It’s raining outside. The noises of raindrops hitting the ground are barely noticeable. Bilbo hates it. She regrets choosing this small house near the woods for her home. But who is there to blame? This is her first home since she got out of the Orphanage. Indeed, she prefers the peaceful life away from large towns and noisy streets. She made it out of the dirt, she became successful writer.
Part of her misses the time when she was just an orphan girl, living with other orphan boys and girls. She misses Thorin, her first love.
Thorin was another girl, living in the Orphanage. They were something like friends back then. Even after so many years it’s hard for Bilbo to tell what was going on in Thorin’s head.
“Thorin, hey… Wait for me!” Bilbo gave her best to keep up with Thorin, but her short legs betrayed her. For a second she was running after the other girl and then, in a blink of an eye, she was down in the dirt. Her knees were bleeding, hands hurting, pride nowhere to be found. But Bilbo got up; she would never show Thorin how hurt she is. (And we are not talking about the knees and hands.) Plus Thorin was always grumpy in the end of the school day. The black-haired girl didn’t look back until they were back in the Orphange. “What happened to your knees?” Thorin asked, taking a knee in front of Bilbo, so she can see the injury better. “Why didn’t you say anything, Bilbo? This looks bad.” Bilbo blushed, trying to hide her knee with her tiny hands. “You look mad. I’m scared to talk to you when you look mad.” The words were whispered. Thorin looked up to see Bilbo’s face. “You shouldn’t be. I’m never mad at you, Bilbo. You are my precious friend.” There was something like a tiny smile on Thorin’s lips while she was taking care of Bilbo’s wounds.
Bilbo is so close to crying. She has to write her biographical book, she really wants to write about all those beautiful memories, but how can one explain love with a few words? How can she explain what is like to have Thorin next to her? Or the way her heart died when Thorin walked out of her life?
“Where are you going?” Bilbo was standing in the center of the room she was sharing with Thorin for the past 4 years. “I want to reclaim my home.I don’t belong here.” The other girl said, without looking at Bilbo. “Your home? Thorin we are orphans. Do you know what that mean?” The answer didn’t come. “Okay, I’ll tell you. It’s because they don’t want us, needs us, love us. We are the trash they are throwing out at the moment we were born and..” “SHUT UP.” Thorin kicked the drawer. “You know nothing for me. My parents didn’t give up on me. They were killed. And you are just whining brat. I thought you are my friend, Bilbo. I thought that you were wrong. “ It was as if someone hit Bilbo in the stomach. She was hurt, but part of her knew that Thorin’s word were true. So she kept quiet, watching the other girl finish packing and walking out of the door. Only if she knew that she will never see her again.
Bilbo rubbed her forehead. She is tired. Writing this biographical book is too hard. Especially when there are so many things you don’t want to remember.
“I need some tea and I walk in the woods.” Bilbo mumbled to herself.
Walking in the woods is something Bilbo does often. Living alone has many flaws, someone can murder you in your sleep and people will find your body weeks (maybe even months later). It’s not like someone is going to look for Bilbo anyway. Her agent, Gandalf, knows that if he wants the work done in time, he should let her be. She grabbed a cup of tea and walked outside. The fact that it’s raining slowly wasn’t a problem at all.
Walks in the forest are her favorite part of the day. They make her calm. It’s hard to think of the past when there is so much beauty around you.
“Hey, Bilbo, wake up. Wake up now!” Bilbo was trying to push Thorin away from her. “What’s the time?” her voice was sounding really sleepy and even weaker than usual. “It’s 3 in the morning. Wake up. You will miss the stars!” Bilbo let Thorin drag her out of the bed and to the window. The night sky indeed was so beautiful with all the stars shining so bright. But for Bilbo, the eyes of the dark-haired girl next to her are more beautiful than billion stars. She pretended to be listening Thorin’s words. The other girl was so excited, pointing at the stars and giving them names. She didn’t realize that her head was resting on Thorin’s shoulder. Soon Bilbo was sleeping again, smiling softly. This was the best night in her life.
Bilbo could feel the tears going down her cheeks. A few years ago, this memory was going to make her smile, now it’s just part of the unwanted past.
She places the cup slowly on the ground, then sits down. Who cares if her white skirt will get dirty? After all, she came out from the dirt, right? She took a sip from the tea just to realize that there is more rain water than actual tea in the cup.
“What sad picture you are, Bilbo. You are so helpless. “
“Sad indeed, but not helpless, you never were.” The soft voice behind her made Bilbo turn around.
She is standing there, holding umbrella to protect herself from the rain. It’s Thorin.
“This is interesting thing to say about me. I’m the whining brat, remember?”
The words are leaving bitter taste in Bilbo’s mouth. She hates it – seeing Thorin after so much time and acting like this.
Thorin is silent. She put the umbrella away and sat down next to Bilbo. She has a soft smile playing on her lips.
“I found my grandparents. You know, I have an older sister and two nephews. It took me a lot of time, but I did it in the end. So I was sitting in the living room, in my own home. The home I reclaimed. What do you think? How was I feeling then?”
Bilbo was biting her lip, trying to come out with something smart. Thorin raised her hand and slowly place it on Bilbo’s cheek as if she was afraid to do so.
“I was feeling empty. I tried to find my home; I didn’t realize that I left it behind. I left you behind. I don’t want you to forgive me, I just want you to let me visit you from time to time. You are my home Bilbo, I’m sorry that it took me years to understand it…”
Thorin found it hard to finish with Bilbo’s lips on her own.
It’s raining outside. And somewhere there, in the woods, near to a little house you can see two girls in the dirt. They are laughing, hugging and kissing - way too happy to care about how wet they will get.