Work Header

Library Lore

Work Text:

They still argue about the time Tony Stark purchased every fifteenth-century indulgence that came up at auction (and a few that didn't) and donated them to the library. Director Rogers appreciates Mr. Stark's generosity, but, please, he has to understand that the library doesn't have the facilities to house or protect incunabula, and, no, Mr. Stark, renovating the library is *not* the answer and wouldn't it have made more sense to purchase the complete run of Tales of Suspense, which complements the extant pulp collections and cost a fraction of the price?

Stump the Reference Librarian starts as Darcy trying to come up with a question that Natasha can't answer. It evolves from a way to kill boring internship hours into a drinking game (although the argument that the drinking hours, therefore, ought to count as internship hours never quite succeeds), and Natasha and Clint throw down shot after shot every Friday night.

Thor vs. Hulk, the ultimate showdown, is enacted with sock puppets at three o'clock every Saturday in the children's room. (The local yarn store supplies them with new socks every few weeks. It is perhaps true that said socks have some truly odd heel turns, but the Socks 101 class produces them with much love — also, nobody wants a re-enactment of the Thumb War of 2012.)

Bruce Versus the Sprinklers (or, The Great Flood of '09). The sprinkler system explodes one Saturday night, and, in a perfect storm of SNAFU , the alarms fail to alarm, resulting in sodden books and worries over a mold outbreak. Bruce declares that every member of library staff will be under his direction until everything gets sorted to his satisfaction. This includes Tony, much to his surprise, who showed up to write a check but gets drafted (volunteers, bullies his way into, whatever, semantics) into helping Bruce convert the break room into a walk in freezer.

The Mysterious Case of the Green Pens. Every pen and ink pad in Board Chairman Fury's office turns green overnight, which doesn't convey the right amount of gravitas on thank you letters, memoranda, requisitions for office supplies, and the myriad other items that require his signature, whether handwritten or stamped. Hill blames Loki, Thor's younger brother who sneers at them from behind his compsci homework, but she can never catch him doing anything. The transformation happens every night for a week, but it stops after Saturday puppet theater, when Hulk and Thor victoriously lead the charge over the cardboard ramparts half-heartedly defended by Loki, who had been volunteered by his parents as their extra that week.

(Let us never speak of Jane's fight with the new OPAC software, for some things are best forgotten. To this day, if you ask her about the user-facing display of 505s the light of battle gleams in her eyes.)