likes you.” she continues as if he hasn't just shown her how much he appreciates the topic.
“Since when you're on first name basis anyway?” he asks after a while.
“Since he's been helping me find great books for my essays.”
“You're buying books from him? Really?”
“Charles, please don't give me your 'he's a traitor' speech again, it's bullshit and I'm not having it. He's a really cool guy and his kids are sweetheats, he knows a lot about books and” she hesitated. “he reminds me a bit of Brian. You should really give him a chance.”
*
Raven doesn't come the next day and on Wednesday Charles still doesn't feel any better and his mood and general loneliness haven't improved either.
He's watching trash tv and sighing pathetically to himself, because his throat burns and his whole body aches, when the doorbell rings.
He's obviously not expecting anyone and Raven has a key, so he decides to just ignore it.
A few seconds pass and then there's a knock on the door and a muffled “Charles?” and then the lock clicks and the door opens.
So it's Raven, after all.
“Why are you even ringing the bell?” he asks and expects her to say something about him moving his ass or something, but when he turns his head it's not Raven standing in the doorway of his living room.
“What are you doing in my flat?” Charles squeals while Erik lifts a hand and waves and tries an awkward “Hi”.
They just stare at each other for a moment and Charles notices his hands are full of grocery bags.
“How did you get in here?” he asks after a moment and Erik seems to be a bit surprised by the question.
“Umm, uh, I – “ he swallows. “Raven gave me her key.” he smiles hesitantly.
“ Oh, right.” Charles should probably have a serious word with his sister for handing out his key to practical strangers, but he's still too gob smacked to think properly. “But what are you doing here again?”
Erik lifts his shoulders. “I thought, maybe, you're not listening to my apologies, but someone said actions speak louder than words.”
*
Erik turns out to be an amazing cook, his chicken soup is delicious and just what Charles needed (he might even moaned in delight, but he ignores Erik's satisfied smirk.
Charles is also not going to admit that it actually feels nice to have Erik sit with him and watch trash TV. He feels irritation from his mind towards the show, but care and warmth towards himself. It's good and it swipes away his own loneliness and sadness.
“Do people really behave like that?” Erik asks after a while after Georgina accused Paul to have slept with Jennifer. Her accusation is based on a too friendly smile by Jennifer after Georgina introduced Paul as her new boyfriend.
Erik looks so confused and alarmed that Charles can't help himself, but burst into laughter. Which quickly turns into a coughing fit, but when Erik jumps up and makes him tea Charles is still smiling even though his throat hurts like hell.
*
Erik comes back the day after and on Friday he brings Wanda and Pietro, because Charles feels much better. He apologizes a lot for the inconvenience of his whirlwind of son and the little girl that clings to his sister, but Charles doesn't mind at all.
They are delightful.
Of course, Pietro is a handful, but he's a smart little boy and thankfully Charles flat isn't too cramped up.
Wanda doesn't say much, but when Erik excuses himself to go to the toilet, she slides from her chair and comes over to his place on the couch.
She inspects the bowl on the coffee table and asks: “Did Papa make you Gesundheitssuppe?” and thinks strongly of chicken soup and Charles nods. “Yes, he did.” he leans a bit closer and smiles. “It was amazing.” he makes a show of laying a finger on his mouth and making sure Erik isn't back. “But don't tell him.”
Wanda giggles. “Why?”
“Because I was a bit stupid at first and thought he doesn't like me and I don't want him to mock me with it.” he knows it's more than that, but he can't possibly explain that all to Erik's little daughter.
Wanda looks at him intently and Charles can feel her mind working. After a moment she seems to have made a decision and tries to climb up the couch to him.
Charles helps her and when she sits snugly next to him she says matter of factly “I think that was stupid, Papa makes his Suppe only for people he likes very much.”
*
It's as if their differences are buried after that.
Or maybe it's a bit more like Charles has finally managed to get past some things.
They don't talk about Erik's shop or Charles' and Charles doesn't actually go into Erik's, but he finds himself going over there a lot, waiting for Erik on the pavement and then they drink coffee together and talk about everything else.
Charles' first impression that Erik is a well-read, intelligent man turns out to be quite right. There seems to be no books Erik hasn't at least heard of and when Charles finally finds one that is unknown to him, he gives it to Erik on the same evening.
They start to also spend their evenings together, mostly at Erik's, but sometimes when he finds a babysitter Erik comes over to Charles and they play chess and drink exorbitantly expensive whisky.
Charles still exchanges messages with EML, but they've become a bit subdued, they haven't actually talked about their ruined date, Charles has only excused himself saying something important had come up, without any further explanation and he can fully understand if EML is disappointed and not interested anymore.
He feels bad about it, but he feels even worse about the fact that in the light of his new friendship with Erik everything else seems to fade away.
But he can't help himself, Erik is – exciting and fetching in surprising ways. He talks sincerely and serious about books and the importance of literature, but turns into the worst fanboy when they speak about certain authors.
He cannot stand the mess Charles makes, but still comes over in the evening and watches silly romcoms with him. And Charles doesn't want to admit it, but the way Erik complains about the obvious plot and the romantic tropes soon is one of his favourite things in the world. It's like Erik feels personally offended and attacked by the cheesy dialogue and the unrealistic happy endings.
To be perfectly honest, after a few weeks of their blossoming friendship Erik himself has become Charles favourite thing in the world and the fact that he's also incredibly hot doesn't really help.
He's only followed by his kids, who have Charles wrapped around his little finger after days.
Charles' interactions with EML become less and less the more time he spends with Erik. There's a little voice in his head that sounds like Raven that sounds smug and tells him that EML obviously cannot compete with a real friendship. Or – more non platonic relationship.
And Charles is happy about it, so very happy, but he still answers EML and asks questions and starts a conversation, because there's also the part he tries not to think about – Erik has two kids, he doesn't talk much about their mother, but Charles knows they have one – her name is Magda and she died shortly after their birth.
Erik spilled the information one evening after they had too much to drink. He also said that he never wanted children, but they're the best thing that has ever happened to him. Charles isn't quite sure, but he thinks Erik cried a bit after that and then fell asleep against his shoulder.
It was probably the moment when he finally fell in love with Erik.
Erik who is heterosexual. Or at least seems to be. He never said anything that opened up the possibility of bisexuality.
Sure, Charles has had much more closeted guys and normally he doesn't even need the sign of any bi-curiosity, but Erik is different – Erik is special.
He really doesn't want to ruin this.
Which is why he keeps emailing EML.
*
“Who are you always texting with?” Erik asks one evening when they're watching a movie in his flat and Charles phone beeps repeatedly.
“It's just Raven,” he says, unlocks the screen and notices it's also a message from EML. He tries to discreetly swipe it away, but Erik snatches the phone from his hands.
“Aha.” he says. “EML – is that Raven's undercover email address?” he lifts one eyebrow and watches Charles sideways.
Charles groans. He really doesn't want Erik to know about his internet friend. It makes him feel like a teenager trying to impress an adult. “No, of course not.”
“Who's this then? Someone from the lab you're helping at?”
Charles shakes his head.
“Okay wait, I need more clues.” Erik says and opens the message. Charles really can't have that.
“Alright, alright. Give it back to me and I'll tell you.”
Erik grins. “Really? But no fibbing.”
“I promise.” Charles tucks the phone securely away. “Please don't laugh.” He takes a deep breath. “He my… umm… sort of… email-web-friend.” he tries not to look at Erik.
Erik is silent for a second, then: “email-web-friend as in cs friend?” he asks and because Charles can't tell from his voice he has to look up. Erik looks strangely amused.
“What the hell does cs mean?” he asks.
Erik grins another one of his frightening shark grins that Charles secretly loves. “Cyber sex? Really, didn't you do this on harmless chat pages when you were a teenager?”
“No, obviously not.” Charles doesn't know if he's happy about the change of topic or embarrassed about it.
“I can't believe you're as innocent as you look.” Charles can literally feeling the blush creeping up his ckees at that. “But don't think I let you go here – what sort of friend is this then?”
“Umm, I don't know.” Charles tries to think of a way to talk about this. “He really supported me when I lost the shop and he – I don't know, we talk and we make jokes, he's a good listener,” Erik snorts at that. “and we tried to meet up once,” now Erik looks up. “But that didn't work out. You came in between.” And that really sums it up, doesn't it?”
“So you're interested in this guy?” Erik asks.
“I don't know. I was, I think.”
“Not anymore?” Erik sounds much more serious than Charles would prefer.
“Erik, I don't know, I really don't want to talk about it. It's all very confusing and embarrassing.”
“Okay, alright.”
They're silent for a moment and Charles wonders if he's ruined it and if he should go, but then Erik says: “It's probably good, I mean, you don't even know this guys name.” Charles wants to say that's not what is important, that it's about the connection, the importance of the fact that they can talk about each others problems and not about things like names or appearance, but he thinks of the fact that everything he has with Erik himself is so different and feels so much more real, so he just shruggs. “Maybe the email address are his initials.”
“Do you thinks so? Or maybe they're a clue to what he's like, after all. EML could mean anything – Evil Monster from Labaratory or Engaged in Money Laundering. Edible Mango Lubricant. You never know - “
“Erik, you're ridiculous. And really not as funny as you think you are.”
“Also he could turn out to be a complete megalomaniac or a terrorist even.”
“Shut up, I missed half of the film because of you idiot.”
*
When Charles went home that evening he got a text message from Erik who wrote it could also mean ElectroMagnetic Lothario and if it does you should really over think your taste in men! And it was still ridiculous, but made Charles laugh all the way up his stairs.
*
But when he Charles dreamt of Erik four nights in a row (very explicit dreams in every way and also explicitly romantic) it is not so funny any more.
Charles is in love with Erik, he's sure about that. He likes everything about him. How he talks about books, how incredibly handsome he looks in turtle necks, how he laughs when Charles makes one of his absurd jokes or says one of his cheesy lines.
It drives crazy that by now he knows how Erik looks first thing in the morning (they fell asleep on the couch once) and how he takes his coffee (black with one little spoon of sugar), but he doesn't know what it's like to take his hand.
Maybe it's that. They're so close, but still not close enough. Charles wants to know everything about Erik, wants to be with him in every state of being and still want more. He wants to fight with him and kiss and make up. He wants to take Wanda and Pietro to school and do their homework.
Charles thinks of Erik and it's like a firework of feelings erupting inside of his chest and it's the best feeling in the world, but it is also like a fire burning a hole in his chest, because he's too afriad to risk what they already have.
It's what makes him write one last email to EML.
*
My friend,
I know that out last try to actually meet each other face to face failed terribly, but I am still thinking about it. (technically it's not even a lie, he does, sometimes, when he's not with Erik and not on his way to Erik or otherwise thinking of him)
You know how they say that everyone deserves second chances? Maybe we do, too.
I'll be in the park tomorrow morning, on the benches with the chess boards, waiting for my opponent if he wants to meet me there.
Charles
*
It's sunny outside when Charles leaves his flat the next morning. He doesn't really have to, but goes by Erik's shop nonetheless because he's that kind of masochist.
He hardly slept last night, thinking of his blind date and the one he knows so well and wants to date so desperately.
Maybe it's how it's meant to be.
Helmet Book's is closed. It's unusual as Erik normally tends to open the shop for some hours on Saturday mornings, but maybe he's taken the day of to spend it with the kids. Or go on a date.
Charles resultantly tries to ignore that thought, he focuses on his own date instead.
The benches in the park are relatively empty, only two older men sitting and chatting over a board of chess.
Charles sits down on one of the benches and unpacks and sets up the pieces he's brought with him.
He watches kids playing on the bordering playground. It's funny, he even thinks he's spotted Wanda and Pietro, but he's probably in that sappy state where he's starting to see his loved ones in strangers.
Then suddenly his phone beeps and announces an email. Charles opens it without knowing if actually hoping for a rejection of fearing one.
I'll be wearing a red hat., EML wrote and then someone sits down across from Charles.
He wants to say that the seat is already taken, that he is very sorry, but he is waiting for someone, but the words die in his throat.
It's Erik sitting there. And wearing a red hat.
“It's… what? Are…” Charles stutters and looked from Erik to his phone as if it held the answers.
“Charles, I'm - ,“ Erik takes a deep breath. “I'm EML. It stands for Erik Magnus Lehnsherr. One fifty-two is my address. I kept expecting you to figure it out.” he says and Charles is embarrassingly close to burst into tears.
“But how -? You were sitting right next to me that one evening when I got an email.”
“Charles – don't tell me you don't know that it's possible to schedule a future sending time?”
“Ohh – I – well, obviously I know, but - “
Erik laughs and shakes his head. He reaches out and takes Charles' hand that is laying on the chess table. “I love you, but I can see right through you.”
Charles laughs now, too. And maybe a tear slips out, too, but he doesn't even care any more, because suddenly Erik sits on the bench next to him and is still holding Charles hand.
“Are you alright? I mean, is this alright for you? Me being your internet friend and - “
“Of course I'm alright. I mean I will be, once I recovered from this heart attack, but otherwise. God, how much did I want it to be you, you idiot.” Charles nearly yells and then he grasps Erik's lapels and kisses him intently.
Maybe a bit too intently, because when they come up for air, both grinning like morons from ear to ear, he can hear the two old guys chuckle to each other and hear one of them say if we'd only figured it out all those years ago.
*
“Also, we're so going to have cs now that you're my boyfriend.”
“God Erik, you're still ridiculous.”
Notes:
I know there's some inconsistency with Charles' telepathy, I kinda just stuffed it into my story where I needed it and made it appear at my convenience.
Translation:
Gesundheitssuppe – health soup, I thought it would be something a father says to his kids
Suppe – soupThe book Charles recs to Erik is “No & Me” by Delphine de Vigan and its one of my favourites.
TurtleTotem on Chapter 1 Wed 12 Aug 2015 04:18AM UTC
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