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Spazzing at the Gilded Lily

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Crockpot rushed for Turner's dying body, trying to catch his fairies before they were recalled to Fairy World. Norm groaned. That would never work. Crockpot would never be able to pry Turner's godparents from his cold, non-living hands.

A Fairy Taxi came, taking the fairies.

Crocker looked in despair upon the taxi, frustrated that he had lost his chance at catching Turner's fairies and gaining fame, fortune and power for exposing them. However, he was relieved that Turner was finally dead.

Norm didn't care about catching the fairies. Turner, the human he hated beyond all others, was finally dead. He felt like celebrating.

"Turner is dead! My plans succeeded," said Crockpot, "but you didn't catch his FAIRY GODPARENTS!"

"I was supposed to catch them?" asked Norm in confusion, "If I was, you should have wished for it. I wouldn't decide to do that on my own initiative, you know! I only wanted Turner to die! He dies; I don't do anything for you until you wish for me to do something else for you! Got it?"

"Don't worry, buddy, old pal," said Crockpot, "I've got plenty more plans, to use to catch other fairies."

Norm groaned. Crockpot had completely missed the point! Well, he was a Crockpot.

"How about ya just wish for fame and fortune?"

"No!" yelled Crockpot, "I must catch a fairy godparent!"

"How about ya wish to catch one?"

"Good idea, buddy," said Crocker, finally realizing Norm's ideas might have merit, "I wish I caught a fairy godparent."


A butterfly net appeared in Crocker's hands and a sexy Latin fairy appeared in front of it. Crocker swung the net, capturing the fairy.

"I finally caught a FAIRY GODPARENT!"

"Yeah, yeah," said Norm, "I know. What will you catch next? Pur?"

"There, there, Norm," said Crocker, "I have something that might cheer you up."

Norm wondered what Crocker meant by that. Crocker's definition of "cheer you up" was probably very different from anyone else's. Norm also noticed that Crocker ran hot and cold with him. Being mean, then calling him sweet names and trying to reassure him.

"What do you mean 'cheer me up?' "

"We are going to celebrate Turner's defeat and finally capturing a FAIRY GODPARENT by going to The Gilded Lily and ordering a table for two–you and me!"

Norm was shocked. Crocker had to be using him–there was no way Crocker really cared about him that much. No human ever did and Crocker didn't seem like the one to start.

"Crockpot, are ya serious?" asked Norm, "I expected something worse."

"Yes, buddy," said Crocker, "I am serious. I never had a chance to do this before."


Norm and Crocker appeared at The Gilded Lily. Norm had turned his tail into legs.

They entered the restaurant.

"A table for two, please," said Norm, GONGing up some money.

"Okay," said the waiter, "here it is."

"Why'd you do it?" asked Crocker.

"Ya'd probably spaz and get us kicked us out," said Norm.

"Oh," said Crocker, "that happens a lot. Cincinnati kicked me out and I can never, ever come back there."

Norm felt impatient. He didn't want to hear Crocker's life story!

"Large anchovy pizza, please," said Norm as soon as the waiter returned.

"Okay," said the waiter, then indicated to Crocker, "you?"

"I was ordering for both of us," replied Norm instead.

"What?" asked Crocker angrily.

"There, there, Crockpot," said Norm mockingly, then whispered to him, "I can't have you spaz in front of all these people. I'd become a laughingstock to the sexy, genie dames."

Crocker glared at him.

The waiter brought them Norm's order.

Norm began eating it eagerly.

Crocker didn't touch it. He felt resentful about how Norm prevented him from making his own choices.

"Why aren't ya having any?" asked Norm, "Are ya so paranoid that ya believe it's poisoned?"

"No!" yelled Crocker, "why couldn't you let me order anything?"

"Hey," said Norm lightly, "you did the same to me when we were trying to kill Turner. Fair's fair."

Crocker remembered how he liked how devious Norm was.

Norm did not think Crocker was date material. He had a cricked back and an ear on his neck. Norm tried to picture a sexy, genie dame there instead.

"How'd you meet Turner?"

"He rubbed my lamp," groaned Norm, "I tried to catch his fairies in my lamp so I could escape it, but he stopped me."

Crocker began to eat the pizza. Norm was already finished.

Crocker reflected that Norm looked perfect for dating at a fancy restaurant. A fancy teal-blue vest, a red bow, a gold earring, a gold fez, black curly hair and skin the color of copper. Amethyst eyes partly covered by sunglasses.

Norm felt uncomfortable with Crocker looking at him that way. That was not how he thought Crocker should look at him. Genie dames, yes; Crocker, no. He didn't want Crocker the same way and felt as though Crocker wouldn't care whether he did or not.

Crocker finished his pizza.

Norm GONGed up chocolate ice cream and gave it to Crocker so he could spaz it into a shake. Crocker didn't move. Oh right, Crocker didn't spaz all the time, though sometimes it seemed like it.

Crocker instead decided to eat it himself.

"Hey!" shouted Norm, "I gave it to ya so you could shake it for me, not eat it yourself!"

Crocker wondered why Norm only thought of him as a crazy shaking device. Why had he even gone to The Gilded Lily with him in the first place?

Norm still mistrusted Crocker. He was being mean instead of sweet. In fact, Norm suspected that Crocker normally wasn't sweet. Crocker didn't care about him after all. He just wanted someone to go to a restaurant with.

"There, there, Norm," said Crocker, "I'm sorry."

"Right?" asked Norm sarcastically, "you constantly switch when you're with me. Nice than mean, than nice again. Do ya like me or are ya just a wacky personality-switcher?"

"The enemy of my enemy is my friend," said Crocker, "however, you are absolutely exasperating. F!"

"Oh," said Norm, "you like me because I hate Turner and are mean to me because I exasperate you and because of that… I get a F."

"For example," said Crocker, "Mars would work for destroying Turner, but I wouldn't be able to get Turner's fairies."

"Ya didn't get them anyway," said Norm.

"But I caught a FAIRY GODPARENT!" spazzed Crocker, knocking all the spices and other assorted stuff out of the restaurant cupboard.

"OUT!" bellowed the restaurant's owner, calling one of the rich people's bodyguards and giving them money.

The bodyguard booted Crocker and Norm out.

"Those fancypants don't know how famous I will become when I expose the existence of FAIRY GODPARENTS!"

"'Course they don't," replied Norm, "you haven't done that yet. They aren't mind-readers and I doubt they have magic crystal balls."

"Norm?" asked Crocker, "do you know of any good Fairy World restaurants?"

"There's The Pointy Crown, but that's only for important fairies and their guests," replied Norm, "and there's the Fairy Café. Anyone can go there."

Norm realized that he wanted to continue his and Crocker's date-like things. Crocker's craziness was slightly entertaining.

Crocker was surprised by how eager Norm seemed to go there. He had suspected Norm wouldn't be interested in being with him anymore. Crocker had told him that he was exasperating. Maybe Norm liked being exasperating, the same way that he liked giving kids Fs.

"I wish we were at the Fairy Café."