Work Header

A Sudden Change! The Avengers Kick ***!

Work Text:

“What. The. HELL!?!?!?” Clint asked, looking down at himself in horror. He was wearing a miniskirt, knee high boots, and opera gloves. There was something around his neck, and something resting on his forehead. His bow was unstrung. And looked like something from WOW, all curves and bright colours. He looked up. The others all looked similar, though their specific colours were all different.


“Score! Just look at my chest! And my legs!” Tony crowed, doing a very sexy happy dance. “Damn, where’s a mirror when you need one? Hey Clint, does this skirt make my butt look fat? “He turned to the villain they’d gathered to fight. “Hey, ugly, reassigning genders without the permission of others is wrong and says troubling things about your mental state! In the name of corporate responsibility, I’ll punish you! Repulsor beam!” He brought both arms before him, forming a spot of energy between his hands and throwing it at the villain.


“Where’s my shield?” Steve asked, seeming not so bothered by the change as by the fact that his weapon had, in fact, disappeared when it occurred.


A knife flew down out of nowhere, scaring off one of the robot minions that had gotten a little to close to the panicking captain. Clint looked up to see a very dapper man with Natasha’s red hair and green eyes leap down and pull Steve out of the line of fire.


“Try the tiara!” Called the Coulson-cat hiding behind a nearby tree. “My niece used to watch this show, and I gave her a tiara that flew like a Frisbee for her birthday one year.”


“Right! Captain Sheild Magic!” Steve yelled, tossing the tiara and watching it expand mid-throw to the regular one they were all used to seeing.


“I actually like this! It’s far better than turning into the Hulk.” Bruce said mildly from behind him. He turned to see the other man tearing apart robots with his dainty fingers, obviously still very strong in this transformed state. Then he noticed one sneaking up from behind Tony. Before he can shout a warning, Bruce sees it too and his face goes furious. “Gamma Bomb Smash!” He calls out, and giant green fist flies from when he’s standing to slam the robot against the wall.


“You use the mystics of magic in an attempt to deceive us? I shall not stand for it! Bow before the glory of Thor! Asgard Lightning Crash!” The huge bolt struck their enemy head on, causing him to fall unconscious and the robots to go crazy.


Clint shrugged. “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.” He muttered, lips curling up. “Hawk Concussive Snipe!”