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Puppy Tails - New bed

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2.00am Uncle Sherlock kicked me off the bed with his giant foot. They’re as big as me.

2.10am I managed to get back on the bed on dad’s side. He rolled over into Uncle Sherlock to give me room. I don’t know why uncle Sherlock has to sleep on my side anyway.

2.30am There was a big thud as uncle Sherlock fell off the bed. Dad sat up. “Sherlock?”

2.31am Uncle Sherlock got back into bed saying something about a ‘Super King’. I’m stuck in between their feet now. Dad has smelly feet, but at least he doesn’t fart as much when uncle Sherlock’s in bed with us.

7.00am Dad woke up he picked me up and put me outside the bedroom and closed the door. I think I went back to sleep then.

7.30am Uncle Sherlock picked me up and carried me downstairs. I had my breakfast and a pee on the puppy training pad.

8.00am Dad came downstairs and stepped on my puppy training pad.

8.01am Dad hopped to the bathroom.

8.10am Uncle Sherlock’s watching me hump dad’s cushion and laughing.

8.15am The fire alarm’s going off. I woofed it hurt my ears. Uncle Sherlock’s trying to cook again.

8.20am Dad ate some burnt toast uncle Sherlock made.

8.50am Lestrade phoned, uncle Sherlock said ‘we’re going to have some fun’.

9.25am We were in some old house, in a room with a dead body. A man called Anderson told uncle Sherlock I was contaminating his crime scene. Uncle Sherlock told him to ‘piss off’.

9.30am Anderson and me and dad were sent outside. Dad is holding me and looking at Anderson like he does when I’ve pee’d somewhere I’m not supposed to.

10.00am Lestrade has his head in his hands and uncle Sherlock is speaking very fast and looking almost as happy as he does when he comes out of the bedroom in the morning.

10.05am I need a pee.

10.10am Dad took me for a walk up the street and I relived myself.

10.30am We’re going to see someone called John Lewis. I hope he has sausages.

10.31am The taxi/box we’re in smells funny. Smells like metal I try to tell dad and Uncle Sherlock by barking and sniffing the carpet.

10.32am Uncle Sherlock touched the carpet on the floor his fingers are all red.

10.45am The taxi/box is half on the curb half in the street. Uncle Sherlock’s locked me in the back. Dad’s got the taxi driver in a headlock on the floor and uncle Sherlock is on his phone.

11.00am The blue lights are here, the taxi driver must have been a bad man. They put him in a white van and drove away.

11.05am Lestrade is back and he has a sausage roll for me. I eat it all.

11.15am Dad and uncle Sherlock have decided to walk to see John Lewis.

11.30am I’m disappointed John Lewis isn’t a person. It’s a shop.

11.45am I’m under uncle Sherlock’s coat again. I’m not allowed in the shop otherwise.

11.50am Dad’s bouncing up and down on a bed.

11.55am Sherlock’s bouncing on the bed with dad. I’m still in his coat I feel a bit sick.

12.30pm The sales lady said they would deliver today if uncle Sherlock stops telling customers their life stories. Uncle Sherlock suggested she throw in some bedding too.

13.00pm Dad got some fried chicken and peeled the crumbs off and fed it to me. It’s more healthy than sausage, but not as tasty.

13.05pm Uncle Sherlock gave me half of his doughnut.

13.10pm Dad shouted at uncle Sherlock for giving me doughnut.

13.20pm I’m was a bit tired, we had to walk home. Dad doesn’t want to get into another taxi/box for the rest of his life.

13.25pm Uncle Sherlock picked me up and carried me.

15.00pm Woke up on uncle Sherlock’s lap on the sofa. I could hear dad shouting from Sherlock’s bedroom.

15.05pm Dad’s bringing bits of uncle Sherlock’s bed out of the room and putting them on the landing. “You could bloody help.” He says to Uncle Sherlock.

15.10pm Uncle Sherlock went to help dad.

15.15pm I hadn’t seen them for a bit so I went to have a look. They were lying on the floor. Uncle Sherlock was on top of dad, doing that ‘kissing’ thing again. I woofed at them.

15.30pm There was a big space in Sherlock’s room where the bed was. A bit of the carpet was ripped up by the edge. I had a sniff, there was a box in there.

15.35pm Dad took the box I found. Uncle Sherlock’s secret stash apparently and threw it in the bin.

15.45pm The doorbell rang, dad put me over his shoulder to take me up to his bedroom. Uncle Sherlock was going though the bin behind his back.

15.46pm Dad shut me in his bedroom. I went climbed up on the bed and went to sleep.

17.00pm Dad came up to get me.

17.05pm Dad put my dinner down and went into uncle Sherlock’s bedroom. I could see uncle Sherlock in the new bed with no clothes on. They really do spend a lot more time in bed than they used too. I hope I don’t tire them out too much.

17.15pm Time for my walk. Uncle Sherlock got dressed, and told dad he’s going ‘commando’. Dad said it would have to be a quick walk.

17.30pm It was a quick walk. Dad and uncle Sherlock went back to bed.

17.45pm Uncle Sherlock’s watching the news shouting and dad’s ordering a pizza with sausage!

18.20pm Uncle Sherlock’s fed me sausage. Dad’s said he ‘gives up.’

19.00pm I’m sniffing the new bed. It’s really bigger. Not sure it’s big enough for me and uncle Sherlock’s feet though.

19.15pm Uncle Sherlock’s sat on the sofa rubbing dad’s bad shoulder with something that smells spicy.

19.20pm Dad’s gone all floppy and is lying with his head on uncle Sherlock’s lap. Uncle Sherlock is running his fingers through dad’s head hair and dad looks really happy.

19.25pm I want Uncle Sherlock to rub under my collar. I jump up on dads lap and get close to uncle Sherlock’s hand. Dad laughs.

19.30pm Dad sat up so I could sit on uncle Sherlock’s lap and he could smooth me. He didn’t like my bum in his face.

20.00pm Dad turned the telly over to watch a film called Some Like it Hot.

20.30pm Uncle Sherlock is sulking. Dad likes ‘Sugar’ too much. Dad says to keep watching because he’s going to do what ‘Sugar’ does to ‘Junior’ later.

21.30pm Uncle Sherlock is undoing his shirt buttons. He’s gone a bit red after seeing what ‘Sugar’ did to ‘Junior’.

22.02pm the film finishes and dad jumped on uncle Sherlock.

22.05pm They got undressed on the way to the bedroom. They left the door open this time.

22.10pm Uncle Sherlock’s feet are still in the way. I got up and moved to dad’s side. I snuggled into his tummy and stretched. I’ve got lots more space.

22.30pm Dad and uncle Sherlock are snoring.

22.45pm Dad rolled over a bit as I snuggled into him.

22.50pm There was a bang as uncle Sherlock fell off the bed again. Dad opened an eye. “I think we need to get a bed guard for you Sherlock.” Uncle Sherlock sat up his hair was sticking out everywhere.