Actions

Work Header

When It Comes To Clean There's Only One Mister

Chapter Text

Billy Mays walked into his kitchen, stretching and rubbing the night’s sleep from his eyes. He grabbed his constantly freshly ground coffee and poured some into his magic coffee magigtm setting it on and leaning against the counter to wait for his delicious black energy nectar. When it was done he grabbed his favorite mug, on the side was printed “#1 Infomercial host” Billy was proud of earning that mug, he had fought in the Infomercial wars to get it. He grabbed the coffee pot and started pouring but an unexpected hand spasm caused him to throw the coffee pot across the room. It crashed against the far wall of his kitchen, drenching the walls and floor in coffee and glass shards. Billy shook his head and threw his hands up. “HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET RID OF THIS HUGE MESS?”

At those words a shadowy figure appeared at the entrance to Billy’s kitchen, he stepped into the light of the kitchen, walking through the broken glass and spilt coffee to stop in front of Billy. Mr.Clean stood, fists placed confidently on his hips and perfectly white shirt gleaming in the morning sun. “MR.CLEAN, ALWAYS THERE TO GET YOU OUT OF A TOUGH SPOT.” Billy said, smiling up at Mr.Clean’s tall, muscular form. Mr.Clean’s mouth stretches impossibly wide, showing off his white, white, so impossibly white teeth. He rips his shirt off of his body, the sound of tearing fabric filling the room as he lays it on the ground before turning to Billy. He gestures to the floor and Billy lays down on the shirt, coffee and glass. “WHAT A CHARMING MISTER. LAVISH ME GOOD SIR.” Billy Mays threw his head back, really letting himself feel the broken glass and scalding hot coffee beneath his body. Mr.Clean towered over the man on the floor, grin ever present. Billy looked up at him eyelashes lowered, the coffee slowly beginning to cool on his back, Mr.Clean nodded. Billy knew instinctually what he meant, with sticky fingers he unbuttoned his shirt and pants. "MR.CLEAN WILL GET RID OF FILTH WHEREVER IT'S FOUND." Mr.Clean's grin widened, he withdrew a magic eraser from his back and threw it on the others body. Billy moaned as the magic erasers magic swipe did it's work, erotically cleaning him of the coffee stains, and deeply seeded stains in his soul. He went to hand the sponge back but Mr.Clean's grin dropped, he shook his head solemnly at Billy. Billy's lip quivered as he realized the only dirtiness left. "BUT MR.CLEAN, I DON'T THINK EVEN THE MAGIC ERASER CAN MATCH THAT SORT OF MESS." But Mr.Clean was not swayed, he stood firm, arms crossed as he stared down at Billy. The man on the floor nodded, though he was hesitant as he began shoving the magic eraser against his puckered entrance. The muscles there quivered like a frightened chihuahua. Billy moaned, continuing to try and feed the eraser in, though he couldn't get a good ramming angle like this. "I DON'T THINK I CAN REACH IN THERE." Mr.Clean nodded shooting double pistols and a wink at the man. He pulled out the Mr.Clean magic reach, a long stick with a head at the end, a magic pad attached. Billy Mays grabbed the device finding his new reaching powers gave him perfect asshole access. "THAT'S REALLY SOLVED MY TIGHTNESS TROUBLES!" He slipped it up his rectum, the cleaning power making perfect lube. Billy moaned long and loud, he dimly registered the sound of crunching glass as he threw his head back. The coffee, cold now, glued him to the floor. The tinkling glass was like the melody in the song of his pleasure. The squeaking of the magic reach thrusting through his love tunnel, the words. The sticky slurping of his ass peeling away from the sticky coffee the beat keeping time.

Mr.Clean watched as always from above, He would always watch the dirty humans from above. Their carnal pleasure waking a great roaring beast within him. He never touched though, for that was beneath him, as a holy angel he could never. He flinched as the beast on the floor writhed, clenched his fists as it called out in ecstasy, it's great honking call of pleasure sending electricity down his back. The human gave one last shuddering spasm as the last of his milky baby paste leaked from his thrusting meat's tip. The human spoke to him, "BAM! THE MESS IS TAKEN CARE OF." offered him back his holy cleanser. He could not speak in this primal things tongue, wouldn't want to if given the choice, he didn't try and simply took the cleanser. He stored it in his holy pocket dimension, it would be destroyed using the fires of Mount Doom later. He spent a moment gazing at the other, Billy Mays, though he hardly allowed himself to refer to the human as such. He was a divine being, he must keep his distance. He turned away, a moment to collect himself. He gave Bi-IT, it a smile, widening his grin until the blinding light from his perfect teeth locked the memory of the encounter away. It would remain hidden from the human until he came and unlocked it again, this memory and countless others. He paid no heed as the other called to him, confusion painted on it's prominent features. He let himself go to the light once more, he would return when he could keep himself away no more.

Billy sat on the ground, covered in coffee, cum and glass. His pants and shirt undone, he couldn't remember why that was. He buttoned back up his clothes and stood, looking at the mix of body fluids and coffee. "NOW WHAT CAN GET OUT TOUGH STAINS LIKE COFFEE, BLOOD, AND CUM?" He brightens, and scurries from the kitchen, entering again with a white tub. "BILLY MAYS HERE WITH OXYCLEAN, THIS CAN GET OUT ANY STAIN, FAST." He sets to work on the floor, a nagging feeling in the back of his mind that some other product would do the job even better.