There’s a subtle tell in the way Shepard moves but Kaidan picks them out all the same. It’s there in the restless shifting from leg to leg as Shepard briefs Hackett over vidcom, like he can’t bear to stay still and maybe he can’t. It’s there in the almost imperceptible catch in breath as Shepard sits up after an hour of tossing and turning at Kaidan’s side, the small grunt he tries to hide as he rises from their bed. These things are masked in adrenaline and the heat of battle but there are none of those things here.
In the end, his body betrays him- Shepard letting his hand drift to the small of his back the only concession that anything is wrong and Kaidan watches all of this from the bed with veiled eyes, hurting right along with him.
The sound of the shower springing to life brings Kaidan to his feet. Only the door to the head separates them and it glides open at his approach, a wall of steam hitting him full on. It’s a testament to his suffering that Shepard doesn’t react, eyes screwed shut as he seeks relief in the hot water beating down his back. Kaidan takes him in his arms and Shepard gives in, forehead resting against forehead, the heat melting their troubles into a warm, liquid lassitude.
Shepard’s smile can be felt against his lips and Kaidan is glad at this small thing more than anything, though the moment breaks as Shepard shifts from one foot to the other and a hiss escapes him. Kaidan sets his hands in motion, easing sore muscle as best he can, knowing full well that Shepard wouldn’t go to Chakwas for what he’d deem a triviality.
Something rough and warm rumbled from within Shepard and he has plenty of sighs for the touch on his back. It’s a delicious sound and Kaidan wants to hear more of it, so his kneading goes deeper, working out each knot he can find and Shepard is vocal in his appreciation. He demonstrates it, too, mouthing at Kaidan’s shoulder in open kisses against wet skin.
This wasn’t supposed to be about Kaidan’s needs, it wasn’t supposed to be anything other than for Shepard but Shepard always does what he wants and it’s a struggle for Kaidan not to lose himself to the teeth leaving marks along his collar bone.
There’s one way to win this fight. Pulling away meets with strong disapproval but Kaidan has no interest in cooperating. He sinks and Shepard shields him from the shower’s stream. The titanium floor not exactly kind to his knees but Kaidan has other concerns at the moment, not caring a damn when he gets to sit on his heels for a front row seat to the best show in the galaxy.
Droplets hang from Shepard’s thick, black lashes, his pupils big and hungry. His breaths get magnified in this small space, but they are no less heavy, no less wanting. With his head canted forward, he watches Kaidan back, a tiny waterfall created by the tip of his nose. Little rivulets chase each other down the planes of lean abdomen, catching in the thatch of coarse hair that frames what Kaidan needs after all.
Kaidan takes Shepard in hand, nuzzling the flesh at the base of his cock. There’s a little bit of luck in that the water hasn’t yet had a chance to wash the scent away and it is musk and sweat and strong and hits Kaidan right in the base of his spine.
There’s no need to rush so Kaidan doesn’t, taking time to work his way around the crease of a defined hip with long strokes of the tongue. Even Commander Shepard can’t defend against a tickle to the inner thigh and Kaidan loves everything about the quiver he gets.
Kaidan ignores the fact that Shepard is half hard and demanding his attention right now to instead work on a belly button that too often goes without, capturing the sparse hairs that ring it to tug at them with his teeth. The area deserves its own exploration and Kaidan insists on dipping into it in a probing kiss, the broken little moan from deep within Shepard’s chest only reaffirming that decision.
Fingers knife across his scalp with a degree of urgency that pleases Kaidan no end, so he finally moves on to the main event. There’s a heft to Shepard that goes along with the rest of him, but the satin here is something Kaidan finds nowhere else. His tongue begins in long licks from base to tip and back again until all Kaidan can hear are the cracks starting to form with every breath Shepard takes and even Kaidan has had enough of his teasing.
Breathing in, he takes Shepard into his mouth and now there’s a taste to go along with that scent that he can’t live without. He delivers a kiss here too, one hand at the base for more control beginning a lazy stroke while the other cups the curve of perfect ass to feel it flex under his touch. Shepard is most sensitive at the crown and Kaidan puts this knowledge to good use, tongue moving in easy swirls along the ridge. Back and forth between this and a gentle suction as he cradles the whole thing between his lips sets Shepard’s thighs to quaking.
So delicious a thing- for Kaidan to be on his knees and have this man trembling for him.
Hands shift to steady hips as Kaidan begins to move and he needs that because there’s no way he’s letting Shepard get away from him. His tongue curls to embrace the shaft, pressing it to the roof of his mouth as he glides along it and just a little more suction-
Shepard bucks- bucks hard- but Kaidan is ready for him. He opens up his throat and takes Shepard down to the root.
The groan Shepard makes is this primal thing, so mindless, so completely and utterly shattered that it makes Kaidan want to smile but that has to wait since his mouth is otherwise occupied. He holds Shepard there, working his jaw with his nose mashed against Shepard’s belly and the smell of sex is too strong to be washed away. Coarse hairs tickle his chin more than he expected but he loves this too much to make it a distraction.
Withdrawing makes breathing easier but Kaidan is soon at it again, though this time, his eyes are on Shepard and it’s no surprise that Shepard has his eyes on him. Right now, Shepard is his to play with so he does. He toys with the slit that’s weeping for him, getting a first taste. It is salty and bitter and his knees are complaining but Kaidan wouldn’t have it any other way.
He engulfs Shepard again to see what happens, swallowing as he hits bottom and Shepard nearly spasms though neither look away. Shepard is a study in exquisite agony, eyes losing focus as his brows knit together, lips parted just enough that Kaidan knows he’s done what he set out to do even before an insistent hand is in his hair, urging him onwards. There’s no softness here, just Shepard at war with himself, dancing on a razor’s edge between pleading and demanding for anything Kaidan can give him as desperation ramps up and up and up.
Kaidan is not so cruel that he can ignore this- well, maybe a little cruel. His fingers delve deeper, finding that spot behind the scrotum that makes Shepard shout, letting out a string of obscenities that he normally saves for dealing with the Council. Kaidan pretends to take no notice but he gives another press that leaves Shepard ditching the last of his coherence.
This is it. The torture has been enough for both of them. Kaidan quickly begins to suck in earnest while Shepard quickly loses his mind. The pace reaches a frenzy and Kaidan lets Shepard thrust into him, no other word besides fucking to describe what Shepard does to his mouth and Kaidan loves it, loves every part of this mad dash to the end, fingers digging into Shepard’s hips to guide the way.
Kaidan feels the moment just before Shepard erupts- balls tightening, shaft twitching, the need for air- and he opens himself up even more to let Shepard pours himself down his throat. It seems to go on forever and it would be a marvelous thing if it only could.
He finishes up, guiding Shepard through the smaller aftershocks with his tongue. Each lick leaves Shepard a wreck, but Kaidan won’t let up until he knows every trace bit of evidence is gone. He’s just about done when a tight grip hauls him to his feet and there’s Shepard, lower lip swelling from where it got bitten somewhere along the way. Kaidan lets him claim his mouth this way too, and Shepard shares in his own taste before his legs give out.
He nearly forgets to turn off the shower but Kaidan gets them moving back to bed and he’s glad to see Shepard moving freely. None of that caution, none of that hesitation is here now.
Shepard is blissfully asleep the instant his head hits the pillow but even in sleep, he throws an arm around Kaidan as soon as Kaidan curls up alongside him, as his arm alone could shield them from what dangers lay waiting.
And just for this second, it could and that had to be good enough for now.