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Beloved's wish

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I straightened up from dragging a weed from the ground, wiping my hand across my brow with little care for the dirt that clung to it. I looked around my misillanious herbs and spices, various toxic herbs strewn innocently within the non toxic ones. Will I ever give up that mindset i wonder. I shrug it off as irrelevant and drag my critical eyes across the plants, trying to find a weed. When satisfied, I stretch and decide to call it a day as the sun was slowly setting and sight was dimming. I took one last tour around the farm. Pepper, my pig was lay in her silo, snorting peacefully, i reached out to her, finding thatthe cut she had received from a bared nail was painful but not a danger to her health. I checked on my biddies and their rooster her puffed his chest out warningly as I approached... me and him had had more than one scrap in the past but he kept the hens safe. Chandler the stallion greeted me with enthusiasm. Myblack had died the year before and we were both distraught by it, despite her reluctance to exist in my presence. Her two foals, Norman and Bachelor shared the stable with their site. Shima was kept as far as I could manage away from the stallions as possible. They shared weren't gentlemanly in their pursuing of her, put it that way. I decided I was satisfied and went in doors. I snorted affectionly at the immense grey wolf sprawled out on my carpet. Lazy Hound. I told him affectionly. He sent a half - arsed growl my way. Not lazy, just merely saving my strength. I chuckled and preceded taking of my boots, muddy and sweaty I decided a bath was the best course of action, so I climbed up the stairs into my bathroom, stripped and showered. As I was squeezing out my hair, i noticed a message on Skype. Presuming it was Hap or Kettricken, I just ignored it for the time being and preceded to dry and comb my hair. Feeling my stomach growling I decide that I better get down stairs and make something to eat. I pull a top over my head and head downstairs, intent on reaching the kitchen. I pull out a tongue of venison meat from the cooling room, shove it onto the fire and waits for the fat to begin to bubble. The smell has nighteyes get up and wander into the kitchen, where he happenstance catches me taking it off the fire. Meat? He asks, his nose wiggling towards me. I smirk and sets down my meat to grab him a cold one. I throw it too him through the door and he catches it with a wolfs grace, then goes to his corner and rips it to pieces. I know he will get up to hunt soon, this is just the beginning of his appetite. I bring my food up stairs, intent on answering that message. I settle down on my bed and grab my iPad, opening Skype, and as predicted I've got one from hap and One from The Fool. Hap was currently at University, studying Music. He has his heart set on being a conductor. He was telling me about his lessons and his new opportunity to go work in Manchester. I smile as I reply, wishing him all the luck in the world. I open The Fools message with a slow excitement building in my chest, I hadn't heard from him for about a month, but he did work abroad for most of the year.

Golden_Fool: Hey Fitz, how are you? And how is Nighteyes? I'm doing great, just sold a carving of a wolf taking down a pig for 200,000! Thank Nighteyes for his inspiration :) I am going to be in the UK for a few months and I was hoping to come spend them with you? If not that is fine, I don't want to intrude. Reply Asap :) Love from, Fool

I grin, excitement threatening to overspill me. Why are you so excited? Scent less one is coming home! Somewhere in the wood Nighteyes started a yip that turned into a howl of excitement. The pack is coming back together! I chuckle and click the message box.

--

I stare at my computer screen for a good 20 minutes before a reply comes through but when it does my heart leaps, finally!

"Fitz_Wolf: Fool! Wow this was a long trip but I'm so glad for you! 200,000! Amazing! I will tell him haha I am doing fine, my back still hurts but better than usual. Nighteyes is currently hunting at the moment but is looking forward to your return. Of course you can stay here! Why did you even bother asking? Your bedroom is still set up for you, just as you left it :) can't wait to see you! Fitz.

I lift my hands into the air! Yes! My favourite time of year is my time with Fitz and the wolf. Excitement was already getting me doing cartwheels around my hotel room. I look around my room and suddenly it seemed such a drab place compared to my little room in fitzs cottage. I jump back into my seat and begin to type

oohhh can't wait! And I know I'm sorry, I was in India and unable to have access to my laptop :/ I am currently staying in a hotel in Cardiff and was wondering if I could be there tomorrow? If it's not too soon of course? I am just so excited! Fool

I laugh excitedly, waiting for his reply to come through. That little bling seems to take eternity when in actual fact Fitz replies almost instantly

Fitz_Wolf: Ah neither can I! Oh it's fine :) I understand completely :) and really! That close by! You should have just knocked on! Of course come tonight for all I care! Come now! I'll put the kettle on! You'll be here in less than a hour! I'm too excited now! Fitz

I could, couldn't I? I'd get there at about 10:30 pm... And I could see Fitz now... Another laugh erupts from my chest and I quickly reply

Really? Now? You'd let me come now? Oh yes please I would love to see you now... I'm going to pack and I'll be there soon! Fool

I frantically start shoving things into my bag, I didn't care about clothes right now. The prospect of seeing Fitz turns me into a child once more as I prance and dance about. I quickly check on Skype for his reply before I set off, my bag fully packed and bulging.

Fitz_Wolf: I'll put the kettle on!

he doesn't bother to reply and rushes out the door, shoving his trunk into his boot and driving quickly off towards Swansea.

-----

As I pull up outside Fitzs cabin, I let out a shaky breath, excitement threatening to take over. I get out my car and open my boot. I feel eyes behind me and as I look round a massive grey figure comes running at me, jumping onto me and licking my face frantically with whines and a wagging tail.

"Nighteyes!" I grin digging my fingers into his pelt and hugging him happily. "Oh my old friend, how good it is to see you!" He whines again and jumps off, his whole body shaking from the projection of his tail. I pull my self up just as another figure comes running towards me from behind me. I grin turning toward it and running, catching Fitz in my arms, like a lover. We both laugh hysterically in the joy of seeing each other.

"It's been too long Fool! 2 and a half years I've not seen you for! Skype doesn't count!" He almost shouts into my ear but I do not care. I pull back slightly and grin at him, tears spilling unnoticed.

"I know Fitz, I'm so sorry! It's been a long couple of years... But enough of that for now... Let get inside before I freeze to death." Fitz just nods, letting me go and going to fetch my things, I smile and allow myself to be led my Nighteyes into the house. It hadn't changed much, which is exactly what I'd hoped. I take a sigh of relief and relax. I hear Fitz muttering about my bag and I turn around. He laughs at me

"what have you got in here fool? Rocks?" I chuckle, shaking my head

"no my dear Beloved, just logs" I smile sweetly as he sends a mock dark look at me that manages to send shivers down my spine.

I turn around when I feel a wet nose poke my hand, smiling broadly as I bury my hands into the wolf's fur, feeling his warmth run into my cold hands. "Oh nighteyes, how much I have missed you" he wags his tail and licks my arm, then rubs his entire body across my legs before heading back out of the door, I assume he is hunting. I turn to Fitz as he re enters the room from putting my bags in my bedroom. I sigh, a small chuckle rises from my chest "oh my old friend, how good it is to see you... You have no idea how long I have waited to be back here..." He smiles at me, hugging me once again. I feel the butterflies in my stomach increase as I feel his heart beating against my chest and his warmth reaching my cold face.

"I've missed you too Fool, more than I'd care to admit" he pulls me from his chest and smiles at me "food?" I nod, unable to speak. He nods back, turns and goes into his cool room. He comes out with a slab of venison and some mint. He sticks it on the spit and turns back to me "tea?"

"mmmm, yes please, that colds gone right too my bones" again he nods and turns to the fire, turning the venison and grabbing a pot that was hanging just outside of the hearth stirring it and pouring some of the contents into to mugs, passing me one and nodding to the sugar bowl. I smirk and start tipping sugar into my mug, then pushing it towards him. He snorts and does the same. I sit with my legs crossed in front of the fire and take a sip of the tea, while Fitz takes his place opposite me. "Ah, that's a good cup of tea. So Fitz, what's been going on in your life?"

5 hours later...

"seriously? He thought..." I curl over again, unable to finish, my laughter turning silent, tears running from my eyes. He grins, chuckling heavily.

"yeah, I had to explain to him that no, females can't get each other pregnant, he was bloody 10!" Another eruption of silent laughs attack me and I roll onto my side, clutching my ribs, stopping myself from exploding. I gulp for breath unable to breath but laughing to hard to care.

"oh... My... Goodness... Ah help... I... Can't... Breath..." Another laugh interrupts me and I roll onto my other side. Fitz laughs and passes me a cup of water, I take a gulp but spit it back over him, making me laugh even more. "So... Sorry" I splutter out. I start to calm down and my hysteria becomes heavily giggling, which then because a constant chuckle which then becomes a few little chuckles every now and again. I wipe my eyes and grin at him "oh that boy makes me laugh sometimes" Fitz nods and takes a swig out of his whiskey.

"ah yes, he really does... He keeps insisting I meet up with someone, you know as a girlfriend or wife" he sighs and takes another sip. My heart does a little lurch.

"Mmm? So you've not got anyone in your life at the moment?" I take a mouthful of my own whiskey, attempting to drown my curiosity.

"no, I've not really tried... I'm not sure if I even want to, you know?" I nod, looking at his eyes

"yes, I know what you mean. I get asked often why I am not married or in a relationship, and I just shrug, because I don't see why I have to be... Plus my heart is already set on someone, and I don't think they'll ever really return my affections... Which is unfortunate" I sigh, I take another mouthful of whiskey, trying to push down my self pitying tone.

"already set on someone? I did not know this Fool, who is this lucky person?" I snort, swirling my whiskey around my glass.

"Lucky? Far from it. Unfortunately, this person doesn't swing my way, and therefore I am doomed to forever lust after this person and never have my affection returned"

"Fool! They are very lucky!" He pulls himself towards me, so he is only centimetres away from me. "Whoever it is should be honoured you should want them..." He grabs my hand and looks me sincerely in the face "honoured... They'd be stupid not to" he smiles and sighs "what do you mean 'doesn't swing my way?'"

I chuckle and sip my whiskey "I mean they don't like men, so they don't like me" I sigh, looking down into my lap where Fitzs scarred hand clutches my smooth one, my heart calls out hopelessly. He makes a humming noise in his throat

"is she a lesbian?" I chuckle malevolently, gulping the last bit of whiskey and reaching for the bottle.

"No HE isn't" I sigh, pouring the golden liquid into my glass, watching it swirl. I put the bottle down and looks up at Fitzs face, confusion runs through his eyes.

"He?" I nod, watching his reactions. He stares into the fire, his hand still holding mine. He turns to me and shrugs, smiling at me. "I apologise, I just didn't realise you were gay." I examine him

"you mean you don't mind? Your not... Ashamed?" He just stares at me, shock wrought across his face.

"Ashamed?! Why would I be ashamed?" I sigh, shrugging, looking into my cup.

"I'm not sure... It's just your a very traditional man, and when I told my friend from France he insulted me in French and hasn't spoken to me since..." He grabs my arms, and forces me to look at him.

"I am not ashamed... And nor should you hide anything... Your 'friend' is an arsehole and if I ever see him I will punch his face into the back of his skull." He catches my eyes "you are amazing just the way you are... Ignore everyone and listen to yourself ok?" I blush profusely and nod, swinging my gaze to the glass. He leans back, retaking my hand and sighs.

"what's the matter?" I ask, still worried he was going to reject me. He bites his cheek and finishes his drink.

"It's just I... I am just upset that you were scared to tell me about this... That you thought I was going to stop being your friend..." I look back at my lap, not know what to say. "Fool..." I look up at him "You are closer than my brother... Closer than anyone I have ever met... You are twisted into my very being... I could never dislike you... Could never reject you... It'd be like me rejecting my own lungs or my own heart..." My breath catches in my throat, I stare, open mouthed. "Fool... I love you... I hope you realise that, I always have and always will" a smile pulls the corners of my mouth upwards "you are like my brother... I couldn't live without you" I realised he was talking platonic love, but kept my smile as broad as it had been, but silently berating myself for being so stupid, but maybe it was the drink, or maybe it was the shear lack of sleep but instead of keeping on smiling I burst out into tears. "Fool? Are... Are you ok?" I just put my head on my hands, and sob uncontrollably. "Fool..." He moves next to me and wraps his arms around me, which only makes me cry even more. We sit like that for about ten minutes, me sobbing uncontrollably and him just sat there patting or rubbing my back. When I finally calm down he almost whispers "Fool... Do you want to tell me why your crying?" I sniff, sighing and sit up.

"I suppose it's your right to know... But I am going to get up and go into my room after and not coming out until next year ok?" He snorts and I sigh, pulling myself up on my feet, only stumbling slightly. I walk halfway across the room and sighs "I... The guy I have affections for doesn't like me in the way I want him too, but he says all these lovely things and I just want to grab him and tell him how much I love him... But I can't..." Fitz just stares, I study his face and he doesn't seem to understand my gist. "Fitz do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?" He shakes his head slowly. "Fitz... I love you... Not in a platonic way..." His face goes blank, his body lax. I spin around on my heels and head to my bedroom, closing my door and throwing myself into my bed, tears already running down my face. About twenty minutes later I hear a click, and then Fitz lies next to me. I stay stock still, I don't even breath. His arm snakes around my waist and drags me towards him. My eyes go round when his lips meet my cheek. "Fitz..."

"Shhhh Fool, I know what I want, I know who I want... I just didn't realise until you told me..." He kisses my cheek again. I turn to look at him, he smiles so softly I have to smile back, he reaches up with his other hand to stoke my face, wiping the trail of tears from my face. "Fool... Beloved... I never realised it was you I was pining for... I always feel so empty when your not around... I don't know how it's only just become apparent... You are... Mine." I can't help but laugh, I grab his hand and kiss his fingers, I watch his face for repulsion but none showed, just endearment. I reach up and rest my hand on his jawline and pulls him softly towards me, my lips meet his and I feel fireworks goes off in my brain. My whole body seems to set afire, starting from where his lips meet mine. It was only for a few seconds but it seemed to last a millennia. when he pulled back, his face told me he felt it too.

"Fitz..." My words fail me, my tongue turns to lead and I just laugh, pulling his face back towards mine, trying to put all my feelings into one kiss. I had only intended it to be a quick kiss, but it soon intensified into a long intense kiss. I felt Fitz pushing for more as he beings to push against me, and I want to let him so much, but the amount of whiskey Fitz had had was pushing its way past my lust. I put my hand against his chest and he pulls his head away, confusion written on his face.

"what's wrong beloved?" I sigh, shaking my head

"you've had a lot to drink, as have I... I just want to make sure this is what you truly want... I'd prefer if we waiting for this until tomorrow..." Fitz sighs but nods, pulling himself away from me.

"I'm sorry Fool, I shouldn't have assumed..." He looks aside

"no Fitz... Trust me... If it wasn't for the fact I'm worried you'll regret it tomorrow morning... You haven't done anything I wouldn't have stopped you..." He looks at me and smiles

"I'd be stupid if I regretted it, but if it's better for your peace of mind I can wait..." He winks at me and pulls me in for a kiss, I laugh and kiss him back, letting him know how much I want him, in case he had any doubts. He pulls back grinning, red tinting his cheeks "ah, we're going to have to stop beloved, I'm afraid I won't be able to stop otherwise" he chuckles and I join, knowing exactly what he meant. He props himself up on his elbows. "Is it alright if I stay with you tonight?" I smile

"of course my beautiful Fitz, in fact I insist on it" he chuckles, pulling me into his arms. I smile, cuddling into his chest, and sighing, feeling my stress run out of me like water from a upturned cup. And that's where I stayed for the whole night, in my lovers arms, And that's where I stayed every night until I died.