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smash bros go to chili's

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one day in the smash mansion, the fighters were bored. their stomachs all growled as master hand refused to feed them due to the damages the last fight caused. the recent arrivals consisted of lucas, roy and ryu from streets. everyone yawned as mario looked at the clock.

"hey mario, what should we do?" peach asked.

"hmm, that's what i'm trying to figure out," said meryo

"hmm."

everyone began thinking at the round table as pit decided to go to his thinking place, the bathroom. soon, he arrived as he took off his shirt and greeted himself.

"hi welcome to chili's," he said all shirtless. soon it hit him as he rushed out of the bathroom and put back on his togar.

"hey guis we can go to chilis," said pit

"chilis eh," link muttered. wait link cant talk hes supposed to go hyah seit hyah.

zelda hold her thought on the little establishment for an moment before agreeing.

"its final everyone!" said mario. "smash brothers are going to chilis!"

and so all of the smashers left to go on their big journey to chilis!

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the smashers went on their merry way from the manshuin, hopping along and singing tunes.

"hi ho, hi ho, its off to chilis we go," said yoshi, being excited for the restaurant.

"i havent been this excited since the time i ate at ratatoing," said palutena, being the goddess of light she is.

"lady palutena, you actually met marcel toing?!" pit excalimed, surprised. he wanted to meet the greatest mouse chef who resided in rio de genaro.

"yes. he was quite small and his mouse coworker wore no clothes whatsoever," the goddess replied.

toon link held an map, wondering where to go next. it was either go through hoardes of goombas or go through an rainbow place full of pots and golds and rainbows, and red ballons, lucky charms.

"what are you looking at?" questioned ganondorg, the kind of evul.

"the map, where do you wish to go?" toon link answered back.

"gdi no memeing," said luigi, mad.

"memes are for kids," wario started before he laughed.

soon they were met with none other than daurk pit, the other pit.

"hey" he said all cool and edgy because daurk pit is black pit in japanese.

"oh hi pittoo, want to come for chilis?" asked pit.

"hell yes. beats working for that bitch viridian city," said the dark angel. so he joined his other self as they went to go to the magical world of chilis.

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after going through the land of the goombas because pit for some reason was against rainbows, the gang finally arrived at chilis!

"finally, we are at chilis!" cried mario.

"great, so whos gonna go in," said shulk, the monado boy from xenoblade chronickles.

"we all are you idiot," said wario, wondering why shulk asked an stupid question in the first place.

everyone rejoiced as they jumped in freeze frame before going into chilis.

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they finally entered at chilis as they waited to be seated. pit was so excited because he was at his favorite restaurant in the entire world. he loved chilis so much he always had to go to the bathroom shirtless to greet people.

"hi welcome to chilis," greeted the hostess.

"we have lots of people who want this chilis," said donkey kong, leader of the dk crew.

"cool," said the hostess.

soon the smash brothers were all seated. they took up an good chunk of the restaurant as they were not sitting in the famed glory establishment that is known as chilis. gotta love those baby back ribs, wait thats fucking applebees EWWWW I FUCKING HATE APPLEBEES!

ganondorf had the menu opened, looking at all of the wonderufl options that were at chilis.

"hey ganny, what are you going to get?" asked palutena, being curious.

"anything thats not fish. im not in the mood for fish," replied the king of pride rock.

"oh."


 

at another table sat the fire emblems marth, roy, chrom, lyn, robin, female robin who just should be called reflet, lucina and ike.

"so, is marth ur uncle?" roy asked lucina.

"no, he's my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, ...."

*5 HOURS LATER*

"great, great grandfather!" lucina said, finishing.

"wow, marth ur fuckin old," ike stated bluntly.

"gods damn it ike, not this shit again," marth said, face palming. the last thing he needed was to be reminded on his age. even though he looked like an anime bishounen, truth is, marth is really, really, really old.

"anyways," said robin ordering himself some boneless buffalo wings as an appetizer. "rumor has it some fangirl convention is happening in two days from another town thats an hour and two away from us."

"fangirl convention?" reflet questioned, wondering what the hell that even was.

"its a place were all the fangirls unite with one another and talk about their favorite senpai," lyn stated.

"i can talk about marth there!" beamed lucina, "in fact, screw chilis i want to go to the fangirl convention now!"

"no lucnia, stop," said chrom. he wished he didnt s-support his wife. he knew frederick would be at that convention regardless to sell those chrom wants you posters everyone seems to buy.


pit was dancing around, taking off his shirt for no good reason while dark pit face palmed.

"pitstain put your shirt back on! this is an family restaurant!" complained the dark angle.

"BUT THIS IS CHILIS!" pit yelled back. "IM CHILOSING IT HERE!"

soon the manager saw this and freaked out.

"THATS IT! YOU GUYS ARE BANNED FROM CHILIS!" screamed the manager. 

"thank god," said doneky kong, being glad. he thought the food was mediocre and disgusting. then again, he just wanted an banana because primate.

"youve got to be-a fucking kidding," cried mario.

"im not kidding," said the chilis manager.

everyone cried as pit screamed NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

being banned from chilis was suffering but hey, that was only one location

so their journey to chilis had only just begun.

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the smashers grumbled amongst themselves as they walked out of the chilis location. they were all disappointed that they got kicked out due to pit's stupidity and the fact that he had to take off his shirt at a family restaruant. the majority of them believed that the manager should have only kicked the angel out while allowing the rest of them to at least eat a meal.

"damn, what are we going to eat now? i'm starving," diddy kong cried.

donkey kong pat the chimpanzee on the back, sympathizing with him. he too understood his pain as so did the best.

dark pit looked at pit, giving him a slight glare.

"so what now pitstain?" snarked the dark angel.

"well," pit stated matter-of-factly, "fear not friends, our journey to chilis is not over yet! there is another chilis a hour and two away from us!"

"geez pit, chilis again? shouldn't we rest first or something?" mario cried. he was really hungry and upset that he didn't get his stereotypical spaghetti and meatballs.

"an hour and two by car," yoshi stated. "remember, we are journeying by foot and unless captain falcon's race car can fit all of us in, we will probably arrive in one or two days at the most."

the green dinosaur brought up a extremely good point. without any sort of ride large enough to fit all of them, there was no way they were bound to reach their destination in time. pit was really determined to go to chilis meanwhile everyone else felt the need to eat somewhere else for the time being.

"lets just call it a night and eat at mcdonalds or something," said roy.

"ew no, mcdonalds is gross," zelda cried. "how about subway instead?"

"zelda, i dont want to eat fresh k thank," complained chrom.

toon link sighed. he looked at the other kid smashers as he figured they could easily split themselves into two groups yet the adults didn't seem to realize that yet. that or they really didn't do much thinking. it was all too foreign to them anyways.

"alright, how about we split up gang," suggested robin.

"okay fred," reflet replied, teasing robin as duck hunt dog chuckled.


after an hour later, everyone managed to get some grub in them to pit's dismay. he really wanted that sweet, sweet tasty food from the greatest eating place in the world. they were now heading back on track as wario for some reason did money management. even though he couldn't be trusted due to his greed, he was excellent at splitting up money let alone knowing how much funds they exactly had on them.

they began walking as the ants go on marching hurrah hurrah what the fuck is this barney shit

anyways, eventually the smashers began to grow weary as nightfall came. lucina realized that if they could reach their destination in two days, even better earlier, she will be able to go to that amazing fangirl convention to spread her love and joy about her famed hero king grandpa.

"okay we are gonna have to make camp," said ganondorf.

"okey," ness replied. it was all the thing he could say or was it? nah, just kidding he can speak hahah its ness not link.

before they could respond, a magical entity appeared out of nowhere. it was none other than the great JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHN CEEEEEEENA! everyone gasped as they were in awe.

"ITS JOHN CENA!" peach cried as his theme song began playing.

"what is john cena doing out in the middle of nowhere?!" waluigi questioned.

"well you see, i came to help you on your journey to chilis," said john cena.

"amazing!"

dark pit on the other hand, wasnt impressed. he scoffed at the wwe wrestler, wondering what he can even do.

shortly after, john cena began doing his magical girl transformation, causing dark pit to be taken back as he blinked, just to see john cena become... A UNICORN!

"john cena transformed from a pro wresler to a cenacorn!" gasped toon link.

joha cenacorn gathered all of the smashers and used his magic to run across the plans, avoiding all of the goombas and bomb-ombs that were in the way. he eventually took them to the next town closest to the next chilis location as they arrived at a holiday inn. it was time to rest.

soon steve came in with blue as it was mail time as it makes me want to wag my tail, MAAAAAAAAAAAAIL

everyone got mail as they began reading it. pit got one from hades about something really corny because hades is just bad jokes but also can steal souls if he stares into them for too long wait thats medusa but she turns people to stone.

"look, an FBI letter," said marth as he tossed it in the trash.

"oh missed one more mail piece," said pit. "its for link, oh here link the CIA sent you a letter."

link rose a brow, wondering what the central intelligence agency wanted with him. he didnt understand since it wasnt like he committed any crimes unless.... link decided not to read the letter from the government that night.

and tomorrow, they would be back on the road to chilis.

 

Chapter Text

it was a nice evening at the hotel as the smashers decided to utilize the pool and many of its other facilities. bowser was chilling in the hot tub with ganondorf, wario and waluigi while pit was using his wings to fan lady palutuna.

john cena was showing off his sexy biceps which pleased princess peach while mario grew salty.

luigi was playing with the magic balloons while dark pit chilled and drank some fruit punch.

shortly after, a new entity came out of nowhere as it was none other than guy fieri himself. he wanted to take link into flavortown because he was the one who ran the fangirl convention.

"wanna go to flavortown link?" asked guy fieri

link paused before shaking his head. he didn't want anything to do with guy fieri as he went over to princess zelda instead.

guy fieri cried that night while kaetei perrys fiyahworks played in the background