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Reki's Revulsion of Rejection

Summary:

Reki has Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria because of his ADHD. It's interfering with his life and his relationship with Langa. He wants to work on his problems and be able to confess to Langa before the end of winter break. He gets some help from Joe and an unnamed therapist. Meanwhile, Langa wants to plan a beach trip with all their friends over winter break.

Chapter 1: Realizations

Chapter Text

“Oh, um, the beach?” Reki asked uncertainly. He and Langa were up on the roof for lunch on the last day of their second semester.

“Yeah… I want to go to the beach with you and our friends for winter vacation. Is that… dumb?” Langa asked sheepishly.

“No, no, it’s not dumb. We can totally plan a trip. Your birthday is winter vacation, too, right?” Reki smiled brightly.

Langa shook his head, “It’s actually the day school starts again.”

“Oh, well, we can celebrate early. If that’s okay.”

Langa gave a small smile, “Yeah, that’s nice. Thanks, Reki.”

“I can’t believe we only have one semester left of our second year.” Reki said absently.

Langa nodded and started eating his sandwich again.

A beach trip with Langa… Oh God, last time I didn’t realize how I felt, this time though… I just can’t stop imagining Langa shirtless in the bright sun, water glistening on him–

“Reki?” Langa said, touching Reki’s shoulder.

“Uh, yeah?”

“It’s about time to go back. You should hurry up and eat.”

“Oh, right. Thanks, Langa.”

Reki wasn’t sure how he hadn’t noticed from the start he had feelings for Langa. Looking back, he cringed at his awkward flirting attempts and obvious admiration of him.

 

He maybe would have been in denial forever, until he was talking to Miya at the skatepark one day about a strange dream he had.

He thought little about the dream, just that it was weird and funny and he thought Miya would get a laugh. Instead, Miya put on the third degree.

“Wait, you were the princess and Langa was the prince?” Miya raised his eyebrow. 

“Yeah?”

“And you were going to get married, until Adam kidnapped Langa?”

“...Yeah?”

“So, you want to marry Langa?”

“What? No, it was just a weird dream. It didn’t mean anything.”

“Dude, it’s so obvious you like Langa. You have a big, gay crush on him.” 

“I do not, it was just a nonsensical dream. Dreams don’t actually mean anything, Miya.”

“Then go tell Langa about it.”

“No, that’d be embarrassing…”

“Then it did mean something.” 

“No, it’s– it’s just a dream, Miya.” Reki huffed and got back on his skateboard and skated away.

He regretted telling Miya about his dream and being judged for it. He’d have to be more careful about what he shared with him.

“Stupid Miya.” Reki mumbled to himself. But the accusation stuck in his head and he couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Do I like Langa? Like him as more than a friend?

 

So, when he, Miya, and Langa went to Sia la Luce after skating to see Cherry and Joe, he was a little out of it.

Joe caught Reki in the bathroom and stopped him.

“What’s up, sport?”

“What do you mean?” Reki asked innocently.

“You’ve been spaced out all night. It’s not like you. Langa, yeah, but not you.”

“Oh… I guess I’ve been thinking about something Miya said…”

“Tell me about it.”

Reki hesitated. He didn’t want another person to think he was weird for his dreams. But he was also desperate for advice, and Joe had always been someone he could trust.

So Reki told him about the dream and conversation with Miya.

“How do you know if you have feelings for someone? …How did you know you liked Kaoru?” Asked Reki, with an anguished tone.

Joe sputtered slightly at the casual reference to his unrequited love, but quickly played it off. “W- Well, uh… you can tell by just listening to your heart. As corny as it sounds, that’s the only way. Think about how you feel around Langa versus when you’re not around him. What’s the difference?”

“Hmm. Okay, I’ll think about it.”

“However you feel with Langa, that will help show you how you feel about him.”

 

All of that had happened three weeks ago, and now it had become abundantly obvious to Reki that when he was with Langa, he was on Cloud 9. Full of happiness and excitement. No matter what stupid thing they were doing. Without Langa, he just felt normal. Nothing exciting or exhilarating. Not bad, just neutral. He would often be counting the seconds until he could be with Langa again.

Then he started having the urge to be close to Langa, hug him, kiss him. He kept it to just casual hugging– at least, Reki hoped it seemed casual. But the desire for more and more contact never went away. Sometimes, it was agonizing.

Then, of course, as these feelings grew more into his awareness, he started thinking about Langa when he was alone, late at night. How beautiful, how hot he was. How good it would feel to feel his body against him. How good it would feel to be with him. He’d feel immense guilt afterwards, but couldn’t make himself stop. 

He was getting obsessive– every waking moment he thought about Langa to some degree. Langa was slowly replacing his skateboarding obsession. When he used to sketch designs for skateboards in class, now he was sketching little pictures of Langa. Often skateboarding, but still.

 

Reki was humiliated earlier that day in another class when a classmate caught him sketching Langa.

“You’re drawing Hasegawa-kun?” She giggled.

“Uh, well, just because I need to practice drawing people. And I see him a lot, so…”

“Don’t be embarrassed. You guys are cute together. Us girls, well the ones that don’t want Langa for themselves, we all root for you.” 

“What? What are you talking about?” Reki asked.

“Puh-lease. You know what I’m talking about. Anyway, class is starting. Later, Kyan-kun. Keep drawing your boyfriend!”

Oh God, the Fujioshi are shipping us. Reki put his head down on his desk. But… why does that make me kind of happy?! The validation? People rooting for me? I’m out of my mind…