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An Unexpected Change

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Elijah knows that everything will be so much harder starting Monday morning. Watching the raindrops race down the window, he knew that the perfect little bubble that he had created for himself was about to shatter. Maybe he should've stayed in New York after all. But a part of him knew that this is something that he had to do for himself. The dreams that he had boasted about for the last 16 years were gone, and he wasn't sure he knew what he wanted to do anymore. Having lived a lie for sixteen years had been difficult, but it was what was expected from him. Now that he had a clean slate, he wasn't sure what he wanted to do with it.

"Sir, your cab is ready for you," a man in a tuxedo said as he approached Elijah.

"Thanks," Elijah responded as he went back to his thoughts, while the man in the tuxedo loaded his stuff into the car. During the whole drive towards his parent's house Elijah couldn't stop smiling, the man had referred to him as sir, he finally passed as male, and that made him all that more hopeful that things would work out for him. Maybe coming back wouldn't be so bad, it would be a shock for sure, but no one should recognize him right away, so he knew he was in for an interesting school year.

Staring at his childhood home was a surreal experience for Elijah. He was happy to be back, but the home in front of him was full of lies and heartbreak. Taking a deep breath he decided that some changes needed to be done if he was to remain living in this house he had to erase his past. Sighing he headed inside and contemplated where he should begin, wanting to do the easy parts first he grabbed some trash bags and headed towards the living room.

Seeing all the pictures of a smiling Rachel Berry was all he needed to jump start his body into action; he started throwing picture frame after picture frame into a bag. Engrossed in his task, he didn't care what went into the bag, everything was trash, but one picture stopped him. A picture of him before the start of his transition, one that was taken shortly after Regionals. The smile on Rachel's face was forced, and full of pain, at that moment he realized he couldn't go back to Glee, even though that was originally the plan. Glee club, a club full of bad memories, and hatred. While it might have been directed at Rachel and not at Elijah, he couldn't handle the pain of everything that club represented in his life, everything that he wasn't, or wanted to be and he knew he wouldn't go back. Going back would be revisiting the torture of the past and the lies of who he pretended he was.

After clearing the living room Elijah proceeded to rid his home of anything that reminded him of Rachel, of his lies, of his pain, of his fears, and especially of his fathers. His fathers. Two virtual strangers whom he knew would flip as soon as they found out about his transition, but that was very unlikely, they would have to be around to notice. A phone call once or twice a year, wasn't enough for them to know what was going on in his life before the transition, much less now that he was done being a fraud. They never cared before, so why would they start caring now? Being a parent was something that the Berry's didn't understand, and Elijah wasn't sure they ever would.With a heavy heart, Eli sighs knowing he has to go upstairs and deal with the hardest part: the living quarters of his parents and Rachel.

Once upstairs Eli walks into his parent's room and gingerly sits on the bed running his fingers through the dust that has gathered over the comforter. A blue comforter, a color he always imagined being in his room. As he reminisces about the room and his parents he can't help but think about the pain that this room, this home, has brought him. With tears streaming down his face he grabs a picture from the nightstand; it's a rare picture of him and his fathers during his sixth birthday party.

"Happy Birthday Rachel," her dads say to her as they give her a family hug. "What do you want to do today sweetie? You know you are only six once, so what will it be pumpkin?" her daddy Leroy questioned. "Daddy as long as we do something as a family, I'm happy," a young Rachel states truthfully.

That was the best birthday Eli could remember. They had spent all day at the park goofing off, and then went out for ice cream. It was the last birthday that they shared as a family, after that his fathers started going on business trips and vacations, leaving him alone for long periods at a time, until they just stopped coming home altogether. The last time Eli heard from his fathers was Christmas 8th grade year, and only because they needed him to call to fix airline tickets for them. As he continues to empty out the master bedroom, Eli realizes that if he really wanted to free himself from his past, he would have to get rid of everything including the furniture. Nothing with ties to his past could remain if he really wanted to free himself. He decided to call a moving company to come and take all the furniture out of the house, as he moves on to the last room: Rachel's room.

"His" room, the one room in the whole house that makes him physically sick. Trying to keep his lunch inside of him he walks into the room that was the hub of the many lies from his past life. Everything would have to go, all the posters, the trophies, the movies, the pictures, all of it. It was just trash from another life. Elijah Issac would start fresh. For the first time, he would be able to wear the clothes he liked, listen to what he wanted, and be the man he knew he was always destined to be. He had a long weekend ahead of him, but what he most looked forward to was officially dropping Berry as his last name. From now on he would be known as Elijah Issac. No family name, because after all he was the only family that he had.

Chapter Text

With all the work that had to be done in preparation for the first day of school Eli had been a busy bee. Making his old home a house had been a lot harder than he originally thought, but everything had been finished and come together nicely. He was ready to face the fist day of school, yeah right, who the hell was he kidding he would never be ready for that bullshit. Eli lay awake, as he contemplated the best plan of attack for school. Having missed his registration, he knew his first stop would be the principles office. He wasn't sure he should let the administration know of his situation, but if he didn't, how where they going to protect him if something were to happen?

"Fuck this is absurd!" groaned Eli. How could anyone possibly relax knowing they were going to be entering hell? There was nothing that could be said or done to calm his nerves. All he wanted was to go through the first day of school without any incidents, but how could he, if nothing was the same? "Relax Eli. It should be fine. Go to school, lay low, get out, and come home. Easy. Stay out of peoples way, and avoid slushies." With those last thoughts Issac drifted into a dreamless sleep.


Today was the day. Today everyone would get to see the real me. It wasn’t an easy decision coming back to Lima, and especially back to McKinley. Ah, McKinley the one place that always brought the worse out in people, especially when it came to expressing their feelings towards one Rachel Berry, but that was all in the past, Rachel Berry is for all intents and purposes dead; I suppose she was always dead though, wasn’t she?
“Come on Issac! You can do this! You need school, because you don’t know what you want to do with your life!” I scream at my mirror. Way to go keep on acting like that and you will have to worry about an asylum instead of school.

It is hard to believe that I had just started my transition three months ago. I look at the mirror, and see the piercing brown eyes looking back at me, the same eyes, yet different, eyes that used to reflect sorrow and pain now reflect true happiness. I reach up to caress my jawline, which I notice is starting to become more defined, and I can’t help but grin at that. No facial hair yet, but that was to be expected. Hopefully I will start getting some more facial hair within a few months.

Glancing at the mirror one last time, I make sure that my binder is doing its job,my button up is kind of tight, but nothing is noticeable. The green shirt I’m wearing to match with my green shoes, and contrasting with my blue jeans. It’s funny how Rachel would never wear jeans, but I love them, fuck, if I could that is all I would wear. I grab my backpack, and head towards the garage.

The good thing about not having my fathers around is that they don’t notice when someone, a.k.a me, buys a motorcycle. A black bike with a green trim, might not be an expert on bikes but I do love my baby. It is one of the things that will definitely keep me sane in this backwater town. God, this really is going to be a long ass day. I get on my bike, and readjust my “package” as I settle on my bike and take off.
A new school year always marks the start of something new, and that was true for everyone in New Directions. They had one more year to make it, one more year to get it right, and one more year to prove that Glee club was something worth having. No one had more ridding on this than Mr. Schuester, he really wanted this club to be a success, and he was already starting off on the wrong foot.

That morning he had woken up late, cut himself while shaving, and tore a hole in his shirt that he attempted to hide with no avail with his vest. “Today is going to be a long day,” thought Mr. Schue. He was pissed off enough as it was, he hadn’t been able to contact Rachel, and he wasn’t sure if word had gotten back to her that there was a meeting this morning. God, she was probably waiting to make a grand entrance. That had to be it she wanted to be a drama queen as usual, dismissing all worry Mr. Schue smiles as he walks into the choir room.

Mr. Schue surveyed the room: he saw Santana and Brittany sitting together with linked pinkies laughing at some joke Quinn was relaying. Puck sat in the corner with Mike, Matt, and surprisingly Tina talking about football. Artie, Mercedes, and Kurt sat together gossiping about their summers, and what they wanted to sing this year. Lauren, Sam, and Finn each sat by themselves lost in their own minds waiting for the meeting to begin.

“Alright guys settle down. Thank you all for being here, I wanted to call this meeting together so we could start of the year more united than last year. I hope everyone had a fantastic and relaxing summer,” said Mr. Schue as he clapped his hands together. “Umm, guys has anyone seen Rachel?” A chorus of no’s rang throughout the choir room. At this point Mr. Schue was beyond aggravated at Rachel. “Well when you guys see her let her know that this will not be acceptable! Everyone has to be here for these meetings to work. There is no reason, for any of you guys to slack this year. Okay, why don’t we start by discussing our new practice schedule? We want to have fun, but we also want to make it to Nationals this year. So we will practice Tuesdays and Thursdays and on Fridays we will all get together and hang out for an hour or so. I expect everyone to hang out with everyone here for at least 10 minutes a week, and yes before you ask Santana that means during the weekends too. We are a family, and we should all act like one. Now everyone get out of here, and I will see you guys later for class.”

Everyone rushed out of the choir room, not giving a second thought to anything that Mr. Schue had just said. In reality none of them really thought too much about Rachel not being there. It was going to be difficult to get through to them, but one of them was worrying for the small brunette. She hadn’t heard about, or from her all summer, she never attended any of the “Glee Parties” either now that she thought about it, maybe something was up, but she would worry about that later, she had to get to class.
I drive up to the school, and sigh, today will be worse than swallowing nails, not that I have tried, cough...cough...moving on. Come on Issac you can do this, it shouldn’t be so hard. Just go up to the office, and let Figgins know what is up. If he doesn’t get it, you can threaten him with a civil lawsuit. I turn off my engine, and drop the kickstand, as I double check that my baby is in a location that will avoid the roaming hands of idiotic hormonal teenagers. Sigh, you’re the one that wanted to come back here genius, you could’ve just finished high school back in New York, but oh no, you wanted closure with her. She never paid attention to you before, she will probably call you a freak as usual and ignore you. I groan as I shoulder my backpack and make my way into the school.

I look around and can't help but notice how everyone is ignoring me, no name calling, no being pushed into lockers, and best of all no slushies. I am just another face in the crowd, and I couldn’t be any more excited about this prospect. I am no longer a target, I mean at least for now. When people find out about me, which I’m sure they eventually will, I’ll be back at the bottom of the totem pole. Sighing, what the fuck is it with me and sighing today? I sigh, “Fuck!” I mumble as I walk into the front office.

“Hi, I’m Eli and I have an appointment with Figgins to discuss my schedule, and my unique situation,” I tell Janice the secretary. “Have a seat, and PRINCIPLE FIGGINS will be right with you, young man,” scowls Janice. Great it don’t matter what my gender is Janice will always hate me. Maybe she is just a stuck up bitch who hates everyone. I should probably ask her why she is a stuck up bitch. No, bad Isaac stop those thoughts. My thoughts are interrupted as Janice lets me know Figgins is ready to see me.

I get up and strut into Figgins office. “Eli, the school received the email that you sent us, and the phone calls. It states that you have some circumstances that you wish to discuss with us,” says principle Figgins. God, could this guy be anymore monotone? “Wait, us? Who is us?” I question. “ Since the email, and messages you left indicated that this event could cause some controversy, I have put it upon myself to have another two members of the faculty here with us, and ah here they are…” trails off Figgins as Emma and Sue walk into the office. “Figgins, Selma, gay kid, I am here now, so don’t fret, let’s get this show on the road, so I can go torture some Cherrios” yells Sue. God, out of everyone that he could’ve picked he had to pick those two? “Forgive me for asking, but that is who you want in here for this?” I question. “Umm, no umm Sue I mean Coach Sylvester shouldn’t be here we are waiting for Shan... Coach Beiste. I actually don’t know why Sue is here,” Emma whispers, because Coach Sue looks like she is about to eat her for lunch. Wanky!

My mind begins to drift off to some very naughty scenes as the door bursts open and in walks Beiste. Well, at least they didn’t invite William. The bane of my existence. Note to self Issac, avoid William as much as humanly possible. “Alright, since Sue doesn’t seem like she is going to leave,” “You bet your ass I’m not leaving,” butts in Sue “as I was saying, she can stay. Now Shannon, Sue, and Emma and myself are all here to discuss your situation, so why don’t you start and let us know who you are, and what is the issue,” Figgins says as he rubs his sleazy hands together. Oh, God he is such a perv, he is staring at Emma’s boobs. I shake my head, to clear those thoughts away.

“Ummm, yeah of course. Ah okay, so I guess I’ll give you guys the basics and then if you have any questions or need clarification I will try to clear everything up. So, I have attended this school for the last two years with a different name and with a different appearance. This appearance was just a disguise, it wasn’t who I am. The man that sits before you today is who I really am. My name is Eli Issac and I am.”
“Wait a minute mouth breather, you mean to tell us that you’ve been here for two years, and none of us recognize who you are? Very unlikely, now who are you, and are you a spy sent to threaten my chance at a seventh consecutive cheer leading trophy?”

I blink as I look around the room and everyone seems so confused and or angry. Sue looks like she is about to unleash hell on me, so I guess talking about my past is out of the question here.
“Look, what I’m about to say is difficult for me to say, so I don’t want any interruptions, got it. I mean it Sue,” I say as I look Sue in the eyes. Something akin to respect shines in her eyes, but it is only there for a second so I’m not entirely sure that is what it was. “Okay?” Everyone nods giving me their agreement.

“The reason none of you recognize me is, because I hadn’t started my transition until this past May. I started hormone replacement therapy to help me become the man I’ve always been. I went to New York this summer where I was able to be myself without worrying about anything, and becoming comfortable as my true gender,” I say praying I can avoid telling them I used to be Rachel. “I see. I respect that kid anyone that has the guts be themselves is stronger than a pig at a flea market, “exclaims Beiste. “Shannon is right you are very brave, and I will do everything in my power to be there for you, if you need to talk the guidance office will always be open for you. As a matter of fact I think it would be best for you to come in at least once a week to discuss any issues that might arise, or just to talk about you day,” Emma says as she claps her hands excited about the pamphlets she can give me no doubt. Hmm, I guess this won’t be as hard as I thought it would be.

“Well Eli, I like you much better now that you dropped that annoying Rachel Berry façade, but please do tell why you don’t call yourself Berry? Is it for others not to know who you are? “Sue inquires.
Perplexed I look at Sue. Of course out of everyone in the room, she would be the one to figure out my past. “No, I just… look the Berry’s don’t know I’m transitioning, in fact they don’t know much about me. And I know what you’re all thinking, child neglect, but no. They don’t know this either, but I’m emancipated. I currently live in their house, until they kick me out. I rather no one know about me being transgender at the moment. It isn’t that I don’t want people to know, but Rachel wasn’t very well liked, so I would like to keep that part a secret for a while, if it is okay with you guys. Now how about we discuss my schedule.”

“Very well R...Eli, we will keep your transitioning a secret. No one, but the five of us in here will know, until you are ready to let others know. As far as your schedule, here it is. It was set already, we will change the name Rachel Berry immediately to Elijah Issac. So starting after lunch, Rachel Berry will be gone from the system,” Figgins informs me. I look down at my schedule and sigh there for 8th period, I had Glee club. Great another thing to discuss with them.

“Thanks, but ummm I can’t have glee club. I just can’t go back to a club that bullied me for the last two years, and while I know that there probably isn’t anything else open at this point in time, I cannot take that class. I hope you understand.” I say as I try to plead my case. Everyone looks sympathetic towards me, but I know they just regret not being able to help me before, but I don’t want their pity.

“That’s fine Eli. You can spend last period at my office, we can use that time to discuss how you are feeling that day, and if you don’t have anything to talk about, you can use that time to do homework, or to help me out. We’ll put it in the system as a study hall,” says Emma.
“Thanks, it means a lot that you would do that Emma. Thank you. Thank all of you for understanding and accepting my situation,” I say. “Anything else that I need to do?”

“No, that will be all for today, you can take the rest of the day, and come back tomorrow. Your new schedule will be ready first thing in the morning, so make sure to stop by and pick it up,” Figgins informs me. I thank everyone one last time before I take my leave.
Finally some fresh air that was an intense conversation that I didn’t think would be so favorable. I can’t believe that I am free from Rachel Berry, and Glee club. “Hey, watch it!” shouts someone. The wind is knocked out of me as I stumble to the ground. “Oh, fuck that hurt!” I mumble as I rub the back of my head. I look down and notice I knocked down Quinn. Fuck, of course with my luck. I quickly jump up and hold my hand out to help her up. Quinn takes my hand and I lift her up.
“Thank you,” Quinn says blushing. God she is so damn cute when she blushes. Wait, what? Focus Issac she is still talking.

“I didn’t mean to yell at you, it just seemed like you were lost in your head.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry I’m Elijah Issac,” I say as I shake her hand. “I’m new here, and I was just getting my schedule, I start tomorrow.”

“Oh, well welcome to McKinley,” she says as she raises her hand and gestures at the school “I think you’ll fit right in here.”

“Thank you, and your name was?” Real smooth Issac, you know her name. You could’ve just pretended she had already said it dimwit!

“Oh, sorry yeah. I’m Quinn Fabray, Captain of the Cherrios.”

“Cool, well Quinn it was nice meeting you, but I got to get out of here. I’ll hopefully see you around.” I shyly say as I walk away from Quinn. Out of anybody that I could’ve encountered today, it had to be her? Sigh, everything is fine. I walk out of the school and get on my baby. I pull out a pack of cigarettes, and light one to smoke on my drive home. Hopefully tomorrow would be a far less eventful day.

Chapter Text

If there was someone that I didn’t want to run into today asides from Mr. Dickhead (a.k.a Mr. Schue) Quinn would be it. Ever since I laid eyes on her I was a goner. Mhmm I bet you wish you’d laid more than your eyes on her, huh Issac. Oh God, why am I such a pig? I guess I could actually say I was having the thoughts of a man? Eww, no stop Eli none of that sexist bullshit, you will be a fucking gentleman if it fucking kills you. I probably should stop saying fuck in every situation then, shouldn’t I. Yeah I am fucking crazy, but at least I’m home and this day went without a hitch, I even got to see an angel, so I guess I can’t really complain.

Quinn was confused when she had run into Elijah, she could have sworn she recognized those eyes. “Fuck he had beautiful eyes, but can I really forget about my secret crush for the new kid?” thought Quinn. She didn’t have much time to deal with the thoughts that where rushing through her head, when Brittany and Santana caught up to her. “Q, we should head over to practice or Schuester is going to blow chunks all over that ugly vest of his,” Santana says as Brittany laughs jumping up and down in agreement. “Fuck, I had completely forgotten all about that San, let’s go,” exclaims Quinn as they race towards the classroom.

Meanwhile Eli was back at home after a good first day, so he so he decided that he wanted to spend some time relaxing, and what better way to relax than by smoking a bowl? None, there is no fucking better way to unwind. Eli begins packing a bowl and settles in bed, as he reminisces on today’s events. I can’t believe that everything went off without a hitch, but I didn’t really spend too much time with the student population I wonder how things are going in Glee. No, stop that Issac. You know those dickweeds are probably celebrating because they don’t have to see or deal with Rachel anymore. But come on can you blame them? If there was someone that hated Rachel more than the student body, more than the glee club, it was you, wasn’t it? “Fucking shut up!” you yell at yourself. “Great, I’m supposed to be relaxing,” I say. Sigh I’m losing it, who care what glee thinks anyways, none of them will miss Rachel.

Mr. Schuester prided himself in being a hip teacher. He was always aware of the trends that were happening, and he was always there if his students needed help, so it really pissed him off to no ends when his students didn’t reciprocate. And who was pissing the shit out of him? Rachel, that is who, that little bitch was nowhere to be seen. Mr. Schue hadn’t seen her, and he was convinced she was going to go into glee and demand things to be her way, well not this year, this year Mr.Shue was going to be the alpha of the glee club. Determined to make sure Rachel knew he was the boss Mr. Schue strolls into the choir room.

“Hello guys, I want to get started off on the right foot, so I thought we would be doing things differently this year. I know last year a lot of our solos were given to the same people over and over, but this year things will be a little bit different, and we will be shaking things up, any questions?” Not hearing any response from his students Mr.Schue finally looked up from his board to see his students looking at him with various degrees of bored expressions, but none of them were the face of shock he wanted to see from Rachel, because well Rachel was no were to be seen.

“Guys have any of you seen Rachel?” questions Mr. Schue.

“Nope, and thank God for that Mr. Schue,” says Mercedes as Kurt high fives her.

“She probably is doing her diva thing and will be back tomorrow with a grand entrance demanding that we worship the diva that she is,” says Santana.

“Well okay, if you guys see her let her know that she is no longer Glee Captain. This little tantrum that she is throwing is ridiculous, and is costing us valuable rehearsal time!” yells Mr.Schue

Quinn can’t help but feel taken aback. Sure Rachel was a diva, but she was always there for the club, and now everyone was pretending like Rachel was the worst. Ugh, she couldn’t really say anything though, she was usually one of the ones who brought Rachel down with insults and slushies, but no that isn’t who she was going to be this year. After Beth she had told herself that she would be a better person, a more sensible person, and she would be damned if she let her daughter down. She didn’t hate Rachel, no she never had, but what was she supposed to do?

Her parents had thought her from an early age that she was supposed to be against homosexuality, and that homosexuals would go to hell. She doesn’t care too much for God and hell anymore. Where were they when she was kicked out of her home? Where was the good Christians who followed God? No, Quinn had learned that they couldn’t fucking be trusted, so why should she follow their rules when it came to loving someone. Love, yup she fucking loved Rachel Berry, but she was no were to be seen. How could she possibly apologize and make things right if she couldn’t even find her?

Quinn was sure of one thing though, if Rachel wasn’t in Glee what was her motivation to stay? In fact if Rachel wasn’t in school what was her motivation to keep on living? She had promised Beth that she would try, and she was holding on how she could. Quinn slowly caresses her stomach as she digs her fingers into her stomach a little harder, and she feels the all too familiar sting of the wounds she has there. Wounds that she had inflicted upon herself, to make her feel better about losing Beth. But if Rachel was gone, how could she continue living? “There is that Eli guy you met,” rings her inner voice, which brings Quinn crashing back into reality, and she realizes she almost went over the edge, but someone helped keep her at the edge, and it was a handsome brunette man, with beautiful eyes, but she was sure she was a lesbian. “Fuck, what am I going to do,” groaned Quinn.

At this all eyes turned towards Quinn. “Um, sorry, I was just thinking about something,” blushes Quinn.

“Its fine Quinn, we all have different amounts of hatred towards Rachel right now. But it is okay. I’ll let you guys go,” says Mr.Schue.

Everyone grabs their stuff and they head out the door, but Quinn remains seated. She is in no rush to get home, it’s not like she has a home. “Fuck.”

Chapter Text

Quinn stares at the blackboard wondering how long she could last without people finding out what had happened to her after Beth was born, it isn’t like anyone really bothered to keep tabs on her during the summer. Not even her best friends had any idea what had happened, or that for all intents and purposes she was living at the school.

Yes, the Captain of the Cherrios was taking refuge under the stage, “oh how the mighty have fallen,” Quinn bitterly thought. It just wasn’t fair that some people had to deal with fucking bullshit, but here she was a lonely girl sitting here waiting for everyone to leave the school, so she could go to her “little home.” But there was one thing that Quinn couldn’t forget about, or maybe two things and that is what had her so confused. When she closed her eyes all Quinn could see was dark chocolate pools, pools that made her swoon, and made her have the one thing that she needed, hope. But maybe she was reading too much into Eli’s brown eyes, but she was sure that she had seen them somewhere, but that couldn’t be could it? Could Rachel and Eli be related? Maybe Eli, had an idea on where Rachel was, and Quinn decided that she would ask him tomorrow. With a new determination for the next day, Quinn gathers her belongings and heads for the door.

Quinn walks briskly down the hall and ducks into the auditorium and stays beside the door, heart beating, wondering if anyone saw her. Though she knows it is very improbable for someone to have followed her, she still waits for twenty minutes, before she runs onto the stage. Once on the stage Quinn can relax and take a deep breath for she no longer has to worry about wandering eyes, she pulls back the hidden door on stage, and makes her way to her “home”. “Her home,” Quinn thinks bitterly as tears spring into her eyes, tears that she knows are her weakness seeping through the cracks in her once impenetrable armor. But how can she possibly make it out of this? “Quinn breathe,” she tells herself “tomorrow we will try to locate Rachel, and she can help us. She always was willing to help.”

Deciding that there is nothing more that she can do that night, Quinn decided to call it an early night, but not before indulging in her new favorite hobby. Quinn sits on the makeshift bed that she had fashioned out of old gym mats that she had smuggled from the storage outside; for a while Quinn worried that Coach Sue would find out and yell at her, but considering that she always got new mats for her Cherrios, that scenario wasn’t very likely. Quinn reaches for the Pokémon lunchbox that she hides underneath her mattress. Running her fingers over the worn out pattern of Charmander, Quinn remembers when she first got the lunchbox.

She was seven years old, and she was so in love with Ash, and his adventures. She loved all the Pokémon, but Charmander was her favorite. There was something about the way everyone saw him as strong, and unstoppable, and no one bothered to notice how fragile he really was, for if his tail fire dissipated he would die. Quinn remembers connecting with him on a level that she didn’t completely understand at the time, but she knew she had to have that lunchbox. She pleaded with her dad for weeks, pestering him every meal time. Her dad would always say the same thing “that is not for little girls Quinine, go and pick out a Barbie one, when we go shopping,” and her response always the same “but daddy I really love him, he is so adorable, and he is just like me.” After weeks of bothering her dad, he finally gave in with one condition that she would stop wearing jeans at home, and stick to dresses like good little Christian girls should wear. Quinn agreed not knowing, that by doing so she was enabling a power hungry egotistical man, but why would she know she was fucking seven, for Christ’s sake.

Feeling her tears clash with her trembling fingers was what pulled Quinn from the past. She takes one shaky breath, and opens the lunchbox as she picks up her only true friend: her razor. The razor glistens with the relief Quinn desires, as she once again caves in to its lure. She slowly lifts her shirt revealing three long slashes, that have been reopened time and time again, without a second thought she brings the razor down, and in one swift move reliefs herself from her troubles. The blood gushes down her stomach, as she stares transfixed, and in awe of what she did. Closing her eyes she lets herself relish the feeling for a while, until she knows she needs to clean up. She takes her top completely off, and heads to the small bathroom that is down there.

Great now I am no longer high and I am starving. Fuck it I am going to go make myself something to eat. Really Eli! What the fuck do you know how to cook, please enlighten me? Fuck inner me, you are right, I don’t know how to cook, maybe I should order takeout, nah, I’ll just eat this granola bar and call it a night, I know that tomorrow will be a big day. Day one of real classes, fuck me. I head down to the kitchen and grab myself a chocolate chip granola bar, and serve myself a glass of milk. Fuck it feels so good not to have to pretend to be Vegan. Fucking Rachel Berry and her fucking stupid ideas, sigh, I need to stop dissing her, and she was after all just a product of my imagination. I eat quickly as I want to get a god nights rest, tomorrow will be a new day.

Chapter Text

“Another one bites the dust, and another” blares from my alarm clock jarring me awake. I don’t know why I choose that song to wake me up, fuck it was a bad choice now I have a massive headache. If only I could have a massive erection instead. Fuck Eli stop that bullshit take your mind out of the gutter, you already started the day on a bad note. Today will be a long ass day for me, it is just fucking awesome that I have to start it with a headache.

I walk towards the bathroom to take a shower, and can’t help but sigh at the breasts protruding from my chest, while it will only be a couple of months before I have top surgery, the time is dragging. For now, I will have to deal with this dysphoria as it comes, because what the fuck else am I supposed to do? Sighing I open the shower door and step inside letting the water cascade over me as I unscrew the shampoo and begin lathering it before applying it to my hair. I love the smell of musk, I always dreaded using flowery scented shampoos, but now I am able to be me, and it is very refreshing.

Lost in my thoughts I almost forget that I have to be on my way to school, but I have to get this over with. I wanted to be myself in this fucking cow town, so now I must deal with the consequences. I rummage through my closet trying to decide what to wear today until I settle on a Seattle Sounders bright neon jersey, and a pair of jeans with black converse, and a Batman snapback. I look in the mirror to double check that my binder isn’t visible, and that I still look like myself. It is only Tuesday, and I have to wait till Saturday to take my T-shot. Sometimes I want to take them every day so that I can see improvements faster, but that isn’t how they work.

I glance in the mirror one more time before dashing downstairs. I grab my book bag, and my keys and head to the garage. I look at my baby and wonder if Quinn would ever consider ridding with me, shaking those thoughts out of my head, I jump on baby and speed off towards school.

Saying that Mr. Schue was pissed was an understatement, he couldn’t understand why Rachel was fucking messing with him this way! This was his fucking year to win Nationals, but leave it to Rachel to be thinking of no one but her fucking self, just like always. William couldn’t comprehend how someone could be so selfish, without realizing that he was the most selfish of them all; he didn’t realize that by pushing his agenda, all that he was doing was pushing his students away. William had pushed and pushed till Rachel couldn’t take it, but he would never understand.

William looked in the mirror as he fixed his hair one more time, he just couldn’t get his curls to cooperate with him, they had a mind of all their own. Ugh, he couldn’t get them right and he needed to get to school on time. Fuck it he was going to have to deal with his messy hair today. He heads to his garage and almost gets in his car, but remembers that he wants to impress Emma today, so he backtracks and goes into his living room where he spots a pink rose on a mahogany table, and he can’t help but smile. Emma always puts a smile on his face, and he knows it is only a matter of time before Emma is his.

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Quinn wakes up to the familiar slow beat of a heart. She softly smiles, as she recalls who that heartbeat belongs too. When she first thought about setting her alarm to the first heartbeat of Beth’s she had received, she was conflicted, she wasn’t sure if she had any right to it, but she knew that she needed that in her life. Quinn needed that piece of Beth in order to keep her sane, well saner. She knew that she was slipping and she was slipping quickly; not knowing if she really wanted someone to save her. Sighing she reluctantly gets up and begins to gather what she needs for the day.

The HBIC grabbed her school books, a clean uniform, and a granola bar. Fuck, she thought. It was her last granola bar, and she didn’t have any money. She knew that she would have to try to steal some food from the cafeteria later that night. Reluctantly she makes her way out of her home and heads for the locker rooms.

Her life wasn’t at all how she had planned it out, definitely wasn’t the way that her family had planned it out for her, but here she was. Sixteen years old, homeless, suicidal, and fucking crazy. How did she end up like this? God, she needed help.

After her shower, Quinn decided that she needed to find out where Rachel had gotten herself into because she knew that if she didn’t find her today, she would cease to exist come the weekend.
Fuck I’m already here might as well go in. It’s not like I don’t want to get an education, I do, and I need it, but sometimes I wish that I had stayed in New York. I pray that I don’t run into anyone that Rachel knew, though, that would be annoying as fuck. But whatever let’s do this.

Walking through the hallways without getting as much as a second glance is a nice change of pace, as to what Rachel was used to. As I approach my locker, I hear a shriek and I turn around to see Kurt covered in a blue slushy. I smirk as I can’t help but feel a small tinge of pleasure that he is clearly in distress. Not wanting to be caught in the crossfire, though, I grab my books and head towards English.

As I approach the teacher I am certain that this class will be boring, since Ms. Bird hadn’t even bothered to notice I was standing next to her. Ha Ms. Bird, I wonder if she would get mad if I ask her if she is married to Big Bird. I chuckle at my joke and notice that she finally looks up at me with a look of annoyance on her face.

Wiping the smile off my face I put on my “Fuck off” face. “Hi, I’m new here. My name is Eli,” I tell her as I extend my hand to shake hers. Big Bird’s wife looks down at my outstretched hand, sighs, and gives me a short but firm handshake. “Eli, welcome to class. You can have a seat next to Ms. Fabray.” Hearing her name Quinn looks up and stares at me. Fuck my life, of all the people that could possibly be in my class, it had to be her. Not bad enough having her in a class now I have to sit next to her and feign interest in the class. But what choice do I have?

I approach Quinn and take a seat as she moves her binder to accommodate my notebook. “Hi Quinn, I’m sorry that I had to sit next to you,” I start. Smiling softly at me she says “Not a problem,” as she continues to write notes on her binder. Fuck, I knew I should have stayed in New York! As the class starts I begin to zone out, and know I will need to sneak a smoke before my next class, Quinn lightly taps me on the arm.

“Eli, can I ask you something,” she quietly asks me. I nod my head, yes, so she can continue. Smiling at her lap, she says “I know that you might not know me, but I feel like I’ve known you for a long time. There was this girl, Rachel, who used to go to this school, who you remind me of. I was wondering if maybe you knew anything about her, since your kind of look like her, I figured you might be related. I just want to make things right with her, and offer her the friendship that she always wanted, and I refused,” noticing that she had gone off topic, she blushes a slight crimson color.

As endearing as hearing her talk about missing Rachel, I need to get out of here. Of all the people who noticed that I look like Rachel, it had to be her. Well, you used to be Rachel, so. Shut up inner me, this is not the time for jokes, this is the time to panic. Quick, she’s looking at us, she expects an answer, lie, lie now, Eli!

I shake my head to clear it as I look her in the eye and say” Yes, I knew her. I will tell you everything, today after school.” She seems satisfied by my answer if her bright smile is anything to go by. “Thanks,” she says as she gives me a quick hug. Great now I am stuck having to tell her all about me. Maybe I can get away with disappearing before I have to tell her anything. But the smile on her face and the hug she gave me are exactly why I need to talk to her after all, that is why I didn't stay in New York where I was wanted.

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Fuck, what the fuck, was I thinking! I can’t fucking tell her everything, she is going to freak the fuck out, and then what? Everyone will find out what is going on, and then I’ll be forced to move back to New York with a broken heart. Fuck it, I’m going to skip all my classes today, I simply can’t deal with today! I slowly leave the class and head towards the bleachers. Getting high isn’t something that I wanted to do in school, but difficult situations call for drastic measures. I pull out my cigarette pack, and fish out the one joint I keep them for emergencies. And if this isn’t an emergency. “Fuck, you are a dumbass Isaac!” I mumble to myself. Great just 6 hours to go until my life is over, I sigh as I continue to smoke, letting the smoke caress my lungs and letting the all too familiar high give me a welcome hug.
¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬Having Eli agree to help me was easier than I thought it would be, but I’m glad that he knows what is going on with Rachel. Knowing what is going on with her I’ll be able to continue living my life, instead of ending it, perhaps I’ll find out if she left town and go find her, instead of staying in this hell hole.
But would she really take me in, after everything that I did to her? I know I wouldn’t take me in. I’m a hopeless soul looking for pity from my number one target; I bet Eli has no idea what kinds of things I put her through, maybe that’s where I should start.
Maybe if Eli knows how much of a fucking bitch monster I am he’ll reconsider, and I can proceed to end it all. Or should I maybe tell him my secrets? I ponder my situation as I rub my stomach bringing the al to familiar sting to the surface grounding me
Fuck! When the fuck did we get to last period? Oh well, I guess my mindset has been on Rachel and Eli this whole time, so maybe I should go find Eli now. Great, I’m a fucking moron, I should have set a place to meet, and now I have no idea where to start looking.
Well I did see him ride into the parking lot in his bike. Yeah, you wish that wasn’t all he was riding right Quinine. Oh, my fucking god shut up! I’m fucking losing it, I don’t want to ride Issac, or do I? But I love Rachel, I just don’t know how to reconcile that I like them both, maybe. Focus, Q, go find Isaac and have a talk with him, after all it is what you need to either life or die.
I sigh as I walk towards the parking lot hoping that I will find Issac.
¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬ I look down at my watch and realize that the last bell just rang, and I should probably go find Quinn. Fuck, this is going to be bad, I think, as I kick the dirt. I mean I know that I wanted Quinn to notice me, but what if she can’t accept me for the man that I am. I know that time heals all wounds, but I’m afraid one more rejection and I will never be able to date anyone without being an ass.
As I approach my bike, I notice Quinn standing by my bike nervously biting her lip. God, she is so fucking beautiful, I can’t believe God blesses us with such a beautiful creature. She seems like she is about to bail though, so Issac you must make a move, this is what you came back for dude, grow some balls. Sigh, if only I could. Focus dumbass, approach her, and say hi, don’t be Finn. And with that thought all doubts vanish as I approach Quinn.
“Hey Quinn, sorry if I took a while, I was just lost in my thoughts,” I say as I throw a smirk at her. God, I love to see her blush. “It’s fine Eli, umm I’m kind of nervous to talk to you about Rachel, but can we maybe go somewhere quiet to talk, I don’t think we should do this out in the open,” Quinn says.
“Of course, we could go to my house, and talk if that is okay with you, “I say. Fucking Eli, really? You are going to take her back to the house! She is fucking going to figure you out in a heartbeat your stupid piece of shit, now what! You can’t backtrack she is going to think you don’t want to talk! Fuck, I’m stupid. I start panicking internally as I absentmindedly rub my neck. Ah that smile, then it maybe isn’t a lost cause. “Sure, but I don’t have a car.” I smirk once more putting on my best sex face on and lean in to her ear and whisper “Oh no worries beautiful, you can ride me, I mean with me,” I say as I wink at her.
Yup watching her blush is one of my favorite things in the world. I wonder how deep her blush goes. I wonder if it gets past her breasts and into her… who reign it in horn dog. “Okay,” Quinn whispers as I hand her my helmet and begin the journey to my house. Time for everything to be out in the open, no more secrets. With that in mind I race out of the parking lot and towards the Berry’s home for the beginning or the end.