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If Only You Knew

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Howard couldn't understand what happened to his sweet Bernadette. She used to be so nice. But that was before they got married. What happened to her? is what he had been thinking lately; whenever they would get into arguments, which they've been having a lot of recently. She just berates him now about any and everything. The things that she used to find cute about him like his silly jokes that he told repeatedly, his fascination with doing magic tricks or even the way that he spends so much time with his friends especially his close relationship with Raj in-particular; she now finds these things about him so annoying. Howard thought that she was his equal but she wasn't treating him like an adult, instead she would act like he was her son and she was his mother and Howard was getting sick of it.

Because this was not the type of relationship that he signed up for.


"Didn't i ask you to wash my underclothes while i went to work?" Bernadette confronted Howard with this question not long after she got home from work and saw that he was still sitting in the same spot that he was in when she left playing video games in his drawers.

"Actually you didn't ask me, you told me to do a load of your clothes." Howard answered her back sarcastically as he looked at her and smirked from his place on the couch.

"I don't know why you're smirking because i don't find this amusing at all." Bernadette responded.

"Well maybe if you would stop being so pissy lately you could find the humor in what i said." Howard replied as he flashed her another smile. This caused Bernadette to go from 0 to 100 pretty quickly so she unplugged his game system and left the living room leaving Howard upset.

"How's that for pissy?" She exclaimed as she retreated to their bedroom to gather up her own clothes to wash since Howard didn't do them earlier.

"Why did you do that?" Howard angrily asked her as he walked into their bedroom after her.

"Because i felt like it." Was Bernadette's only reply as she answered him with her back turned to him.

"Do you care that i didn't even save my game?" Howard responded.

"Nope." Said Bernadette with her back still facing him as she rounded up her clothes.

"Well that was really uncalled for." Howard replied.

At this comment, Bernadette turned around and said "Well if you could have just done a load of my clothes then i would have never did it."

"If you would have asked nicely in the first place then i would've washed them." Howard told her with his hands on his hips and he didn't care how feminine that made him look.

Bernadette furrowed her brows at this and said "Asked nicely; you know that i've been working double shifts all week the least that you could have done is wash a couple loads of clothes even without me asking you."

Howard conceded at this because he did know how hard she had been working lately so they could save up enough money to get out of their apartment and buy a house so he replied "Look, honey i'm sorry i know how hard you've been working lately but that doesn't mean that you have to be so short and snappy with me all the time." as he tried to give a sympathetic facial expression.

"But you should understand that i'm only acting this way because i am stressed and under so much pressure at work." Bernadette responded.

That's a good point Howard thought but at the same time he had a good point his self so he said "I could understand that but you could also try your hardest to leave that tension at work when you leave from their." Howard then smiled.

Bernadette rolled her eyes. "Howard this isn't funny, i'm really tired of how inconsiderate and lazy you are around here." She replied and started to leave their bedroom with her basket of dirty clothes to take to the washing area and added "I do everything around here, you don't do anything unless i ask or tell you to do it; you don't take the initiative."

But before she could walk out of their bedroom Howard stopped her with a hand on her arm and said "Wait a minute, i don't do anything around here on my own what about me washing the dishes last night."

Bernadette took a step back from him and gave him a look like did you really just say that. "Wow really Howard that's one thing." She retorted.

And this got Howard really mad because he does other things around their place but she never acknowledges them. "You know what, i'm tired of this; you're always acting like you're so perfect and your not." Howard expressed.

"I'm as close to perfect as you will ever get." Bernadette said giving Howard a look that read and you know that you could never find another girl better.

"I'm out of here." Howard told her as he went towards his side of the closet to get dressed since he was still in his underwear. He knew exactly who to run to whenever they got into fights like this.

Bernadette even knew where he was going.


Raj has always been there for Howard since the day that they became friends. And their friendship has only gotten stronger through the years and through Howard's relationship with Bernadette. Though Raj did like Bernadette since the first time that Howard brought her around the gang he just didn't think that Bernadette was the right one for Howard because he always felt that he and Howard should be together. They complemented each other so well unlike Howard and Bernadette.

See the thing with Raj is that he always thought that he could only be attracted to girls until he met Howard and got to know him. Within a year of knowing Howard he just felt so close to him and that was a huge thing for Raj because when he first came to America from India he had a hard time finding people who got him and liked him for the person that he was. At this point they have been friends for like nine years and Howard and Bernadette have been married for almost three years. So that's about eight years of Raj listening to Howard talk about girls, seeing him with girls and the last couple of years with Bernadette though Howard's game has never been that good a few girls had fallen for him over these years more than the amount that has fallen for Raj.

Nothing romantic, gay or intimate had ever happened between them except for that one time they kissed by mistake. But since then nothing on purpose had ever happened between them and even though Raj had acted like he was disgusted by it just like Howard; Raj secretly enjoyed it but since it happened he has kept that to his self.

When Howard showed up at his doorstep Raj opened the door and saw the look in his eyes and knew why Howard came to him so he just wrapped him up in his arms and squeezed him tight.

"So tell me what happened." Raj said once they were sitting on his couch eating some take out that they ordered while watching some new movie that was inspired from one of those comic books that they like to read.

"Just the norm really." Howard replied as he took a break from chewing.

"Do you mean that Bernadette was making you feel like you weren't good enough for her or like less of a man?" Raj asked him.

"Yeah." Howard answered him solemnly. Then he sat his food container down on Raj's living room table. He then preceded to recline back into Raj's couch cushions as he exhaled and closed his eyes trying to release some tension off of his mind and body.

Raj hated seeing his best friend like this. He scooted a little bit closer to him even though they were already sitting pretty close to each other as is and put a arm around Howard's shoulders causing him to open his eyes and look into Raj's as he expressed to him how much he hated seeing him be so unhappy in his relationship.

After Raj expressed this they continued to stare into each others eyes until Raj felt like maybe this was his chance to let Howard know how much he wanted him with his actions not words so he leaned in real close to Howard's face and just gave him a little peck on the lips just to see how he would react before trying to delve in too deep right away.

At first Howard looked puzzled by the action but he didn't look angered or disgusted by it so Raj kissed him again but this time it was more firm and for a bit longer. Next thing Raj knew he was on his back with Howard on top of him between his thighs kissing him back and it just felt so good. Raj couldn't believe that it was finally happening or the fact that Howard was reciprocating his feelings. Even though he knew that it was wrong because Howard was in a relationship plus married to a person that he has come to consider a good friend; he just couldn't give it up.

Besides Howard was his first.

Though neither of them identified as gay or even bisexual over the course of their lives they both felt this attraction and connection to each other.

It got hot and heavy really quick.

All of a sudden they were both naked and writhing around on Raj's couch. "Do you have condoms?" Howard damn near whispered because he was kinda out of breath from all of the making out and tearing each others clothes off they were just doing.

"We don't need one." Raj answered back in the same manner of speech that Howard asked him his question as he pulled Howard back down on top of him.

Right before Howard penetrated him; Raj said "I love you Howard." And that was how it all began.