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The Best Team Bonding Ever

Chapter Text

“You know, there is no such thing as time travel. Theoretically it might be possible, but in reality it would mean you would—“

Morgan clapped his hand over Reid’s mouth. “What the kid means to say is we don’t believe you.”

“I should have known not to try and interfere with this case,” The Doctor said with a sigh. “Dr. Reid has a reputation for being long winded and verbose.”

Morgan’s eyebrow raised. “You know who he is?”

“Dr. Spencer Reid of Quantico’s Behavioral Analysis Unit. One of the most brilliant minds to come out of the 21st century. In fact, in the 23rd they’ll be using some of his techniques to catch serial killers and the like all over the galaxy. Several galaxies, actually, once Earth people break out of this one.”

“My techniques?” Reid said, his jaw hanging a little.

“You’re with the BAU an awfully long time,” The Doctor said with a smile. “In fact…no, I shouldn’t say too much. Spoilers, as River likes to say.”

“I know that really, time travel doesn’t exist, but…hypothetically…could you tell me…”

“You live a long and healthy life, if that’s what you’re wondering.” The Doctor looked at his handcuffs. “I’m sure you’ll find my fingerprints are not anywhere at the crime scene. I was simply looking for something that had been in the field. In fact…” He looked at his watch. “Call the ever lovely Penelope Garcia. Tell her you have The Doctor in custody. I used to wear a long trench coat and glasses.”

Morgan eyed him, but Reid was already on the phone. “The oracle of all knowing loveliness, how may I help you, my darling Reid?” she asked when she picked up.

“I have someone named The Doctor in custody. He said he used to wear a trench coat and glasses?”

She gasped. “Is he in handcuffs?”

“Yeah,” Morgan said.

“Take them off of him now, Derek!” she said, her voice high pitched. “Oh, Doctor, I’m so sorry. You were trying to help, weren’t you?”

“Yes I was, Penelope,” he replied. “Wrong place, wrong time in this instance.”

“Must be a first for you,” she said with a chuckle. “You sound different, younger.”

“New face, new day.”

“So no more brainy specs?”

“No. Now it’s bow ties. And the occasional fez. I’ve had a Stetson, too. But bow ties always. Bow ties are cool.”

“Aww. That’s adorable.” She paused. “You better be taking those handcuffs off of him right now, Derek Morgan.”

“Okay, baby doll,” Morgan said, taking the cuffs off.

The Doctor rubbed his wrists. “I owe you an adventure, don’t I, Penelope?”

“Maybe later. Just don’t wait till I’m old and gray, okay? Get me when I’m young and sweet.”

“Wait, Garcia, is he really a time traveller?” Reid asked.

“Well, duh. I saw his TARDIS. He was going to take me to see a Shakespearean play when Shakespeare was alive but I was too scared. He’s checked up on me ever since, saying he’s going to take me on a grand adventure, but I always put you lovelies first. Has anyone reported seeing a blue British police box in the area?”

“Yeah. It was in a field. Got towed to police impound.”

“Go take him there and let him go do what he needs to do.” She paused. “I talked to Martha on the phone last week. UNIT wants to collaborate with the FBI in training some officers for a special project. Not Torchwood, though. They’re still trying to figure out what happened to Captain Jack, sexy man that he is. I haven’t been able to find him and trust me, I’ve been looking. He owes me lunch.”

“How’s Mickey?”

“Oh, he’s fine. Happily married, in charge off his own special forces unit.” She paused again. “She’s pregnant, you know. They’re expecting twins. He’ll be coming here to Quantico for the training, but not her.”

“Good for them! I’ll have to pop by with congratulations.”

“How’s Donna, Doctor?”

He frowned. “It didn’t end well, I’m afraid.”

“She’s not—“ Garcia said, shock evident in her voice.

“No, no, she’s fabulously wealthy. She just doesn’t remember our adventures.” He paused. “I’ll make sure that when you have an adventure you’ll find it enjoyable. And a whole set of my memories and thoughts won’t end up in your head. Of course, you have a bright and sparkling personality and Donna…didn’t.” He sighed. “That’s one of my biggest tragedies. At least Rose was happy.”

“And Martha, too. Oh! If we have our adventure, can I go visit her?”

“Of course. I can come pick you up tonight, if you’d like.”

“Only if you bring the strapping young hunks with you now with us. And Emily. She’d kill me if she didn’t get to go.”

“I’ll take your whole team if you like.”

“Excellent. But not now. My boys have crime solving to do. So go take him to that police box and let him do his thing, okay boys?”

“Okay, Garcia,” Reid said. He hung up and stared at the Doctor in awe before leading The Doctor to the car. “So…you’ll really take us through time? And space?”

“Later, but like dear Penelope said, you have work to do now. A killer to catch, and all that.”

“Can I go see a black hole?” Reid asked. “I mean, could you conceivably get us close to one without getting sucked into the vortex?”

He thought for a moment. “I suppose. But there are more interesting things to see. Other planets, entire galaxies…and time. Don’t forget I travel through time, too.”

“Morgan, I completely disavow everything I said about time travel not being a possibility,” Reid said.

Morgan walked behind the two men, shaking his head. “Garcia’s craziness is catching on.”

The Doctor shook his head. “If you don’t believe me, take me to my TARDIS.”

“Your what?”

“My spaceship,” he replied, rolling his eyes. “I can take you on a quick spin, but you right back by your car not even a minute after you left.” He paused. “How much room is in Penelope’s office?”

“Not enough for a police box,” Reid said. “Especially if she’s in there.”

“Pity. If I take you two somewhere and not her she’d never forgive me.”

“I can call her, have her go to the parking lot,” Reid said.

“Reid. How did you get to be this guy’s number one fanboy?” Morgan asked as they got to the car.

“He says he’ll take me to go see a black hole,” Reid said, a look of wonder in his eyes. “And Garcia trusts him. If she trusts him I trust him.”

Morgan sighed and got into the car, waiting for the others to as well. “Let’s hope she’s right. Tell her to meet us in the parking lot by my car. Prentiss too.”

“Okay,” Reid said, a goofy grin on his face. “And JJ? JJ might enjoy it.”

“She’s at home with Henry,” Morgan replied. “Just have them meet us there. I don’t think anything will happen, and then all your hopes will be crushed and I’ll be there to clean up afterwards.”

“Always the cynic, aren’t you?” The Doctor replied.

“I’m just a realist.”

“I’ll prove you wrong.” He grinned. “Just you wait and see.”