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La Douleur Exquise

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Will not be free for dinner. Business meeting. –T
Is what the message says when Legolas picked up his phone. He wants to call his father and scream and complain because ‘I want to see you!’ legolas thinks. But he doesn’t. He sends a text back saying it’s okay because he wants to be a good son and not disrupt his father, he will be able to see him next week, he tells himself.

Legolas is six and he wonders why his father isn’t there when he wakes up and doesn’t give him a goodnight kiss before he goes to bed. He wonders why he doesn’t see his father anymore after his mother’s gone to heaven. He misses them both.

He texts Aragorn and asks if he’s free for the night, he wants to get drunk, he doesn’t want to remember the Sunday nights that he doesn’t spend with his father. Aragorn replies and tells him they can grab dinner then get drunk at the park together.

Legolas is ten and he’s had a nanny for four years now and he only gets to see his father on some Sunday nights where they have dinner together. His father doesn’t like looking at him, he keeps on averting his eyes and he drinks wine like it’s water. Legolas thinks his father doesn’t approve of him because he isn’t smart enough. He studies harder and from then on he stays the top of his class. His father doesn’t say anything.

He goes to his father’s room and naps on his bed because it smells of him, it makes him feel like his father is there beside him. If he can’t spend time with his father today then he could at least have his things near him. He goes to his father’s closet to pick out some clothes for later.

Legolas is fifteen and he doesn’t need a nanny anymore, he can take care of himself. He still doesn’t see his father much but in the morning when he wakes up he imagines Thranduil is there to say good morning and before he sleeps he imagines Thranduil kissing his forehead and tucking him in. He spends Sunday dinners with him.

He showers in Thranduil’s bathroom and uses his shampoo and body wash, he wants to smell like Thranduil. He left his golden hair long because it looks like Thranduil’s and his father commented on how nice it looked once. The shirt sleeve is a little long for him so he rolls them up, he wears his own pants because his father’s pants are too large and loose to be comfortable. He picks up one of Thranduil’s coat and leaves the house to meet Aragorn.

Legolas is seventeen and he has his father’s pictures tacked up in his room instead of pictures of girls wearing skimpy clothes, he’d rather look at his father’s beautiful face. He doesn’t gossip about love with his friends, he’s thought about his father so much he can think of no one else. At night, when he’s curled up on the bed with one hand around his arousal and the other knuckles deep in himself, he thinks about Thranduil’s hands on him and his hard flesh inside him. When he’s finished he imagines his father kissing him and cuddling him while he sleeps.

He meets Aragorn in front of his house and they walk to a nearby restaurant that served wicked burgers. They chat on the way about what they want to do afterwards. Aragorn repeats his earlier suggestion of getting drunk in the park and Legolas agrees. Legolas has nothing better to do for the rest of the night and Arwen is away visiting grandparents so Aragorn has nowhere to be either. He wants to stay with his friend who’s been let down by his father one too many times. He has no illusions that Legolas loves his father any less than he used to.