Heavy moans and pants filled the room while Doc writhed into the bed spread, biting the pillows he was face down on and straining at the leather cuffs restraining his arms above him. Behind him Wash worked a steady rhythm of two fingers stretching and probing his hole as deep as wash could reach but just short enough that Doc was being driven crazy by the sensation of being right there but all he could do was wordlessly gasp and beg for more. But he held back his pleading and moaning, doing his best to smother his words into the pillows out of fear for what he might say, or fear over what a certain someone else might say.
“I can’t believe my medic is sharing himself like this.” Words reverberating in the far back of his mind, words that belonged to O’Malley, if O’Malley was even still there. Doc always wanted to share his fears with Wash, he knew in his heart Wash would understand but when all was said and done he opted to restrain himself and cover his mouth as best he could, chaining down O’Malley in the process to stop any part of the wicked AI from leaking out during these intimate moments.
“What are you going to tell him, Doc? The AI he killed with his own two hands came back to life just to take his little medic away?” The demonic voice chuckled and Doc bit down to prevent Wash from hearing it. “He won’t believe that. He’ll call you crazy, a liar, and Washington can be so paranoid. He’ll just take it as you wanting to leave him.”
Invisible hands felt like they were reaching around his neck, not in hurt, but in possession. It felt the same in the end. At the same time Wash extracted his fingers with a pop and moved his grip to Doc’s hips. Tender kisses made their way down Doc’s back and Wash whispered out a nearly breathless “Ready?”. Doc gave the tiniest nod as a response, to both the real man and the one in his head, still too afraid to open his mouth. Doc definitely loved Wash, loved him so much that being apart on Chorus tore him from the inside out. Brought back all his worst fears, his wrath, his depression, his desire to be wanted and needed. He could never bring himself to tell Wash about the ghost of Omega, not if it could hurt the man he loved so dearly.
“Good.” Doc couldn’t keep track of who it was that responded that way when the invisible hands tightened on his neck and Wash trust into him in one swift movement. The sensations were over whelming. Invisible scratches and feral bites felt where in reality there were only gentle kisses and love bites, Wash set a relentless but caring pace that Doc couldn’t help but melt into. He would have preferred Wash to tear into him, mark him completely as belonging to Wash and Wash alone, to fuck Doc raw until O’Malley couldn’t invade his thoughts but in the end Wash was too gentle. They had a safe word set up for every occasion even if it was something completely vanilla and Doc always suspected it was based off prior experience but never had the heart to ask. “Want me to tell you? Share all of Agent Washington’s little secrets from Freelancer?” Doc could feel the foreign smirk twitching at the corner of his own mouth. “About all the people he’s slept with before you?”
“N-ah-no…” Doc’s breath hitched and he felt Wash’s touch get slightly more reserved as a response. “Don’t-“ Don’t stop loving me. “Don’t stop!” There’s no way this O’Malley was even real, no way he would be able to tell Doc anything about Wash’s past but the threat always remained, with Doc confidant that it was his own paranoid assumptions filling his head with excuses. At this point Doc was confident he was an awful person. He always wanted Wash to open up about his past, was always there to talk if wash needed but Doc himself couldn’t even tell the person he trusts the most about something tearing him apart from his very core.
Wash moved his hands to Doc’s shoulders and his eyes opened wide, confusing them for the imaginary hands from O’Malley and briefly panicking. He could use the safe word, Wash wouldn’t mind, but he willed himself through it. Focuses on Wash’s hips slamming into him now at a brutal pace, at his prostate being hit with every second strike, forced the pleasure to override the pain as he felt a few tears leak from the corner of his eyes that he would later joke about to a mildly concerned Wash about how he was just so overwhelmed with pleasure.
Doc came with something more like a scream than he would care to admit, with O’Malley whispering dirty, vile things into his head. “Selfish slut, you just want all the attention don’t you? Even if it hurts you just want to soak it all in. You’re disgusting, but you’re mine.” Doc wanted to object, to cover his ears and tune him all out as futile as it would be but Wash was still pounding into him, riding out his own orgasm like a wild animal. And Doc would let him of course, even if he had to bite down on his bottom lip so hard he bled he would let Wash do whatever he wanted. As long as he managed to keep Wash happy, as long as he managed to keep Wash right there, it was fine.
Wash pulled out of Doc wordlessly, rubbing the back of his neck and undoing the leather duffs around his wrists that Doc had almost entirely forgotten about, he probably would have forgotten about them too if he hadn’t rubbed his wrists so hard on them that red marks stained his brown skin. Wash noticed the marks and kissed them away, as usual and Doc melted into his touch. “You should clean yourself off, Doc. It’ll be a pain later.”
Doc made a grunt of disapproval and buried his face into Wash’s neck, with Wash responding by wrapping the medic in a loving embrace. “It’ll be fine, can’t I just stay here?” “Aren’t you the one who’s always lecturing me about self-care?” Doc groaned. “Just once.” Wash smiled and pushed his body down into the bed, taking Doc with him. “Fine, just once.” And there they stayed, with Wash pressing kisses to Doc’s forehead.
“You just have to rub it in my face, don’t you medic? Don’t worry, one of these days I’ll show dear Agent Washington exactly who you belong to.” A deep, ominous laugh echoed his the back of his head and Doc clung to Wash as hard as he could, Probably too hard if Wash stiffening up was any indication, but Wash never said anything and continued to cradle and caress Doc until he drifted off to sleep, away from the threats and the pain he kept locked away.
And Wash would keep it that way. Ensure that Doc never knew about how long it took Wash to go to sleep, about the terribly violent and painful things Doc often whispered in his sleep. Wash Had no idea how to handle it, honestly. Wash was a soldier, a survivor, he could handle his own AI and keep going. But Doc? He wasn’t that. Doc was stronger than him, for sure but in a different way. Wash didn’t know how to deal with other people, barely knew how to handle himself but Doc was kind and patient, with great bedside manner and never short on advice. When violent threats and wracking sobs and breathless whispers of “Please, stop… O’Malley don’t please” would slip their way from Doc’s otherwise sweet mouth during what Wash could only assume where awful nightmares about things from the distant past that Doc probably didn’t even have any involvement in Wash couldn’t bring himself to do anything other than cling desperately to the medic, as if he would run off and never return. Like what had happened the last time they were apart.
Unspoken pleas crowed the heads of both the damaged men.
Please don’t leave me.