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The Air That I Breathe

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Cas sat on the rooftop outside of his bedroom at Sonny’s boy’s home puffing at a joint. A small dribble of blood dried along his cheekbone and his eye was already beginning to swell from a fight he’d just had with his roommate Dean. Cas didn’t like fighting much, and he didn’t mean to fight with Dean at all, but sometimes he says things he doesn’t mean and then can’t really get himself out of it--which was one of reasons that landed him in the boy’s home to begin with. Dean knew what Cas was like, he didn’t want to fight him either, he’d just been so on edge ever since his dad dropped him at the home.

Dean sat on his bed running his fingers over the welt that Cas left on his forehead, his eyes continuously wandering over to the window. Dean wanted to apologize, he didn’t mean to swing at Cas first. He liked Cas, really, more than most people he knew anyway. Cas was sweet, and Dean related to him more than any friend he’d ever had. They’d shared similar experiences, life on the road and an unreasonable drunk of a father. Despite Dean’s ego, he stood and walked to the window, crawling cautiously out onto the rooftop and plopping down beside Cas.

“Come to finish the job and toss me over the side?” Cas said with a smirk.

“No, Sonny would make me clean up the mess tomorrow and I really hate cleaning," Dean chuckled, "I uh..I actually wanted to say sorry. I didn’t mean to hit you, I was just kind of seeing red is all.” Dean scratched the back of his head and stared down at the ground beneath them.

“Don’t worry about it, I shouldn’t have opened my mouth.”

The two shared a forgiving look and Cas reconciled by taking a drag off of the joint and passing it over to Dean. Dean held it between his fingers and stared for a moment, he’d never smoked pot before but he guessed there was no better opportunity to try it than now. Still he was nervous, he didn’t want to look dumb in front of Cas. After holding the smoke in for a few moments Cas blew it into a hazy cloud above their heads.

“The first time can be sort of strange,” he said, “if you’d like I can help you. I needed help my first time too.” He smiled, they were the same age but Cas seemed so much older. He’d had so much more experience than Dean with so many different things.

“Yeah, sure.” Dean said as Cas pulled the joint from Dean’s fingertips.

“Okay, I’m going to take a hit and then blow the smoke into your mouth. Because it’s your first time you’re more than likely going to cough your lungs up. And don’t just hold the smoke in your mouth either, you have to breathe it in all the way and hold it for a few seconds or it won’t work.”

Dean nodded in response to the instructions and Cas took a drag and placed his hand on Dean’s shoulder, pulling him in. Cas’ face was nearly an inch away from Dean’s as a thin river of smoke drifted from one mouth to the other. Cas’ eyes were fixed Dean’s lips, and Dean, feeling awkward, looked all around him, scared that Cas would look up and make eye contact with him. Dean did just as he was told and breathed in, and Cas was right, it almost immediately burned the crap out of Dean’s throat but he did his best to keep from choking, he didn’t want to look weak. He pulled his head away and looked in the other direction.

“It’s okay if you need to cough, don’t hold back or it will only get worse. It’s better to get that burn out now.” Cas chuckled to himself.

A moment later Dean’s whole body jolted as he entered a coughing fit, the smoke shot out of his mouth and slowly dissipated in the air around them. Cas rubbed Dean’s back, hoping to ease his lungs a bit.

“Jesus Christ! That was awful!” Dean said, “Could I try it again?”

Cas laughed, “Sure, do you want to try it on your own this time?”

“Maybe you could help me one more time?” Dean said nervously.

Cas raised his eyebrow and a smile stretched across his face as he inhaled deeply from the joint again. He leaned in and held Dean’s chin with his thumb and index finger and blew the hot smoke into his mouth slowly. Once again, Cas’ eyes were fixed on Dean’s mouth, and Dean’s eyes were fixed on Cas. The smoke still burned his throat, but not as bad as the first time. He was definitely better able to avoid a coughing fit. Cas’ eyes slowly rose to meet Dean’s, who, after a moment tilted his head upward to blow out the smoke. Dean looked back down and Cas was even closer than before. His eyes were slightly glassy, and only a little bit bloodshot, highlighting the already bright blue irises inside of them.

If Dean had done things like this back at home his ass would have been beaten to a pulp already. He couldn’t think of a single reason not to act on his feelings anymore. Cas was handsome, gentle and kind, and Dean was very relaxed around him. Slowly, Dean closed his eyes and leaned in a bit closer and just barely touched his lips to Cas’. He opened his eyes for affirmation from Cas, whose eyes were still closed and hadn’t stopped smiling the entire time they were smoking. Cas opened his eyes and looked at Dean through the haze. He placed his hand on Dean’s cheek and rubbed his thumb along Dean’s soft skin, grazing lightly over his lips.

Slowly Cas moved in to kiss Dean, and just as their lips pressed together it felt as though lightning was passing through their bodies. Maybe it was the buzz from the pot, but Dean really liked kissing Cas. Cas pulled away, shaking his head playfully and smiling at Dean. He ashed the still lit joint and took another long drag from it. As he exhaled a small laugh rode the smoke out of his mouth. Cas rubbed his face and casually kicked his legs back and forth over the side of the roof.

Cas nodded to the joint with raised eyebrows, asking Dean if he’d like more, to which Dean responded with another nod. This time he took the joint with a cocky look on his face and inhaled like he’d been smoking for a long time.

“Wow, such a professional all of the sudden.” The boys laughed heartily as Cas took the joint in his fingers and knocked the cherry out of the end before placing the roach in a small plastic bag and returning it to his pocket.

“Give it a few minutes and you’ll start to feel it.” Cas said, leaning back onto the rooftop, looking up at the sky.

“I’m definitely feeling it.” Dean smiled, lying down next to Cas.

Their hands rested beside them, their fingers caressing each other before entwining together. Cas lifted Dean’s hand to his mouth and pressed a warm kiss to his bruised knuckles. There was a few firsts tonight for Dean, first kiss with a boy, first time smoking, first time seeing his life flash before his eyes as he choked on smoke, and his first time feeling the “spark” that he’s always heard about. So tonight was an amazing night for firsts, and he hoped that in the near future seconds, thirds, and fourths would come--as well as firsts for other things, as long as they were with Cas.